Authors: Carol Rivers
‘That’s not a nice thing to say.’ Ruby felt her lips tremble.
‘Oh, don’t start that.’
‘I’m not.’
Whenever she tried to get close to him, he would say something hurtful. Did he do it deliberately, or did he not understand just how much he drove a wedge between them?
‘Ricky, I love you.’
‘You don’t know what love is.’
‘Ricky!’ She sat up. ‘You say some rotten things.’
He threw the covers off. Getting out of bed, he snatched up his dressing gown, then stopped at the door. ‘You have no idea what it’s like to walk the streets day after day with no work in sight, no challenge, no aim. The navy was all I had and now it’s gone. I’m adrift.’
Ruby stared up at him. ‘Why haven’t you told me this before?’
‘We have no privacy.’
‘Come back to bed, Ricky. I’ll listen.’ She wanted to put her arms round him, but instead he went out of the room.
She sat in bed alone, the tears very close. What was going wrong with their marriage? Wasn’t she attractive to him any more? Or was it like the matron had once warned her? Some men never got over their experiences of war. Perhaps he needed a doctor’s help to recover and he’d left Brawton too early.
She laid down and tried to sleep. The minutes crawled by as she stared into the darkness. Then she heard the door open. Ricky climbed back into bed and said gruffly, ‘Go to sleep.’
She put her arm out. ‘Oh, darling, I wish we could move away, make a really new start.’
‘It would be no better anywhere else. In fact, it would be worse. At least there are the docks here, and factory offices. Something must turn up one day, even if it’s only sweeping floors.’
Ruby felt very alone and unhappy as he turned away from her and fell asleep. She lay awake in the darkness, feeling more bewildered than ever.
The next day, Friday 8 September, there was an explosion in South-West London and another one at Epping. No one was certain what they were. Over the next two days there was speculation as to whether it was the gas mains that were responsible. But on Monday Pearl went down to the shop where Gwen and Fitz were convinced it was not the gas, but Hitler’s next and most terrifying secret weapon.
‘A customer who was south of the river,’ said Fitz, ‘heard this roar and then a kind of echoing boom. It wasn’t a bit like a gas mains as she knew what a gas explosion was like from the Blitz.’
‘There’s been talk of rockets,’ nodded Gwen from the other counter where she was attending to a customer.
‘Big ones,’ said one of the customers. ‘All the way from Germany.’
‘Could a rocket fly that far?’ asked Pearl.
‘Oh, yes, they could do a lot of damage, according to the newsreels. I saw it on the flicks yesterday. They are big buggers and twice as lethal as the V1s.’
Fitz closed the till noisily. ‘The government should keep us informed. It’s diabolical that we aren’t put in the picture.’
‘Ruby has only just got over the V1s.’ Pearl turned Cynthia’s pushchair round. ‘I don’t know what she’d be like if anything worse started.’
‘Poor love,’ sympathized Gwen, taking out her pocket knife and slicing a carrot in two. She gave one half to Cynthia. ‘Enjoy that, ducks. You’ll never need specs like old Fitzy over there, if you eat yer carrots.’
Pearl smiled as Fitz made a funny face.
‘Maybe it’s just another rumour,’ Gwen shrugged, and everyone nodded half-heartedly. But by the next day the truth was out. The V2s, as they were named, came flying over thick and fast.
That night Ricky read from the newspaper. ‘The V2 rockets make a sound like a train followed by a boom after they’ve exploded.’
‘That’s what a customer said in Hemsley’s,’ Pearl agreed as she cleared away the dishes from the top of the Morrison.
Ruby left her Spam and cold potatoes. ‘I’m not hungry.’
‘You must eat something,’ Pearl told her.
‘I thought it had all ended,’ whispered Ruby folding her arms over her chest and shuddering. ‘That Sandys told us the battle for London had ended.’
‘On many fronts we are winning,’ said Ricky, closing the newspaper and standing up. ‘It does no good to get despondent or complain.’ He left the room, taking the paper with him.
Pearl went to her sister. ‘Ruby, you look awful. Where’s your make-up?’
‘I can’t be bothered.’
‘But you’re always so particular about your appearance.’
‘I’m fed up with trying. Me nerves can’t take much more.’ She looked down at her working slacks and a tear fell on her hand, to be swept quickly away.
Pearl sat down at the Morrison. ‘Listen, why don’t you and Ricky go to Mum and Dad’s for a week or two? After all, they haven’t seen you since your wedding. Mr Brewer would let you take your holiday. You haven’t had a break in ages, not since Brawton. And you did say you had it in mind.’
Ruby shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t leave you. Not with these rockets flying over.’
‘Ruby, I’m more concerned about you than them.’
‘Ricky wouldn’t come with me.’
‘Why not?’
‘He still doesn’t feel well enough.’ Ruby shrugged. ‘And anyway, there’s Cynth’s birthday coming up and Em’s wedding after that. We might need another fitting and there’s presents to buy.’
‘I can do that. And the fitting can be postponed.’
Ruby shrugged. ‘I’ll give it some thought.’
‘Well, don’t wait too long.’
Ruby nodded, but Pearl wondered if the real reason she didn’t want to go away was because married life wasn’t turning out to be easy. And their mum could read Ruby like a book.
Cynthia’s birthday arrived with a small celebration at Gwen’s after the shop had closed. They were treated to a real cake that Fitz had managed to get from a baker in Poplar. It had no icing, but two candles were found in the shop drawer. Everyone played hide-and-seek in and out of the yard, and Cynthia unwrapped her presents by the fire. By the time the week was over, Pearl and Ruby had had their final fittings for the wedding.
October had been a cold and wet month but Saturday the 28th there was a brief show of sun as Pearl and Ruby stood at the church door. The organist at St Bart’s played Em’s chosen hymns and the guests sat waiting inside the draughty church. Em was being given away by one of Colin’s uncles as her father, reluctant to appear in public, felt unable to attend. On Em’s side of the church there was Mr and Mrs Hedley, Moira and Arnie, who had turned out to be Moira’s Prince Charming, and Gwen and Cynthia. Ricky had declined the invitation.
Colin’s side was full of his family and friends. His mother wore a tailored lemon suit with a Gainsborough-style hat. His father looked just like Colin and wore a smart grey suit, as did the best man, Colin’s brother-in-law, on his left. Hope and the children sat next to them. Hope was wearing a long oyster-coloured coat with wide shoulders, whilst the two children looked like royalty in deep blue velvet.
The church usher gave the signal and the bride, in her long white dress with lace sleeves and ruffled neckline, walked down the aisle on Colin’s uncle’s arm. Ruby and Pearl followed, carrying their small posies of pink and white chrysanthemums. Hope had rather elaborately finished their dresses with leg of mutton sleeves, and still had had enough material over to make Cynthia’s dress. All in all, it was a lovely spectacle, Pearl thought, as she glanced at Ruby, who for once had a smile on her face.
At the altar, Colin stepped forward. He was dressed in dark grey and looked very handsome. Pearl glanced to where Gwen was sitting with Cynthia. She was very proud of how her daughter looked in a fawn-coloured coat with a brown velvet collar that she’d had on her birthday last week. It was only cheap from the market, but underneath she wore her new pink smock that Em had made.
Soon the strains of ‘Ave Maria’ filled the church, sung by a young girl standing in the organ loft. It was very touching. Pearl wondered how Ruby was feeling. She was wearing her wedding ring, though Ricky couldn’t wear his yet. Was she thinking that if only she’d waited, her own wedding day could have been like this?
When the vicar smiled, ‘I now pronounce you man and wife,’ Colin took Em in his arms. They seemed to be a perfect couple. Pearl wished Jim was home, sitting in the pew with Cynthia. They had had such a lovely wedding. If he was here they could remember it together.
The wedding march boomed out and Em and Colin walked slowly down the aisle. Pearl and Ruby followed and the guests were all smiles. Cynthia called out, ‘Mummy!’ and clapped her hands. Pearl blew her a kiss and she blew one back. She was so proud of her little girl! And she knew Jim would be too.
After the photographs, the guests filed into the church hall. It was decorated with fresh flowers and the tables were covered in white tablecloths and napkins. Like Pearl’s own wedding breakfast, the buffet was on a luxurious scale for wartime. There was a two-tier wedding cake, which wasn’t cardboard. The sandwiches were white, not grey, and had no crusts. There was no trace of Spam or carrots, and gleaming cutlery had been placed on every table. There were even fluted glasses for the champagne. Em had told them that Colin’s aunt, the wife of the uncle who gave her away, worked at Lyons and had arranged everything.
After the meal and the speeches, Em and Colin got up to take the floor. The violin, flute and harp sounded wonderful to Pearl’s ears, if very far removed from the kind of knees-up they were used to. Cynthia sat on Pearl’s lap, entranced at the sight of the bride and groom and the musicians dressed in tail coats.
‘Lucky, ain’t she?’ said Moira, who sat beside Pearl, looking plump and matronly in a dark green suit and fur collar. ‘Who’d have thought Miss Prim-and-Proper would turn up a bloke like Colin. Got a few bob in the family, I hear. Still, I ain’t got no complaints with Arnie, though he’s a bit partial to his wallop. Least I know where he is on a Friday night.’
‘Didn’t even know you’d got married,’ said Pearl.
‘Yes, in ’forty-two. He’s in a reserved job now, security, you know.’ Moira lifted her chin. ‘So what happened to Jim? Did he go to Africa after all?’
‘Yes.’
Moira narrowed her eyes. ‘Bit of a shock for you, no doubt.’ She nodded at Cynthia. ‘’Specially with a kid to bring up.’
Pearl looked round for Ruby, who seemed to have disappeared. ‘I’m going to wish the happy couple good luck.’
‘Suit yourself,’ muttered Moira.
Glad to have found an excuse to leave, Pearl took Cynthia’s hand and joined Hope and Ruby at the big table. The conversation was all about how Hope had refused to evacuate her children and taught them at home. ‘We had a private teacher to help us.’
Pearl saw Ruby’s jaw drop. Private teaching was unheard of on the island.
‘That must have cost a lot,’ said Ruby.
‘Not really,’ Hope explained. ‘As a lot of the schools were shut down, some teachers were grateful for the work.’
Suddenly Cynthia’s laughter rang out noisily. They turned to see the three children running around the next table. Hope told them stop, but Cynthia carried on running.
Pearl caught hold of her hand. ‘Come here, scallywag.’ She glanced over at their own table, which now, thankfully, was empty. ‘We’d better go back and finish our drinks.’
‘Yes, me too,’ nodded Ruby.
‘Have you ever heard such a thing?’ Ruby said as they returned to their seats. ‘Private teachers!’
‘All right if you can afford it. I just hope that when Cynth starts school, the war will be well and truly over.’
‘There’s bound to be a lot of good schools in North London,’ Ruby said thoughtfully.
‘There are on the island too,’ Pearl said.
‘But the kids have all got cockney accents.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with that.’
Ruby didn’t answer. Pearl knew that today, they’d had a glimpse of life on the other side of the tracks. In a way Moira was right: money did make a difference. You could buy a lot if you had it. But as Pearl looked down at Cynthia, who had made herself comfortable under the table with a sticky mouth full of jam tart, she had to smile. Hope’s children were made to sit still beside their parents, looking like angels in their blue velvet outfits. But you only had to take one glance at their faces to see they were bored.
‘What’s so funny?’ asked Ruby with a frown.
‘Nothing, I’m just happy to be free.’
‘Of what?’
‘Needing money to be happy.’
Once more Ruby said nothing. Pearl knew by the look on Ruby’s face that she was envious of Em. But Ruby could have had all this if only she’d waited.
Two weeks after Em’s wedding, Churchill admitted that Britain was under attack again. Each day there were more casualties. The V2s left craters ten feet deep and caused an earthquake effect that rippled across the city. Tens of thousands of people were robbed of their roofs, windows, running water and gas supplies.
One Monday morning, in between showers, Pearl was about to take Cynthia out in the pushchair when a car pulled up by the shop. Pearl and Gwen went to the window to see who it was. Cars were rarely seen in the vicinity now that petrol was so scarce. A tall gentleman got out and went to the passenger’s side. He was middle-aged and dressed in a smart business suit.