Tyler opened the door.
By the look on his face, I could tell his mom hadn’t mentioned that I’d be stopping by.
I couldn’t help but form a toothy cartoonlike grin at the sight of him. If my eyes could have popped out of my head as my tongue unraveled to the ground, that’s exactly what would’ve happened. I placed the bag of gifts on the floor, stood on my toes, and wrapped my arms around him. He buried his face in my hair and lifted me off my feet.
“It’s so good to see you. I thought you weren’t going to be here?” I questioned, back on solid ground but still wearing my giddy smile.
“Is that why you came, because you thought I wasn’t here?”
“Had I known, I would’ve come earlier. I came to see Sammy and Sarah, and give them some gifts. You’re just the Christmas bonus.”
Thank God I didn’t bring Cam with me
, I thought to myself, removing my jacket.
“You look fantastic,” he said.
Tyler hadn’t seen me in much more than tank tops and sandals, but that night I was decked out. I wore all black: a sequined top, a leather miniskirt, opaque stockings, and boots. Had I known he was going to be there, I would’ve worn my hair down, but instead it was in an updo, flanked by long sparkly earrings.
“Thanks, Ty; you’re not so bad yourself.” Tyler’s hair had grown longer. He had it slicked back, and it hung just past the collar of his white tailored dress shirt. His sleeves were rolled up, and his hands were tucked in the pockets of his tweed pants. He looked glorious.
“Congratulations on the Rose Bowl, by the way. I’m so proud of you,” I said, handing him my coat.
“Thanks. I’m heading out first thing tomorrow morning. We’re only allowed twenty-fours hours away from the team for Christmas.”
“That must not be enough for some of the players. You’re lucky you live only a few hours away.”
He nodded.
“Chloedear,” I heard Mrs. Reed coo from behind me. “Merreh Christmas.”
“Thank you,” I started and turned toward her. “I brought some gif—” The sight of Sadie standing next to her interrupted my sentiment and knocked the happy-holiday wind right out of me. I swallowed and willed myself not to look back at Tyler. I lifted the shopping bag I’d brought with me off the marble floor. “These are for Sammy and Sarah.”
God dammit, why didn’t I bring Cam with me!
I wanted to drop the bag and head for the door with some excuse about not being able to stay, but once again in the company of Tyler and his “friend,” I was trapped. There was no way I was going to get out of there quickly. I hadn’t seen the kids in months, and I’d promised them I would spend some time with them.
Mrs. Reed extended her arm and waved me toward her. “Come dear, they’re eager to see you.”
I held my neck firmly as if it were in a brace, not allowing myself to turn even one inch in Tyler’s direction. He was left holding my coat as I walked away from him. Sadie asked him to refill her wineglass and floated past me without a word. All I wanted to do was give the kids my gifts and run. Sammy and Sarah were in the finished basement wading through the presents they’d opened that morning when I found them. I nearly burst into tears when they ran to me.
“Oh my goodness, it’s soooo good to see you two,” I said in the midst of a group hug.
“We miss you, Chloe,” Sarah said.
“I miss you, too, and I’m so sorry I don’t come see you more. School has been really busy, but I’m going to try and be better about visiting next year, okay?”
They both nodded and averted their eyes to the bright red shopping bag in my hand. “I brought you both something, but I can’t stay long. Are you ready to open them?”
They nodded and clapped, and then tore through the wrapping paper. Sammy got his own brand-new fishing pole, and Sarah got a pair of swimming goggles with a built-in waterproof flashlight on top for night swimming. They were elated and spent the next twenty minutes showing me everything else they’d received that day. I should’ve been rolling around with them and playing with all their
new toys like I’d planned, but instead I was desperate to get out of there.
Sammy placed three toys in front of me and asked me to help him open them. I began tugging on the first box, which led to a thick layer of plastic. Once I’d nearly sliced off my thumb removing the tier of the vault that surrounded the encased remote-control car, I was then faced with what looked like cable ties securing the thing to the base of the box at seven different points.
“Jesus, is this made of fourteen-karat gold?” I whispered under my breath. “Can you get me a pair of scissors, Sammy?”
He located the scissors, I began cutting at the ties, and the car finally came free. Once the car had been removed from the box, the cables still hung from seven different points on the body of the vehicle. I struggled to pull each of the seven wires through the underbelly of the car. My armpits were sweating by the time I was done. I spied the rest of the toys Sammy wanted me to open and shook my head. I was so infuriated that I was in the dungeon of the Reeds’ house on Christmas day, trapped and alone just as I’d been last summer when Sadie had appeared at Tyler’s side in Lake Geneva.
“Have your brother open those for you. I need to get going,” I said to Sammy and stood up in a huff.
At six thirty, I said good-bye to the kids. I hesitated at the bottom of the stairs before heading up, wondering how I might sneak out without saying good-bye to anyone else. But I needed my coat.
I walked up the carpeted stairs, which led to the hallway just outside the kitchen. Thankfully, Mrs. Reed was talking with one of the catering staff near the sink. “I’m heading out,” I said, barely loud enough for her to hear.
Mrs. Reed dismissed the caterer and rushed out to meet me in the hall. “Would you like to stay for pie?” she offered.
“No, thank you, I had dessert already. Do you know where Tyler put my coat?”
She folded her hands in front of her. “Wasn’t that just lovely that he was able to be home for Christmas?”
I nodded. “Yup, that’s so great. He took my coat from me when I walked in,” I said.
“I just can’t tell you how happeh I was to have him here with the family for the holiday. Being with family is so important during these times.”
“It sure is.”
“Speaking of family, how is your mother doing? You know I’m on the board at Evanston Hospital, and I was wrecked to hear about her recent troubles. You must be terribleh worried while you’re off trying to conquer the world of law. Bless your heart, it must be so difficult for someone with such a full curriculum to be able to care for her. Tylah was so worried when I told him all about it this evening.”
Deciphering the meaning behind Dixie Reed’s famous digs was never a problem. It was fending them off that was the real challenge, like standing still, unflinching, as someone repeatedly slapped you in the face.
“Thank you for your concern,” I said and began to walk toward the front door with her traipsing behind me.
“I read an article once in
Parade
magazine that said children of alcoholics have a genetic predisposition to become addicted to alcohol themselves. I’m sure you’re being vereh careful. We wouldn’t want to carry on that legacy.”
I stopped walking, took a deep breath, and then turned to face her, but not before stepping in nice and close, emphasizing the four inches in height that I had over her. “You’re always looking out for me, aren’t you?”
“Why, of course, dear.”
“Then could you help me locate my jacket?”
She stepped away and returned with my coat. “I’m sure you’ll want to be polite and go say good-bye to everyone.”
“Don’t be so sure,” I said and left.
By the time I reached my apartment, my hands stung from repeatedly smacking the steering wheel during the drive home. I entered my apartment, slammed the door, and collapsed onto my couch. A minute later there was a knock at the door.
“It’s Santa,” Cam said, his voice muffled through the cheap wood.
“Go away, I’ve been naughty!” I shouted.
“Even better,” he said and knocked like a woodpecker until I let him in.
“Why do you still have your coat on?” he asked.
“Do I?”
“You’re acting weird, but I’m going to go with it. I shall now use my undergraduate psychology minor to probe you with a series of questions that will lead me to the information necessary to extrapolate what is bothering you.”
I defiantly whipped off my coat and fell back on the couch.
“Phew,” Cam said. “Because, honestly, I don’t have a psych minor.”
“Tyler was there,” I said.
“Hunky football Tyler?”
I nodded. “And guess who else was there with him?”
“John Heisman?”
“This bleached blonde idiot girlfriend of his, Sadie.”
Cam had a look on his face like he wanted to laugh, but knew better than to mock me right then. “From where I sit, a bleached blonde idiot girlfriend is exactly what I would imagine a hunky Notre Dame football player to have with him.”
I threw my hands up, wide-eyed, and pointed at Cam. “You’re correct! It’s exactly what’s expected of him. He’s lived his entire life doing what’s expected of him, and never what he wants. He doesn’t want her.”
“How do you know? Do
you
have a psych minor?”
“Because he wants me,” I said as I sank lower into my seat and then buried my face in my hands. “But I’m a distracting, troubled, non-pedigreed working stiff who bleeds red instead of blue.” I raised my head up. “But I know he wants me, Cam…at least he led me to believe that.”
He smiled at me with pity. “And you want him.”
I nodded. “I wish I didn’t, but I do.”
“Are you going to cry?”
“Maybe when you leave.”
At one o’clock in the morning I was awoken by the sound of my phone vibrating on my nightstand. I nearly hurled it at the wall when I saw Tyler’s name on the screen, but I couldn’t resist hearing what he had to say for himself.
“Hello,” I answered groggily.
“Give me your address.”
“No,” I said after a short pause.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he said. “I had no idea you were coming tonight; my mom never mentioned it. I need to see you.”
“What difference would it have made?”
“I don’t know, but when I saw you at the door, all I wanted was to be with you, and I knew you were going to freak out when you saw Sadie. Her whole family was there, in the back den, and I was hoping you’d see that when you came to say good-bye,” he tried to explain.
“Well, then, why didn’t you come down to the basement and talk to me?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. “You know what? It doesn’t
matter. I don’t care. I’m in bed, and I need to put this whole thing behind me. As the saying goes, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’ Not, ‘I show up on your parents’ doorstep, and now I’m on your mind’!” I paused to take a breath and calm myself down. “Look, it’s not like you owe me any sort of explanation. I would’ve loved to spend some time with you. Even ten minutes. But once again, I’m left with the short end of the stick. Merry goddamn Christmas, Tyler.”
“Chloe, I’m on the highway headed for Evanston. Give me your address,” he repeated. “Please.”
“You’re calling me from the car?”
“Yes, and I have to be back on the road heading for South Bend by six, too, so give me your goddamn address.”
I sighed before answering, “It’s 912 University Drive, apartment 2C.”
“I’m on my way.”
Click.
I bit my bottom lip. My heart was racing and fluttering and aching and clapping with excitement. I got out of bed, brushed my teeth again, and changed out of my flannel plaid twinset into a black thermal V-neck and boxers. Tyler said he wanted to be with me, and he was on his way to making it happen. I’d waited so long for him to make his move that I didn’t care if it came about by accident.
So I waited.
And waited.
At two o’clock I dialed his phone. No answer.
At three o’clock I went and knocked on Cam’s door.
I heard the chain lock drop against the door before he opened it with one eye shut and the other squinting. “What’s up?”
“Tyler called me two hours ago and said he was driving here to come see me,” I told him.
“Score one for the team.”
“He was coming from his parents’ house in Glenview, which is a twenty-five-minute drive, tops, at this hour, and he hasn’t shown up and isn’t answering his phone. I’m freaking out.”
“What time is it?”
“It’s after three,” I said. Just then my phone vibrated in my hand, and Tyler’s name flashed on the screen. “It’s him!” I shouted, and Cam closed his door.
“Tyler?” I answered frantically, running back inside my apartment.
“Is this Chloe Carlyle?”
The sound of a woman’s voice startled me. “Yes, this is Chloe.”
“There’s been a car accident, and your name and number are coming up as the most recent dialed on the victim’s cell phone.”
M
any years ago, when my mother first got out of rehab, she came home with a slew of new advice. Familiar sayings like “You can’t always get what you want” and “Be happy with what you have” were replaced with things like:
“One must learn and grow from misfortune.”
“There’s a reason we don’t get too many second chances in life, because if we did, we’d never learn to appreciate anything.”
“Mistakes happen for a reason.”
I was ten years old when I first learned that I was a mistake. My mother had been working as a receptionist at a dentist’s office in Boca Raton when she began dating one of the patients. He was a used-car salesman who was getting some bridgework done. They’d gone out maybe two or three times before she got pregnant and convinced his God-fearing conscience to marry her. Two years later, another woman who’d purchased a convertible Mustang from him convinced his conscience to divorce my mother and marry her instead. “Accidents are often filled with unexpected blessings,” Mom had tried to convince me. And although “unexpected,” there was nothing about Tyler’s accident that could be considered a “blessing.”
The blood drained from my face. “Is it Tyler; is he okay?”