Everything I Have (Everything I Want #3) (24 page)

Fuck, I can’t stop pacing. Sophia should be getting a room you would fucking think. Instead, she and that old lady keep laughing and talking. When she stops again, the older woman looks down at her watch.

“All right, someone will be down to get you.”

Sophia stands, looking fucking beautiful with her wild hair. Walking over to me, she pulls out her phone.

“What are you doing?” I ask as she sits down near me.

I can’t sit. Standing over her, I watch her fingers move, texting quickly.

“Gotta let Frankie know,” she says.

I kid you not, that guy texted her back within a second. Sophia laughs when she glances back at her phone.

“He’s fucking coming.”

What? No way will he make it. The sound of wheels screeching across the tile floor grabs my attention and a nurse with a wheelchair stops in front of Sophia. My chest tightens when Sophia settles back into it. Even though she’s smiling, her blue eyes look scared. I follow along behind them until we arrive on the third floor. Fuck, I hate hospitals. They’re just fucking eerie.

Sophia walks into the attached bath with her gown, blowing out a breath before closing the door. I walk over to the window, checking out the small lights of downtown. Pushing my hands down farther in my front pockets, I finally hear Sophia come out and start talking to the nurse. Something about checking her cervix. I keep my back turned. Fuck that.

“Doctor Millinger will be just a few more minutes. She is going to be your doctor.”

She. Thank Christ for that.

“Are you freaking?” Sophia’s soft voice says behind me.

“No,” I say, shaking my head.

I cross my arms and lean back on the vent. Sophia looks down, pressing her lips between her teeth.

“I am.”

Pushing off the vent, I come right up to her bedside. Without saying anything, I tip her chin back and kiss her. Her soft lips meld with mine. When her body relaxes into the pillows, I stand back up, half smiling at her. She shakes her head and giggles.

“Listen,” she says suddenly.

I follow her gaze to the monitor. The sound of our baby’s heart blows my mind with how fast it beats. I heard this before at our doctor's appointments, but it seemed that they always fucking turned it off too soon. Holy shit. Leaning to the side, my smile stretches wide across my face.

“I love it.”

She smiles, pushing her elbows back against the pillows, but then it fades quickly.

“It’s happening again,” she says.

What? Then I realize she must be having another contraction. I glance down at the machine, which is a few seconds behind and see the light marks climb. By the time I see them descending, Sophia is already getting relaxed again. Holy shit. This is gonna be a crazy night.

A couple hours pass and the doctor pretty much tells us what we already knew. Since she’s only thirty-four weeks, they were thinking about the possibility of delaying labor, but when they found out her water broke and that she was already dilated to a four, they had no choice but to deliver.

Dilation. Sophia made me learn that shit. Fucking woman.

“Tristan,”
she would tease, making the nurse show me with her fucking hands how wide open my girl is.

Now the lights in the room are dimmed. Sophia’s been trying to crash for the last hour. Her parents got here a little while ago, dropping off her things. They’re out in the waiting room now. They could’ve stayed, but Joe just looked kind of uncomfortable. Her old man is cool.

Thea, she just wants Sophia to get as much rest right now as she can. She told me to let her know when she wakes. I know she’s not sleeping that well. Her contractions are coming faster and harder now than they were when we first got here. At the time, she insisted on not getting anything, but I think she’s gonna be changing her mind real soon. Sweat beads on her forehead and some pieces of her hair stick to the sides of her cheekbones.

“Tristan.”

Her voice sounds so delicate. Seeing her like this and the way she sounds crushes my chest. Fuck, I wish she would just take the fucking epidural!

“Yeah, my girl?” I squat down, gently rubbing my fingers over her damp scalp.

“Can you get me some ice or something, please?”

Fuck. My heart stings again.

“Be right back. You want me get someone in here?”

“What for?”

Yeah, I don’t think the epidural is on her mind yet.

Walking past the waiting room, I tap my knuckles on the large glass window as I head for the nurses’ station. Joe’s passed out with his neck tipped back and his mouth wide open. Thea’s head snaps up from her iPad and she gets up and walks toward me. Halfway there, she realizes she’s still carrying it in her hand and turns around, sticking it in her purse, which she brings back with her.

I gesture to the room with my thumb so she knows to just head in as I hunt for Sophia’s ice. Maybe we should get someone back in there and see how she’s doing, too. I don’t know anything about this.

“Can I help you?” Some young nurse grins up at me.

“Ice. And if someone could check on her...?”

The nurse does that fake sweet smile shit.

“Terri is actually doing checks right now. She’s your nurse for the evening.”

She turns in her chair and walks around the corner. After a minute, she brings me back the cup of ice.

Taking it from her, I get back to the room in what seems like a few strides. Sophia is sitting up now, already looking totally wiped out. Reaching out, I hand her the cup. Her hands wrap around the Styrofoam. She picks out an ice chip and pops it into her mouth.

“How are you feeling?”

Sophia and her mom both chuckle.

“It sucks and I want it over with.”

She holds onto her belly and smiles. Her eyes still light, but her pace is pale. Only she would try to seem unfazed, but it clearly fucking shows.

“You should get the epidural,” I say to her, ignoring Thea’s small gasp beside me.

“I’m good.”

She tries to grin again but stops when she has another contraction. Taking her small, sweaty hand in mine, I let her clamp down. Her nails dig into my skin but she still manages to stay fucking quiet.

“Sophia mentioned that Frankie is on his way.”

Thea smiles at me, knowing probably damn well he’s a character. I think she’s trying to get Sophia’s mind off the shit she’s going through.

“Yeah, I don’t know when, though.”

“Fuck…” she breathes out when the contraction is over.

Blinking up at me, her hand loosens in mine.

“Now that one... that one was brutal.”

She tries to chuckle, but has no air in her lungs it seems to push it out.

“Hello,” says a female voice I’m guessing is probably Terri. “How are you holding up?” she asks Sophia as she looks down at the chart, then begins checking Sophia over.

“Um… do you want them in here?” Terri asks Sophia quietly.

I already know what’s about to happen and believe me, I don’t want to fucking see it, so I head back over to my usual spot by the window. Thea steps back a few feet and looks at Sophia.

“I’m going to get a pop. I’ll be right back.”

She smiles and walks out. Crossing my arms, I stare out and wait ’til it’s over.

“Doing good, Sophia. You’re at a seven now. Doctor Millinger will be stopping by again in about an hour to check on you herself. But do you need anything right now?”

Sophia shakes her and settles herself down into the sheets.

The next hour goes from bad to worse.

“Fuck, Tristan. I think I’m gonna get sick,” she moans, pieces of her hair falling loose from her braid.

Ah, fuck. Grabbing a plastic bag, I bring it over to her. She dry heaves, but after a few tries, barely any liquid comes out.

“Ah, this sucks so bad,” she moans through another heave.

Watching my girl go through this is breaking me. Fuck! In some way I feel so fucking bad that I did this to her.

When she’s done, she lazily brushes the back of her hand against her mouth, her chest rising and falling with each heavy breath she takes. Her eyes barely open, she stares at me for a second before closing them. Then, everything changes…

Chapter Twenty-Four

Sophia

This is un-fucking believable. The pain isn’t even where I always imagined it would be, either. Yeah, my belly gets hard as a rock which is really uncomfortable, but it’s that stabbing, burning pain I feel in my lower back that makes me want to puke. I’m trying not to be bitchy, so I just keep my mouth closed.

Tristan hovers over me like a shadow, his forearm flexing beneath my nails when a couple of those bastards come on. But now I don’t even have the energy to hold his arm. How in the fuck am I going to push a baby out? I know this is really shitty timing, but I’m kind of starting to second guess this whole baby thing.

My vision is blurred when I catch a glimpse of the door opening. I see white. It’s the doctor. She’s an older lady with her white hair perfectly pinned up.

“How are you feeling, Sophia?”

Why does everyone fucking ask me that? Look at me, for fuck’s sake! She goes over and washes her hands in the sink. Another fucking check. I hate those, too.

“Okay, Sophia. Can you scoot down for me, please?”

My knee jerks automatically at the feel of her glove covered hand resting on my knee.

“I know, sweetie,” she says, her green eyes warm. She knows how awful this is.

I wince when her hand enters me. Twisting my head to the side, I close my eyes tight.

“Wow, okay…” she says, then gently releases me. “Sophia, I think it’s time for you to meet your child.”

Doctor Millinger beams down at me as she removes her gloves, stepping onto the lever for the trash can. What? If I had the energy to smile or cry, I would, but fear takes over. What if I fuck up? Five years, twenty fucking years? And the thought of Tristan’s mom. Oh my God!

Snapping me out of my panic attack is the sharp burn not even creeping anymore, but full on slamming into my back. Closing my eyes tight, I grab the side railings of the bed. Fuck, this hurts.

“Terri, call neonatal,” my doctor says to the nurse with her eyes still on me.

Tristan’s dark eyes widen. I think maybe the panic has gotten to him, too, but my mom stands back, smiling at me.

“Are you two going to be here for the delivery?” the doctor asks, looking at my mom first, then Tristan.

Tristan doesn’t even have to reply back, but my mom nods.

“Great!” She smiles at them. “You two will come in handy.”

Every second that ticks by feels like an hour as nurses come and go these next few minutes. Tristan steps out of their way, watching me from behind them. My legs begin to shake. My nerves completely fucking shot, my body feels the intense burn again.

“Ah…” I whimper.

Roger was right; it does make you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. If the doctor’s hands aren’t down there in a few minutes, I’m pushing this baby out. Tristan’s hand rubs my back as I scoot to the edge of the bed.

The doctor wheels her chair over and another nurse I don’t know pushes in a large, clear incubator. Gawd, I hope my baby doesn’t have to go in there. Terri comes up beside my doctor. Standing on the other side of Tristan, she places a tray beside Millinger. I can’t see what’s on it, but judging by how far Tristan’s eyebrows shoot up, I don’t want to fucking know.

My mom walks over to the right side of me; the doctor looks up at Tristan, then her.

“Okay you two, time to be useful,” she grins. “Grab a foot.”

Oh, fuck. My legs tremble, my foot shaking lightly when my mom grips the bottom of it, wrapping her other arm around my knee so my leg is pushed out away from me. Tristan watches her for a moment and does the same thing. My geed is totally bared now. . I catch a glimpse with the doctor's mirror that sits on a wire stand beside her. Oh, fuck that.

Closing my eyes tight, I press my chin down to my chest.

“Do you really need the mirror?” I croak.

“You don’t want to see, Sophia?”

My mom asks me like I must be out of my mind. I shake my head no.

“Get that out of here,” I hear Tristan mumble.

I press my foot into his palm. He bends over me and holds my back up when the doctor gets in closer to me. That fucking burn consumes me again.

“All right, Sophia. I’m going to need you to push down as if you were making a bowel movement.”

I’m already on that. Pushing once scared me, but now it feels like a relief. Gritting my teeth hard, I bear down. Chaos may be going on around me, but the blood pumping in my ears drowns it all out. I don’t even hear them counting. Pushing ’til my body just can’t anymore, I fall back onto Tristan’s arm.

“Shit,” I breathe.

“Fuck, Sophia,” Tristan’s voice cracks and my eyes snap open.

Tears pool at the rims of his eyes, causing them to look bloodshot. Oh, my God. Everything evaporates when I stare at him for a moment, then the stabbing is back. It never really went away before, just dulled. Pulling my lips tightly into my mouth, I look back down and push, groaning when I feel a small burn down there. I hear the sound of metal clinking. The doctor must have just used something because Tristan’s body tenses beside mine.

“Okay. Again, Sophia.”

Fuck, I just got done! Sobs begin to choke me as my body tries to push.

“You’re doing good,” and “Almost there,” I hear in the background.

“Holy shit,” Tristan hisses and opening my eyes, I instantly notice what he meant.

All I can see is this little round dark head. My mom chokes on her own cry as she keeps gripping my foot.

“Are you ready to meet your baby?” the doctor asks when I feel her fingers pressing into me. “Push, Sophia.”

Biting my lip hard, my braid sticks to the back of my neck as I bear down with every last fucking ounce of me that I have. Something feeling like a whoosh leaves me and my body instantly relaxes. I blink my tired eyes open. I hear the sound of a faint gurgle followed by a whimper and tears flow down my cheeks.

“Here’s your baby girl.”

She rests the most beautiful thing I have ever seen onto me. Tristan falls to his knees and leans over us, tears streaking his handsome face and getting lost in his facial hair. My daughter’s tiny chest wails so good. Relief floods me that her little lungs are that powerful.

“Oh, my God,” my mom cries beside me. “She’s so perfect.”

The nurse comes over and grabs her from my chest.

“We need to clean this little one up and do vitals.”

My body feels shockingly cold when she is taken from me. Watching the nurses’ backs, I try to catch a glimpse of my baby girl. Tristan squeezes my hand and heads over, already being a protective dad. My heart aches in a good way as I watch him looking down at her. Being so tall, he can easily look over the nurses’ heads. His tears drying on his cheeks, he looks down in admiration.

“Five pounds, ten ounces. What a good little eater already,” the neonatal nurse coos.

Tristan tosses his head back with laughter shaking his chest before he glances over at me.

“What’s her name?” he asks, his eyes excited.

I smile at him for a moment, then I notice the nurse bringing me my baby girl.

“She’s perfect,” she smiles warmly at me.

My daughter’s whimpers shake her little body. Lowering the corner of my gown, I reach out and bring her to me. Her little mouth tries so hard at first, then finally latches on. The whimpers stop and I look up at Tristan, whose eyes light up when he looks down at me. He kisses my forehead, his thumb running circles across my scalp.

“I love you,” he says, his lips feathering across my skin.

When he pulls away, he gently lays his lips on her tiny head, the corners of his mouth smiling.

“She’s a little papoose,” my mom’s voice beams.

I can’t believe the thick, dark hair this little one has already. I admire her tiny features.

“What’s her name, darling?” Doctor Millinger asks me.

Smiling down at my baby, my insides burst with a name that fits this tiny soul so perfectly.

“Scarlet.”

Tristan

We’ve been back out in L.A. for almost a month now. Bitching about being tired before has nothing on how tired we are now. I feel helpless since Sophia decided to breast feed. I pretty much just change diapers. I don’t fucking care, though. I love watching my girls every day.

My girls. I love the fucking sound of that. Stretching out, I notice the empty space where Sophia should be. It’s still dark out and I turn over to check my phone for the time. Two a.m.

Climbing out of bed, I head for Scarlet’s room which is right next to ours. My eyes adjust to the dark. Her door is open but the lights are off as Sophia rocks our baby in front of the window, just the light of the night pouring in.

Goddamn, my heart stops. Sophia gently sings down to our daughter as she feeds. I watch, holding onto the doorframe. She’s singing
The Rose
as she smiles down at her, her other hand cupping the baby’s small head. She’s so fucking beautiful.

Letting go of the frame, I slowly stalk over to her. Breathing deeply, I drop to my knees. Sophia’s chin is still bent down over Scarlet’s head but her eyes are watching me.

“Marry me,” I whisper.

Sophia’s blue eyes search my face. It feels like my heart is about to explode when she finally whispers,

“Yes…”