Falling for a Hustler: A Benton Harbor Love Story (6 page)

Destiny

“Have you talked to your sister yet, Des?” Dominic asked while rubbing my feet.

“No. I still don’t even know if I want to go through with the shit,” I replied honestly.

“What the fuck you mean you don’t know if you want to go through with it. We’ve already talked about this shit, man. You carrying my fucking seed ma, I can’t have you out there like that.” He pushed my feet from his lap and got up from the couch we were on.

“I know what we talked about Dom, but that don’t mean I can’t get scared. I don’t think I’m ready for a child.”

“Nah, I know what it is. You too busy running behind Lyric and that nasty bitch Yandy! You think these niggas don’t know about how they out here getting down? Yandy nervous to show her face around here cause so many niggas on her head, and you idolizing this hoe. I don’t get you.”

“Dominic–” he cut me off.

“Dominic my ass. You kill my baby and I’m dead to you.”

I stared at him in disbelief as he walked away. It had been almost a month since I had hit the lick on Cedric, and my funds were dwindling once again. I wanted to get back out there and catch someone else slipping, but after finding out I was pregnant a week ago, I decided against it. Dom was being a complete ass about the situation, and I couldn’t understand why. Since we had gotten together, the plan was always to stack money so that we could move. We were just 20; a child was the last thing we needed to be focused on.

“Destiny!” I stuck my head out of my bedroom window, trying to figure out who the hell was outside calling my name like they were crazy.

“Dominic, why the fuck are you yelling my name like that?” He held up a fat ass bag of green, and a smile appeared on my face. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

Sliding on my house shoes, I damn near ran down the stairs to open the door for him.

“Your aunt here?” he asked, stepping inside.

“Nah, her and Lyric are at the club as usual.”

When we made it to my room, he sat at my desk, and I sat on the bed and watched as he began to roll up.

“I thought you had a date with Danielle tonight?”

“I did,” he said bluntly. The way his sexy lips sealed the blunt closed almost made me shiver. “I wasn’t fuckin with shorty though.”

“Why not?”

He lit the blunt and stared at me for a moment. “I tried kicking it with her on a serious level, she just wasn’t there though. All she cared about was being able to say she was with Dom, the star of the basketball team. I’m looking for more than that.”

“I find that so hard to believe.”

“Why you say that?

He passed me the blunt, and I hit it before speaking. “Because nigga! We been best friends since I moved here seven years ago. I done seen you break so many hearts it’s pathetic! Shit, I done even had to fight a few bitches over you because they thought
we
was fucking. So miss me with that ‘serious’ shit you spittin’.”

“Yeah, I did my share of heartbreaking, but that doesn’t mean I can’t change it up and do something different. I only did them girls like that because they let me.”

It almost looked like he was telling the truth; too bad I knew differently. “Whatever Dom. Tell it to someone that will believe you.”

“Why you worried about it anyway? Let me find out you checking for a nigga.”

I rolled my eyes and got up from the bed to put a movie in. He was tripping.

“Ain’t nobody worried, I was just wondering why you were here instead of with her.”

We finished smoking the blunt in silence. When it was gone, Dom came and sat next to me. His hand brushed against my leg, and I nearly lost my mind. The weed had me feeling good, and it made everything feel ten times better.

“Des.”

“What’s up Dom?” I laid my head on his lap and continued watching the movie. It was the same thing every time he would come over. He began playing with my ponytail.

“You want to know the real reason I didn’t go out with Danielle?”

I wondered why he decided to bring the subject back up, so I said, “If you want to tell me.”

“Someone else has my mind gone. She’s smart, funny, even got a lil mouthpiece on her, and she’s about more than shopping and niggas. Lil mama got goals and shit,” he chuckled.

I shifted uncomfortably, but I remained where I was; if I didn’t, I’m sure my facial expression would have given away my feelings. “It sounds like you really like her, Dominic. Have you told her how you feel?”

“Man I tried so many times, but it seems like whenever I get close to saying it, I bitch up. It’s killing me though, because I think I’ve fallen in love with her.”

I raised my head from his lap and stared him in the eyes. “Go tell her, Dom. You’ll never know if she feels the same if you don’t.

He stood to his feet and hugged me. “I am. I’ll be back through in a few.”

I nodded my head and walked him to the front door. I flopped on my bed when I made it back to my room. Dom had never spoken about a girl that way before, and it had me going crazy. I was perfectly fine when he was fucking around with Danielle and the others, because I knew that he would never be able to build anything with him.

I was only 17, but even then I knew that Dom was it. I never had a serious boyfriend, because I always compared them to Dominic. Him falling in love had come at the worst possible time ever.

I laid there in my feelings for about ten more minutes before I pulled myself from my bed. I took a quick shower and threw on some hoop shorts and a tank. DING DONG, the doorbell chimed. I picked up my phone to check the time. Who the fuck was coming by here at midnight? Grabbing the taser Lyric bought me, I went down the stairs and looked out the peephole. Dom? What the hell is he doing here? I opened the door and he smiled.

“It took you long enough. How did it go?”

He walked inside and we sat on the couch. “Um...I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Now this nigga had me confused.

“I don’t know because I haven’t told you yet.” I looked up at him. He had to be joking.

“Dominic, don’t play with me like that.”

“I’m not playing with you, Destiny. I could never make it work with them chicks because they weren’t you. I thought I was tripping at first, but I notice it more and more when I’m around you. I ain’t soft or no shit like that, but you keep me grounded, ma. You ride for me; the real me. If people knew that I ain’t have shit but my skills, they wouldn’t even fuck with me. But you...you see past all that.”

By now, tears were falling from my eyes. I couldn’t believe he was saying this shit to me! I didn’t see that shit coming at all. I couldn’t even find the right words to say to him. Instead of speaking, I pulled him close to me and kissed his lips.

“You love me, Dom?”

“I do.”

“How do you know?”

“All I think about it you. I only wanna be around you. My day could be shitty as hell, but the moment I hear your annoying ass laugh, it gets better.”

“What if I told you I’ve always felt that way about you?” I asked.

“I’d believe it. Let’s give it a chance.”

I bit my lip. What if shit didn’t work out? I looked at him again and said fuck it! It was worth a shot.

“Ok.”

Shit was good up until I hit that first lick with Yandy. Because of our friendship, Dom already knew about what Yandy and Lyric did for money. He never seemed to have a problem with it, so I figured if I did it he wouldn’t mind…Wrong.

After we divided the money that night, I placed all but five hundred dollars in my drawer. Putting the money in my purse, I put on my shoes and made my way down the street to Dominic’s house. Our three-year anniversary happened to be that very same day, so I figured I would give him the money as a gift. When I made it to the house, I noticed his mom Brenda sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette.

“Hey beauty queen!” she said smiling.

I reached down and gave her a hug. “Ms. Brenda, you know you ain’t supposed to have that cigarette.” She wasn’t sick or anything, but she had really bad asthma and would start going into these wheezing fits.

“I know baby. I was doing good until the mailman came earlier with all them damn bills.”

“Is Dominic inside?”

“Yeah, gon’ on up the stairs.”

I walked in the house and went straight to his room. I tapped on his door and waited for a response, but I got nothing. I opened the door and saw him lying in the bed sleep. Quietly, I took my shoes off and placed my purse on his dresser. I climbed on top of him and began kissing all over his face. He stirred a bit, before finally waking up.

“Aw shit, Des. How long you been here bae?”

“I just got here.”

He looked at the time on his phone. “What you doing here so late. It’s after midnight.”

“I have something for you.”

“What you got for me?”

I grabbed my purse and pulled out the money. He thumbed through it and looked at me again.

“Where the fuck you get this shit from?”

“Excuse me?”

“This morning you ain’t have no money, and now you handing me five hundred?” he grabbed my arm a little too roughly for my liking. “Where you get it from?”

“I went out.”

“Went out?”

“With Yandy, damn! Why you tripping?”

“What the hell you doing hitting licks with that bitch for? Niggas is real deal after this bitch, and she ain’t doing shit but making yo dumb ass a target.”

“Fuck you, Dom. Call me when you get off this dumb shit.”

“Did you fuck the nigga, Des?”

“What kind of shit is that? Of course I didn’t, Dom. I would never do no shit like that to you.”

That night, he made indescribable love to me. The shit was so good I had slipped up and let him come inside of me. I knew I was wrong for even thinking about an abortion, but I didn't know what else to do. I was barely taking care of myself; how the hell was I gonna take care of a baby too? My phone buzzed on the table beside me.

KITA:
You still goin to Aj’s with me tonight bitch?

I looked at the text and smiled. I forgot my girl Kita was trying to go out tonight. I was gon’ stand her up and spend time with Dom, but since he was acting all brand new and shit, I decided to go have some fun. I sent her a text back telling her to pick me up in thirty minutes. Without saying anything to Dominic, I walked out of his room. He called my name a few times, but I ignored him as I walked out the door.

Thank God I wasn’t showing yet. I had bought this cute ass black dress a few weeks ago, and I wanted to wear it before it was too late. When I got home, I pulled it out along with a pair of Lyric’s pink heels. After laying everything on my bed, I took a quick shower and got myself together. I put a few curls in my hair and applied lipstick, and I was ready to go. I always hated walking down stairs with heels on, so I waited until I was by the door to put them on. A car horn sounded off, and I knew that it was no one but Kita.

“Damn bitch! You ain’t just have that ass a week ago,” she said all loud and ghetto like.

“Whateva Kita!”

When we made it to the club, Kita went straight to the bar. She wasn’t old enough to be drinking, but her fake ID said differently.

“You want me to grab you something?”

“Orange juice and a bottle of water.” She looked at me funny. “I told Dom I wouldn’t drink tonight.” She rolled her eyes and walked off.

“Excuse me,”

When I looked up and saw Calvin looking at me, I almost pissed on myself.

“Yes?”

“Um, I know this is going to sound crazy but...I was robbed a few months ago. I don’t remember all the details, but I do know that you’re the last person I remember seeing that night.”

“I’m sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I just moved here two weeks ago with my girlfriend,” I said, nodding toward the bar at Kita.

He looked at me for a moment, and I started to grow nervous. He was piecing the shit together! I had to get rid of his ass before I gave myself away.

“I don’t want my girlfriend coming over here getting the wrong idea. She’s not the nicest when she’s upset.”

Calvin stared at me a moment longer before he finally got the hint and walked away. When Kita came back with the drinks, I downed my orange juice and wished like hell it was liquor. Running into Calvin had officially ruined my night.

Journee

“Journee, chill out. I can barely understand what you saying!” Bird yelled.

As soon as Lala finished my hair that day, I flew to my crib to tell Bird the news.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down.

“Brick is out! We gotta get the fuck away from here, Bird! I know he’s going to come after me.”

“Why would he be coming after you, Nee? He doesn’t even know you set him up! You just paranoid because he out, baby. Don’t you think he would have come after you by now?” I looked at him crazily. I certainly wasn’t expecting that shit to come out of his mouth. I thought he would be just as scared as I was, but to my surprise he acted like he didn’t give a fuck.

“You sure he won’t know?”

“How can he, Journee? The detective we talked to told me our names would not show up on the reports. We good, ma.”

Even though his words did little to ease my mind, I closed my mouth and kept my thoughts to myself. Knowing that Brick was out roaming the streets had me uneasy, but Bird was right about one thing – how could he know? I had been extra careful. I barely even went out with Bird in public, and when I did I made sure it looked like we were nothing more but friends. Luckily, I hadn’t ran into any of Bricks homeboy’s yet.

After I calmed myself down, I picked up my phone and called my mother. When she didn’t answer, I became enraged! It was my day to visit Justin, and she was giving me the damn run around like she did each and every time. I swear, she was lucky she was my damn mama. I called once again and got the voicemail. Finally fed up with her shenanigans, I grabbed my keys and purse, then headed toward the door.

“Where you going?”

“It’s my day with Justin and my mom won’t answer her phone. I’m going by there to get him.”

“You want me to go with you?”

I thought about if for a second. “I don’t think that would be a good idea, bae. I’ll call you when I’m on my way back though.” My mother and Bird hated each other with a passion, and I didn’t need their extra drama. All I wanted to do was see my son. He kissed my lips and walked me to the door.

As soon as I started my car, I sped down the street, praying that my mother wouldn’t give me any problems this time around. When I made it to her home, I became pissed at what I saw. My mom, her husband Larry, and Justin were all in the front yard having a good time. I hadn’t seen my son in almost two years because of my mother; I’d missed birthdays and holidays. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he didn’t know who I was.

I watched as Justin chased a rolling ball. Jealousy filled me as my mother stood from the grass and chased after Justin as she laughed and told him to come back. He ran into her arms and she kissed him all over his chubby little face.

“Mommy!” he giggled as he pushed her away.

If my heart wasn’t already broken, it definitely would have shattered then. How dare she have my son calling her ‘mommy’? I slammed the car door and gained both her and Larry’s attention. She picked Justin up and gave him to Larry, who quickly took him in the house.

My feelings were once again hurt, and I wasted no time letting the shit show.

“Why are you not answering your phone? I’ve been calling you all day about my damn baby.”

“Journee, you need to give it up! You haven’t been by here in two years, and now you want to be a mother? This child is happy! He does not need you fucking up his life.”

“Don’t make it seem like I never tried! You kept him away from me! I made one fucking mistake, and you want to hang it over my head forever. All I want to do is see my son.”

She looked at me, and I couldn’t read her.

“I’m sorry, Journee. I can’t allow it. That baby could have died because of you and instead of you fighting for him, you took the easy way out. Even when you and that no good nigga of yours got all that money, you didn’t even come by here nor did you do anything to help with him. If you were trying, things would be different, but you’re not. Those tears running down your face don’t mean a damn thing to me. You’re still the same selfish ass child I gave birth to. You have to grow up one day.”

I wanted to punch her in the face, but I knew she was right. I hadn’t changed at all. There was still a possibility that Brick had found out about what I done, and here I was trying to get Justin back. If I took him, I would be doing nothing but putting him in harm’s way, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something happened to him. My mother turned to walk away, but I grabbed her arm to stop her.

“You’re right,” I looked at my feet. “I’m trouble. I promise that if you just let me see him this last time, I won’t come around again.”

I wanted to throw up just saying those words, but I knew that it had to be done. I didn’t want him getting hurt behind me and Bird’s mess. She sighed and stared at me blankly.

“Thirty minutes, Journee.” She again turned to go in the house, and this time I followed behind her. Once inside, she motioned for me to sit down. “I’ll go get him.”

As I waited, I looked around her home. It looked totally different than the last time I had been over. Gone were the pictures of me, my sister, and my brother when we were younger. Instead, pictures of her, Larry, and Justin were on almost every wall of the living room. The old black suede furniture was replaced with a new leather sectional. A large 70-inch TV hung over her fireplace, and the thick carpet felt like pillows under my feet. Everything had been upgraded, and it seemed like she was trying to rid herself of her past-even her children.

When she came back in the room with Justin, I put a hand over my mouth in an attempt to keep from crying. He had gotten so big! He looked at me and smiled, causing my heart to melt. I returned his smile and stared at him, taking in his features. I always wondered who he would look like once the baby fat dropped, and it looked like Bird had won the silent battle. He was the spitting image of his father, except he was light-skinned like me.

“Hi!” he said waving. My mother put him down, and he walked over to me.

“Hi big boy,” I wiped my face, trying to hold back tears. I didn’t want to scare him by crying.

“What’s you name?”

I wanted to say mommy so bad, but I knew better. “Journee...but you can call me Nee.”

For the next thirty minutes, I played cars and whatever else my baby wanted me to do. It felt so good just being around him. I was hoping my mother would give us a few extra minutes but being the bitch that she was, when exactly thirty minutes went by, she opened the front door. I hugged Justin tightly and kissed his forehead repeatedly. He didn’t know what was going on, so he only giggled and kicked in an attempt to get down. I finally released him and went to the door.

“Can you come back and play with me again?”

Another tear fell from my eye, and I didn’t even try to stop it. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? I looked at my mother for help. She cleared her throat and placed her hands on his shoulders.

“Justin, it’s time to say goodbye now; daddy has some cookies and milk in the kitchen for you.”

He walked over to me and hugged my legs. “Bye Nee!” Before I could respond, he was darting out the living room in search for the cookies he was promised.

“Please send me pictures of him. Even though I can’t have him, I would like to at least feel like I’m a part of his life.”

My mother nodded her head. I walked to my car and climbed inside. All the tears that I had held back fell freely from my eyes. I couldn’t fuckin’ win for losing.