Effortless (40 page)

I felt all the blood draining from my face as I stared up at
Kellan. He seemed paler, too. I vaguely heard the rocker say, “Hey,
sweetie, I’m available, if you want to bang me next? I don’t mind
getting his seconds…again.”

I was too dazed to respond. I was too dazed to do much of
anything. In a couple of sentences, that man had just confirmed all
of my biggest fears. Kellan was cheating on me…repeatedly. As I
heard chuckling from the rocker leaving, I dropped my hands from
Kellan’s body. I didn’t feel like touching him anymore. I watched
as Kellan closed his eyes, swallowed, then reopened them. In slow
motion, he twisted to face me.

I did it without thinking. I did it without realizing I’d done
it. My hand reached out, all on its own, and smacked him across the
cheek. The promise ring around my finger dug into his skin, cutting
his jaw, and a tiny drop of blood fell on his skin.

“You son of a bitch!” I snarled, backing away from him as far as
I could in the cramped space.

He winced and rubbed his jaw. “Jesus, Kiera. Can I explain
before
you start wailing on me?”

His eyes flashed to mine, angry, but it was nothing compared to
the anger and betrayal I felt. “You can explain ‘scoring the
hottest chick’? You can explain ‘two in one night’? You can explain
him ‘getting your seconds…again’?”

Sighing, Kellan ran his hand over his face. When he looked at me
again, he seemed less angry. I wasn’t. “Yes, Kiera. I can
explain.”

Poking my finger in his chiseled chest, I shoved him back a
step. “Are you cheating on me?”

Grabbing my hand, he tried to lace ours together. “No, I’m not.”
He ducked down to meet my eye, but I was so furious, I couldn’t
look at him. “Hey, I’m not, Kiera. I’ve already told you that
before…several times probably.”

Inhaling a steadying breath, I tried to calmly ask a question.
My voice warbled as I tried to control it. “Then what…was he
talking about?”

Kellan grabbed my other hand, trying to loosen the fist I’d
bunched it into. Maybe he realized that if I was going to hit him
again, it wasn’t going to be with an open palm. Funny, I’d never
considered myself a violent person before Kellan. He just brought
that out in me, I guess.

When calming my hands didn’t seem to do anything, Kellan grabbed
my cheeks. Forcing me to look at him made my eyes start to water. I
sniffed back the tears. I did
not
want to cry.

His brow bunched, he searched my face. “He’s lying, Kiera. He
said that to get a rise out of you. He knows who you are, they all
do. I flip through that photo book all the time…” He smiled softly
and shook his head. “They all think you’re beautiful…”

I batted his hands away. “Why would
he
lie?” I stressed
“he,” just so Kellan would know that I was much more inclined to
believe that Kellan was lying to me…right now.

Sighing, Kellan shook his head, keeping his hands off of me for
a moment. “Because we were the last band to join the tour and we
got bumped to the second in the lineup. Because Lana was interested
in our band and not his.” He shrugged. “Because he’s a childish,
immature asshole with a grudge against me, Kiera, and if making you
doubt me got us fighting tonight instead of…” He sighed again and
tossed his hands up. “Because this, right here, is what he
wanted…his stupid form of payback for our band being better than
his.”

Watching the exasperated expression on his face, I softened a
little. It sounded plausible, but most of Kellan’s lies sounded
plausible. I know. Back when we’d been fooling around behind
Denny’s back, I’d usually been well aware when Kellan was lying,
and Kellan was good at it.

“Why should I believe you?” I whispered.

He tossed his hands up into the air again. “I haven’t done
anything wrong! Why shouldn’t you believe me?”

Just then, as if fate was trying to screw with us even further,
Kellan’s phone chirped in his pocket; he’d just gotten a text
message. He closed his eyes, seemingly cursing the same fate I was.
When he reopened them, he stared at me blankly.

I narrowed my eyes. “Do you need to get that?”

He shook his head. “No.”

Clenching my jaw, reclosing my hands into fists, I seethed, “How
do you know? It could be important?”

He let out a slow exhale before shaking his head. “You’re
important…that can wait.”

My eyes watered again. “What can wait?” I whispered, not sure if
his last statement was comforting or not.

He stepped towards me and tentatively cupped my cheek. “I’m not
doing anything, baby. I love you. I’m being faithful to you.” He
held up his ring, his thumb stroking the metal. “I promised…I
promise.”

He dropped his forehead to mine. “We don’t have much time
together. Please, just let this go…”

“Let what go?” I whispered.

He sighed, then his lips lowered to mine. “I love you,
Kiera…please believe in me.”

I wanted to object, I wanted to scream at him to let me know
what he was hiding, to tell me something that would make me believe
in him, but the words slipped out of my mind as his mouth softly
moved over my skin.

Maybe I was being weak…maybe I just wasn’t ready to know. For
whatever reason, though…I let it go.

After a few calming moments, Kellan reached down and put his
shirt back on and we laid down side by side on his bunk. There was
a cubby built into the wall and I stared at the few belongings he
kept near him—the journals I’d gotten for him, his Discman, the
photo book my mom and sister had made for him, and the little toy
car. Swallowing, wanting to believe him, I fingered the tiny, metal
muscle car.

Kellan sighed and kissed my shoulder. “I love you…” he
whispered.

Clutching the car, remembering the connection that we had, the
way he’d opened up to me, let me into his life like no one else
before me, not even his band mates, I looked over at him. “I love
you too…”

He smiled, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind my ear
before following the chain around my neck. Pulling the necklace out
of my shirt, his thumb stroked the edge of the silver guitar; the
diamond in the center of it gleamed, even in the faint light
surrounding us.

Bunching his brows, the soft smile on his lips faded as he
watched his fingers. “Kiera…I should tell you something…”

Hating the ice that instantly formed in my stomach, hating that
I knew he was hiding things from me, I instantly remembered that I
was hiding things from him too. Guilt easing the knot burning
through my insides, I whispered, “I should tell you something
too…”

His eyes flashed up to mine, narrowing. “Tell me what?”

Swallowing, searching his perfect face, I stammered for a way to
break his heart. I just knew that he’d react badly to the news that
his rival was back in town. Not that Denny was really a rival
anymore, but Kellan had never felt like he’d compared to him.
Kellan seemed to think I’d be better off with Denny. If he knew
Denny was back in my life, especially while he was away…it might
end us.

Dreaded tears filling my vision, I considered Kellan’s odd,
secretive texts that he clearly didn’t want to talk about, the
searing doubt that one asshole rocker had so easily placed into my
head, the videos of his friendly attitude towards Lana that made me
green with jealousy, the looming dread in my belly over whatever he
needed to tell me now… .

Maybe we were already over, and I just didn’t realize it
yet?

“Um, well…”

As I started stumbling over something to say, the bus door was
banged on and a familiar voice drifted to us from outside. “Kell?
You and Kiera in there?”

Hearing Evan’s jovial voice brought me back to a simpler time,
when Kellan and I were only having a secret affair behind my
boyfriend’s back. Wow, I never thought I’d see the day when that
horrid moment in my life would become the “good ole days.”

Kellan sighed, then leaned over and shouted, “Yeah, we’re in
here.”

Evan walked over to our section of the bus and I heard him clear
his throat. “You, uh…dressed?”

Kellan chuckled a little while I blushed. “Yeah…what’s up?”

“We’re on in ten, so, you know, we should get ready.”

Kellan blinked and sat up on his elbows. “Already? Damn…” He
stood up, then looked back at me. “I’m sorry…it’s our turn.”

I nodded, swallowing. “I know.” He extended his hand to me, not
looking too sure on whether or not I’d take it. Exhaling slowly, I
stood up and grabbed his hand. Regardless of our issues, I still
loved him…heart and soul.

Letting out a relieved sigh, he kissed the back of my hand,
right over my promise ring. Cringing, I glanced at his face; he
still had a scratch along his jaw where my ring had nicked him.
Feeling guilty over hurting him, I leaned up and kissed his jaw.
His eyes were glossy when they met mine again, and he nodded, like
he understood my silent apology.

“Come on…want to watch our show?”

Finally smiling fully, I nodded eagerly and clasped his hand in
both of mine. “Yeah, definitely.” If there was one thing that could
turn my mood around in a heartbeat, it was watching Kellan perform.
And I’d missed that too.

We met up with Evan outside, and Evan slung his arm around me. I
smiled, leaning into him and secretly wanting to ask him if he knew
anything about Kellan that I didn’t. I didn’t ask him, though. For
one, he probably wouldn’t tell me, since Kellan was his friend and
sort of his boss; Evan wouldn’t want to rock that boat if he could
help it. Plus…Kellan had kept us a secret from Evan. He’d been
pretty surprised when he found out about us. I was pretty sure that
whatever was going on with Kellan, all of the guys were as clueless
as me. I would just have to trust that Kellan would tell me when he
was ready, and hopefully, it wouldn’t hurt…too much.

Walking us back through their super-secret rock star entrance,
we hurriedly made our way to the back of the stage. Justin waved at
me as we passed by; his band was ending the night, after the D-Bags
played. I flushed as I timidly waved back. I don’t think I’d ever
feel comfortable around him now.

Luckily we didn’t see the rocker who’d tattled on Kellan. I
think I’d end up punching him if we did.

As we got to the waiting area right beside the stage, I glanced
up at the band waving and bowing to the crowd. Nerves flooded
through me as Kellan released my hand and grabbed his guitar. I was
getting anxious for him; the small section of the crowd that I
could see looked massive to me, and the noise as the MC introduced
Kellan’s band was ear splitting—a hundred times louder than Pete’s.
But Kellan looked calm as could be as he waited with a foot on a
step, smiling at me.

Just as the crowd died down, he nodded at me, then twisted and
darted onstage. I shook my head at him. Situations reversed, I’d be
frozen on that stair, unable to move. The rest of the guys followed
him up there, and I watched, spellbound. Evan and Matt waved while
Kellan and Griffin reached down to a few lucky fans in the
front.

The roar of the crowd was even louder and I swear, a couple of
girls that Kellan had just touched were crying. It was so…surreal.
Even without a hit being played endlessly on every radio across the
country, these girls knew who Kellan was, who his band was. The
guys had everything in place for hitting it big-time…even a
contract with the same record label that had released Justin’s
album.

As I was ruminating about what that meant for us, heaped on top
of everything else, my sister looped her arms around my waist.
“Isn’t this exciting, Kiera!”

I glanced over at the vivacious beauty, momentarily jealous over
how simple her relationship was with Griffin. They both knew
exactly what they were and weren’t to each other. There was no
deception, no lies, no jealousy, no…nothing. They gave each other
what they needed, when they needed it, then moved on when they were
done. In a way, it was a win-win situation. Although…it sounded a
little empty, too.

Leaning back in her arms, I nodded. My stomach was surging with
adrenaline as I watched Evan start the set. Then Matt kicked in,
Kellan close behind him, and all of a sudden, I felt like we were
back at Evan’s loft, watching the boys rehearse. There was just a
much larger audience watching this time.

I smiled wide as Kellan’s voice filled the theater. He was so
good at this. It seemed as effortless to him as breathing. I’d seen
him do it drunk, I’d seen him do it depressed, I’d seen him do it
with a cold, heck, I’d even once watched him do it when he’d been
battling a stomach flu. He’d looked a little green that night, but
his voice…that always sounded amazing.

As was his stage presence. Kellan lighted it up. It was one of
those things that the rocker from the bus would never understand.
You can’t dress the part and hope that it makes you look the
part—you either have that certain spark or you don’t. And Kellan
oozed that spark. I think, even if he were only so-so on the
attractive scale, he’d still draw every eye to him. He was
just…special.