Feel the Rush: A Hard Feelings Novel (InterMix) (24 page)

Unfortunately, his friend was privy to the emotions he was failing to hide. His hand clamped down on Reed’s shoulder. “What’d I tell you, man? Once you found that one—you’d be crawling back to her every chance you got.”

“I’m not crawling, I don’t even know what she wanted.”

“But you’d go crawling if she gave you the chance, wouldn’t you?”

His eyes darted to Murano before they fell back in line with the yellow dashes stretching out in front of him. “I’d crawl, scoot, roll, skip—fuck, I’d fly if I could.”

Murano’s hand tightened in a squeeze before it dropped from Reed’s shoulder. “Welcome to love, my man. It fucking sucks.”

Chapter Twenty-three

Meagan woke up early. Then she went back to sleep. Then she woke up.

She was restless to say the least. Reed had texted her the night before, saying he wouldn’t be stopping by because he and Murano wouldn’t get home till late and he had to be at work at five in the morning—so he wanted to talk today instead. And the waiting was killing her. It was like she was replaying every possible scenario in her head over and over and it did nothing but make her more anxious than she already was.

She showered, shaved, shampooed, and contemplated repeating. But instead, she got out, tried on three different sundresses, blew out her hair, brushed her teeth, threw up a couple of times, brushed her teeth again, and finally took a nap. And it was still only eleven thirty. . . .

Finally, after attempting to eat lunch but not being able to stomach anything, whether the baby or Reed was to blame she didn’t know, she decided to just go to him. He’d always told her she should come out and watch him jump. Better late than never, right?

To her surprise, there were a lot more people at the landing zone than she thought. It looked like mostly girlfriends and wives were there, but there were a few parents present and a handful of kids running around. She could see the planes flying above and she was glad she hadn’t missed it.

She saw Luke’s truck parked a ways away, over by one of the pits that had smoke rising from it. She stepped up closer—still a far ways away—but she could clearly see his huge body leaning against the bed of his truck, his massive arms pulled his uniform tight across his chest as he rested them over the side. She couldn’t help herself. She sent him a text.

Lookin good big guy

She watched as he pulled his phone from his pocket, then scanned the crowd of people. She raised her hand in the air and waved—he nodded with an annoyingly cocky smirk that only Luke Sanders could pull off.

Hey. What u doin here?

Came 2 talk 2 Reed & watch him jump

Cool. He’ll b glad 2 see u

Yeah, she wasn’t too sure about that.

Has he jumped yet?

Nope getting ready 2 now. He will b the first one

Knowing Reed would be the first one out of the plane made the anticipation even more nerve-racking. But it was nothing compared to the way she felt when she saw the doors open up and his body jump out—it was terrifying.

His body whipped out of the plane at a speed that was incredible, and as quickly as he whipped out, his chute jerked him back. Thankfully his opened up perfectly. Reed had told her about how Brewer’s chute got twisted up, a cigarette roll is what he called it, and if she saw something like that, she would have lost it.

He floated quickly to the ground. She was a little surprised how fast it went. Before she knew it he landed—hard—and her hand flew absentmindedly to her mouth. But then he got up, and when he stood, her heart sank to the pit of her stomach.

She lived right next to him, yet she hadn’t seen him in two weeks, and the sight of him in uniform, jogging to Luke’s truck, sent an unwelcome shot of desire through her. She’d always had a weakness for men in uniform—hell, you didn’t grow up around soldiers without gaining an appreciation for the sexiness that was a pair of ACU pants and a tucked-in tan shirt with dog tags hanging against the chest—and she found herself wishing she could slide off his ACU jacket and see exactly that.

Reed threw his pack in the back of Luke’s truck, then followed Luke’s outstretched hand that was pointing right at her. She felt like a teenager. She had that giddy burst of excitement coursing through her as he lifted his lips into that award-winning smile that she loved and hated all at the same time. But the second he started jogging toward her, that giddy burst exploded into fear.

It took him a minute or so to cross the distance to her. He stopped in front of her, his breathing slightly heavy. Sweat dotted his forehead underneath his dark hair. He smelled like outside and sweat, with a touch of the clean, spicy Reed scent she loved.

He smiled again—and she melted. Seriously, she felt that she was in a sopping puddle at his feet. The perfect bow of his upper lip twitched as the corners lifted and his teeth flashed. His eyes gripped hers and drank her in like she was able to quench his thirst.

Then he talked.

“Hey, sugar.” Yep, that was all he said, and the rich sound of his accent vibrated against her skin, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake.

“Hey.”

His hand reached out like he was going to run it through her hair or cup her face—something—but then he dropped it back to his side.

His eyebrows danced and his smile morphed into a smirk. “Enjoy the show?” And just like that, the playful Reed that reeled her in so long ago was making an appearance. Thank god, she missed that Reed.

“Well, I had a mini panic attack—and then I almost peed my pants, but yes, other than that, I enjoyed the show.”

His laugh erupted around her, smothering her and strangling her—in the best possible way.

Then his face fell, and his lips softened around the edges, his eyes penetrating hers. “God, I’ve missed you.” His words came out soft, desperate, and incredibly sexy—and she panicked.

“Reed, I’m pregnant.”

***

Something happened. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but it was something.

He felt his pulse start to pick up, his heartbeat thrashing in his ear. A heaviness crept into his chest, one different than any other. His shoulders tightened, and he felt the sensation of his clammy hands tearing through the short hair on top of his head—but the action never registered to him. He was standing in front of Meagan, his eyes focused on her—on her high cheekbones, the pink pout of her lips, the shallow crease between her eyes and everything felt as if it was rushing past him. He could hear his men giving the “all okay” in the distance behind him. He could smell the smoke from the pits. He could hear the sound of light footsteps running up and down the metal bleachers in the staging area. But beyond that, nothing penetrated his mind. Not one single thought—until he watched the first tear pool over the bottom of Meagan’s lashes to stream down her cheeks. Then it hit him with a force that damn near knocked him on his ass.

She was pregnant.

He didn’t hesitate one moment longer, not when the woman he loved was looking at him with tears in her eyes and fear-driven panic saturating her expression. It didn’t matter that he felt his world spiraling in the opposite direction, all that mattered was Meagan.

Reaching out, he wrapped his hands around her waist, pressing into the small of her back. He pulled her body flush against him, and the familiar contact seeped into his pores like a good memory. She lifted her chin, her eyes filling with tears, and he kissed her.

Her lips thawed against his and his tongue pressed against hers, the taste of her tears mixing with the sweetness of her breath. Her body weakened against him, molding to his, her legs buckling beneath her—and he just held on that much tighter.

She whimpered into his mouth, then he broke their kiss, he had to. The quivering sound that vibrated against his lips was about two seconds away from causing him to pick her up and carry her to his bike and drive off with her. She needed him—he could see it, and it fucking killed him that he had to go.

“I’ve got to get back, but I will come over tonight,” he said, leaning his forehead against hers.

She didn’t say anything, just held perfectly still in his arms. He ran his hand through her hair, then pressed his lips to hers one last time.

“Tonight?”

She nodded, then walked away.

The look on Meagan’s face when she told him she was pregnant skirted through his memory as he jogged back to Sanders’ truck, and it mirrored the way he was feeling at that very moment—scared.

Sanders leaned away from the truck and took an urgent step toward Reed as he got closer.

“What the fuck, Porter? Is everything okay?” he blurted.

“No.”

His eyes widened. “What? God, you look like you got kicked in the balls, what happened?”

“Meagan’s pregnant.”

Sanders’ back fell against the side of the truck as he leaned his weight into it. “Fuuuck. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t have a clue.”

Chapter Twenty-three

There’s something to be said about initial reactions. Meagan was starting to develop a sixth sense for them. You could always tell from that split-second look in someone’s eyes how they really felt, before they had a chance to put up any walls to camouflage the truth with what they wanted you to see. It was natural to be apprehensive, to feel fear or excitement, or to feel joy, but a lot of time our insecurities mock us and trick us and tell us to feel things we don’t truly feel. But it was in that one moment, that first instant reaction that was the most honest—that’s the one to trust.

And the look on Reed’s face when she told him couldn’t lie. He was scared, confused, hurt—but the one emotion that flashed over him, trailing the end of the others, was anger. And that alone said it all.

Despite the August heat, Meagan was freezing. She had wrapped herself up in a blanket and wedged her feet in between the cushions of the couch, her body heat warming the leather. Cramps settled low in her stomach, and she swallowed as her mouth became increasing moist, nausea settling in her throat—and she was tired . . . so tired. How a baby the size of a peanut could make her feel like she had just run a marathon while PMSing and coming down with the flu was beyond her, but that’s exactly how she felt. Oh, not to mention heartbroken. Just icing on the cake, right?

A knock on the door sent a wave of panic through her veins and she sat up. It was Reed.

Eva peeled her eyes away from the TV to look at Meagan. “You want me to get that?”

“Tell him I don’t want to talk right now.”

She nodded her understanding, stood up, and went to the door.

Meagan didn’t want to see him, she didn’t want to go through the hell of feeling her heart shatter any more than she had earlier. She didn’t need to hear the words come out of his mouth, they were already plastered all over his face when she told him—and that was all she needed to know.

Hiding out in her living room, she heard the sound of the door open and Reed’s lush, thick accent waft into the apartment. “Hey, Eva.” His words were flat, his tone calm, and she knew that his in control facade was set in place.

“She doesn’t want to talk, Reed.”

There was a pause, and Meagan pictured him running his hands over his head, working the muscles in his jaw.

“Please,” he said, trying to reason with her. “Let me in.”

“No.” The shift in Eva’s voice took on a more forceful approach as she stood her ground. In the midst of it all, Meagan smiled to herself—she had one pretty amazing overprotective friend.

But then her smile fell the second Reed’s voice seeped into the room again. “Dammit, I just need to talk to her. Meagan!”

A sob raked through her as she clutched the blanket tighter around her.

“Just go. Give her time.”

“But—”

“Go.”

She heard, no, more like she
felt
Reed’s heavy sigh before the door clicked shut.

Eva walked back into the living room, her ACU pants dragging around her green, socked feet. “That was rough, babe.” She plopped down next to Meagan and shoved her small body under the blanket with her. “You can do this, ya know,” she said, leaning her shoulder into Meagan. “You won’t be alone, you’ve got me.”

Meagan laughed, rolling her head back against the couch. “Oh god, that’s almost scary.”

“What? I’m good with kids.”

“Yeah, if you consider good betting your eleven-year-old nephew fifty bucks that he wouldn’t shave his seventeen-year-old brother’s eyebrows off, then yes, you are the perfect role model.”

“How was I supposed to know that he would actually do it? The little shit.”

“Yeah, and you gave him a hundred bucks.”

A smile covered her freckled face. “What can I say? I was proud.”

She shook her head and slouched down into the corner of the couch.

“You can’t shut him out forever, babe. You know that, right?”

“I know.” She sighed.

She knew she needed to talk to Reed, she just needed to find a way to detach her heart from him first, because she was afraid that he was going to detach himself from her, and their baby—completely. She needed to be ready for that. She had to be.

***

The next morning was fucking hell. Reed hadn’t slept at all. He laid in bed and thought about all the ways he had fucked up with Meagan in the short time since she had found her way back into his life.

But he was going to make it right—he had to.

His life was about to change. Nothing would ever be the same again, and he didn’t have a damn clue what to do, the only thing he knew for sure was that he needed to see her. He needed to talk to Meagan.

His gray army T-shirt was sodden from sweat as he climbed off his bike and walked back toward the apartment building. His men were all cussing him out right now, he knew they were. He had pushed them during PT this morning. He made them run farther, harder—and the thick Southern air secured them in a humid bubble that enclosed them all in an inferno. Yeah—he was going to have to take it easy on them tomorrow, but he needed the push today. He needed to feel the burn in every single muscle of his body. It helped.

Reed stopped in front of Meagan’s apartment. He had full intentions to shower and wash the foul perspiration off his body before he talked to her, but before the action registered with him, he was knocking on her door.

He heard the soft smack of bare feet padding across the floor before the door cracked. Her sleep ringed eyes shot open when they fell on his face.

“Reed. What are you doing here?”

Her tight tank top clung to her body, graciously hugging her full, bare tits that settled underneath it. His eyes trailed down to her body, homing in on the thin cotton boy shorts that barely covered her.

“You always answer the door in your underwear, sugar?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Her eyes darted down, realization crossing her face. “Shit. Sorry, I was asleep.” She bit her bottom lip nervously and Reed couldn’t help feeling the need to pull it from her mouth. God, he needed to touch those lips to his, to kiss her again.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, I just wanted to see you before I went back to work.”

“Reed—”

“We need to talk,” he said quickly, interrupting her before she had a chance to tell him to fuck off. “Can we just talk, Meg?”

Her lips pressed together as her chin trembled. Fuck. If she started crying he would lose it. He had seen her eyes fill up with tears twice now, and the sight tore at his insides and stabbed him in the chest. He couldn’t see it again, especially knowing he was the one to cause it.

She inhaled deeply then released it quickly. “Yes.”

The muscles in his shoulders relaxed—but only slightly. “Good. Come over around eight?”

“You’re not going to make mac and cheese again are you?”

He laughed. “I’ll make whatever you want.”

“I’ll eat before I come.” She yawned.

“Go back to bed, sugar.” He had an uncontrollable need to wrap her in his arms and carry her back to her bed, pull the blanket down, and cover her body with his. He wanted it, and he needed it more than he fucking realized. “See you at eight,” he said.

She smiled, but it was forced, and the hope she instilled in him vanished when she shut the door.

***

Meagan rolled over in bed, attempting to untangle herself from her sheets. Reaching over, she grabbed her phone from the nightstand. It was after one. She was instantly thankful that she worked three twelve hour shifts a week, because if she kept feeling like this, she was going to sleep her entire pregnancy away.

She forced herself out of bed and ambled across the cold floor of her bedroom and into her bathroom. She needed to put her big-girl panties on. She was thirty years old, she was a grown-ass woman, and she needed to stop filling the pity party that was taking up residence in her mind.

She also needed to call her mom. God, what was she going to say? She knew about Reed, she knew that Meagan had fallen, but that as quickly as she fell, she’d gotten up and walked away. And in typical mom fashion, she’d comforted her. But now Meagan was pregnant with his baby, and she couldn’t help but wonder if her mom would be happy. So this wasn’t the five-year plan she had anticipated. She wasn’t getting the picket fence and the perfect husband, but she was getting the baby. And regardless of the pain she felt hovering in chest—she was excited. She was going to be a mommy.

She turned the shower on, pushing the nozzle over, hoping that the warm water would help relieve the cramps and soothe her tired body.

She stripped out of her clothes and stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She ran her hands over her full breasts, which were covered in white lines from being hidden from the sun, and down her smooth, golden stomach until her fingers grazed the soft flesh below her belly button.

Her palm flattened against her stomach, a smile fanning across her face as she imagined her body swelling from her baby. Her baby. A flutter tickled her chest, filling her lungs and heating her heart. Her baby.

She stepped into the shower, the heat of the warm water trickling over her skin, relaxing the tension that seemed to cling to her muscles. After a few moments, she filled her hands with soap, rubbing them together until a thick lather coated her palms. She rubbed her arms, her chest, washing her breasts and her stomach, and then her hand slipped between her thighs, lathering herself. She lifted her hand, grabbing the bottle of soap from the caddy against the wall—and she froze.

Red suds bubbled over her fingers, across her wrists.

Her head jerked down, her eyes falling to her legs as a trickle of blood skidded down her inner thigh, mixing with the water at her feet.

Her mind seemed to go black at that moment. Thoughts couldn’t penetrate the fear that morphed into terror and sorrow, suffocating her. She clutched her stomach. The life that she had always wanted, the life that she was so close to, the life that was inside her, was disappearing.

She stepped from the shower as a sharp pain ripped apart her lower stomach. She cried out as her hands latched onto the sink for support—blood flowing heavily down her legs.

She grabbed her phone and sank down to the cold floor. Her wet body shaking from the cold, from the pain, from the deep crevice of sorrow that had formed a new fissure in her already broken heart.

Without thinking twice, she dialed the one person she needed—but he didn’t answer. Reed’s playful voice sounded through the phone as his voice mail picked up, and a new wave of heartbreak coursed through her.

She hung up and dialed again.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?” Eva asked when she answered.

The tears that were glazing across her vision finally fell from her burning eyes. The sob that she was trying desperately to hold back raked through her, her body trembling as it shook through her back, escaping from her lips.

“Oh my god, Meggy, what’s wrong?”

“I need you to come get me,” she managed to choke out. She pulled her knees to her chest as she sat against the bathtub, the shower still running, filling the small room with a haze of steam. She tightened her arm around her naked body as the towel beneath her soaked crimson. “I’m losing the baby.”

***

The time at the hospital felt like a fuzzy dream. One that you knew you were having, one where you could see the events taking place in your mind, but they were blurred around the edges, preventing you from seeing clearly. That’s how she felt—blurred.

She laid in her bed, Harry and Weasly both curled up in a ball at her feet, Eva sitting next to her, her fingers softly raking through Meagan’s hair, gently pulling apart the tangles.

Her eyes burned. They were swollen, and puffy, and raw. Her nose felt hot, the skin red and sensitive. And her face felt sticky with the remnants of her tears. Her body felt—empty.

Time faded. The seconds into minutes and the minutes into hours. She didn’t know how long she laid there, just staring at the white walls beside her, but it seemed like eternity.

She startled when an oh-so-familiar knock gently pounded against the front door. She lifted up her phone—it was eight thirty.

“It’s him, babe.”

“I know.” She knew he would come when she didn’t show up at his apartment.

Eva gave her a warning look. She knew Meagan had surpassed her breaking point, but that was the thing, she couldn’t possibly break any more than she already had.

Meagan slowly climbed out of bed.

“I’ll be in my room if you need me, okay?” Eva said carefully.

A fresh batch of tears pricked the back of Meagan’s eyes and she nodded.

Her feet felt weighted down as she made her way down the hall, through the living room, and to the front door. Wiping underneath her eyes with the pad of her thumb, she took a deep breath and opened the door—a smiling Reed staring back at her. His face fell and concern molded into the creases of his eyes as he looked at her.

He reached out his hand and cupped her face, and it was everything she had in her not to throw her arms around him. “Meg” he said softly. That single word pulled her tears to the forefront of her vision before they spilled over her lashes. “Dammit, baby. What’s wrong?”

She swallowed hard and clutched onto the hem of her T-shirt—Reed’s T-shirt, one she had taken from him after spending a night wrapped in his arms.

She blinked. “I lost the baby.”

His feet staggered back a half step and his shoulders slumped forward. The look that covered his face shattered the last bit of control that she was clinging onto and her heart felt as if it was caving in all over again—something she would have never thought possible. But when a sincere look of complete sadness reached his eyes, she crumbled. The tears came, and they didn’t stop, and she didn’t hold them back.

Reed didn’t speak a word, he just pulled her into his arms and held her. His strong hands pressed into her lower back, forcing her body to mold to his chest. Her cheek rested against the thin material of his shirt as it absorbed her tears. He just held her there in the doorway for what felt like a lifetime. He didn’t move, he didn’t try to calm her, he just let her come undone in his arms.