"Then who?"
At first I was reluctant to tell him. Then I realized that I wanted to, because
we really had become close friends after the past few weeks of spending time
together. He always had time to listen, and he took my opinions seriously, even
though I was younger and so much more sheltered than he was. Now Balthazar's
perspective meant something to me, too. "Lucas Ross."
"The underdog wins a round." Balthazar didn't seem very pleased. Then
again, why would he be pleased when I told him about some other guy I liked
more? "I can see what you see in him."
"You can?"
"Sure. He's a good-looking guy, I guess."
"That's not it." I wanted him to know what I truly meant. "It's
not like I haven't noticed that Lucas's attractive. But he's the only person
who understands what it's like for me."
"I could understand. Or I could try." Balthazar glanced downward, and
I realized that, as cool as he was playing it, this conversation was tough for
him. "No more pleading. I promise."
As gently as I could, I said, "You belong here, Balthazar. That's why you
can't understand what it's like for the rest of us who don't."
"You could belong here if you wanted to."
"I don't."
He raised one eyebrow. "Then you'll have some problems down the
line."
"That's not what I mean." Balthazar was trying to speak about the
future, years and years away, and I didn't want to think about that when things
were confusing enough already. "I'm talking about high school. You've been
around and seen the world. I don't think you can realize how—how big this place
is for me. How frightening it feels. If I let myself, I could fall into the
trap of letting Evernight decide who and what I am. That's not what I want.
Lucas feels the same way."
Balthazar considered that for a few seconds. Finally he nodded. I didn't think
I'd convinced him, but he'd heard me. "Lucas's not a bad person," he
admitted. "Not as far as I know him, anyway. I've seen him stand up for
students who were being picked on, and the things he talks about in class—he's
smart."
I smiled. After weeks of doubting Lucas, it felt good to hear someone saying
nice things about him.
Balthazar wasn't done. "But he has a hot temper. You saw his fight with
Erich, so you know that." I felt guiltily grateful that Balthazar knew
nothing about what had happened in the Riverton pizza parlor. "He's
defensive, too. I can see how Evernight might make somebody like him defensive,
but that doesn't change that he's sometimes—"
"Volatile," I finished. "Yes, I've seen it. I don't know if
we'll ever get together, because of that. But you deserve to know what I'm
feeling."
"All I'm saying is, watch yourself. If he hurts you, get out fast."
He gave me a crooked smile. "Then maybe I can catch you on the
rebound."
I put one hand on his arm. "I should be so lucky."
Balthazar kissed my forehead. He smelled like pipe smoke and leather, and I halfway
wished I'd waited to say all this until after I'd gotten to really kiss him at
least once. "Ready to go inside?" he asked.
"A few more minutes. I like it out here. Besides, you can see the stars
tonight."
"That's right. You love astronomy." He put his hands in his trouser
pockets and walked alongside me as we continued into the woods, peering up at
the constellations that winked through the leaf-bare branches overhead.
"That's Orion, isn't it?"
"Yes. The Hunter." I lifted one hand to outline the legs, the belt,
the arm stretching upward to deliver a blow. "See the really bright star
in his shoulder? That's Betelgeuse."
"Which one is it?" Probably Balthazar didn't really care much about
astronomy, but I thought he was relieved to have something to talk about
besides his romantic disappointment. I knew how he felt.
"Here, lean down." As he bent beside me, I guided one of his arms
upward, so that his own finger pointed to the star. "Do you see it
now?"
Balthazar smiled. "I think so. Isn't there a nebula in Orion?"
"Yeah, halfway down. I'll show you."
A voice behind us said, "Bianca?"
We both whirled around. I'd recognized the voice immediately but hadn't
believed my own ears. Maybe hope was misleading me. But there in the darkness
stood Lucas in his uniform. He was glaring—not at me, not even at us together,
but at Balthazar.
I whispered, "Lucas, what are you doing here?"
"Making sure you're okay."
Balthazar didn't like that. He straightened up. "Bianca is completely
safe."
"It's late. It's dark. You've got her out here alone."
"She walked out here of her own free will." Then Balthazar took a
deep breath, obviously working to calm himself. "If you'd rather be
Bianca's escort, maybe that would be best."
Lucas was clearly taken aback. He'd expected a fight, not resignation.
"I'll come in with you," I told Balthazar. Regardless of what we'd
just talked about, or how I felt, he was my date. I owed him that.
But Balthazar shook his head. "That's okay. I don't feel like dancing
anymore."
Confused and embarrassed, I slipped off the tuxedo jacket, bracing myself
against the cool air, and said, "Thanks. For everything."
"If you need me, let me know." As he shrugged his jacket back on,
Balthazar shot Lucas a look, then walked back toward the school alone.
As soon as Balthazar had left us, I muttered, "That was completely
unnecessary."
"He was leaning over you. Looming."
"I was showing him the stars!" I hugged myself, trying to stay warm.
"Did you think he was about to kiss me?"
"No."
"Liar," I retorted.
Lucas groaned. "Okay, I was trying to keep him away from you. I couldn't
just watch that guy put the moves on you and not do something about it."
Then he took off his school blazer and offered it to me. It wasn't as elegant a
gesture as it had been from Balthazar—but then, from Balthazar it had been
simple good manners, the kind of behavior that was part of being a gentleman.
Lucas, I thought, was desperate to do anything to show that he could take care
of me, at least a little.
I took the jacket from him and slipped into it. The lining was still warm from
his body. "Thank you."
"Shame to cover up the dress." He looked me up and down, a smile
tugging at one corner of his mouth.
"Don't flirt with me." Part of me wanted to hear Lucas flirting all
night, but I knew that we had to have this conversation, now. "Talk to
me."
"Okay. We'll talk."
After that, of course, neither of us knew exactly what to say. Mostly to stall
for time, I kept walking, Lucas by my side. We heard a rustling in the leaves
far away, but then we heard giggling. Apparently other couples were sneaking
out into the woods tonight. From the sound of things, they were having more fun
than we were.
I finally realized I'd have to speak first. "You shouldn't have said that
about my parents."
"I was out of line." Lucas sighed. "They care about you. Anybody
can see that."
"Then why were you being so weird about them?"
He considered that, clearly unsure how to answer. "We haven't talked much
about my mom."
I blinked. "No. I guess we haven't."
"She's kind of intense." Lucas stared at his feet as we walked across
a thick, soft carpet of brown pine needles. Nearby an apple tree was surrounded
by fallen fruit that nobody had picked, each apple now brown and soft. Their
sweet scent gentled the air. "She tries to run my whole life for me, and
she comes pretty close."
"I have a lot of trouble imagining anybody bossing you around."
"That's because you haven't met Mom."
"She'll change as you get older," I suggested. "I know my
parents used to be a lot more protective than they are."
"She's not like your parents." Lucas laughed, and the sound was
strange for some reason I couldn't define. "Mom sees the world in black
and white. You have to be strong to make it, she says. As far as she's
concerned, the world only has two kinds of people in it: predators and
prey."
"That sounds—hard core."
"Hard core is a good term for her. She has very definite ideas about who I
should be and what I should do. I might not agree with her all the time, but,
you know—she's still my mom. What she says has an effect on me." He sighed
heavily. "That's probably not much of an explanation, but it has a lot to
do with how I behaved in Riverton."
The more I thought about what Lucas was saying, the more I realized how much it
explained. Lucas had assumed that my parents were trying to run my life because
his mother always tried to run his. "I get it. I really do."
"It's cold." Lucas took my hand. My heart fluttered faster.
"Come on. Let's get back to the school."
We walked together toward Evernight, stepping out of the woods onto the
grounds, where we could see the brilliant lights in the great hall and the
silhouettes of dancing couples. I imagined the way this night might have gone
if Lucas and I had never argued and he'd been my date to the Autumn Ball. It
was almost too perfect to think about. "I don't want to go inside
yet."
"It's cold."
"Your jacket is keeping me warm."
"Yeah, but it isn't keeping
me
warm." He grinned at me. Lucas
always seemed older than me, except when he smiled.
"Wait just a little," I pleaded, tugging him toward the gazebo where
we'd met. "We'll keep each other warm."
"Well, when you put it that way—"
We sat down in the gazebo, stars above clouded by the thick ivy, and Lucas put
his arms around me. I lay my head against his shoulder. Just like that, all the
doubt and confusion I'd felt for the past few weeks was gone. I'd been happy
during the ball itself, but only because I'd forgotten myself in the whirl.
This was different. I knew where I was—who I was—and I was completely at peace.
Although I remembered all the reasons I'd doubted Lucas, when we were as close
as this, I could trust him completely. I wasn't afraid of anything in the
world. It was safe to let go. Closing my eyes, I nuzzled my face into the curve
of his neck. Lucas shivered, and I didn't think it was because of the cold.
"You know I'm only looking out for you, right?" he whispered. I could
feel his lips brushing against my forehead. "I want to keep you
safe."
"I don't need you to protect me from danger, Lucas." I slipped my
arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. "I need you to protect me
from being lonely. Don't fight for me. Be with me. That's what I need."
He laughed, a strange, sad sound. "You need somebody to look out for you.
Make sure everything's okay. I want to be that guy."
I lifted my face to his. We were so close that my eyelashes brushed his chin,
and I could feel the warmth of body heat in the small space between our mouths.
It took all my courage to say, "Lucas, all I need is you."
Lucas touched my cheek, then brushed his lips against mine. That first touch
stole my breath, but I already knew that I wasn't afraid any longer. I was with
Lucas, and nothing could ever hurt me.
I kissed him, and my dreams had told me the truth—I did know how to kiss Lucas.
How to touch him. The knowledge had been inside me all the time, waiting for
the spark that would make it catch fire and come alive. Lucas crushed me so
hard against his chest that I could hardly breathe. We kissed deep and slow,
hard and soft, a thousand different ways. All of it was right.
His blazer fell from my shoulders, exposing my arms and back to the cool night
air. His hands slid upward to cover me, and I could feel his palms upon my
shoulder blades and his fingertips on my spine. The feel of his skin against
mine was so good—better than I'd guessed it could be—and my head fell backward
as I sighed in delight. Lucas kissed my mouth, my cheek, my ear, my throat.
"Bianca." His whisper was soft against my skin. Lucas's lips were
brushing against the hollow of my throat. "We should stop."
"I don't want to stop."
"Out here—we shouldn't get—carried away—"
"You don't have to stop." I kissed his hair and his forehead. All I could
think about was that he belonged to me now, me and no one else.
When our lips met again, the kiss was different—charged, almost desperate.
Lucas and I were breathing faster, not able to speak. Nothing in the world
existed except him and the thrumming deep inside me, the one that insisted he
was
mine, mine, mine
.
His fingers brushed the slim strap of my dress, until it slipped down my
shoulder, exposing the very top curve of my breast. Lucas traced the line from
my ear to my shoulder with his thumb. I wanted him to go further, to touch me
in every way I needed to be touched. My mind was clouded, almost like I couldn't
think at all; there was only my body and what it demanded from me. I knew what
I had to do, even if I couldn't imagine it yet. I knew.
Stop,
I told myself. But Lucas and I were past stopping. I needed him,
all of him, now.
I took his face in my hands and pressed my lips softly to his mouth, his chin,
and his neck. I could see his pulse throbbing just beneath the skin, and then
the hunger was too much to hold back.
I bit into Lucas's throat, hard. I heard him gasp in pain and shock, but in
that moment the blood rushed over my tongue. The thick metallic taste of it
spread through me like fire, hot and uncontrollable and dangerous and
beautiful. I swallowed, and the feel of Lucas's blood in my throat was sweeter
than anything else I'd ever known.
Lucas tried to push away from me, but he was already weak. As he began to slump
backward, I caught him in my arms so that I could keep drinking deeply. I felt
as though I were drawing his soul into me along with his blood. We had never
been closer than this.
Mine,
I thought.
Mine.
Then Lucas went completely limp. He'd passed out. That realization crashed into
me like a wave of cold water, shocking me out of the trance.
I gasped and let Lucas go. He fell bonelessly to the floor of the gazebo with a
thud. The wide gash my teeth had left in his throat was dark and wet in the
moonlight, glistening like spilled ink. A small stream of blood trickled across
the wood and pooled around a small silver star that had fallen from my hair.
"Help," I choked out. It was hardly more than a whisper. My lips were
still sticky and hot with Lucas's blood. "Somebody, please. Help!"