Fighting for Love (33 page)

Sep. 19, 2007

I visited Maddy today to tell her the good news about her daddy and how one day he was going to be a famous fighter with everyone knowing his name. I could just imagine the sound of her little giggle as I told her and the way her eyes would sparkle with pride. She would be almost three years now if she was alive. The pain is still there, especially when it gets closer to her birth date, but Jace and Lexi always make sure I’m okay. I wouldn’t have made it through any of the hard times without them.

For the rest of the years after that, Shelby constantly talked to Maddy about me and how much I loved her and how amazing of a father I would’ve been to her. Never once did she talk about herself; it was all about me. There wasn’t a day that went by when she didn’t mention my name or rave about how proud she was of me for all of my accomplishments. Shelby might have made some wrong decisions, but she was the most selfless, caring, loving, and passionate woman I knew.

I loved her, I wanted her, and I didn’t deserve her.

“Are you ready for the fight tonight, son?” Carter asked, rubbing his hands together. “Because by the way you trained this past week I think you could take on Kyle with your hands tied behind your back.”

“I’ve never been more ready in my life,” I stated wholeheartedly. Packing up my gym bag, I headed for the door. “I’ll meet you at the arena later this afternoon. There’s something I have to go do.”

“Don’t be late,” he hollered after me.

This is one fight I’m not going to be late for
, I thought.

My conditioning was done and I had four hours before I needed to be at the Sleep Train Arena in Sacramento. After reading Shelby’s journals last night there was something I wanted to do, and I didn’t want to wait to do it. It just so happened that both places were located in Sacramento. Before arriving at the cemetery, I stopped at one of the local florists and bought a dozen pink sunflowers. Shelby always did lilies, but I wanted to give Madelyn something different … something from me.

I didn’t know exactly where her family’s plot was in the Grove Park Cemetery, but I had time, so I walked around the hundreds of headstones until I found the Dawson family plot. When I saw the statue of a baby angel I knew that was where I would find her. Slowly, I walked toward it, grasping the flowers in my hand. The closer I got, the easier I could see the words on her grave stone.

MADELYN AVERY REYNOLDS

OUR LITTLE ANGEL

OCT. 23, 2003– OCT. 23, 2003

Bending down on my knees, I put her flowers in the vase attached to her headstone and traced her name with my finger. “Maddy,” I choked out, swallowing hard. “It’s me … your daddy’s here.”

“I’m so …” I started to say, but stopped when my chin started to tremble uncontrollably.

I wiped away the tears in my eyes, but more came and they wouldn’t stop. Leaning over, I kissed her name on the cold gravestone and let my heart bleed out for her and for Shelby. A part of me was taken away and I never knew; a part of my soul. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, hoping I’d be able to calm myself down enough to talk to my daughter. My heart ached as if someone crushed it in their fist, and to make it worse I felt the same pain in my gut. I hurt when Shelby left, but nothing could compare to the emotional pain of knowing you lost a child.

“Maddy,” I murmured, my body shaking, “I’m so sorry I haven’t been by here sooner, but I wanted to come by and tell you that I love you. I would’ve given anything to have been able to hold you just once, or even to see what you looked like. There are so many things I wish I could do with you. I would’ve shown you how to ride a bike, teach you how to swim, and even learn how to punch the little boys if they bothered you. I would’ve taken you fishing even though your mother absolutely hated touching the bait.” I stopped and laughed as a vision of Shelby baiting her own hook with a worm came to mind.

“I bet you wouldn’t have been scared to touch the worms. No, not my little girl. You would’ve been a fighter just like me. It just so happens I have a tough one tonight, little angel. I’m sure you’ll send me some good luck, right?”

Closing my eyes, I leaned over and put my forehead to the soft, green grass below, letting the tears flow freely. I sat there for about an hour, feeling the wind all around me and hearing the tree branches as they swayed back and forth. There was no one in the cemetery except me, but for some reason I didn’t feel alone.

“I promise I’ll come back again and talk to you, Maddy. There are so many stories I could tell you about your mother. When I come back, I’ll tell you one.”

Getting to my feet, I kissed my fingers and placed them on top of her gravestone. “Good-bye, my little angel.”

I’ll be back.

“YOU’RE UP NEXT, SON. ARE
you ready for this?” Carter asked.

Jumping in place, I closed my eyes and stretched out the muscles in my neck and arms. “I’m ready,” I growled low. “That fucker’s going down tonight.”

Carter chuckled. “That’s what I like to hear. Remember, stay focused. He’s going to taunt you and say some things to get your hackles up. Don’t … let … him … break your concentration, you hear me?”

Releasing a heavy sigh, I opened my eyes and nodded. “I got this. I’m not going to let anyone down tonight.”

Before I could put my earphones in my ears, Garrett charged through the door, his chest heaving up and down. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he sputtered. “Traffic’s a bitch out there tonight.” With a wide grin on his face, he handed me what he had in his hands. “I thought you might want to see this. I was going to show you the originals last weekend when I stopped by your house, but I was sent these today. They completely changed it.”

Holy shit,
I thought, staring wide-eyed at what I had in my hands. “Is this what it’s going to look like?” I asked.

Garrett nodded. “Yeah, that’s the final one. I didn’t know how you would take it considering the circumstances, but I think it looks great.”

It did look great. “Was this Shelby’s idea?” I asked curiously.

“No, she doesn’t know. Bryan said he decided on this just today. Once he read the article he knew he had to put a picture of you and Shelby on the front. He agreed it was her best work yet; very powerful.”

“Can I keep this?” I asked, holding up the cover mock-up.

“Yeah, it’s yours, but put it aside so we can go. You’re on in like two minutes,” he announced, rushing me out the door.

To get pumped up, I put my earphones in and cranked up the volume so that Five Finger Death Punch was all I could hear instead of the cheering crowd for that worthless cocksucker, Kyle. My heart thumped wildly in my chest and my adrenaline was through the roof. I had waited for this moment for too fucking long.

I just wish Shelby was here to see it.

Carter signaled for me to walk, so I took my earphones out and handed them to Garrett. This was it. Once the black curtain pulled back, I took a deep breath and strutted out to the beat of my song. Tonight it was “A Warrior’s Call” by Volbeat.

Keeping my gaze focused on the ring, I intentionally didn’t look toward the left where Shelby’s seats would’ve been. I knew she wouldn’t be there, but to look would only confirm it. The disappointment would only break down my focus, so I kept my head up and kept walking; secretly pretending she was there the whole time, watching me.

Once I got into the ring, the audience cheered and I did my usual circle around the ring, wearing the arrogant smirk the crowd loved. The announcer, with his black suit and slicked back white hair, acknowledged both me and Kyle with a nod before addressing the crowd. “All right, ladies and gentleman, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. For the Heavyweight title we have two fighters that have gone head to head for years, but only one victor will reign over the gold.”

Pointing over to Kyle, he said, “On one side of the ring we have Kyle ‘The Demon Slayer’ Andrews who’ll be competing to try and win back the title he lost three years ago to the one and only UFC bad boy, Matt ‘The Destroyer’ Reynolds. The tension is high, folks, and judging by the looks on these fighters’ faces we’re going to have an intense grudge match tonight.”

“Fighters, if you will?” he asked, motioning for us to join him in the center of the ring.

Kyle leered at me like the smug bastard he was, but I kept my face blank, emotionless. He thrived on response, but he wasn’t going to get it.

“Okay, gentlemen, you know the drill. When you hear the bell you may begin. Good luck,” the announcer instructed before vacating the ring.

“So where’s Shelby?” Kyle asked with a smirk on his face.

Getting into stance, I grinned and said, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Well, I haven’t seen her here, so I’m assuming you two couldn’t work things out. What a shame. I might have to give her a call.”

Focus, Matt.
With my teeth and fists clenched, I anxiously waited on the bell to ring, my muscles ready to strike out.
Hurry the fuck up before I explode.

Ding, ding, ding.

I was ready to strike, and my fist flew the second I heard the bell. Kyle didn’t have time to block the right handed uppercut, so when I connected with his face, blood spewed out of his nose and mouth. I smiled a real smile for the first time all week.

“Get ready, cocksucker, because it’s going to get a lot worse than that.”

“WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME,”
I snapped, pushing my way through the crowd, wearing the ‘Team Matt’ tank top Gabriella let me borrow. Jace settled on a simple navy blue T-shirt, jeans, and a Duke Blue Devils baseball cap that I’d never seen him wear … ever. I didn’t even know he liked Duke.

I heard them call out Matt’s name, and if he looked over at the seats he wouldn’t see me there.
Dammit, that’s not what I wanted.
I wanted him to know I was with him, supporting him. Traffic was terrible coming into Sacramento, and if it wasn’t for my exceptional weaving in and out of traffic skills we would’ve never made it.

From the pale look on Jace’s face I probably almost gave him a heart attack in the car. Or it could’ve been because I found out something he kept from me; something that we witnessed together and would always stay ingrained in my mind.

“Were you ever going to tell me you gave him my journals?” I asked, rushing to find our section of the arena by the labels posted over the doors.

In a way, I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy with Jace sneaking off with them, but I wasn’t unhappy that Matt had them. I didn’t exactly want him to know my inner demons, but he needed to know everything; even the parts that weren’t exactly pretty.

“He needed to read them, Shelby. I know they were private, but if you want him to trust you then he needs to know it all. Although, I have to admit I could’ve foregone what happened at the cemetery,” he admitted sadly. “Now that was a private moment that broke my heart. If you weren’t in the car with me I’m pretty sure I would’ve cried like a damn baby.”

Like me,
I wanted to say.

When we pulled up at the cemetery, I saw Matt’s truck parked on the side of the road, or at least a truck that was exactly like his. Jace didn’t seem to notice, so I drove around until I could get a glimpse of my family’s plot. The moment I saw Matt broken down on the ground I shattered into a million pieces. I wanted to run to him and hold him while he cried, but it was his moment with Madelyn and I didn’t want to interfere. Instead, I sat there and watched him with a fractured heart, sobbing my eyes out.

“Are you going to tell him you saw him there?” Jace asked.

Once I found our section, I stopped at the entrance and sighed, trying hard to keep the burn behind my eyes at bay. “No, I’m not going to tell him,” I replied. “That’s something I feel should be between him and Madelyn.”

Taking his hand, I quickly pulled him along behind me. “Now come on, the bell’s about to ring.”

Matt had on a pair of white and black fighting shorts with a pair of black gloves, and he was in full fighting stance. He was so focused on Kyle that he didn’t see me and Jace take our seats. The second the bell rang, Matt moved so fast with an uppercut to Kyle’s jaw that I barely saw his arm move. The power of it radiated through the room. Kyle’s head snapped back and blood splattered in an arc across the mat from his mouth and nose.

I had never seen Matt move with such speed and dominance before in any of his fights. He fought to win, even if that meant hurting his opponent, but I could see it in his wild eyes that he
wanted
to hurt Kyle and not just to win the fight. His ultimate goal was to punish him and I was going to enjoy watching it.

“Okay, Shels, the smile on your face is kind of creepy. Hopefully, I’ll never get on your really bad side,” Jace noted.

Keeping my eyes on the fight, I chuckled. “What can I say? He deserves it. I just wish Matt would look over at me so he’d know I was here.”

“You could always stand up and scream,” he teased. “That would get you noticed. However, I’m pretty sure that Garrett and Carter will see you out here and tell him.”