Edge of Survival (19 page)

***

It was late. Dusk was falling and he was so exhausted he thought his bones might crumble to dust. He pulled the green tendon taut before wrapping one end around the hilt of his knife. The dagger was pulled back on an upper branch, and when the wolverine ate the carcass, the blade should spring forward and impale the critter. He placed his fingers against the sinew to test the tension, satisfied it was strung as tight as a bow. He shuffled backward down the trunk, scraping his wrist on the rough branches and cursing as he sucked the graze. The deadfall trap hadn’t worked. Poison hadn’t worked. He’d sat in a tree for two nights in a row with his rifle cocked and that hadn’t worked either. He was forced to try something different.

His knife had always served him well in the past. If this didn’t work he was going to track the little fucker around in circles until one of them collapsed and died.

His feet hit the dirt carefully and he brushed dust and needles from his clothes, felt the ache of age embrace his body. He was running out of time.

Cam moaned and stretched in the cramped space. She was pressed against a cool wall on one side, hot naked man on the other. She smiled.

His elbow drew back and accidentally caught her arm and she winced. He was talking in his sleep. Running too. Cam sat up and pulled her knees under her chin to avoid being trampled by his dream. Her vision was blurry from sleep and she blinked her eyes slowly, breathing a short sigh of relief when her sight cleared. Daniel left the light by the desk on at night now to find her medication in the shortest possible time in case of an emergency. It made her smile even though when her mother did that sort of thing, it drove her nuts.

There was something sexy about having a big alpha male looking out for you.

She watched his face, that strong handsome face, and knew her heart beat faster just from looking at him. Which was foolish. She should enjoy the ride and not think about how she was getting in deeper and deeper every time they were together.

“Go, go, go!” His jaw clenched tight, the tendons in his neck strained against his skin, fists clenched as he concentrated on some unseen foe. His skin was pale, and sweat made his hair seem black.

“Daniel.” She touched his shoulder and he jerked awake, the look on his face one of devastating loss. “You were having a nightmare.”

Memories swirled through his eyes. He sucked back a couple of huge breaths and swung his legs over the side of the mattress. The pulse at the base of his neck pounded.

“Can I get you anything?”

His breathing was getting worse. “Hell!”

She flinched from the ferocity of his tone but moved toward him.

“Don’t touch me!” He thrust out his hand as if to ward her off and strode to the other side of the room. Pacing like a caged animal.

She hated seeing him so obviously distressed. “What is it? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” He bit off the word.

Cam laughed. “Sure.” She found herself pinned by cold, furious eyes and knew she would not want to be his enemy.

“It is none of your business, Doc. Drop it.”

“I only want to help,” she said quietly. She shuffled forward and grabbed her shirt and pants, climbing into them as quickly as she could. Hurt closed her throat and made it difficult to speak.

He stood at the window, looking out at the sea, visibly trying to calm himself and failing, but not wanting her help. She grabbed her fanny pack, toed on her sneakers. “That first night we were together, when you helped me when I was hypoglycemic?” He wouldn’t look at her. “I didn’t like being vulnerable any more than you do, Daniel. But I
let
you help me, rather than push you away. You wanna know why?”

Sweat streamed down his temples, his breath harsh in the cold morning air.

“Because I trusted you.” The words hung in the air as she stood at the door. “Because I
trust
you.” And she left.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she closed the door behind her but she didn’t pause or wait for him to follow. He wouldn’t come. His demons were his closely hoarded secrets, but he expected her to lay hers open on a platter ready for inspection. She wiped her cheek. That wasn’t a relationship. She wanted to help him, wanted him to trust her, but she wasn’t about to beg and she wouldn’t hang around like some loser while he treated her like crap.

Daniel’s heart thumped so forcefully it seemed to take up his whole chest. He barely heard Cam’s words, but he read her lips and saw the expression of hurt and disappointment.
Christ
. He couldn’t face her with these sensations crowding his heart and his brain and his lungs. All he could see was the black-kohled eyes of the woman who’d put a bullet in his best friend. The woman he’d shot dead a fraction of a second later as her young son looked on. That, and the incident with the cameraman minutes later, was intertwined in his head like coils of barbed wire. He suffocated, overwhelmed, unable to think straight, and Cam seeing him like this intensified every failure tenfold.

She left and he dropped to the floor, cupped his hands over his nose and mouth, trying to get his body under control.

How could he tell her that in his dreams he was murder and death? How could he tell her that his nightmares were filled with so much terror, guilt and cowardice that he couldn’t think, much less talk about it?

His heart started to slow its venomous pace and he took another measured breath.

Why did he give a shit about telling her a damn thing? Cameran Young was a nice distraction, a stabilizing influence when he was starting to come out of the turmoil his life had become after leaving the Regiment. Nothing more.

Except…he was falling for her.

Bloody hell. He closed his eyes. It was unexpected. And as welcome as typhoid. He lay on the floor and groaned.

She was just another crutch for him to lean on. Another sign of weakness and the inability to get his mind and body disciplined.

He could not get emotionally involved. His hands shook because even though he wanted to hold on tight to Cam, he wasn’t strong enough to lose anything that mattered. Not again. Not after it had torn him apart and thrown away half the pieces last time.

And if he let himself love her the way he wanted to love her, Cam would delve into every crevice, every secret in his life. And some of the secrets were horrific and classified. And some things he tried to pretend never happened, except the damned corpses kept popping up in his dreams. Cameran Young, who guarded life so steadfastly, would not tolerate the acts he’d committed in the name of Queen and Country. She’d loathe him, the way he loathed himself. And he could not bear to see that censure in her eyes. It would drag him down to that dark desolate place where he examined his soul and saw nothing worth saving.

His breath shuddered through his lungs. Sweat coated his body in a thin layer of shame. He had to finish it with Cam, but he didn’t want to hurt her. He did not want her to think she was just another easy lay.

Staggering to his feet, he ignored the frailty of his muscles and the way the room spun and his head split in two with pain. He was going to end this before either of them got irrevocably damaged.

Cam wandered into breakfast knowing she looked like crap and not caring. Vikki walked ahead of her, glowing with the achievement of not jumping anyone for a couple of weeks. Shame filled Cam at her ungracious thoughts. Vikki wasn’t the problem—she’d warned her about Daniel from the start.

Cam froze in the entrance of the galley because there was Daniel leaning across the table chatting to an attractive woman with short dark hair who she’d never seen before. Katie came in behind her and jostled Cam’s arm.

“Sorry.” The girl smiled.

Cam forced herself to move forward, to mechanically pick up a tray, but her hands shook so much she spilled the milk. “Damn.”

Sharpie the cook threw a cloth at her. He teased her about her clumsiness but for once she didn’t respond to his gentle ribbing. Exhaustion ate through her body the way boiling water cut through ice. It wasn’t just the late nights with Daniel, it was the emotional upheaval that had turned her inside out and back again over the last few weeks. But she was hanging in there. And the job, the single most important aspect of her trip to Labrador, was almost up and running.

Don’t think about him, or the fact he’s chatting up the next pretty female to come on board.
She caught Vikki looking at her, brows drawn together in pity. Cam ignored her too. She lifted her tray, raised her chin and found a chair beside Tommy. Turned out the kid was the son of one of the mine owners and hadn’t exactly volunteered for duty. Once he’d settled down and got over having his strings pulled by his powerful father, he’d become a pretty solid worker. It took her a moment to register that George was sitting there with a full plate of breakfast.

“How’s the ankle?” she asked.

He stuck out a stork-like leg and flexed his foot. “Better.”

“That was quick. When’d you get in?”

“This morning.”

“From St. John’s? That’s an early start.”

“Nah, I have a cottage outside Nain with satellite communications. I spent most of my time writing up reports from there.” He stuffed a piece of bacon into his mouth and chewed.

“So are you back for good or just passing through?” She didn’t want him hanging over her shoulder analyzing every move, but this project was a delicate balance between research and industry and she wouldn’t rock the boat.

“I’m worried the fish in the pool beneath the falls are dead.”

His words slapped her competence.

“The mortality rate has been low,” she argued. They’d lost one fish to the surgical procedure, two to a river otter who’d dragged the bodies and transmitters into the woods, and ten to poachers.

“That you know of.” George’s tone hardened.

“There’s no way of knowing for sure—”

“I arranged to have a diver come up.” His eyes lit up. “If the fish are dead he can retrieve the transmitters and you can implant them in other fish.”

She didn’t want to think about a diver being in that pool where she would have drowned without Daniel’s help. It reminded her she’d taken grateful to a whole new level.

George stared at her like he was gearing up for an argument. He was the mine company’s man, and they were more concerned with getting the dam built than completing a long-term fish migration study. If they discredited her methods now, they could steamroller her results later.

She sighed. She hated politics. She especially hated politics in science. “Send two divers and make sure one videos their findings.”

George nodded eagerly.

“I’ve been taking daily water-quality samples,” she told him. Something about that gleam in his eye worried her that he might try and fix a way to kill the fish. But maybe she was wrong because he just brushed the information off with disinterest and started lecturing Katie on the value of work experience. She and Tommy exchanged raised brows.

Daniel looked over and frowned at her, but turned back to talk to the other woman.

She pressed a hand to her temple. Her stomach clenched into a grisly knot when he touched the woman’s hand and then stood to leave. Cam fixed her stare on her breakfast though she felt his eyes on her and knew that everyone was watching with interest. Hot color flooded her cheeks but she ignored it and shoveled cold cereal into her mouth, chewing mechanically. It tasted like sawdust and congealed in her stomach. Daniel left without a word.

“Are you all right?” Vikki asked her quietly.

Cam didn’t answer. She chewed and swallowed. Chewed and swallowed. Going through the motions. Working through the humiliation of Daniel moving on. And the pain piercing her chest was punishment for being dumb enough to fall for him and allowing herself to believe she was different. For believing she was special. Just because their one-night stand had lasted longer than most.

***

Cam stood in her tiny cabin, packing some gear for Vikki to take with her when she left the next day. They were having their first down day because fog was forecast this afternoon and the choppers couldn’t fly with the low ceiling. She wished she was out there working. She couldn’t concentrate. All she could think about was Daniel and the awful stomach-twisting knowledge that he’d finished with her and was already moving on to the next victim. But he’d warned her right off the bat that their relationship was just sex, and she’d thought she’d be fine with that.

Apparently not.

There was a knock on the door and Daniel stepped inside. He looked gorgeous even dressed down in an olive drab T-shirt and old cargo pants.

“I was hoping to catch you alone,” he said.

Of course he was. Hard to break up with someone in public, even for someone as hardnosed as Daniel. She ran her fingers over the gooseflesh that pebbled her arms.

“What do you want?” She sounded surly. She made herself turn away, pick up some eppendorfs and shove them into a Ziploc so Vikki could take them home. In reality she had no clue what she was doing.

He touched her shoulder but she jerked out of his grasp, and when she turned to look at him, he hung his head and squeezed his eyes tight shut.

“This is really hard for me…” he began.

Cam laughed and crossed her arms over her chest, painfully aware how desperately she wanted to wrap them around him instead. Just yesterday he’d made her feel like the only woman on the planet—now she realized she’d just been available.

God, how humiliating.

He forged on, the words coming out of his mouth like well rehearsed lies. “I need to tell you how much you mean to me—”

“But we’re through, right?”

His indigo eyes were red-rimmed when they met hers. But for all she knew that could be shampoo. His chin jerked down just once, and her spirit took a direct punch. And then he reached out but she stumbled back, horrified that he’d try to touch her when she was so raw.

“Look, Cam, we’re both adults. You can’t have been under any illusions as to where this thing was going…” His words sounded accusatory. Pissed. Like it was
her
fault.

She’d complicated his life and he didn’t like it. She didn’t like it either, but this
thing
had grown into something vast and all-encompassing in Cam’s heart.

Pathetic.

He paced to her bed and back. “You said we were friends who were sleeping together. Now we’re just going to be friends who won’t sleep together anymore.”

“What?” Her voice cracked. Could he really be so dense? “You want to be
friends
again?” The words were building to a screech, but Cam couldn’t help it because her heart was breaking. “You think we can spend that much time together naked and just go back to being buddies when you grow bored and move on?” She threw the bag down on the desk and eppendorfs scattered. “You have the attention span of a fruit fly.”

He bristled. He was angry but he still wasn’t saying anything that made sense. Typical freakin’ man.

“I don’t know how you expect me to act,” she admitted and ran her hands over her face. “As soon as someone gets close to you, you slam the door in their face. As soon as someone new comes along, you’re all over them.”