Authors: Michele Barrow-Belisle
You know, when you’ve been called crazy for most of your life, you get pretty good at recognizing the symptoms in other people. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, realizing I needed to get out of this woman’s office, now. Yet, I was frozen in place, listening to her brand of crazy that made mine sound, pretty mundane.
I pressed my hands on the desk and leaned in. “I don’t get it. What do you mean
her dreams
?” Was this some kind of cross speak? An obscure euphemism for, who knows what?
Grace reached across the desk and grabbed both of my hands. “Nora. She’s trapped there. She made a choice, and she chose to stay. I want you to find something to stay here in this world for. Love. Your grandfather. This job. Your future. I don’t care what it is. But you must choose to remain here.”
I shook my head tugging my hands free. Her grip tightened before she released me.
“My daughter Celeste, dreamed of a man, one she believed she loved. He took her from this world. But she had a purpose here, and I believe you have a purpose as well, in this life. Don’t you want to be free from the demon haunting you?”
“What is it with everyone and my higher purpose suddenly?” If I wasn’t so annoyed and disturbed, I’d add that Darcy was hardly a demon. But this didn’t seem the time, since apparently my counselor needed a counsellor of her own.
“Maybe your higher purpose is to unlock the puzzle of your own mind Nora. Something is holding you captive. Wouldn't you like to be free from it?”
“I don't know,” I sighed, the fight dissipating. Did freedom entail giving up my dreams entirely, because I wasn't sure that's what I wanted. I’d much rather have a different ending to them. And if I was honest, I wasn't ready to let my fictitious relationship with Darcy go. Not when it was as close to true love as I'd ever been. Sure I could see myself falling in love with Troy, but that was crazy and there was no way it was mutual. He was as no-strings as they came. He had to be. But lately I was beginning to wonder if Kenzie was right. Maybe my Darcy crush was holding me back.
I nibbled my lip. “So how does this work exactly? Becoming free?”
In this moment, with her eyes wild and wide and her hair untucked from its pristine bun, Grace looked less like the school counsellor and more like the mystic fortune-teller that gave readings at the county fair.
“The energies are lining up to support this event.” Her pupils dilated as she spoke, which sent chills skittering down my spine.
“Darcy will step from your dreams into your real waking life, to bring you back to his. And that is when you will need to make some firm decisions about your relationship with this man.”
I stared at her then blinked. “You mean that metaphysically, not literally. Right?”
She just watched me.
Not this again.
“You can't
seriously
believe he's actually going to appear here, in the flesh?”
Again more silence.
Well this was all the crazy I could handle for one day.
I shoved back my chair. “I’m really sorry for your loss Miss Strange.” Boy was she well named. “But I don’t really think
this,”
I gestured back and forth from her to me, “is a very good idea. Clearly it’s too painful for you. So, I uh, think I better go.” I headed for the door.
In a flash she was up and in front of me, blocking my path.
“You made an agreement. A commitment. Leave now and you throw everything away,” she warned. The wild look in her eyes had returned. Chills chased up and down my spine as she refused to let me leave.
“Grace. I have to go.” I narrowed my eyes. “Move out of my way.”
“You’ll lose your job. You’ll lose your life. You’ll lose everything.” Her voice pitched higher, bordering on deranged manic.
“I don’t care.” I shouted. “Now move. Please.” My hands balled at my sides, and my heart hammered at my chest. I drew a deep breath. “I will scream if I have to.”
She frowned, and I swear I could see a million different thoughts pass through her eyes. Not one of them good. Then she stepped to the side.
The door swung open on its own. I would have stopped to wonder at that, had I not been over my totally freaked out capacity already. I darted past her, ran back to my cabin and locked the door behind me. I didn’t care that I had a roomie who might want in. I needed to be alone. Just for a while.
I paced like a caged animal for a while, then dropped onto the couch as exhaustion took over. My body hurt. My brain hurt. Everything felt weird and strange and numb. Like I’d been sucked into a vortex in some other realm, where up was down, hot was cold and crazy was the new black. I hated this feeling, but I couldn’t shake it. The worst part was I knew
why
I couldn’t shake it. Because something in her crazy insane words rang true. That terrified me more than any of the rest of it. I laid back against the pillow, and covered my face with my arms.
***
Before long, I fell asleep and slipped into a dream. A lavender field filled with fragrant blossoms. Darcy came to me, carrying a massive bouquet of blood red roses and wearing a tuxedo, a top hat and a warm grin. He was about to lean in and kiss me when my body collided with something hard. I opened my eyes to find myself on the floor wedged between the couch and coffee table. My elbow ached, and my thumbnail was broken and bleeding.
“Nice work klutz.” I muttered, climbing back onto the couch. Something vibrated under me. I dug my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen. It was the hospital business office calling. Again. I sighed and hit ignore. I knew what they wanted, no need to answer and go through it all again. It was a well-timed reminder that I was bound to this agreement, as weird as it all was. I couldn’t leave this job. Not with so much money coming to me. Within a few months of teaching at their freak-show summer school I’d have enough to clear all of Granddad’s bills, get him into a better facility closer to campus and find an apartment before fall semester. It was the only way. I had to stay.
I scrubbed a hand over my face. The cottage was darker now. How long was I asleep? I had no idea what time it was or how long I'd been out, but the firm knock at the door startled away all thoughts of time.
I stuck my throbbing thumbnail into my mouth and opened the door without bothering to ask who it was. Of course the second I opened it, I wanted to smack myself for not asking who it was first.
Troy stood in the door way, one hand casually pressed against the frame, a crooked grin on his dashing face. “Hi Nora.”
Panic kicked in of course, so instead of replying with something normal, like ‘hello’, I started fixing my hair, which was sticking up in the back.
He watched me hastily groom until I stopped. “Hey.” I finally said, when I remembered what a dork I must look like. “Sorry, you caught me—”
“Sleeping?” He looked amused by my flustered state, until his gaze drifted to my thumb, still pulsing tiny beadlets of blood. He took my injured hand and pressed my thumb to his lips. Then he leaned in closer, and his lips brushed mine. It was so brief, I wasn’t sure it had happened at all, except for the way my heart was racing.
“No, just relaxing and I fell off the couch and, uh... never mine. Want to come in?” I moved to the side to let him enter. It was too late to worry about how I looked. You can’t unmilk a milked cow, or whatever Granddad used to say.
After hesitating for a second, Troy stepped in. “I came to see if you were alright. You looked flustered earlier, and you weren't at this afternoon’s rehearsal.”
Damn
. "Sorry about that, I totally spaced. But I'm fine, thanks." I said, padding into the kitchen. It was easier to play hostess when the fridge had something other than day-old donuts and questionable dairy products.
He studied me briefly, before venturing deeper into the room. “Good. I know Grace can be, pushy, at times."
"Ha. You don't know that half of it." I tilted my head to watch him. Or maybe he did. His brows were furrowed together, and he clearly had something on his mind. But then he often looked like something heavy was on his mind.
Wonder if there was a way into his secrets. Immediately I remembered my own, and shut down the idea. Mine were impenetrable, to anyone who wasn't Grace Strange, why wouldn't his be as well.
I watched Troy survey the living room. A place that despite our limited accessories, we’d managed to make look almost homey. Well, Kenzie had. I'd pretty much gone along with her decisions. Her money, her choices. Sort of had a
Sex in the City
meets
Little House on the Prairies
vibe going on.
He had to have noticed the dozen or so camp rule infractions, just on the main floor alone. Not even I could count how many rules Kenzie broke up in her room. Including the no boys/ no sex rule. That one bit the dust week one.
I stuck my head in the fridge. “Can I get you a soda or a something. Chocolate milkshake, fruit juice, maple syrup? Anything with sugar, we've got it.”
He shook his head. “Not fans of the green juice and kale smoothies I take it.”
I made a face, shutting the door, then grabbed a bottle from Kenzie's stock. "Not so much. But we do have green apple vodka, so..."
He laughed, and his gaze drifted to the staircase, the one leading up to my bedroom. “Are we alone?”
I set the bottle down, my heartbeat picked up tempo. "Yep. Just us."
Silence descended, thick with innuendo. I nibbled my lower lip, and his eyes darkened as he watched me.
"I should go." He said it abruptly, as though being here was suddenly making him very uncomfortable. It wasn't like there was anyone to punish him if he got caught rule-fracturing. He owned the place.
I frowned. "Okay sure. But, why? Worried about getting fired?" I teased.
His half-smile gave me a shiver. "I do have a board of directors to answer to,” he said. “But that’s not it. I just don't think being here is a good idea." He walked toward me, stopping when we were about a foot apart. "There's only so much temptation I can withstand."
I burst out laughing and his eyes widened in surprise.
“I'm— I'm sorry,” I giggled, pushing stray strands of hair out of my face. My tank top strap slid down one shoulder, my cut off jean short were permanently stained with rainbow hues of paint, my hair was pulled back into its usual rats nest ponytail and I hadn't even showered yet. "By temptation, you must mean the candy and vodka bar, because you couldn't possibly mean me."
He didn't crack even a hint of a smile when he closed the distance between us. His fingers reached out to slowly lift my strap back in place. Tiny thrill bumps followed the trail as he grazed my skin.
"This tank top is exactly the reason it's not a good idea for me to stay. The entire time we were together the other day, I barely registered a word you said. I watched your lips and all I could think about was the way they felt against mine."
His hands traveled up to cup my face, and I melted into to him.
His voice lowered to a whisper. "And we're here. Alone. Together."
His eyelids lowered as he focused on my mouth. "Do you have any idea how hard it is not to pull you into my arms again?"
"Then don't fight it." Everything was moving in slow motion and I honestly don't know if I said that out loud or in my head, but I stretched up on my toes, as he leaned in to kiss me softly. Then he pulled back, just as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"For all of these reason Nora, I really think it would be best for me to leave."
"You know, you don't have to." I said quietly. We were alone. We were adults. And we had history. Hot heavy history. Where was the harm? The blood rushing in my ears was so loud I could barely hear him speak. His hands slid up my arms, then gently unhooked them from his neck.
"You wanted something without strings Nora. But that's not something I can do with you. For twelve months I've thought about you. We're already entwined, and I only see that getting stronger." He moved his hands down my sides, over the curve of my hips to rest on my lower back.
I shivered under his touch, then again in frustration when he released me. He was right of course, the way my body responded to his touch, it would be very dangerous for him to stay. And while I could barely admit it to myself, a huge part of me really wanted more than just a summer fling with him. Or a repeat of last year. I was ready to step beyond my imagination and into something real. Strings and all. And that terrified me.
"So until you're ready for that... being here alone with you…" he kissed the top of my head, "very bad idea."
Troy headed for the door, but something stopped him. He moved across the room, pausing in front of the bookcase to look at the stuff we had on display. Photos of me and Kenzie in high school. Pictures of Grandma and Granddad. And one photo he took particular interest in, though I had no idea why. It was an old photo of my house. The one I was born in. I don't remember it, since I'd only lived there til I was five, before my parent's tragedy landed me with my grandparents. But I liked having it. A piece of a past life I didn't remember living. Next to it were some sketches of Darcy, not that I'd tell anyone who it was. That made me uneasy, like having a photo of an old boyfriend on display in front of your current one. Neither of which was the case, but it was impossible not to notice the way Troy’s shoulders stiffened when he saw them.
I took a quick breath. “It’s a sketch I made. There’s this guy I used to dream about.”
He didn’t look at me when he spoke. “Used to?”
I swallowed, uncomfortably. I’d never disclosed anything like this before to a guy, and now I was just spilling secrets to him like we’d know one another forever. “Well, sort of still do sometimes. Never actually met him, because he doesn’t exist, but I decided to draw him.” I shrugged.
I watched his head nod ever so slightly, as he returned his attention to the other photo.
“This house.” He looked back at me, holding the frame. “Where is it?”
I stepped closer. “It was my parent’s house.”
“And the bike?” he was still scanning it closely.
I frowned puzzled. “Uhm, it was my favorite? Why?”
“Reminds me of one I’ve seen before.”
“My turquoise two wheeler? It’s weird that I don’t remember getting it, but from what I was told it was the only good thing that came from that house. Wasn’t exactly a happy home, but…” I took the picture, feeling uneasy with the way he was scrutinizing it.
As my hand touched his, a memory of my own flashed in my mind. The photo on Grace’s desk of her daughter, Celeste… the girl who’d supposedly disappeared into her dreams... There’d been something familiar about her, because I
had
seen her before. That same girl was in a picture with Troy, locked in a passionate embrace. It was the photo that made me bolt from his bedroom that night last year.
I floundered as I put the frame back in its place, nearly dropping it on the floor. “Oh my god,” I blurted. “You knew Grace’s daughter.”
He didn’t seem surprised by my random comment. In fact he didn’t react at all.
“You could say that,” he said slowly, lifting his dark eyes to mine. ”We were engaged.”
My sudden moment of clarity ended with what felt like a dropkick to the gut. “Engaged. Wow. Okay, so...” I had no idea what to say next. This was completely unprecedented in the history of awkward conversations. He was engaged to a girl who’d basically gone missing four years ago. He would have been about twenty-two then. These were the kinds of useless, random thoughts coming to me, as I tried to sort out how I felt about this little info bombshell.
“We were engaged to be married, but I had to call it off. She wasn’t the one I was supposed to be with. We both knew it. She disappeared years before I met you, if that’s your concern.”
He was trying to figure out if my mouth gaped open out of jealousy or fear, I could tell by the look in his eyes. It was as if I’d known him a lot longer than I had. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling, I just knew I didn’t like it. My stomach churned uneasily as I pondered a) what any of this really meant, b) if he was a psychotic kidnapper in disguise, and c) what level of crazy it would be to fall for a psychotic kidnapper.
Troy’s eyes darkened as he looked at me searchingly. “Dreams are more powerful than anyone realizes. Mine were, and I learned that the hard way.”
“So she just took off and, according to Grace, up and disappeared into her dreams? How?”
He rubbed a hand over his jaw. “I could go into all of the scientific jargon about how and why this phenomenon occurred, but Nora, all that matters is Celeste is gone. And Grace has dedicated herself to not letting that happen again.”
I shook my head, railing against his words. “I see. And is that the special quality that got me hired here? My dreams, and the fact that I’d make a good case study for you both?”
“Not a case study. A rescue mission.”
Anger trickled down my spine. “I don’t need saving Troy, not by you or Miss Strange. My dreams, aren’t trying to kill me.”
Something flashed in his eyes. A memory, or a thought perhaps, but he didn’t say anything. He took a step back, putting more distance between us. “I should go.” He echoed his earlier thought, only now his voice was grave. “There’s clearly nothing more I can say right now.”
“Good plan.” I said and opened the door for him.
He stepped out and then took off, without another word and without looking back.