Falling Softly: Compass Girls, Book 4 (2 page)

Chapter One

“No, Vivi. It’s this way.” Sterling Compton winced as she steered her grandmother, in super slow motion, toward the specialist’s office for the unscheduled consultation he’d requested. Okay, so the convoluted path through the bowels of Compton Pass’s hospital would put a snarled mess of jeweler’s wire to shame. Still, they’d been this way a bajillion times in the past year for routine appointments. Her grandmother should know the route by heart.

Had never faltered before.

It wasn’t that today was a particularly bad one for the woman either. She suffered from Alzheimer’s. It’d been a while since she’d had terrific day, come to think of it. Lately, Sterling considered herself and the rest of her Compass Girl cousins lucky if Vivi remembered their names and didn’t mix them up with their mothers. Hell, sometimes she would trade a mistaken identity for the days Vivi didn’t respond at all, lost in her own thoughts.

Acid churned in Sterling’s guts as she dreaded the final steep slope of her grandmother’s decline. Day after day of seeing her like this had started to erode some of the impressions Sterling held dear of the strong, confident, independent woman her grandmother had always been. It frightened her to think that true person would be erased from her memory, replaced by this specter of her grandmother, in jeopardy of surrendering the most important thing she’d ever owned—her dignity. Maybe it would be better to be clueless. Maybe Vivi wasn’t the one getting served the biggest shit sandwich in this deal.

Feeling sorry for herself wouldn’t make Sterling’s helping any more palatable. She tried to enjoy her time with her grandmother, while she still could.

“That’s a pretty bracelet.” Vivi twirled the silver cuff on Sterling’s wrist, then winked. “Where’d you get it? My birthday is coming up soon, you know.”

Taking a long, deep breath, Sterling didn’t bother to correct her grandmother, who’d celebrated her birthday in the spring. Instead, Sterling focused on the genuine admiration, taking the compliment to heart. After all, it wasn’t as if her grandmother was stroking her ego when she couldn’t remember that jewelry was Sterling’s business. Hanging around Vivi had conditioned her to live in the moment. “I made this. It’s part of my new line for the store. Here, try it on.”

She slipped the skin-warmed metal over her hand and threaded Vivi’s gnarled fingers through the opening. It bobbled too far up Vivi’s thin arm when the woman angled it for a better look. “Pretty. High-quality workmanship.”

“Thanks.” Sterling beamed.

“You made this?” Vivi asked, driving a white-hot poker into Sterling’s heart. Though it cost her, she smiled and nodded.

“Almost there.” She coached Vivi around one final bend, then considered arranging a wheelchair for their next visit as she lowered her grandmother into a plastic bucket chair outside the specialist’s office. The woman closed her eyes for a second or two as she settled gingerly into the seat and rubbed her knee.

They’d hardly been there long enough for Vivi to wonder where she’d gotten her new bracelet from a handful of times when Dr. Martin popped his head out. “Mrs. Compton. So nice to see you today.”

“Dr. Phillips?” Vivi seemed shocked. As she should, since poor Doc had passed away at least a decade ago. He’d been the man who’d treated Sterling’s grandfather, JD, before she’d been born.

“No, ma’am. I’m Dr. Martin.” A somber mask gradually replaced the initial welcoming optimism that had brightened his face. Both he and Sterling knew where this was headed. “Would you mind waiting out here a moment while I speak with your granddaughter? If you need anything, my assistant, Claudine, is right down there.”

“Of course not.” Vivi smiled as she peeked over to the nearby desk the doctor pointed toward. “I think we’ve got some time before our volunteer shift begins. Honey, if he wants your number, I’d recommend giving it to him.”

Vivi hadn’t spent her days cheering up patients in a very long time. Neither Sterling nor the doctor planned on mentioning that, though. And if they weren’t going to burst her bubble about the purpose of her trip, they certainly weren’t about to remind her that she’d met Dr. Martin’s lovely wife on many occasions.

Boot heels clacked ominously in the thick silence as Dr. Martin ushered Sterling into an exam room and shut the door quietly behind him. “Look, Sterling, I feel like I’ve gotten to know you well enough to guess you’d like me to cut the bullshit and tell things to you straight, right?”

“Of course. No need for a charming bedside manner with me, Doc.” She crossed her arms, hugging herself as if she could prevent his words from piercing her chest like a fiery arrow.

“Right.” He grimaced. “The trial isn’t working for your grandmother. It’s clear now that we’re not doing any good. In fact, we are probably doing harm in the grand scheme of things.”

“What?” Sterling tipped her head to one side.

“The medicine your grandmother is receiving is very limited. By continuing her participation, we’re denying a candidate who might respond well to the treatment a chance at a normal life.” He sighed and reached for Sterling’s hand, but she shrugged, angling away. “I’m sorry, Sterling.”

“What will happen if we cut her off? Will she get worse even faster?” Freezing fingers of dread reached into Sterling’s gut at the thought. Her legs shook and she locked her knees to keep from wobbling. The day was coming. They knew it was. But she wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet.

Why hadn’t she accepted her dad’s offer to accompany them today? She could really use his broad shoulders to lean on right now. Except this was going to be even harder for him to hear about his own mother. Shit.

“It’s hard to tell. We can’t say for sure if the drug has been ineffective or if it has successfully slowed her decline considering she has one of the most severe cases I’ve seen in years.” He paused.

“Don’t stop now. Spit it out.” Sterling eyed the doc as he paced before her.

“Observing how Vivi reacts once we discontinue the medication could be valuable data for the study. We could draw conclusions about whether the decline is more marked—”

“Wait.” Sterling shook her head even as her fists balled. “Are you telling me that you want to experiment on my grandmother? Yank her drugs to see what happens? She could die!”

Catching her breath took conscious effort. So did beating back the waves of blackness assaulting her.

“Sterling, the truth is we’ve been researching all along. You know that.” He held his hands up, palms out. “I know this is hard. But talk it over with your family. Try to think logically instead of emotionally. Our board of directors has only continued her enrollment in the program this long because of your family’s generosity to this institution. I personally don’t believe that Mrs. Compton would approve if she knew the truth. If she was capable of logic…”

Guilt slammed through Sterling as she realized how selfish she was being. All of them were. Prolonging Vivi’s suffering for their own comfort at the expense of another family… Well, that wasn’t how they were raised.

Damn straight. If Vivi understood the ramifications, she’d pull the plug herself.

Probably would have months ago.

“O-okay.” She had to clear her throat to agree. “Give me tonight to round everyone up for a family meeting.”

Dr. Martin nodded. “I’m so sorry, Sterling. Truly, I am.”

And why did she feel like she’d be hearing that a lot?

“Thanks.” She scrubbed her fingers over her face and prepared to paste on a smile for Vivi. They had to be strong for her now, like she’d always been for them. After losing the love of her life, she’d carried on and shepherded the extended family that had provided Sterling with everything she could have hoped for. Now it was her turn to live up to that legacy.

Even while her heart shattered.

Sterling knuckled moisture from the corners of her eyes, squared her shoulders and yanked open the door. One problem. The seat where Vivi had waited for her was empty.

“Oh crap.” Sterling peeked down the hall in either direction, praying her grandmother had spotted someone familiar and gone to say hello. Or maybe gone to chat with Claudine. No such luck. The woman was on the phone while two other people hovered in front of her, blocking her view of the waiting area.

“What’s—?” Dr. Martin caught on quick when he peeked over her shoulder and caught her frantically sweeping the unnaturally bright-white interior for any hint of her grandmother. “I’ll call the front desk. They won’t let her leave without you.”

“Right.” Sterling didn’t wait for him to put their safety net in place. She jogged down the hall, peeking into every room that she passed. Including one that held a half-dressed man prepping for some surely stressful test.

“Sorry, sorry!” Shutting the door as quickly as possible, she trotted along until she came to the next intersection. For a little old lady, Vivi seemed to have sprouted wings. She couldn’t have gotten far.

Reading the screen hung on the wall, Sterling couldn’t decide which way to turn. Until she spotted, “Long-term Residential Care”.
Please, please.
That had to be it. She went with her gut.

Picking up steam, she caught nasty glares from the nurses and even a shout to slow down from an orderly as she sprinted past, still craning her neck wildly in every direction without a glimpse of her grandmother.

After crashing into the corner of a cart, a direct hit to her hipbone, Sterling slowed. Her heart raced and her breath sawed in and out of her lungs as she approached the open glass doors that lead into a different section of the hospital.

Linoleum gave way to hardwood floors, and walls covered with bookshelves sat opposite the receptionist. Beyond the woman with thick-rimmed glasses staring curiously at her was a large, open area full of plants and couches and low tables brimming with puzzles. Natural light nearly made the whole place glow.

Sterling squinted against the glare, which couldn’t disguise this place for the prison it truly was. Designed to house patients who required full-time assistance, there’d always been something about the serene surroundings that had made her skin crawl. It was as if the designers had been trying to stifle an uprising.

Vivi had brought her here a few days a week for nearly a decade. They’d volunteered, playing board games and generally trying to keep people company. One person more than the others, though.

“Everything okay, Sterling?” Jeanette, the receptionist, canted her head as she stared.

“Fine.” She winced. “I think. Have you seen my grandmother?”

“Of course. Vicky is in the solarium with Suzanne. Just like the old days, huh?” The pitiful smile she flashed Sterling was reminiscent of the looks she’d seen people give some of the residents. Hopeless. False, though well intended. Reassuring in no way at all.

Thank God they’d talked Vivi out of her ludicrous plan to enter a facility not that different from this one. Sure, the staff gave the best care they could to the residents, but it just wasn’t the same as living at home. Surrounded by family.

Vivi had lost so much already, she shouldn’t have to surrender absolutely everything.

When Sterling raised an absentminded hand to acknowledge Jeanette then nearly stumbled into the dazzling space beyond, her breath caught in her lungs. Her eyes stung as she blinked rapidly. She wished she could say her reaction had to do with the flood of brilliance instead of the fact that Vivi could have easily been a patient, sitting on the cheery sofa, staring blankly at Suzanne, who stared blankly back.

Though none of them had ever said so out loud, they all knew that one or all of the Compass Girls could have been in her shoes. That horrible accident on Sterling’s sixteenth birthday had stolen Suzanne’s bright future. Unless you counted what the glistening skylights did to her hair, which had gone stark white following the crash.

Sterling doubled over. She clenched her gut and bit her lip to keep from crying out.

What had she done with her life to make the most of the gift it was?

Unlike her cousins, she didn’t have someone special to share her time with. No one waited for her at home, in the cottage her cousins had rapidly grown out of. There wasn’t anyone to share her evenings with. Her jewelry shop was the only thing she had to brag about. And even that hadn’t really blossomed to the full potential she daydreamed about.

Not without taking her shop online. Expanding, though that would mean taking out a loan for more frontage. Reaching out to the world to share her talents with more than Compton Pass, Wyoming, or the regional vendors who sold her creations on consignment. All the things she’d been too afraid to do. Talents wasted away in her small-town showcase.

Maybe all this time she’d thought of Suzanne’s tragedy, and Vivi’s, she’d had everything mixed up. They’d had something valuable to lose.

Right then and there she promised herself she’d be bolder. Embrace her wild side, which she constantly suppressed. Take some damn chances and make her life
count
.

“You all right, hon?” A nurse Sterling didn’t recognize put her hand in the small of Sterling’s back. “You look like you’re going to pass out. Why don’t you have a seat?”

“I’m okay.” A lie. “Haven’t eaten yet today. I’ll be fine.”

That could be another untruth. She wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Except that she planned to go forward differently than she’d been trudging on.

“Hi, Suz. I hope you don’t mind—I came for Vivi.” Sterling wrestled the panic inside her that threatened to overwhelm her sanity. When she turned toward Vivi, something brushed her fingers. Suzanne. Had she reached out intentionally or had it been a coincidence?

Sterling stared at her old friend, but no recognition dawned in her glassy eyes.

“Come on, Vivi. Shift’s over. I’m going to take you home.” She refocused on her grandmother.

“Already?” The woman snapped out of her daze as if they’d been chatting all along. “It seems like we just got here.”

“Funny, I feel like I’ve been here forever.” She sighed, then helped Vivi out of the plush couch.

They didn’t talk the rest of the way out to the car even though they inched along the snarled corridors. Or even when Sterling nodded to the woman posted at the door, who let them pass without comment.