Every Seventh Wave (20 page)

Thirty seconds later

Re:

What do you mean by “it”?

Forty seconds later

Re:

The future.

One minute later

Re:

I see the “future” as feminine, and (therefore) totally unreliable. First let's make a go of “togetherness,” I think that would be appropriate, more businesslike, very much an “it.” That would be it. Possibly. Probably.

Forty seconds later

Re:

Emmi, I knew ultimately that it would all be about what YOU could imagine! And please tell me the difference between “your” togetherness and “my” affair.

Fifty seconds later

Re:

The aspiration, the intention, the goal. An affair will run its course. Togetherness is staying together, so that we might, at last, have a wonderful life together.

Three minutes later

Re:

Dear Emmi,

O.K., let's imagine staying together in our (planned) togetherness of a wonderful life together. Now, I'm sorry, but I've got to ask this question: Could you imag … Would you separate from Bernhard? Would you get a divorce?

Twenty seconds later

Re:

No.

Forty seconds later

Re:

All right then, forget it!

Thirty seconds later

Re:

Dear Leo,

Don't just say “All right then, forget it.” Ask me instead:

“Why not?”

Forty seconds later

Re:

Why should I ask you that, Emmi?

Fifty seconds later

Re:

Don't ask why you should be asking me. Ask me instead why I wouldn't get a divorce!

Thirty seconds later

Re:

Dear Emmi,

I'm not going to have you tell me what I should be asking you. It's still up to me to ask you what I ask you. So: why wouldn't you get a divorce?

Twenty seconds later

Re:

Because I'm already divorced.

Two minutes later

Re:

No!

Twelve minutes later

Re:

Yes, I really am. Since 11:33 a.m. on November 17, roughly half a year ago. You may have already wiped this unpleasant chapter from your memory, but it was around the time of our three-month break from writing to each other, after my nighttime visit in the fog, after I announced T-H-E E-N-D in big letters. That was when I moved out. That's when I told Bernhard everything about us, or rather, about the second part of our story, the part he didn't already know. That was when we officially agreed, quite amicably and without apportioning any blame, that our marriage was no longer in such great shape, and that it had become stuck in a dreadful rut. That's when we drew the conclusions. That's when we separated. Yes, that's how it was. And it was the right thing to have done. And it was good that we did it. It hurt, but only a little bit. The children didn't even notice. Nothing much changed in our daily routine. We stayed together as a family.

Forty seconds later

Re:

Why did you keep it a secret from me?

One minute later

Re:

I didn't keep it a secret from you, Leo, I just didn't tell you. It wasn't so, so, so … important, yes, it wasn't so important. Actually it was no more than a formal act. I was going to mention it at some point. But then “Pam” got in the way. She was practically there on your doorstep. And then, somehow, I didn't think it would be appropriate.

Forty seconds later

Re:

But, Emmi, you and Bernhard—just the two of you—went on that idyllic vacation of reconciliation to the Canary Islands.

Thirty seconds later

Re:

It wasn't an idyllic vacation of reconciliation, it was a harmonious vacation of convenience. And on a scale of good vacations, they're about as far apart as you can possibly get emotionally. We were at peace with one other.

Forty seconds later

Re:

So much at peace that you moved back in with him afterward. I saw that as an unmistakable sign of the strength of your relationship.

Eight minutes later

Re:

And I saw that as an unmistakable sign of your knack for totally misunderstanding things when there's absolutely no room for misunderstanding! My proposal from La Gomera couldn't have been any more explicit, but you declined it by not listening to it. In true Leo fashion you let the waves surge past you. Ever since we've known each other you've slept through one seventh wave after another, my love.

Forty seconds later

Re:

And that's why you opted for Bernhard and moved back in with him. Where's the misunderstanding in that?

Five minutes later

Re:

No, Leo. We merely resumed our domestic arrangement of living together for a common purpose. It meant I was better able to look after the children when he was on tour. It also meant that I was no longer sitting in the Leo waiting room, staring at the blank walls.

Fifty seconds later

Re:

I didn't know that.

Thirty seconds later

Re:

I know.

Forty seconds later

Re:

All this is new and unfamiliar, but it feels pretty good to know.

Thirty seconds later

Re:

I'm delighted for you.

Three minutes later

Re:

So what now?

Fifty seconds later

Re:

Now I think I need a whisky.

Thirty seconds later

Re:

And after that?

Two minutes later

Re:

After that you can ask me again whether I'd like to come over to your place. In the meantime you can start practicing your gorse-bush look and counting waves.

Five minutes later

Re:

Finished the whisky yet?

Thirty seconds later

Re:

Yes.

Twenty seconds later

Re:

Are you coming?

Fifteen seconds later

Re:

Yes.

Thirty seconds later

Re:

Really?

Twenty seconds later

Re:

Yes.

Twenty-five seconds later

Re:

See you soon.

Twenty seconds later

Re:

Yes.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Three months later

Subject: (no subject)

Are you online, my sweet? Did I leave my mobile round at yours this morning? Could you have a look? 1) Dressing-gown pocket. 2) Black jeans (in the washing basket—hope you haven't washed them yet). 3) On the chest of drawers in the hall. Best would be if you gave it a call and listened out for it.

Kiss.

E.

Two minutes later

Subject: (no subject)

Don't worry, just found it. Really looking forward to seeing you!!

E.

Three hours later

Re:

Hello, darling, lovely to read you! Lovely to write to you. We should do this more often. A thousand kisses. And make sure you're hungry!

See you soon,

Leo