Authors: Carol Rivers
‘That sounds like heaven.’
A few minutes later Pearl had tucked Cynthia under her blanket and was lying on the bed, her eyelids closing. It was exhausting having a baby. Would the crying lessen? Ruby would be at work so she, Pearl, would be in charge. Sally had arranged for the doctor to come and Pearl had many questions for him. Her right breast felt very sore. The baby had no teeth but felt as though she did. Why was that? And why did Cynthia seem so restless? A short while after her feeds she was crying again. Was that normal? Was Cynthia healthy? Pearl still thought about the miscarriage. She wanted to be a good mother but she didn’t feel confident.
Pearl turned on her side to gaze at the cot. When Cynthia got bigger she could take out the bars and make a small bed.
Closing her eyes she fell fast asleep. In her dream she was thinking up names for her daughter but she still liked Cynthia the best.
Pearl made her way down the stairs and Mrs Nesbitt’s voice rang in her head. It was true that the stairs were a problem. Carrying a baby in one arm, a bag over the other and holding tight to the rail at the same time wasn’t easy. She was always relieved when she got to the bottom. At least she had a pram, battered and old though it may be, and also from Percy, to take the baby out in. She made her way cautiously to the storeroom where Fitz was whistling.
‘Here’s me little darlings!’ he exclaimed, stepping out from behind a large wooden crate. He brushed down his overall. ‘Am I clean enough to give her a cuddle?’
‘Course you are, but I don’t guarantee silence.’
He laughed, stretching out his arms. ‘Come to your old Uncle Fitzy.’
‘She’s been up since four this morning.’
Fitz gazed down and rocked the little bundle. ‘Eight days old and up with the lark, eh?’
‘She’s louder than a lark.’
‘Just wait till she’s eating her meat and two veg.’
‘That seems a long way off.’
‘Yes, but drinking milk don’t last for ever. She’ll get fed up with it soon.’
Pearl laughed. ‘I’m glad to hear that.’
‘Go and catch Gwen now, ducks, the queue’s gone. She’ll be pleased to see you.’
‘I thought I’d put Cynth in the pram first. Is it any trouble to get it out?’
‘Course not. Look, I’ve pushed it over here. This afternoon, when I’ve cleared this lot, I’ll put it by the door along with the bike. Then all you’ll have to do is come in and lay her in it. There might be a few carrot tops chucked in as well, but she won’t mind that.’ He bent and kissed the baby’s head. ‘Bless her little cotton socks.’
Returning her to Pearl, he pulled the pram out from under an old sack. It was quite serviceable but looked very old-fashioned, with its big wheels and half-moon chassis. Percy had called it a bassinet. Getting it up the stairs was impossible.
Fitz brushed the dust off the hood. ‘I gave it a brush, but the spuds were by it.’
Pearl lay Cynthia under the blanket she had brought in her bag.
‘A nice day for your walk,’ Fitz said as they emerged into daylight. ‘Does that wheel look a bit wonky?’
‘It pushes all right.’
‘Nice springs too.’
‘And there’s a big space underneath for me shopping.’
‘Don’t overdo it, now.’
Pearl grinned. ‘Thanks, Fitz.’
Pearl pushed it through the alley and stood outside the shop. She kept rocking the pram, afraid that when she stopped Cynthia would wake up. Gwen left her customer and came out. ‘Oh, doesn’t she look an angel!’
‘She does now,’ Pearl nodded. ‘But if you’d seen her at four this morning you wouldn’t say that.’
‘Bad night again, ducks?’
‘She’s always hungry. And Ruby had to go to work, so I tried to keep her quiet. Rocking her in my arms is the only way.’
‘Has the midwife been?’
‘Yes, she said to make the baby wait four hours in between each feed. Then she would be really hungry and drink her fill.’
‘Hmm,’ said Gwen doubtfully. ‘All babies ain’t the same, though.’
‘I know.’
‘You’re looking a bit thin to me, girl. Are you eating?’
‘Yes, course I am.’
Pearl knew she had lost weight and was getting too thin. Her clothes were hanging off her. She had shed the weight she had gained from pregnancy, but she knew there was still one big worry at the back of her mind. It was always her fear for Ruby. Could Ricky really be serious about her? What would happen if the same thing happened to Ruby as had happened to her? What would happen when Jim found out? She still hadn’t had the courage to write to him about Ruby’s engagement.
‘Listen, I’ve a nice piece of halibut in me larder that the fishmonger brought round. Too much for me and Fitz. Call in on your way back and I’ll cut you off a piece.’
‘I’ll pay you for it.’
‘Don’t be daft.’ Gwen put a hand on her arm. ‘Look, don’t mind me saying, but I don’t think you’re taking enough care of yourself. A mother needs building up after a baby.’
‘By the time Cynth’s asleep and the nappies and clothes are washed, it’s time for bed.’
‘That’s no excuse. Did you write to your mum?’
‘Yes, she was thrilled about the baby. She might come up to see her.’
‘That will be nice for you.’
‘I’d better go.’
Gwen patted her shoulder and returned to her customer. Pearl smelled something unpleasant as she left the shop. Cynth had been sick on the collar of her coat. All her clothes and even her hair smelled of baby. As she walked up the road with the pram bouncing in front of her, she thought of how her life had changed. With Jim going to war and none of their savings left, it was only Ruby’s wage that kept them afloat. Gwen and Fitz had lowered the rent by two and six but there were bills too. The coalman wouldn’t wait for ever.
Pearl stopped at the park. A strange sound came from the pram. She pulled back the covers. Cynthia opened her eyes. Her little nose wrinkled and the screams started.
Pearl picked her up, but she wouldn’t stop. Then she caught sight of one of the pram’s wheels. It had gone lopsided.
Pushing it back on was hard work. She was afraid of doing more damage but she couldn’t leave it behind. When she stopped to rest, Cynthia began to cry. Was she hungry again?
As she turned into Pride Place she saw the coalman’s cart. He was waiting to be paid. Last month’s bill was outstanding. If she didn’t pay him, he wouldn’t leave any coal.
Suddenly tears were close. Cynthia began to cry again. ‘Oh, Jim, what shall I do?’ Pearl always asked for his help but of course there was never any answer. But this time an answer came. A small, neat figure was hurrying towards her, with arms outstretched.
‘Pearl – Pearl love, it’s me!’
Pearl quickly hid her tears as Amy hugged her. ‘Mum, what are you doing here?’
‘We got your letter yesterday.’
‘Where’s Dad?’
‘He couldn’t get time off. But he told me to stay as long as I’m needed.
If
I’m needed that is?’
‘Oh, Mum, you don’t know how much.’
‘Well, that’s a nice welcome! Now . . .’ She bent over the pram. ‘Is this our little treasure?’ She pulled back the blanket as Cynthia went red in the face. ‘Oh, what a love!’
Pearl could only watch with a grateful heart. It was as if heaven had heard her desperate plea.
Amy lifted the baby from the pram. ‘Now, now, sweetheart, what’s wrong?’
‘She’s always hungry.’
Amy frowned at her daughter. ‘Having trouble, are you, ducks?’
‘The pram wheel’s all crooked,’ Pearl mumbled with a little sob. ‘I thought I should feel different to this after having a baby.’
‘It’s quite natural,’ Amy said as she rocked Cynthia in her arms. ‘Sounds like a case of the baby blues.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Your body’s been through a big change. And a baby doesn’t give you time for yourself. That’s where another pair of hands comes in useful.’
‘Mum, I’m so glad you’ve come.’
Just then the coalman came from the alley. ‘I left yer enough sacks till after Christmas, missus. I’ll call again in the New Year,’ he shouted and jumped on the cart.
Amy chuckled. ‘A little something from me and your dad.’
‘Oh, Mum!’ She hugged her close again.
‘What are grandparents for?’ Amy disentangled herself and placed the baby over her shoulder. ‘Now, we’ll soon have you sorted, cherub.’
Pearl pushed the lopsided pram into the storeroom. Now her mum was here she could see a light at the end of the tunnel.
‘Show me how you usually feed her,’ said Amy as Pearl put the baby to her breast.
Cynthia sucked greedily. But because she was so sore, Pearl flinched.
‘Is the other side less sore?’ asked Amy.
‘Yes, but she likes this one best.’
‘Let’s give the other a try. And put this under her, love.’ Amy pushed a cushion under the baby. ‘Now, you can see what’s going wrong. She’s latched on to the tip, the sensitive part. Slip your finger into the corner of her mouth and ease her off. If you pull, it will hurt.’
Amy cupped the tiny head and pushed it firmly against Pearl’s nipple. ‘Now keep her mouth over the pink.’
‘I thought I’d suffocate her if I did that!’ Pearl exclaimed.
‘Babies ain’t the best china, you know,’ Amy smiled.
‘I wish you was still round the corner.’
‘I miss you girls too.’
‘Ruby says you like the country.’
‘Yes, we do.’ Amy paused. ‘Your dad and me were surprised when she showed us her ring.’
Pearl could tell by her mum’s expression that they had been disappointed.
‘Anyway, what’s done is done. And what I remember of Ricky, he’s a pleasant enough lad.’ Amy stood up. ‘Now, whilst you’re feeding her I’ll see what’s in the larder.’
Pearl groaned. ‘Not much, I’m afraid.’
Amy put her hands on her hips. ‘Pearl Jenkins – sorry – Nesbitt, what am I going to do with you?’
By the time Cynthia was fed, a cup of tea stood at Pearl’s side.
‘I’m going to make a nice Woolton pie for tea,’ said Amy, adjusting the straps of her pinny.
‘We’ve not got much veg,’ Pearl said doubtfully.
‘I felt sorry for the mice when I looked in the larder,’ laughed Amy as she took Cynthia in her arms. ‘So I went downstairs and gave me list to Gwen. Fitz will run it up in a minute. Oh, yes, and he told me to tell you he’s fixing the pram. You’re very lucky to have such nice landlords.’
Pearl did up her blouse. ‘I’m going to ask them to be Cynthia’s godparents.’
‘But you don’t go to church.’
‘No, but it’s never too late.’
Amy giggled. ‘I never thought I’d hear you say that.’
Pearl blushed. She had never liked Sunday school as a girl and church services bored her. She’d soon stopped going when she got the chance.
‘Now go and put the baby in her cot. Then we’ll cook a pie.’
Pearl looked doubtful as she remembered all the failures Jim had suffered.
Amy chuckled. ‘By the time I leave, you’ll be able to make a decent meal.’
‘Ruby will be pleased about that.’
They laughed and Pearl took Cynthia to the bedroom. Drawing the curtains, she gazed down at her daughter. For once Cynthia’s eyes were shut. Was she really going to sleep? There was so much to learn about babies. Would she ever know enough?
In the kitchen Amy was busy at the sink.
‘I miss Jim, Mum,’ Pearl burst out. She wanted to cry.
‘Course you do, love. Come on now, cheer up.’
‘I don’t know why I’m like this.’
‘Remember? It’s those baby blues again.’ Amy patted her back. ‘Sometimes it upsets your insides. And sometimes it upsets your head. Now, are you ready to make that pie?’
‘I’ll try.’
‘By the time your sister comes home, we’ll have dinner cooked. Go and check the baby. If she’s sleeping, we’ll start.’
Pearl went to the bedroom. Cynthia was fast asleep and Pearl sat on the bed. She couldn’t share her worries about Ruby with her mother, and yet she longed to. She had to keep it all to herself. Just like she had when she’d first met Ricky. It was history repeating itself.
A month passed and it was time for Amy to go home. Pearl felt a little better now as Cynthia was sleeping through the night. Everyone was thinking of Christmas. When the news came through that Monty had triumphed in the desert, the nation rejoiced. Bells of victory pealed the length and breadth of the country. Pearl wondered where Jim was now that the battle of El Alamein was over. Ricky had said it would be a deciding factor in the desert war and the newspapers seemed to agree with him.
It was a dull and drizzly Saturday when Amy left. ‘We’ll walk to the bus stop with you.’ Pearl and Ruby had their coats on and the baby had just been fed. Thanks to her mum, Pearl had got into routine, as Sally too had advised.
‘I’ll miss you all, especially my little Cynth.’ Amy, dressed in her headscarf and mac, with her travelling bag in hand, bent to kiss her granddaughter’s head. ‘I wish your mum would bring you to live in the country.’