Authors: Dina von Lowenkraft
“Who poisoned him?”
June looked away. “He’s dead now.”
Rakan felt her pain at the memory. The pain of having killed, not the pain of loss. “I know that pain.” He sat up and wrapped her in a wave of warmth.
June leaned into him, their shoulders touching. “Thanks,” she said. “It still hurts. Even if I would do it again.”
“Was it your first?”
June nodded. “I… don’t know what to think. I can’t even kill animals. It hurts too much. And yet… I didn’t hesitate when Fritjof…” June put her head in her hands, shaking at the memory. “I don’t want to be a monster.”
June’s energy pounded around them both with a strength unlike anything he had ever felt. Her anguish thrashed at him so violently that the only thing he could think of doing was to let his energy slide forward, merge with hers and hope it would be enough to enable her to bring it under control again. It was like trying to stop an earthquake.
When her pain finally ebbed to a dull throb, they lay back in the snow, exhausted. “Thanks,” she said. “I can’t always control my emotions.”
“They’re intense.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why Erling is always worried.” June stared at the sky. “Sometimes he drives me crazy. So I block him out. Like I did today. But he hates it. He says that he wouldn’t be able to help me if…”
Rakan felt her pain quicken and he sent her a wave of warmth, holding her until she calmed down again. She rolled back onto her back, her eyes closed. Rakan sat up, examining the smooth lines of her almond-shaped face that was the epitome of dragon beauty. But her black hair was spread wildly on the snow, making her look more feral than beautiful. Rakan let his mind-touch slip forward gently. Beneath her tranquil surface she was a writhing mess. He could feel her rök’s energy, pulled now into a tight ball, but it didn’t feel right. A part was dying. “You need to morph.”
Soon.
“No,” June said, sitting up in a movement of panic. “No. I don’t ever want to morph again. It scares me. I can’t control it. So we… we’re careful. We can’t even make love.”
“But he’s your mate. How can you not possess each other?”
June flushed bright red and turned away. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this.”
“I’m sorry,” Rakan said, his rök spinning wildly. He wanted to help her, to meld with her and link through their röks. Rakan groaned in pain as part of the neutralized poison began to transform into active poison. Rakan’s vision blurred and he wanted to lash out, destroy the mountain, take June’s rök or let her take his.
“Hey, easy. It’s okay, really,” she said. She put her arm around him and nuzzled him with her mind at the same time.
Rakan flung himself onto June, sending them both back into the snow. “I hate being alone all the time,” he managed to say through his clenched teeth. His arms jerked around her, holding her tighter than any human could have tolerated.
“I know,” answered June gently, willing him to relax. “I know. But you don’t have to be alone.”
Rakan eased his grip. If only he could belong to a Cairn. Then he’d be okay.
“You could tell Anna,” continued June. “You could be with her. She would accept you for who you are.”
“I can’t,” he groaned. Even if he wanted to. Rakan began to shake as he forced himself not to morph, but his rök was beginning to take on a mind of its own.
“Start by telling her about your rök.”
Rakan gritted his teeth. “She’ll never understand—” Rakan threw himself back into June’s arms. And even if she did, he’d be exposing her to too much danger.
“Pemba? June? Why are you guys rolling around in the snow? Are you… oh my god—” Anna’s voice cracked.
“No,” Rakan said, scrambling after her. Her pain stabbed him and he cried out in anguish. He exploded. He burst into his dragon form and thrashed at the mountain in wild fury. Blindly, he twirled around, his rök flying free. He saw Anna running away and the thrill of the chase overtook him. He needed to catch her. To possess her. He leaped into the air and stretched his wings, his body tingling in anticipation. In a desperate attempt to gain control, Rakan bellowed in rage and threw himself to the ground. But his rök was too wild. He flew back up and spotted Anna again. He torpedoed down towards her and then straightened, his claws stretched out for the final catch when a massive indigo dragon slammed into him. Howling in rage, Rakan turned on T’eng Sten. But the older dragon already had him by the throat and was digging his black claws into Rakan’s hide. Rakan thrashed, but T’eng Sten only closed his jaws tighter, growling a low warning.
Suddenly, Rakan realized what he was doing and gave up the fight. His rök whimpered under the Kairök’s guidance, but eventually it settled and returned under Rakan’s control.
“Rough day, eh?” said T’eng Sten, releasing Rakan from his hold as they morphed back to human.
“What did I do to Anna? Is she okay?” he asked quietly, dreading the answer.
T’eng Sten didn’t answer right away. “She will be,” he said quietly. “Kakivak is tending to her. I was with Dvara when she felt you go wild. I was lucky to get here before you touched her. But it was hard to maintain the shield to keep your bellows from echoing out all over the mountain. So I think she heard at least part of our fight.” T’eng Sten paused. “She might have seen you in your dragon form even if Angalaan tried to cover us both with a reflective shield that humans can’t normally see through. The best thing to do would be to erase her memory.”
“No,” Rakan said, lunging for T’eng Sten. “Leave her alone.”
T’eng Sten flipped Rakan onto his back. “Get a grip. She can’t see Kakivak and he won’t go into her mind unless I tell him to. He’s just calming her down.”
Rakan groaned and lay back in the snow. “I guess we’re even now.”
“Well, technically, no. I saved Anna’s life. Not yours.”
Rakan wished he could melt and disappear. He slid his mind into the mountain below, healing the gashes he had inflicted upon it. He felt June waiting for him not far from the bus where everyone was already gathered. She was trembling.
“I should shift back to June.”
“No. I’m not cleaning up a second mess.”
Rakan stood and faced the Kairök. “I’ll be fine.” A wave of nausea rolled up from the viscous poison. Without waiting for T’eng Sten’s approval, he shifted to where June was waiting.
June gave a little jump of relief and hugged him. “I was so worried. Are you okay? Is Anna okay? Did you see her?”
Rakan shook his head and tried to speak, but a second wave of nausea rolled up and he groaned involuntarily. The poison was more viral this time.
June wrapped her mind around him. “Again? How does the neutralized poison change?” She slipped into him and put the newly active poison into suspension. “Is it when you have a bad morph?”
Rakan heaved a frustrated sigh of relief. How could he ever talk to her about what his mother was planning without killing himself? “No. Only when I do something that I’m not supposed to do.”
June stared at him. “That’s inhumane. Who would do such a thing?”
“My mother—” Rakan said, choking on the word.
“Hush. Stop talking or you’re going to kill me too,” June said, diving in once more. “I’m not strong enough to keep doing this. We need to find a way to get it out. What a bitch.”
Rakan leaned his head briefly against June’s. “Thanks.” He transformed his clothes and stepped into his skis. If T’eng Sten’s shields hadn’t worked, Anna had just seen him morph and charge after her.
“I need to find Anna,” he said, taking off. Nothing else mattered anymore.
* * *
Anna arrived late for handball. She didn’t want to face June. Or Pemba. She shook with anger, wishing neither one had ever shown up in Tromso. But the image of Pemba and June lying in the snow together was burnt into her mind. They were here. And they were together. She leaned against the water fountain, trying to get herself enough under control to go join the rest of the team.
She felt Pemba approach her. “Go away,” she said, without turning around.
“Can we talk, please?”
“No.”
“I lost control. My… nature… took over.”
Anna spun around, hatred flaring to new heights. “You just don’t get it, do you? I don’t care what you are.” Anna gripped the water fountain behind her, “What matters to me is that you lied to me. You’ve both lied to me.” Anna struggled to walk away calmly, holding back her tears until she was in the locker room.
“Anna,” June said quietly, coming in a few minutes later. “Are you okay?”
Anna spun around to face June. “Am I okay? I see you rolling around with Pemba in the snow and you ask me if I’m okay?” Anna stood and threw her bag into her locker. “I thought you were my friend.”
“No. I meant about seeing Pemba become…”
“Seeing Pemba become what?” A flicker of doubt crossed her mind. She wasn’t sure what she had seen. It was fuzzy, half hidden. She pushed it away. It didn’t matter. He didn’t care about her anyway. And neither did June. “Leave me alone.”
June came closer. “I was just trying to help him.”
“By making out with him?”
“We didn’t make out, Anna. Nothing is going on between us.”
“Yeah, right.” Anna slammed her locker shut. “I don’t need people like you or Pemba in my life. And I bet Erling doesn’t either.”
“It’s not what you think.” June blocked Anna from going out. “Pemba and I—”
“Can get lost together.” Anna pushed June out of the way and stormed out. But she didn’t want to face the team. Or see Pemba in the bleachers. Watching June. Anna leaned against the wall. That was why he had never kissed her, because he had always been in love with June. She was such an idiot. The tears flowed freely.
Anna opened the door to the weight room and flicked on the light. Only to see Ulf making out with a black-haired girl in the middle of the room, his hand cupping her breast.
“What on Earth are you doing?” Anna hissed, trying to place who the girl was. There was something familiar about her erratic energy.
“Oh. Is this your girlfriend?” asked the girl, straightening her clothes. She looked like Dawa, but her face was more triangular and her eyes were a hypnotic honey yellow.
Anna stood perfectly still. She recognized the girl’s energy. It was Kariaksuq. And there was nothing shadowy about her.
“You have no reason to be here,” said Ulf, striding out of the room. “You’re late for practice. Let’s go.”
Anna slammed the door behind him. “I don’t know who you are or what you want,” she hissed, “but you need to leave.” Orange sparks flashed around Anna and she knew Pemba’s shield was still in place. “Now.” Because as much as she was glad to know the shield still worked, she didn’t want to face Pemba again.
“I was just having some fun,” said Kariaksuq, raising an eyebrow and beginning to fade in front of Anna’s eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”
R
AKAN LEANED AGAINST THE PARKING METER
that was on the street corner behind the library. Anna was inside. She had been avoiding him all week. His eyes wandered down past the painted wooden buildings and out across the fjord. He needed to talk to her. To make sure she was alright. He looked back at the modern building that always reminded him of a dragon in flight with its undulating roof supported only by walls of glass. But would she listen to him? Rakan watched as the half-melted mound of snow near the point of the roof that touched the ground slowly became pink, and then fuchsia. The artificial light of the library spilled out into the cobalt sky, as if urging the building to take flight.
Slowly, he pushed off the parking meter. He walked down the street to the main entrance, hoping she wouldn’t leave as soon as she felt him come near the way she had been doing at school these past few days. Rakan walked in and felt Anna stiffen, two floors above. But she didn’t move. He walked up the hanging metal staircase and paused on the first floor landing. The sky had darkened, becoming nearly indigo, but he could still make out the majestic form of the sleeping mountain they called Tinden. It shimmered in the twilight, curled up on the other side of the fjord as the city lights glittered playfully on the black water like puppies waiting for their mother to awaken.
Rakan turned and walked up the second flight of stairs, each step heavier than the one before. Had June been right when she said that Anna would’ve been able to accept him for what he was? Was it still possible? He glanced at her, curled up in a big red chair, her books stacked up on the extra-large arm rest. She was facing Tinden, and stiffly aware of his presence. Her blonde ponytail twitched nervously, like an animal judging when to flee. Rakan felt a wave of nausea, but couldn’t tell if it was the poison or his emotions. Or both.
He approached slowly and sat in the armchair next to Anna, his hands folded on his lap. “Can we talk, Anna. Please?” His voice was barely a whisper and when she didn’t answer, he wondered if she hadn’t heard him.
“We have nothing to talk about,” she finally said, her voice as hard and cold as it was quiet. “Everything you’ve ever told me was a lie.”
Rakan cringed. More than she knew. “Not everything,” he began, but the ice-cold hatred in Anna’s eyes cut him short. Had she been a dragon, she would’ve blasted him out the window. Rakan dropped his eyes. “Can you just tell me why you’re so angry?”