Evernight (15 page)

That I'd bitten him the night of the Autumn Ball, not meaning to hurt him but
because I'd wanted to be near him so much.
The words gushed out of me. It was a mess, really; I'd never tried to tell
these secrets before and I kept repeating myself, putting things badly, or
asking questions I wasn't sure of the answer to. That didn't matter. What
mattered was telling Lucas the truth at last.
Finally, I wrote:

Before I could talk myself out of it, I quickly hit Send. As soon as I'd done
it, a chill swept through me. What if Lucas didn't listen to me? What if the
e-mail I'd sent didn't convince him to remain silent—but instead just provided
him with evidence?
Maybe I should have regretted it, but I didn't. Maybe Lucas couldn't trust me
any longer, but I still trusted him.
I didn't really expect Lucas to answer. However, expectations are different
from hopes. I kept rechecking my e-mail that whole next day, and the next, and
then throughout Christmas Day, whenever I could slip away from the unwrapping
of gifts.
No answer from Lucas.
New Year's Day. Nothing.
I'd told myself that the truth was worth telling for its own sake, and I believed
it. But that didn't make it any easier to face the fact that my confession had
meant nothing. Lucas was still gone for good.

When the students returned to the school, I stood on the
front steps, hoping to see a friendly face. I knew Lucas wouldn't return.
Although I kept fantasizing that I saw him, it was just my imagination playing
cruel tricks. In some ways, I told myself, today would be a turning point. When
Lucas didn't show, I'd at least be certain. Instead of torturing myself with
useless wishes for something that couldn't be, I could face the hard facts and
force myself to keep going.
If I was going to do that, I'd need the few friends I still had at Evernight.
I glimpsed Raquel making her way through the crowd, huddled over and nervous. I
realized why she was so nervous when I turned my head and saw Erich watching
her intently from the top of the steps. Quickly I went to her side and
shouldered one of her bags. "You came back," I said. "I wasn't
sure you would."
"I didn't want to." Raquel kept staring down at her feet. "No
offense. I would've missed you. But I didn't want to see
him
again." There was no need to explain who she was talking about.
"Didn't you tell your parents?" I'd figured they would call Mrs.
Bethany, furious that Erich hadn't been expelled, and maybe withdraw Raquel
from the academy altogether.
She shrugged. "They thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. They
always do."
I remembered how moved Raquel had been when I'd said that I believed her; now I
understood why. "I'm sorry."
"Whatever. I'm back. I have to deal. Besides, I lost my favorite bracelet
here right before the break. Had to come back to find that, at least."
I glanced over my shoulder at Erich. His dark eyes remained locked on us. When
he saw me watching him, one corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. Disgusted, I
turned my head back toward the crowd—
Lucas.
No. It couldn't be. It was just my imagination trying to fool me again, so that
I'd get my hopes up. There was no way Lucas would ever come back to Evernight,
not after what he'd seen and what I'd told him.
But then the crowds parted, and I saw him clearly, and I realized that I was
right. Lucas had returned.
There he was, just a few steps away. He looked scruffier than he had before—his
bronze hair unruly, his threadbare navy sweater more beat-up than his Evernight
uniform was. On him, it looked amazing.
I brightened when I saw him; I couldn't help it. As soon as our eyes met, Lucas
turned away, like he didn't know what else to do. It felt like a slap in the
face.
My first impulse was to drop Raquel's bag and flee to the restroom before I started
bawling right there on the steps. But that second, a plaid blur raced by me and
tackled Lucas from behind. "Lucas!" crowed Vic. "My man! You're
back."
"Get off me." Lucas laughed as he pushed Vic away.
"Check it out." Vic fished in his backpack and pulled out an
honest-to-God pith helmet, like they used to wear in old safari movies. He
showed it to me and Lucas both; apparently Vic hadn't realized that we weren't
standing together. "How great is that?"
"You're never going to get away with wearing that to class," I said,
pretending that everything was okay. Maybe Lucas would pretend, too, and that
would give me an opening to talk to him. "They let you wear the Chucks,
but I think a pith helmet is pushing it."
"I intend to wear it around Casa del Lucas y Victor." Vic placed the
hat on his head to demonstrate. "For casual relaxation and study time.
Whattaya think, Lucas?"
Nobody answered. Lucas had already vanished into the crowd.
Vic turned back to me, clearly confused by his roommate's disappearing act. I was
confused, too—but I couldn't imagine why Lucas had come back at all.
Obviously it was going to take Lucas a while before he could talk to me again.
Given what he'd learned about me, Evernight, and vampires, I figured he
probably deserved as much time as he needed. Until then, there was nothing for
me to do but wait.

* * *

A
couple of days later, as I got ready for class, I pretended to be really
fascinated by Patrice's tales of her Swiss holiday.
"I'm always shocked that there are people who claim to prefer skiing in
Colorado." Patrice wrinkled her nose. Did she honestly think every place
in America was tacky? Or was she compensating for something, pretending to be
more sophisticated than she really was? Now that I kept so many secrets myself,
I was starting not to take everyone at face value. "Switzerland is so much
more civilized, I think. And you meet a more interesting cross section of
people."
"I don't like skiing," I said blithely as I brushed on my mascara.
"Snowboarding's more exciting."
"What?" Patrice just stared at me. I'd never dared disagree with any
of her opinions before. Even on a subject as unimportant as skiing versus
snowboarding, apparently, she didn't like being contradicted.
Before I could state my case, the door burst open. It was Courtney, who
actually looked rumpled—Courtney, who had perfectly polished hair and makeup
even when you ran into her in the bathroom at two
A.M
. "Have you guys seen
Erich?"
"Erich?" Patrice raised an eyebrow. "I don't remember inviting
him to my bedroom. Did you, Bianca?"
"Not last night, anyway."
"Cut the sarcasm, okay?" Courtney snapped. "I would think you'd
care that one of your classmates is missing. Somebody runs away, and you act
like it's a big joke. Genevieve's crying her eyes out over here."
"Wait, Erich's missing?" Raquel appeared in the doorway, along with a
couple of the other students, all in various stages of readiness for class. The
news was traveling fast.
"You know his roommate, David? He only just got back today."
Courtney's concern, I noticed, wasn't too deep for her to enjoy being the
center of attention. With relish, she continued, "David says that Erich's
room looks like it's been ransacked. The place is completely trashed! And
there's no sign of Erich at all. He and Genevieve were supposed to hang out
this weekend, and now she's crushed."
"We'll only laugh silently from now on," Raquel promised, obviously
not that worried about Erich. Who could blame her? Courtney scowled at us, then
flounced out again.
Later that morning, on the way to our first class, Raquel muttered, "I
just bet Genevieve hates missing out on that prime opportunity for date
rape."
"I guess Erich got sick of school," I said. "I hear that every
year, a lot of students leave before the term is up." Of course, I knew
that Erich had been just one of the dozens of vampires who came to Evernight to
learn the ropes of the modern day, got bored with being treated like a student,
and took off to amuse himself elsewhere. Or maybe Mrs. Bethany had seen the
danger in him that I had seen, and she'd ordered him to leave the premises
immediately.
"The students who escape are the smart ones. Which makes me surprised that
Erich was the first to leave." Raquel paused. "They seem awfully sure
that he ran away, given that he didn't talk to anybody about it. And you'd
think he would've cut out over Christmas break, if he was going to go. Do you
think the cops are coming? They ought to at least be asking us questions."
"Probably he just called his parents to come pick him up, ship him off to
some other fancy boarding school. Mrs. Bethany knows all about it, I'm sure.
Courtney's just being a drama queen."
"Yeah, that wouldn't be a surprise. And he's just the kind of jerk who'd
trash his room before he left to make a mess somebody else would have to clean
up." But Raquel didn't appear to be convinced. "They should be asking
questions, though. The teachers, and maybe even the cops."
"Everybody just found out." The whole subject made me uneasy.
"Give it time."
"People at this school act like it's no big deal when a student
disappears." Shaking her head, Raquel said, "What I said last
semester goes double now. I am never coming back here next year."
I wondered if that was what Erich had said.
Everyone behaved strangely the rest of the day. Students were distracted in
class, placing bets about where Erich had gone. David pointed out that Erich
had taken all his books and papers but left his clothes behind—pretty much the
opposite of his usual priorities. I kept waiting for Mrs. Bethany to call an
assembly and offer some kind of explanation, but she never did.
That night, I found myself hanging out in the turret stairwell, the one with
narrow windows one brick wide that provided the best view of the gravel pathway
that led from the main road to the school. I didn't expect to see Erich down
there, but all the same, I was waiting for something.
"So, I guess the police won't come."
I turned from the window to see Lucas standing a few steps behind me. He wore
the black version of the uniform, and the light from the next story's hallway
silhouetted him so sharply that I couldn't make out his face. Only his outline
was clear—his broad shoulders, the way he leaned against the stone wall of the
stairwell. All my fear melted away into longing.
When I answered him, the words came out slightly breathless. "No. Mrs.
Bethany wouldn't call the police. It would attract the wrong kind of
attention."
"But there's no worry that one of the—one of the 'rich kids' got
him."
"No, Erich was as much of a 'rich kid' as anyone else here."
Lucas took one step closer to me, and now I could see his face despite the
shadows. All the hours I'd spent missing him over Christmas seemed to well up
inside me at once, and I wanted so badly to put my hand on his cheek or lay my
head against his shoulder. But I didn't. There was a barrier between us now,
one that might never go away.
"I'm sorry I didn't answer your e-mail before," Lucas said. "I
was—in shock, I guess."
"I don't blame you." My heart beat faster.
Lucas said only, "We ought to talk. Alone."
If he trusted me enough to be alone with me, even knowing that I was the one
who had bitten him, then there was a chance for us after all. I tried to sound
calm as I said, "I know a place. Come there with me?"
"Lead the way," Lucas said, and I dared to let myself hope.

"Where
are we headed?" lucas asked as I led him up the back staircase.
"The north tower. Above and behind the guys' dorm. It's just storage up
there—we can be alone."
"Isn't there someplace else we could go?"
My heart sank. He didn't trust me enough to be alone with me, maybe. "I
think this is the only place we can be sure of having some privacy. If you'd
rather—I don't know, wait until daylight or something—"
"No, it's all right." Lucas sounded wary, like it wasn't all right at
all, but he kept walking behind me. I guessed that was as much as I could hope
for.
Students usually left the back staircase alone, mostly because it was close to
the faculty apartments. The rest of the faculty, of course, were other
vampires—mostly very powerful vampires. Maybe students like Vic and Raquel
didn't know that difference between the students and teachers, but they
certainly felt it. At my old school, people snarked at the teachers all the
time, but at Evernight, everyone—human and vampire alike—gave the teachers
respect. Some of the teachers, like my parents, lived in the other tower, but
most of them lived here. I suspected that Lucas and I were the first ones to
make our way up past the faculty apartments all year.
Our footsteps clattered against the stone, but nobody seemed to hear us. I hoped
not, anyway. This was the last conversation I'd ever want anybody to overhear.
"How do you know about this place? Do you come up here sometimes?"
Lucas still seemed uncomfortable.
"Remember how I said I did some exploring before the school year started?
This is one of the places I found then. I haven't been back since, but I bet
nobody else has discovered it either."
When we got to the door at the very top of the stairs, I pushed it open
carefully. Last autumn, I'd been rewarded with a shower of spiderwebs and dust.
The spiders must have moved on, because now we were able to step inside easily.
Inside were rooms laid out just like my parents' apartment, but instead of
being cozily furnished, they were piled high with boxes upon boxes, a few
yellowed corners of paper peeking out of the lids. These were Evernight's
records—the histories of every student who had ever attended the school since
it was founded in the late eighteenth century.
"It's cold up here." Lucas pulled the sleeves of his sweater down
over his hands. "Are you sure we can't find someplace else?"
"We need to talk about this. And we need to be alone."
"The gazebo—"
"Is covered with ice, Mr.-it's-cold-up-here. Besides, we could be seen
outside, and they'd make us come in, and—and then we won't end up
talking." I turned toward the window so that I could look out at the
stars; even now, they comforted me. "We're both too good at avoiding the
subject."
"Yeah, we are." Lucas gave in and sat down heavily on a nearby trunk.
"Where do we start?"
"I don't know." I hugged myself and looked down at the gargoyle on
the windowsill, the twin of the one outside my bedroom window. "Are you
still scared of me?"
"No. I'm not. Not at all." Lucas shook his head slowly, his eyes
disbelieving. "I ought to be—Hell, I don't know how I ought to feel. I keep
telling myself to stay away. To forget about you, because everything's changed.
But I can't do it."
"What?" I was too dumbfounded to hope.
Lucas's voice was hoarse. "When I first saw what you were, up on the
roof—Bianca, it was like nothing I'd ever believed was true."
"I guess it's not easy, accepting that vampires are real."
"That wasn't the part that got to me, actually." I knew then that, no
matter how freaked-out Lucas had been by the revelation about vampires, my lies
had hurt him worse.
"Did you tell your mother? Did you tell anybody?"
Lucas laughed again. "Not hardly." When I gave him a weird look, he
said, "Can you think of a better way for me to end up in an adolescent
psychiatric unit?"
"No," I admitted. "It would probably get you a one-way ticket to
the loony bin."
Gruffly, he added, "Besides, you asked me not to."
He had read that long letter full of revelations, learning that I had lied—that
I was something he should consider a monster—but Lucas had still been able to
hear my plea for secrecy and do what I asked. "Thank you."
"I wasn't going to come back here. I wasn't ever going to see you again.
It hurt so bad, and I thought the only way it would ever stop hurting was if I made
myself forget you." He dragged the back of his hand across his eyes, as if
it tired him even to remember that struggle. "I tried hard to forget,
Bianca. I couldn't. Then I convinced myself that it was my duty to come back to
Evernight."
"Duty?" That confused me.
Lucas, apparently at a loss, shrugged. "To learn the truth? To see things
through? I don't know." His expression changed as he looked up at me—and
it was the same way he'd looked at me before, the way that made me weak in the
knees. The way he looked when he said that the man in the Klimt painting had
only one precious thing in the world. "But as soon as I saw you again, I knew
that I still needed you. That I still trusted you. Even though you're a
vampire—or almost a vampire—whatever you are." Lucas still said the word
vampire
like he couldn't believe it. "It doesn't matter to me. It should, but it
doesn't. I can't help how I feel about you."
I couldn't hold back any longer. I went to Lucas and sank to the floor. He
cradled my face in his hands, and his whole body shook. "You still want to
be with me? Even though I lied to you?"
Lucas closed his eyes tightly. "I'd never hold that against you."
"Then you understand why I had to keep it secret." All the fear and
dread I'd felt poured out of me in a great rush, and I wanted to put my arms
around Lucas and melt against him. "You really understand. I never thought
you would."
"I can't believe I want this," he whispered. "I can't believe
how badly I want you."
Lucas brushed his mouth against mine, just once. Maybe he meant for us to stop
there, but I didn't. I slipped my arms around his shoulders and kissed him
again. I stopped worrying about everything else and just thought about Lucas
and how close he was, the cedary scent of his skin, the way we breathed together
when we kissed, like we were two parts of the same person. Little shivers of
excitement made me tingle in my fingertips, my belly, everywhere.
"I ought to be running like hell." His breath was hot against my ear.
His fingers slipped into the waistband of my skirt, using it to pull me nearer
to him. "What have you done to me?"
When he clutched me against his chest, I wanted to draw back. I was used to
drawing back at this point because I was afraid of what my desire for Lucas
could do. Now I would've expected Lucas to be the one who was afraid, but he
wasn't. He trusted me enough to kiss me, to sink down on the floor so that we
were kneeling opposite each other, to close his eyes when I ran my hands
through his hair.
"This is when it's hard for me to stay in control," I whispered,
warning him.
"Let's find out how much control we need."
He tugged at the neck of his sweater, exposing his throat to me. Daring me,
basically, to prove that I could hold back. I simply pressed one hand against
his bare skin, and I opened my mouth wider beneath his. Lucas made a low sound
that did something strange to my whole body, like I'd stood up too quickly and
made myself dizzy. His hands slowly edged up the hem of my uniform sweater,
testing my reaction. I kissed him harder. So Lucas pushed the sweater up my
back, all the way, and I lifted my arms to help him shrug it off. Now I only
wore a thin undershirt and my bra, midnight-blue, clearly visible beneath the
white sleeveless T.
Lucas's eyes were wide, and his breath was coming fast and shallow. Our kisses
were more desperate now. He peeled off his own sweater and spread it out on the
floor, like a blanket, then lowered me so that I lay on it, beneath him. He was
still breathing fast but struggling for control. "Not here, not
tonight—but maybe we could bring some stuff, find some other place to be alone
one night—"
I silenced him with another kiss, deep and passionate enough to say yes. Lucas
returned the kiss and held me tight—though not so tight that I couldn't roll
him over so that he was the one with his back against the floor. Now Lucas lay
beneath me, and I was hyperaware of everything: his thighs around mine, the
cool square of his belt buckle against my abdomen, his fingers playing with my
bra strap, edging it aside.
For one second—just one second—I wondered what it would be like if Lucas and I had
come up here prepared, with blankets and pillows and music and protection, and
we had all night to be together. "I wish we could," I gasped. "I
wish we could be sure that I could stop."
"Maybe—maybe it doesn't matter."
"What?"
Lucas's eyes were bright, and his breath was fast and hot against my cheek.
"You bit me once and you stopped in time. You didn't need to kill or to
change me. Just to bite. If that's all it is—then maybe—Oh, God. Okay."
He wanted what I wanted. The hunger blazed inside me, and there was no reason
to stop. I pushed Lucas down against the floor and bit deep.
"Bianca—" Lucas struggled for only the first second as the rapture
caught up with us both: my pulse flowing into him as his blood flowed into me,
more powerful than the most passionate kiss, weaving us both together. The
taste of his blood was familiar to me now but even more irresistible. I swallowed
it down, relishing the heat and life and the salt against my tongue. He
shuddered beneath me, and I knew that the bite felt just as amazing for us
both.
Lucas gasped, and I forced myself to stop. Slowly I pulled back from Lucas. He
was dizzy and weak but still awake. He put his hands on both sides of my face,
and suddenly I felt self-conscious. My lips were stained with his blood, and my
fangs were still sharp. How could Lucas look at me as a vampire with anything
but revulsion?
Instead he kissed me, blood and all.
When our mouths parted, I whispered, "That's all it is. I promise. Is that
okay? Can you take that?"
"I want to be with you, Bianca," he said. "No matter what you
are. No matter what."