Dunc's Undercover Christmas (4 page)

T.J. whispered to Dunc, “Should we call the men in the white coats?”

“Dennis Farrel gave this to me.” Amos held up a wilted piece of mistletoe. “He says
girls can't resist it. Now all I have to do is wait in a place where Melissa is sure to be. And then”—he snapped his fingers—“Melissa is mine forever.”

Halversons was the largest department store in the Pioneer Mall. It sold mostly expensive clothes, some jewelry, perfume, and shoes.

Dunc had called the store earlier and found out that a Santa from the agency would be on duty both days. They decided, for lack of any better disguise and because Amos was acting so weird, to pose as ordinary Christmas shoppers. But Dunc insisted that they each bring a change of
clothes, so that the clerks wouldn't notice them hanging around all day.

In T.J.'s case it didn't matter whether he changed clothes or not because he insisted on wearing his trench coat, in case Dunc needed one of his inventions to help catch the crooks.

Dunc tried his best to talk him out of it. T.J. listened patiently and then quoted his great-grandmother: “ ‘The fly gets more to eat when he stays in the soup.' ” As if that settled the whole thing.

The December morning air was crisp when they left Dunc's house. Amy had once again loaned T.J. her bike. Amos figured she must be sick.

They made good time getting to the mall. They had their bikes parked and locked by nine o'clock. The plan was for Dunc and T.J. to take the first shift watching the store. Amos's job was to go around back every so often and see if the van was waiting. If nothing happened, they would trade off in an hour.

Amos checked on the van first thing. It
wasn't there. He wandered down the mall. Most of the stores were just opening. He sat down on a bench in front of a hot dog shop.

“Are you hungry, son?”

Amos turned around. It was him—the Santa from outside the toy store. Amos swallowed. “N-no. I was just sitting here killing time.”

“Mind if I sit down?”

Amos looked around. “Ah, no. Go ahead. I can't stay, though. I have something to do.”

The Santa nodded. “Check the alley.”

“How did you—”

The Santa smiled. “It's my business. Your friends—they don't believe in me, do they?”

Amos shook his head.

“I understand. It's the same all over. The older they get, the less they believe. It's a common problem. Comes with the territory.”

Amos sat and listened to Santa talk about his problems for the next forty-five minutes. Things like the high cost of materials,
the elf strike, and what a rough time of year it was in general.

Out of the corner of his eye, Amos saw Dunc coming down the mall. He looked at his watch. Oh, no! He had been sitting too long. He was supposed to have checked the alley again and been at Halversons ten minutes ago to take his shift.

He stood up. “Look, I have to go now. My friend is coming, and if he finds out I've been talking to you again—”

Santa waved his hand. “Say no more. I understand.” He picked up his bag and started to leave. Then he stopped, leaned over, and whispered to Amos, “Tell your friend not to worry. It won't happen today.”

Amos watched Santa disappear into the crowd.

Dunc found him like that. Standing, staring after Santa. “There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you. It's your turn to watch the store.”

Amos blinked. He looked at Dunc. “We're
wasting our time, you know. We might as well go on home, because nothing's going to happen today.”

“It's still early, Amos. They could pull something any minute.”

Amos shook his head. “Not today.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Someone who knows told me.”

Dunc got excited. “One of the crooks! You overheard one of the crooks talking!”

“No. It wasn't one of them.”

“Amos. Have you been talking to that crazy Santa again?”

“I told you. He knows things—things nobody else knows.”

Dunc sighed. “Okay, Amos. What did he tell you this time?”

“He told me all sorts of stuff. But the most important thing was that nothing would happen today.”

“He sounds more like a fortune-teller than a Santa Claus. Come on, Amos. T.J. is holding down the fort alone. We better get back.”

“I'll go. Just to make you happy. But it's a waste of time.”

T.J. had gotten bored while Dunc was looking for Amos and decided to try on shoes. He explained to the salesman that he needed something with a large heel so he could insert his special inventions. But the salesman kept bringing out the wrong kind of shoe. Finally T.J. took off one of his own shoes to show him what he meant.

Only he forgot about the yellow smoke bomb that was set to go off when the heel of his shoe was opened.

The shoe department filled with yellow smoke. A fire alarm went off, and the sprinklers came on.

T.J. decided not to stick around.

Amos's luck wasn't much better. Since he knew the store was safe, at least for today, he wasn't paying much attention to anything.

He remembered the mistletoe in his pocket. His thoughts turned to Melissa. He stood in front of a full-length mirror and practiced holding it over his head. A woman
from the jewelry section grabbed him and planted a big sloppy kiss on his cheek.

By the end of the day, they had practically memorized everything in the store and were on a first-name basis with most of the clerks. The store closed at nine o'clock, and the crooks still hadn't tried anything. Amos very tactfully reminded Dunc that he had told him so—all the way home.

Three tired boys made their way up the stairs to Dunc's room. Amos fell on the bed, fully dressed. “Next time maybe you guys will listen to me. We could have saved ourselves a lot of time and trouble.”

Dunc pulled a sleeping bag out of the closet. “Amos, haven't you ever heard of coincidence? That Santa in the mall had a fifty percent chance of being right. Besides, how could he have known what we were doing anyway? He was just guessing—trying to mess with your mind.”

“He knows,” Amos mumbled.

T.J. pulled a cord on the front of his trench coat. “Everybody stand clear.” A swooshing sound and a couple of thumps
came from the coat. T.J. slipped his arms out. An air mattress that was attached to the back of the coat unfolded on the floor.

Dunc threw him a pillow. “Is there anything you
don't
have in that coat?”

T.J. grinned. “I try to be ready for any situation.”

Amos rolled over. “You have a banana split in there somewhere?”

“No, but I do have a couple boxes of freeze-dried fruit and a granola bar.”

“I'll pass.”

Amos was dreaming. Santa was stuffing all of Amos's presents back into his black bag. Next, he stuffed in the tree and was going for the Christmas dinner.

“Wake up, Amos.” Dunc grabbed a foot and shook it. Amos had obviously had a rough night. His feet were on his pillow, and his head was buried under a wad of
cover at the other end. “T.J. and I have been up for an hour.”

“I'm happy for both of you. Go away. Can't you see I'm sleeping here?”

“I have good news.”

Amos rolled over. “Go tell somebody who cares.”

“It's important!”

Amos pulled the cover off his head. “Is the country under attack? Was the president impeached? If the answer is no to either question, then it's not important.”

“Is he always this hard to wake up?” T.J. asked.

Dunc nodded. “Sometimes worse. I've had to learn to be creative. Watch this.”

Dunc dropped down by Amos's ear. “It's about Melissa.”

Amos sat straight up. “What?”

Dunc grinned at T.J. “Works every time. Now we just go downstairs and wait.”

In a few minutes Amos came down the stairs. A sheet that was caught in the back of his pants was trailing behind him.
He passed Mrs. Culpepper on the stairs. Over the years she'd almost gotten used to Amos staying overnight. She scooped up the sheet. “Rough night, Amos?”

Amos nodded.

“Dunc and T.J. are eating breakfast, if you're interested.”

“Thanks.”

Amos stumbled into the kitchen and sat down, propping his head up with one hand. “Did someone mention Melissa?”

“Glad you could join us,” Dunc said. “We were discussing our plan of attack for today.”

“We're attacking Melissa?” Amos said, still half asleep.

T.J. laughed. “I didn't know you were this much fun, Amos.”

“How about some breakfast to help you wake up?” Dunc said.

“What is it?”

“Oatmeal.”

“Yeecchh! That stuff is for horses. Where's my …?”

Dunc set a box of Fruit Slams in front of him.

“That's better. Now, what are we attacking?”

Dunc cleared his throat. “We've been talking about how to keep the crooks under surveillance today—”

“Speak English,” Amos growled.

“—and we think it would be best to go back undercover.”

Amos shook his head. “Melissa is not going to see my skinny legs in green tights ever again in this lifetime.”

“That's the beauty of our plan—actually, T.J. thought of it. Melissa will never know it's you. Guaranteed.”

“Guaranteed?”

Dunc put his hand on his heart. “Trust me.”

“Don't say that. I was about to go for it until you said that.”

T.J. came around the table. “I promise, Amos. She won't recognize you—that is, not until after we catch the bad guys. Then you'll probably be a hero. Maybe have to go
on TV to tell about it. Talk shows, the news, that kind of stuff.”

Dunc winked at T.J. behind Amos's back and whispered, “You're catching on.”

The boys were in the rest room at the mall. They were helping Amos into his disguise.

“What did I do to deserve you guys?” Amos looked at T.J. “It's bad enough coming from my best friend. But my own cousin?”

“You were the one that didn't want to be recognized,” T.J. said. “I was only trying to help. We called Wally's Custom Costumes, and this was the only thing he had that he could guarantee no one would recognize you in. I thought you'd be happy.”

“I'm supposed to be happy wearing antlers? I've gone from Peter Pan to Bullwinkle.”

Dunc spoke up. “We were lucky to get the costume. It fits in with the season and everything. No one will be suspicious of one of Santa's reindeer.”

“Don't you think the store will know if they ordered a reindeer or not?” Amos asked.

“That's what's so great about this plan,” Dunc said. “The store will think you came with the Santa. And the Santa will think you work for the store. It's perfect. Now, get your head on. The store's about to open.”

“Wait a minute—what are you two going to be doing while I'm watching the store?”

“We'll be right there with you, Amos.” Dunc shoved the reindeer head down over Amos's ears. “Only not as visible as yesterday. If you see anything—yell. We'll be there in a flash. Don't worry.”