Fight to the Finish (First to Fight #3) (15 page)

“Pissed anyone off lately?” she teased.

“No, I—damn.” He beat his head against the headboard a few times. “Nikki.”

“Nikki's a child. And I thought she gave you three team captains a wide berth.”

“She does. But I caught her making another teammate uncomfortable, and she wouldn't stop. Even after I gave her a quick, not-so-friendly hint to move along, she kept after it. So I gave her a set down, and talked to Marianne about it. She needs to be disciplined, though I'm not sure that falls under Marianne's jurisdiction.”

“She'll handle it.”

“She will. She also had a mouthful to say about my car being bricked and keyed.”

“Keyed?” At that, Kara straightened. “That's different. You didn't mention that part.”

Graham shrugged. “Sort of seemed like a distant second to the whole brick bit. Doesn't tell us anymore than what we already know.”

Kara's smile was slow, and a little devilish. “I beg to differ. The brick? Anyone can pick up a brick and toss it somewhere.”

“Anyone can pick up a set of keys and scrape it down paint.”

“They can. But would they? Think about it. What would you want to bet that ninety percent of cars that get keyed
like that are by females? It's such a petty, sissy thing to do. That might be an assault on my own gender, but I think the odds are probably in favor of my theory. A guy might slash tires, or do the brick thing. But I'd bet dollars to doughnuts it was a female who keyed your car.”

That had him thinking. “Huh. I guess I didn't think of it like that. So you think, what, it's a pack of teenage girls doing the vandalism?”

“I think, at least as far as this specific instance goes, you're looking at a female. And though she might not be a teen any longer, age-wise, her maturity hasn't quite caught up with her yet.”

“Nikki,” he breathed out. “You think she left the gym after I gave her the set-down, found the brick by the pile of construction materials in the back, tossed it at the windshield, and when it didn't do as much damage as she thought—because she's got chicken arms—she keyed it and took off.”

Kara's arms crossed over her chest, and she nodded with a self-satisfied smile. “How did she look when she came for afternoon practice?”

“She didn't,” Graham said slowly. “She was a no-show. I didn't have time to ask Marianne what happened, since I had to haul ass to the shop and my ride was leaving ASAP after practice. I just figured Marianne gave her the afternoon off to think about things. Or maybe asked her to not come back. I don't know.”

“I think she was scared after her little hissy fit, and knew it couldn't be undone, and now she's hiding like a three-year-old who spilled grape juice on the white carpet.” Her smile wobbled a little, as if the reminder of something a child might do brought back the problems she had with Zach.

“Hey. C'mere.” He waited for her to sit next to him again and kissed her temple. “You'll figure it out. Whatever it was.”

“He asked about you,” she said weakly. “About us. It's the first time he's ever . . . first time it's ever been an issue.”

Graham swallowed hard. This could go one of two ways. “Was he worried about me being around so much?”

“Opposite,” she mumbled, as if not pleased with it. “He worried I was pushing you away.”

An ally. Perfect. “Yeah, you should cut that out.”

She poked him in the ribs with a finger.

“This might cheer you up. We've got the All Military games next week, and we leave this weekend to get there early for practice and setup. So I'll be out of town for a while.”

“I know,” she said absently. Her fingers worked and worried at the hem of his T-shirt absently. “Not sure why that would cheer me up, though.”

“Because I wanted to give you and Zach tickets to come see us compete.”

Her head snapped up so fast he nearly took a header in his nose. “What? That's in Texas. Marianne said it was in Texas. She's been freaking out for a week about packing so she doesn't have to pay for an extra bag on the flight.”

“It is in Texas. I meant, I wanted to give you and Zach tickets to fly out and see us. We might not have the home court advantage, but seeing friendly faces in the crowd makes it easier.”

She just stared at him. Her face was horrified, as if he'd just told her he enjoyed slaughtering puppies in his free time instead of offering her a trip to Texas.

“What? Jesus, what, Kara? If it's the money, don't—”

“No,” she said quietly. “It's not. I mean, it is. That's an extravagant gift, Graham, even for a girlfriend.”

How about the woman I love, and want to marry?

“It's not, when I want it. It's a selfish thing, what I'm asking you to do. It's a gift for myself more than anything. Having you there . . .” He took her hand, held it firmly in
his when she tugged. “Having you and Zach there to watch our scrimmage? It was incredible. It made me want it ten times harder. Made me want to make you both proud.”

There was so much in her eyes, he couldn't read her at all.

“Please.”

15

“G
raham,” she said on a sigh. “Zach adores you. Of course he was proud of you, and not just because you won.”

“Good. So consider coming out to watch me in a bigger match. When the stakes are as high as they'll get for me. Come watch. It might mean taking Zach out of school for a day,” he went on quickly, “but he's a bright kid. I can't see that being an issue for him.”

Academically, no. But he missed so many days due to doctor's appointments and minor reactions, that she didn't like to risk taking him out for frivolous days here and there.

Graham competing in the All Military games is not frivolous.

And it didn't matter, anyway.

“Let me stop you there.”
Be firm, Kara.
“We can't come.”

His spirit drooped. There was no other way to put it. It was as if something inside him deflated. “Yeah, okay. It's last minute anyway.”

“Not because of that. Because of . . . things. The main
reason I've been pushing back when you've been fighting to get closer to us. The reason there's no future for us.”

His face turned mutinous, just like Zach's did when he was fighting a battle of wills against her. “That's bullshit, but fine. Whatever it is, put it on the table, let's come up with a way to fix it, and move ahead.”

“You're so sure we can fix it.” It made her smile, the determination in his eyes, in the hardness of his jaw. He would tackle the world to make her happy. She felt it. This was a man a woman would be lucky to have in her life, in her corner, in her everything.

“You're amazing, and resilient and resourceful and sexy as hell. And I can punch stuff. Together, we're the Dream Team.”

That made her laugh, which was a gift after all the crying she'd done that evening. And all the crying she might still do yet. “Why do you have to make it difficult to not love you?”

He was quiet at that, as if thinking about the answer. Then finally, quietly, he said, “Because I love you, and sort of want the same thing in return.”

Her heart stopped. Her blood chilled. Her fingers pricked and tingled with the loss of feeling. Somehow, despite her best intentions, she'd screwed up again.

“Let me tell you a story,” she began, sitting across from him now, not touching. If she touched him—or he touched her—she might collapse and they'd accomplish nothing. “I got pregnant when I was eighteen.”

“Young,” he murmured, but with no accusation in his tone.

“Yes. Very. Barely eighteen, but still a child in too many ways. I was several months along when I graduated high school. The first time I felt Zach kick, I was sitting in my cap and gown, listening to our principal drone on about the wonders of our future lives, reaching for our dreams, never giving up, all that cliché stuff you hear at a graduation.” Graham's eyes slid down her torso to her stomach, and she
looked down, realizing she'd cupped her belly as if she could once again feel that tiny life fluttering around inside of her. “It's a feeling you don't forget.”

“I can imagine.”

“I joked with myself later that Zach literally kicked me across the stage to take my diploma. He was the reason I graduated at all.”

“What did your parents think?”

“They didn't know, at the time. I hadn't told anyone, even Marianne. I was determined to make it through high school before telling anyone. Fortunately, those tops that are sort of tight around the bust and then flow out around your waist were in style at the time, so I was able to carry it off the last few weeks of school.”

“And once you told your parents? You never really talk about them. Do they not live around?”

Her hand shook as she reached up to redo her hair into another messy bun. “They do. They haven't seen Zach since he was about five, except for one time maybe two years ago when he and I ran into my mother in Target by complete accident. She . . .” Kara took a deep breath, and let it out again on a shudder. “She looked at me, with this shocked sort of horror, then turned and walked away. Like I was a stranger. Nothing to her.”

Graham simply rubbed her shoulder.

“They . . . don't agree with the life I've set up for myself.”

His hand tightened, just a little, on her shoulder. “What, being an awesome mother who provides for her kid even when his father won't? Being a smart entrepreneur with a mind on growing that small business? Being healthy and keeping her son's allergies in check, which is a daily battle, while helping other people who are facing the same challenges? Yeah. I can see where the disappointment comes into play.” His voice was full of scorn, and anger.

She patted his knee gently, then took her hand back. “It
used to matter. It doesn't anymore. But thanks for that. I've never considered myself an entrepreneur before.”

“Of course you are. Your blog earns money. It's a small business. You gain and maintain private yoga clients. Give yourself some credit, Kara.”

I love you. I love you so much.

It would hurt them both, deeply, if she admitted it out loud.

“Anyway, it doesn't matter. I eventually told them I was pregnant, well past the time for an abortion—”

“Would they have wanted you to get one?”

“Maybe, if they'd known right away. My gut says they would have pressured me, intensely, to get one, but who knows? I just knew I didn't want to give them the option. But when they did find out, they went straight into adoption mode. Save Kara's future. Save the family's reputation. Nobody needs to know. Kara can go live with an aunt in Missouri until the baby is born. We'll say she went on an internship and will start college in the spring.” She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory. “They'd written him off before even meeting him. It was painful. So painful. I had this little person inside me, clinging to my heart it felt like daily, and they were going to take him and hand him to someone else and expect me to just move on.”

“Oh, baby.” He reached for her, and because of the pain, she let him hold her. When he kissed the corners of her eyes, she realized she'd been crying. “Maybe they were just in over their heads, trying to figure out how to help you.”

“They didn't even ask. When I told them I wanted to keep him, they wrote me off. Told me to get out. I stayed with Henry for three days. He was older, by almost four years. Had his own apartment—with a roommate—and I thought this would be it. This would be our new normal. Come to find out, the roommate was a female, and it was not a strictly platonic roommate situation.”

He hissed out a breath, the sound harsh in her ears.

“Doesn't matter. He saved me the effort of waiting around for him to step up. I had been working part time, and they kicked it up to full time for me. Slept in the guest room at Marianne's parents' house for a while. They're wonderful people. They warned me I couldn't stay past the summer, and that was fine. But then every night, Frank—that's Marianne's dad—would sit down with me and go over plans for the future. He'd work on a budget with me, help me figure out which apartments I could afford . . . dad stuff.”

“I've never met the guy, but I could kiss him.”

“Save that for Mary, her mom. That woman saw exactly what I was, under the bravado and the
I'm fine, it's fine, we're all fine
answers I gave. She knew I was terrified of being a mom, and with zero guidance from my own mother. She helped, a little, picking out maternity clothes. She'd bring something home for me and lay it on the bed, telling me don't worry about it. It was on sale, she couldn't resist. Probably wasn't, now that I think back. I love them.”

He made a sound of agreement and held her tighter.

“Basically, they gave me a safety net, but didn't let me rest on my ass. They coached me into adulthood. So I started on my journey to independence. We had nothing for a long time, surviving on welfare . . .” She hadn't told anyone besides the Cooks that before. It embarrassed her.

“Don't. Don't you dare feel bad for using assistance when you obviously needed it. That's bullshit, Kara. It gave you and Zach a head start. Don't ever regret it.”

“You're right.” Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. “Anyway, the rest of it is pretty clear. Henry helps as little as legally possible, and often less than that. He finds things here and there to hold over our heads to keep us from taking him back to court for nonpayment.”

“Let me at the asshole. One time, Kara. One time.”

The fury burned in him; she could feel it vibrating in his chest. She sat back and watched him a moment, then cupped
his cheek. “I can't go to Texas with you. I can't take Zach out of state. It's part of the agreement. Neither of us can take him out of state without the other's written consent. And basically, that means me. Not him. Because he's never got him.”

“How can he get away without seeing his own kid?”

Kara shrugged. “Not showing up for his scheduled visitation, mostly. He knows I'm never going to argue, and if I do, he'll threaten court again. He has money, I don't. I need it to survive. I can make it on my own, but it would require a third job, or moving into a tiny apartment.” She wanted to choke down the tears, so she reached for anger instead. “Any idea how expensive allergy-friendly food is? How expensive it is to buy another EpiPen so he's got one wherever he goes? I can't do these things alone.”

“Okay,” he said slowly. “Your ex is an asshole, who uses child support like a leash, and tugs whenever he wants to. You can't leave the state with Zach. But what does that have to do with a future for us?”

“Graham.” She sighed, then brought her legs up, wrapped her arms around her shins and let her forehead fall to her knees. “You're in the military. How much longer are you going to be here, in Jacksonville?”

“I don't know, maybe another year or so. Needs of the Corps, and all that. Oh.” As if the truth just hit him in the face, he stopped.

The clock from the family room ticked incessantly in the dead quiet, marking the awkwardly passing seconds. She wondered for a moment if Zach had gone to sleep, if he was waiting for her to tuck him in. If he was listening at the door. She'd done her best to never breathe a negative word about his father, or her parents, in his presence. Easy enough, as they never were involved in their lives. But now, it was all being churned to the surface.

“Makes sense now, doesn't it?”

“But that's only until he's eighteen, right?” She nodded. “Not forever.”

“Sure, not forever. And would you like to have a long-distance relationship for that long? What about when you want to get married? Have kids? You want the family you create to deliberately be across the country?”

“I could get out. The military isn't permanent. I could start a civilian life here.”

“And I would wonder forever, if you gave up something better because I had no other options. If my past life ruined your potential future. Plus, even that's not a guarantee. What if you can't find a position around here? What if you find a job you like, and they want to transfer you to another firm elsewhere? What if you get an amazing opportunity and it's in Maine, or Colorado?”

His fists balled, but he said nothing.

“Putting your life on hold for eight years is insanity, when you don't have to. My life is Zach, so nothing is on hold. It's unfair of me to expect that from you. So, I don't. There's no future.”

He started to speak, but she leaned forward and pressed two fingers to his lips.

“I don't want to hurt you. I . . . I really enjoy spending time with you. You're the best man I've known . . . outside of Frank Cook. But I can't have him. Mary would kill me.”

That made his eyes smile a little, and he pressed a kiss to those two fingers before leaning in to drop his forehead to hers.

“I get it.”

Her heart sank, which was completely unreasonable. She'd just told the man there was no future for them. He was taking her at her word. She had no right to be upset.

“And I understand why you wanted to protect me, and yourself, and probably Zach, too, from getting too far into the idea of tomorrow. But, Kara . . .” He kissed her then,
taking her by surprise. His lips captured hers, tongue invading to mingle around hers, hands palming her head to keep her where he wanted her. “Kara,” he said again, pulling back with obvious reluctance. “I can't let that go.”

Oh God. It was up to her to do it. “Then we have to stop now.”

“No.”

No?
Kara blinked. “You can't block me breaking up with you. That's not how this works.”

“It is, when the reason for breaking up is bullshit. I'm not asking you to marry me tomorrow.”

Her heart sank again. Traitorous organ.

“I'm asking you to take it a day at a time. There might be other ways. I'm here now, and you're here now, and that's all we need . . . for now. One day at a time.”

She'd used up all her strength for the night arguing. She shook her head sadly, but he seemed to only take that as resignation, not a denial. Pulling her against him, he settled them back against the headboard.

“Now, you could always ask me to stay the night. But I won't, because I'm a gentleman and I know you'd only be doing it because you're too exhausted to walk me to the door and kick me out. I'll do it for you. But promise me one thing.”

When she lifted one shoulder and let it fall again, he understood she was too wiped out to talk anymore.

“Call your lawyer in the morning and put me on the approved list for access to your files, and so she can discuss the case with me. She wouldn't do it otherwise. Then I can give you a hand. Can you do that for me?”

She nodded, feeling her eyelids droop. It was as if she'd run an emotional marathon that had taken its toll on her whole body, and she had nothing more to give. Vaguely, she was aware of him scooting and rolling her until she landed under the covers, tucked high below her chin. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, said he would lock the door on his way out, and was gone.