Authors: Dani Morales
We didn’t talk about him much or
what happened that night 6 years ago. I
remember waking up in the hospital with
my mom telling the doctors that I fell. I
knew the truth, but she was trying to
protect us. I never understood her logic.
How was not telling the cops the truth
helping us? It was protecting him, the
darkness that plagues my very
existence. Sometimes I felt it inside of me,
fuelling the hatred I had towards him. I
didn’t want to be like him. I couldn’t be
like him.
All the moving around put a strain
on my mom. She wouldn’t say it, but I
could see it in her eyes. She tried to keep
a smile on her face, but it didn’t reach her
eyes like it used to. I didn’t know what to
do to help her. She was the only person in
the world that mattered to me.
I refused to ever get close to anyone
because I never knew if I would have to
pack up and leave. It was always the
same. We would stay in the cheapest hotel
we could find for no longer than 3
months. I talked her into home-schooling
me for a while so we didn’t have to worry
about the outsiders getting involved. I
would do odd jobs for random people in
whatever town we were in at the time. I
mowed lawns, took out trash, and washed
cars, anything and everything to get some
money to help my mom out. She never
told me what she did to earn money, but
with the way she looked when she came
home, I could only imagine. I saw it killing
her more and more every day.
My mom was beautiful. She had the
greenest eyes I have ever seen. Her skin
was so smooth and tan. She had the
straightest black hair framing her face.
She’s the only person I have ever called
beautiful, and she’s the only girl I’ll ever
love. After seeing the relationship with my
mom and father, I refuse to even date.
What’s the point? I mean all you do is
hurt each other and then one of you
leaves. It’s just better to stay single.
I knew life must be hard for mom.
She deserved to be happy, and the life we
have definitely couldn’t make her happy.
Hell, I couldn't ever remember a time
when I was happy.
We’ve always lived in the state of
Nevada, but eventually we ended up in
Las Vegas permanently. This was the first
time we had even made it to a big city.
Mom had friends who offered her their
house. They said they were moving out of
Nevada but didn't want to sell it. All we
had to do was keep up with the bills. So
that’s what brought us here.
It was the first time we lived in a
house and not a hotel room. Everything
was beginning to look up. Mom enrolled
me into school, I got new school clothes,
and mom was doing amazing. She was
working for a casino that knew our
“situation” and kept her safe. That was
the most important thing to me, her
safety. I was old enough to know how to
defend myself if I needed to, but mom
couldn’t. I began working out in the
school’s gym during my free time, while
anticipating and almost welcoming the
time I would run into my father.
I didn’t have to wait long. We were
coming home from the store when
someone was leaning up against the door.
Everything in me told me to grab Mom
and run, but my feet wouldn’t cooperate
with the signals my brain was sending. As
we got closer to the door, all the hatred I
felt for this man began surfacing. The look
on his face said he finally won. Two
months. We were only here for two
months before he found us. I noticed that
the little old lady, who Mom called
Agatha, from next door was discreetly
looking at us through a window, and I felt
an overwhelming calmness wash over me
when I locked eyes with her. I had to pry
my eyes away so I can turn to focus on
the man that’s haunted every moment of
my life. I was rewarded with a punch to
the face.
Blood busted out of my nose,
splattering the concrete and my new
white shirt. I don’t know why I ever tried
to wear white. It never made it home
without some kind of stain, usually food,
but blood in this instance. Mom was being
dragged into the street by her hair. In the
distance I could hear the police sirens
getting closer, but all I could do was stare
at him. Adrenaline propelled my frozen
feet forward, and I jumped on his back
knocking him down. He let go of my
mom’s hair so he could catch himself. Then
he was coming after me. I had enough
time to tell my mom to run to Agatha’s
house before he landed another punch to
the side of my head.
My vision started to blur, and spots
danced behind my eyelids. It felt like there
was a set of drums being played in my
head. Then I started to feel pain all over. I
opened the eye that wasn't swollen shut
and realized I was lying on the concrete
and being kicked repeatedly. I brought my
knees in to protect my chest. My hands
went up to protect my face from a black
boot aimed at it. Then the sirens sounded
louder. It was like they were right in front
of my face. Then there was yelling on all
sides of me. Someone was saying to step
away from the kid. Someone else was
saying to get on the ground. Mom’s sobs
were somewhere behind me, and I heard a
voice right above me saying someone is
under arrest. Then darkness took over.
Mommy, Where’s my mommy?I
keep searching for her but she’s not in her
room or hidinganywhere she toldme to
look for her. She wouldn’t just leave me.
He must have her. Ineed tofind her. We
need to leave again. He’s getting closer to
her, tome, tous.
“Logan we have togo now! Grab
whatever you can asfast asyou can,he
found us again.”
“Logan.”
“Mom?”
“Yes Logan, can you open your
eyes?”
“Are they not open mom?”
“No sweetie. He found us, and you’re
in the hospital.”
“Is he in jail now Mom? I’m tired of
being scared and always looking over our
shoulders.”
“I know baby. The cops arrested him
for attempted murder. He’s not going to
be able to hurt us for a very long time."
“That’s good Mom. Oh, Mom, I love
you.”
I fell back asleep and didn't wake up
for what felt like months. The doctor said
I was in a coma-like state for a little over
two weeks. He said that it was normal
after what my body had been through.
I stayed home from school an extra
week. I wasn’t ready to face questions
from people just yet. At least that’s what I
told myself. I wasn't sure how to act
anymore. I got so used to not making
friends so I wouldn't have to worry about
it when I had to leave. I didn’t even know
how to make them. It’s funny how you
can feel alone even when you’re
surrounded by so many people.
Something was going on with my
mom. She stopped eating so much and
began looking sick. She’s lost so much
weight that I was starting to worry about
her wasting away.
Six months since my father went to
jail, I started making progress at school on
the friend crusade. There were a few guys
that live close by so we hung out once in a
while. I never did let them come over to
my house though. It was like an unspoken
rule. No one asked and I didn’t offer.
My house was amazing according to
everyone else. When you first walked in,
you would be standing in the sitting room.
My mom’s friend has expensive taste. I
think that’s part of the reason I didn't
want people to come over. I didn’t feel like
it was my home even though it was. My
room was the only place that offered me
comfort. It was plain just like me, with
dark colors and no real direction. Black
furniture, black walls, black sheets, the
only color you could find in the room is
from the books I read.
My mom started to become really
distant, but I’m not sure if that was her
doing or my own. Some days were better
than others, but I knew something must
be going on with her, but I had no clue
what it was.
We finally made it to Steph’s house, and I kept
getting this overwhelming urge to make sure Steph
understood what was going on. The last thing we
needed was for her to screw it up somehow. She's the
kind of person that only has your back when it suits
her, but expects you to always have her back no
matter what.
“Hey Steph
, you remember what we talked
about, right?”
“Of course April. Don’t call your house, and if
your parents call, tell them you’re taking a shower. I
got it.” She sounded annoyed.
Steph’s house was way bigger than mine. It
had this awesome room upstairs that I would have
killed for (not literally). Though her house was big, it
was a little stuffy. Her mom was always cooking, so
the house was always hot.
Making sure all our basis are covered, we left
to go to Lisa’s boyfriend's house. I have to admit I
was so nervous that I thought about turning around
several times, but that would have made me look
weak. So I straightened my back and walked to the
house. We were a little early, but he was supposed to
be off work today anyway because of what we had
planned. Apparently Lisa had thought this through.
After we had been sitting on his front porch for like
thirty minutes, I started to think the gods may be
trying to tell us to not go. As it started getting dark
outside, I looked up to the sky. There’s something
about the stars that always calm me. The moon
captured my attention. It was a full moon with a ring
aroundit. From the bits and pieces I’ve picked up
from my mom and in my own research, a ring around
the moon for wiccans means there’s trouble close. We
were just being given more and more reasons to head
home.
I must have sighed really loud because Lisa
interrupted my inner ramblings. “He’s supposed to be
here April. I don’t know what’s taking him so long.”
“Well, Bubba said that if he doesn’t get back
in twenty minutes to call him that he can pick us up,
and we can stay at his place. Lisa this is ridiculous.
He knew we were coming, and yet he’s still not here.”
“I know. His phone keeps going to voicemail.
We should probably just call Bubba.”
I was so frustrated that I’m pretty sure there
was steam coming out of my ears. I imagined looking
into a mirror seeing the steam rising from my ears and
I chuckled. This felt ridiculous. How was it possible
to screw up running away? Not to mention how much
I was stressing over the fact that I had an argument
with my mom before I left. She wanted to take us out
to eat at my favorite Chinese place, and I threw a fit.
It was not my finest moment. I swear you would have
thought I was ten years old with how I was acting,
complaining about how I never get to do anything,
and why couldn’t they just leave me alone? I felt
absolutely horrible about it. I loved my mom, and I
hated to hurt her, but my friend needed me. Frankly, I
needed to get away to put some perspective in my life.
It was late. I was tired and just wanted to get
somewhere. A car I didn’t recognize pulled up, and
Bubba jumped out. Bubba was a year older than us,
which made him sixteen. He was massive. Despite his
size, he was such a sweetheart, like a big teddy bear.
He was not really cute at all, but he was definitely a
good friend to have. Bubba was Stephanie’s cousin,
and she kept trying to hook us up, but Ijust wasn’t
into dating right then. My focus had to be strictly on
school. I needed to have a better life than my parents
had. Allowing myself to get caught up with a boy was
just unacceptable, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t
flirt. I sound like a major hypocrite, don’t I? How did
I have time to run away but not date? Well, the real
reason I didn't date is because I have always been
scared of rejection. Why let myself get hurt when I
could hurt myself without all the embarrassment? So
that’s why I didn’t try to date.
“Hey, April. Lisa. You girls ready to party?”
Party? No one said anything about a party, but
with all the stress I was feeling, I just thought, 'Screw
it. Bring on the drinks!' I mean how much harm could
one drink do?
“Hell yeah, let’s go!” We both said, busting
out laughing. I guess when you’re around someone so
much you end up saying the exact same things at the
same time.
“Well vamoose!”
Oh yea, Bubba is Hispanic by the way. Most
of the people I hung out with were. Basically the
entire neighborhood was too. I'm half Hispanic, but
my skin is white. I take after my mom, thank God.
Just thinking about my mom was making me
regret this stupid failed attempt at running away. Then
I looked over at Lisa and knew I had to. I stood by my
friend when she needed me to. I made a mental note
to ask her what was going on at home to cause all this.
We made it to the house, and all the nervous
energy seemed to evaporate knowing I was about to
have a drink for the first time. We headed straight for
the kitchen and downed one shot, then another, and
another. I started to feel free. My lips became numb.
We couldn’t stop laughing. Bubba’s mom came home
and asked if we were staying over since we were
obviously drunk. We said we were going to, and she
told us goodnight. Some rap song came on, and Lisa
and I started dancing, if that’s what you can call it
since we were laughing and falling all over ourselves.
Somehow we both made it to the room we would be
staying in and passed out.
The next morning Bubba came into the room
and said, “Hey girls. Let’s go to the park or movies or
something.”
“Dude, what time is it?”
“April get your ass up. It’s already three
o’clock.”
“Alright, alright. We’re getting up.”
We made it to the park down the street when
Steph called Lisa. The look on Lisa’s face worried me.
“What’s up, Lisa? What did she say?”
“Well she messed up. She called your rents
and they called the cops.”
“Are you serious? What the hell was she
thinking? How hard is it to follow directions? I mean
they weren’t even hard!”
I freaked out knowing my parents called the
cops. I was only gone one night, one freaking night!
Then I got pissed off. She was supposed to be my best
friend, and she spoiled everything. If they knew we
were gone, Bubba’s mom would probably know soon
too.
“Lisa, we have to go now! Bubba’s mom will
find out, and you know she’ll make us go back.”
“Oh my mom already knows what’s going
on.”
Wait. What? How could his mom know what
was going on and let us stay anyway? My mind
started thinking. Maybe she was giving us time to see
what we were doing was wrong by providing a safe
environment. That couldn’t be it. My sixth sense told
me it was a set up.
“Bubba, Steph doesn’t know we’re here,
right?”
“Nah. She thinks you’re at Lisa’s house.”
“Okay. We have to keep it that way for as long
as possible.”
While heading back to the house to get our
stuff together just in case, we got another call. This
time the call was from Sandra.
“Not to spoil your fun or whatever, but the
cops just left my house.”
Crap. Double Crap. This changed everything.
My mom was going to the extremes for this.
“Did you tell them anything?”
“No. I had nothing to tell. All I said was that
you both are supposed to come stay over tonight.”
“Okay. Good Sandra. We’re not sure what
we’re going to do right now, but as soon as we figure
it out we will call you.”
“Alright. And April?”
“Yeah?”
“Please be careful.”
“You got it. I’ll see you soon.”
The night passed by in a series of attempted
plans. We called everyone and anyone we knew who
could help get us out of town, but we came up empty.
Maybe this was a sign. Could the universe and the
goddesses have been telling me leaving was a huge
mistake and to take my ass home? I spent most of the
night staring out the window and looking out at the
stars willing them to tell me what to do. I must have
dozed off because the next thing I knew Bubba was
telling me his family was heading to church, and they
would be back in a few hours. I drifted back into the
dream I was having. It seemed important at the time
and hoped it continued…