Falling Darkness: The second book in the Falling Awake Series (17 page)

“Something like that.”

“Let me help you,” he offered.

“There is one thing you can do.” I had to trust that this was the right decision and what I was about to do next would be one of the final parts of this never ending puzzle. “Take me to see Matwau.”

***

I stood at the front door of the man who my mom was married to. My heart was pounding. I was still in severe shock. My mom was married. And to someone I never even knew about. I knew my mom and dad were never married and maybe that was why this was that little bit more painful. She had never married Gabriel, but she had been someone else’s wife. My dad was starting to feel like the inferior party. Did she love this man, Matwau, more than my dad? Where did my dad even fir into any of this?

I clenched my hands in and out of a fist and then with my confidence at its peak, I reached out a hand and knocked loudly on the door.

I checked over my shoulder. Matoskah sat behind the wheel of his truck and he smiled when he caught my line of vison. I smiled, tight lipped and whipped my head back around when the shiny red door creaked open.

I pursed my lips and looked up into the eyes of a tall, middle aged man with long, sleek black hair hanging perfectly straight around his shoulders.

I had seen this man before; in the very last dream I had let myself get sucked into. Only then, he had been in replace of my dad and he was being smothered by evil, black shadows that I was pretty sure were somehow alive. I had already dreamt of him. Another thing that didn’t make any sense.

The man stared down at me, and I watched a change of emotions pass across his face from confusion to shock, until at long last, he spoke.

“Savannah?”

I swallowed and looked back over my shoulder. Matoskah gave me the nod again and I turned back around. “Um no, I’m Pria. Savannah was my mom.”

He watched me for what felt like too long and I was starting to think I was about to get the door slammed in my face. “You better come inside,” he said.

I followed him in the house, sitting down on a brown, leather sofa. The living room was fairly small with cream colored walls and all wood furniture.

“So, you’re Savannah’s daughter?” Matwau sat in the sofa under the window and looked at me suspiciously.

“I know this is really weird, me just turning up like this…”

“Did someone send you here?”

“No. I came on my own.”

“I take it Matoskah out there told you where to find me?”

“Listen, I can go if this is making you uncomfortable,” I declared, getting up. I felt like a subject matter, sitting there under his intense inspection He didn’t trust me, obviously and this was starting to feel like a huge mistake.

He stood up. “No. Stay.”

I frowned. “It wasn’t easy for me to come here.”

“I know. I apologize. Sit down, please.”

I lowered myself back onto the sofa and Matwau smiled, looking relieved. “So, you know who I am?”

“You’re Matwau. You were married to my mom.” I sounded like a mechanical robot.

“Is that all you know?”

“That’s all I know.” I scanned the pictures spread around the room and I got up when I spotted one that more than stood out on the fireplace. It was cased in a bronzed frame and it was old, maybe from the eighties.

“Is this you and her?” I asked him, picking up the picture.

“That was our wedding day.”

I surveyed the white lace gown that fit so perfectly to my mom’s petite frame. Her hair was mostly gathered up, held in place by a white flower and loose tendrils hung around her face. Matwau looked the same, only younger. They both looked happy, smiling at each other, oblivious to the camera even being there. I instantly hated the picture. I thought about squeezing it hard enough that the frame shattered.

“You guys look happy,” I said, feeling the stab of jealousy and betrayal that my mom had once been happy without my dad.

“We were. I loved Savannah with all my heart. She was a very special woman.”

I set the picture down. “What happened?”

“Which part?” he asked me, as if the story was so complex he didn’t know where to start.

“All off it.”

“First you tell me something,” he said, his eyes sharpening at the edges. “Tell me how you are alive?”

“Excuse me?” What kind of a question was that to ask someone?

“You being here is impossible. Savannah died before she ever gave birth.”

“Well I’m here, aren’t I?” I swiped my hands downwards in front of my body. “I’m standing right here.” I unzipped the pocket on my muddy coat and gave him my handful of pictures, all with my mom in. “How would I have these? This is my mom and I’ve got no reason to be here now, lying to you. I live a really long ferry ride away and this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, so could you just do me a favor and trust that I am who I say I am? I’m seventeen, why would I come here just to make up some ridiculous story? I don’t even know you.”

I took a deep breath. “I just want you to tell me about her.”

“You look a hell of a lot like her, I’ll give you that.” Matwau folded his hands under his chin. “What do you actually know about Savannah?”

“I know that she jumped from a cliff, right after giving birth to me. My dad said she became-” I shrugged my shoulder, “kinda depressed all of a sudden. He thought that maybe she didn’t love him anymore or something.”

I saw Matwau pull a slight twist in his face.

“She did jump to her death. That is the only part of your story that is accurate.”

“Tell me what happened, then.”

“I want to show you something first.” Matwau stood up. “Follow me.”

I walked through the house with him, out into the back yard where he cracked open the door of a garden shed. When I stood unmoving on the spot, he smiled reassuringly at me. “It’s okay. Come on.”

Reluctantly, I followed him inside. He didn’t flick on any lights. Instead, he drew the shabby curtains closed.

“Whoa,” I said, reaching for the door as his fingers wrapped around my arm.

“Just wait,” he said, and the next thing, a white light flicked onto the wall, forming an unfocused square shape and I noticed the old film projector sitting on the wicker table in front of me. A whirring noise started up from it and black speckles appeared all over the white illumination on the wall.

Matwau motioned towards a shabby sofa covered in a crochet, printed blanket and I went and sat down.

Color broke out, blocking out the white screen and I covered my mouth with my hand when my mom’s face came into focus in front of me. I smiled with choked laughter when she opened her mouth and began to talk to someone holding the video recorder.

“Matwau, turn that thing off,” she said, turning her back to the camera and peeking over her shoulder with a playful smile. “I’m not ready yet.”

Her hair was flowing down her back and she wore only a shade of red lipstick and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I loved her so much and I’d never even met her.

She picked up the hem of her black and white spotty dress and swiped a hand at the camera, but her shot was dodged and she burst into laughter. I could hear who must be Matwau, laugh with her and then the image changed to one of her sitting on the beach.

I knew right away that it was Shi Shi beach. She was sitting on a towel on the sand with four other people. They must have been her friends, and they were all smiling and talking. Matwau was sitting right next to my mom, so someone else must have held the camera.

“Do it, Savannah. Show us,” A man with a long plait in his hair asked her, nudging her in the arm. “Go on, make our day.”

“Yeah, come on,” everyone else agreed, and Savannah looked lovingly at Matwau, who just shook his head and grinned.

“Oh fine,” she finally gave in, and lifted both her arms in the air.

At first I couldn’t see anything, but then the steady roaring noise in the background intensified and the video focused only on the sea. A giant wave was building from out of nowhere, and then just as it was about to descend on the shore and no doubt come barreling down on top of my mom and her friends, Savannah brought her hands down briskly and the wave curled back in on itself and rolled backwards, crashing over the sea.

A load uproar of clapping and squealing erupted from the group of friends and Savannah laughed and waved their amazement away with her hands.

By the time the video rolled to an end, I was hardly aware of the tears streaming down my face, until Matwau pulled open the curtains and handed me a tissue.

“Thanks,” I said, taking it from him and wiping aggressively at my cheeks. I sucked back my tears and wiped my nose. “That was…” I pushed my hand through my hair. “Thank you. I never saw anything like that, ever.”

“I’m glad I could show them to you. I come in here and watch them regularly. When I see her like that, I feel like I’m bringing her to life.”

“You’re lucky you have those.” I balled up my tissue, picking at the fibers.

“Do you wanna go back inside and get something to drink? I don’t know about you but I need something cold. I’ve got some ice tea in the kitchen.”

“That’s good ice tea,” I said to Matwau. He filled up my glass and sat down in at the dining table, across from me.

“Savannah’s recipe,” he said, filling up his own glass.

“So what happened?” I asked.

“Well you saw in the video there and you didn’t seem all that shocked. Did you already know the things she could do?”

I nodded yes. “I never saw it though.”

“The earth is power and we feed off it, we respect it. The Makah tribe have many beliefs and there are legends passed down through generation, but never have any of us witnessed what we have in Savannah. She could do things that no other could. She could do things that you could only dream of.” Matwau took a sip of his ice tea and dropped his arm heavily onto the table. “Savannah was pregnant in the summer of 1997, and a matter of days before she was due to give birth, she jumped, and her body was never found.”

He stood up and stared out through the French doors into the back yard.

“If she jumped before giving birth then where do I fit into all of this?”

“I don’t have an answer for that.”

“Maybe you’ve got it wrong,” I suggested.

“I wasn’t there. There was only one witness and no one has seen him for years.”

“You think I’m lying?” I felt the pull of rejection inside, and I couldn’t understand why I was being so sensitive about this. I had a dad, I had a life. What was it I thought I wanted from this man? “I’ve lived my whole life thinking Savannah is my mom. I don’t know anything else. That can’t be a lie. I can’t take any more lies.”

“Where have you been all this time?” Matwau asked me, still gazing out into the yard.

“I live with my dad, Gabriel, in Friday Harbor. It’s in San Juan County.”

“How did you come to be with Gabriel?” Matwau asked the question with a slight grimace on his face.

“He’s my dad. He’s all I’ve ever known.”

“And if you are who you claim to be, how ever does this Gabriel conclude that he is your father?”

I didn’t want to say it out loud but it was sitting there between us like a ticking bomb, waiting to explode. “He loved Savannah,” I said, carefully. “They were together.”

“Ha.” He laughed, but his face was pained and I had to look away.

“It’s true,” I said, my eyes fixed anywhere but at him.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he said, his voice full of melancholy. “I would have still loved her. I still love her to this day. I’ll love her till I die. She was my wife.
My
wife.”

“I’m not trying to upset you. I just need to know if you are my dad.” The words were out before I had a chance to stop them. It was done, I had said it. “That’s why I came here today, looking for you.”

“I would like to think that baby was mine. I would have been there from birth, ready to be a father. Waiting for the privilege, the honor.” He turned to face me. “It seems we have both found out something new today.”

“So you don’t know…”

“Maybe Gabriel can give you your answers, he appears to know more than me. Especially about my own wife.”

I was beginning to wish I never came.

“I never came here to hurt you.”

“And you haven’t.” He looked at me in deep thought. “In fact, I would very much like to see you again.”

“I’d like that,” I agreed, smiling.

Matwau reached out his hand and placed it over my own. “It feels good to have some light back in my life at long last. It doesn’t matter how you got here, all that matters is that you’re here.” I felt a tight squeeze on my fingers.

“I don’t need anything but that familiar spark in your eye to tell me that you are exactly who you say you are and if I have no other role to play in your life except this, I promise you I will help you get you the answers you are looking for.”