Doomed Queens (8 page)

It would appear that the evildoers were rewarded by good fortune, but murder will out. Five years later, Emperor Xuan discovered the truth behind Xu’s passing and executed most of Huo’s family.

Poison

As Madame Bovary discovered in the novel of the same name, dying from poison ain’t an easy way to go. After snacking on arsenic-laden rat poison, Flaubert’s favorite adultress envisioned sinking into a peaceful unending sleep. Instead, “drops of sweat oozed from her bluish face…. Her teeth chattered, her dilated eyes looked vaguely about her…. She was seized with convulsions and cried out, ‘Ah, my God! It is horrible!’” Madame Bovary’s death arrived too many agonizing hours later, announced by a stream of tarlike vomit from her mouth.

Because it lacks odor and flavor, arsenic is the most popular poison for the murderously minded. Arsenic affects its victim with irreversible liver and circulatory failure—a different route to the grave than Empress Xu’s experience with aconite, which depresses the cardiovascular system until the victim suffocates from a lack of oxygen. Some snake venoms act similarly but by paralyzing the nervous system; other venoms destroy red blood cells, leading to internal hemorrhage. Asps were used for executions in ancient Egypt and Greece—a more public form of poisoning than the wolfsbane hidden in poor Xu’s medicine.

CAUTIONARY MORAL

Choose your own doctors
and pay them well.

Aconite, aka wolfsbane. Pretty but deadly.

55 BCE

ack in Egypt, another Berenice soon came along. The reign of Berenice IV as queen of Egypt was almost as truncated as that of her murdered ancestress, Berenice III. Though the later queen Berenice managed to hold on to the crown about a year longer than the earlier, neither reign was anything to write home about.

By the time Berenice IV came to power in 57 BCE, it was the twilight of the Ptolemaic dynasty. Three hundred years of inbreeding had led to internal power struggles and a weakened bloodline. Berenice was the eldest of five children born to Ptolemy XII, the Egyptian pharaoh better known as Auletes, “the flute player” this belittling nickname referred to either his chubby cheeks or his habit of waxing musical when in his cups. Ptolemy’s subjects considered him weak of mind and will, especially after he imposed high taxes to meet the demands of the increasingly greedy Roman Empire.

Ptolemy was hanging on to his throne by a thread when Rome decided to annex Cyprus, an island under Egyptian rule. The Egyptians blamed Ptolemy for the loss and riots ensued. The king fled to Rome, hoping to convince them to return Cyprus and reinforce his monarchy.

With the king away, Rome asked twenty-year-old Berenice to mind the store. Berenice went one better and declared herself queen—she was glad to be rid of her father. The people of Egypt concurred and threw their full support behind her rule. Berenice’s four younger siblings Cleopatra (yes,
that
Cleopatra), Ptolemy Junior, Arsinoe, and Ptolemy Redux sucked it up to save their lives. There was little else they could do.

Berenice IV’s rule was distinguished by chaos and murder. Initially, she may have had a coruler confusingly named Cleopatra—it’s unclear whether this Cleopatra was her stepmother or an older sister. If so, she was immediately dispatched to the next world. Next up was Berenice’s cousin, Seleucus. The uneasy queen wed him to grant her rule stability, since people weren’t too thrilled to see a woman alone on the throne. The honeymoon did not last long. Seleucus was murdered within a week’s time.

Berenice immediately tried marriage again, this time to Archelaus of Cappadocia. While all these couplings were going on, the queen’s daddy was still scheming to regain Egypt. By now, Ptolemy had moved on from Rome to Ephesus, where he enlisted the support of the Syrians.

In 55 BCE, Ptolemy came triumphantly marching home. Paternal love did not keep him from immediately executing Berenice and her followers. One story claims that Ptolemy had Berenice’s head brought to him upon a platter while Cleopatra watched. It is presumed he did not serve it for dinner.

CAUTIONARY MORAL

When minding the store, don’t get caught
with your hand in the candy jar.

LIFE AFTER DEATH

Berenice’s death made little sister Cleopatra next in line to the Egyptian throne. To keep it in the family, Ptolemy Senior insisted Cleopatra tie the knot with her brother Ptolemy Junior. Ptolemy Senior reigned for another four years before he passed away at the ripe age of sixty-six. Improbably, he died of illness rather than alcoholism or at the hands of the Romans and his scheming children.

The flute player was also father of Cleopatra, who gained the throne after Berenice.