Don't Let Me Go (58 page)

‘Yes, she’s here. So’s Boots.’

As her heart swelled with an unsteadying rush of relief and joy she quickly released the downstairs door, fumbled to open the one next to her, then ran back down the hall to the sitting room. This was what she’d arranged with Tracy, for Tracy to bring Chloe into the flat rather than have the reunion outside on the street, or on the stairs.

By the time she heard them coming in the front door, putting down bags and Tracy chattering away, her heart was thudding so hard it was making her shake. Her hands were bunched tightly at her mouth as though to hold back the longing, while inside she was repeating over and over,
please let it be all right, please, please.
She could imagine Chloe’s little feet coming along the hall tucked neatly into trainers or sandals; she probably had one hand in Tracy’s, while the other would be clutching Boots. Her pretty curls would be all wayward and fluffy –
please don’t let anyone have cut them off –
and her big eyes would be taking everything in as she wondered where she was. It tore at Charlotte’s heart to think she might be afraid.

‘Here we are,’ Tracy said tenderly, coming into the room first. ‘And what did I tell you? I said, didn’t I, that Mummy would be here?’

As Chloe came in after her with Boots under one arm, it took every ounce of willpower Charlotte possessed not to run and sweep her into her arms. She’d grown in six months, and it devastated Charlotte to see how sad she looked, but she was still the adorable little girl from Te Puna and Charlotte knew it wasn’t possible to love her more.

‘Hello, sweetheart,’ she whispered shakily.

Chloe only stared at her.

‘Aren’t you going to say hello?’ Tracy asked gently.

Chloe’s eyes were still on Charlotte.

‘You do remember me, don’t you?’ Charlotte said, gripped by the fear that Chloe might not.

Then she realised Chloe was trembling, and suddenly huge, wrenching sobs began tearing from her.

‘I’m sorry, Mummy,’ she gasped. ‘I’m sorry. I won’t be naughty again.’

‘Oh my darling, my love,’ Charlotte choked, rushing to scoop her into a crushing embrace. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’ The feel of her in her arms was so wonderful, so right, she was in danger of crushing her too tight. ‘It’s Mummy who should be sorry,’ she sobbed, ‘and I am, my darling, so, so sorry.’ She drew back to look at her, smoothed her hair and kissed her face all over. ‘Oh, God, I’ve missed you so much. Thank God, thank God, thank God you’re here.’

Chloe could still hardly speak, she was crying so hard. ‘Go home now?’ she managed to ask.

‘Oh yes, we can go home,’ Charlotte laughed, hugging her again. ‘Just as soon as we’ve sorted some things out, but you’re going to stay here with me while we do that. You do want to stay, don’t you?’

The way Chloe’s arms and legs tightened around her was answer enough.

‘We’re going to be together,’ Charlotte told her, ‘just like we always were, and I promise no one’s ever going to take you away again.’

‘No, not again,’ Chloe echoed, her little body still jerking with sobs.

‘No, no, definitely not.’

Picking up Boots who’d dropped to the floor, Tracy used a finger to dab the tears from her own eyes, and setting him on the bench she whispered, ‘Better go move the car.’

‘There’s a permit next to the front door,’ Charlotte told her, her voice muffled by Chloe’s embrace, ‘and thank you. Thank you so much. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have her back.’

Tracy had to laugh. ‘I kind of noticed,’ she said wryly.

Charlotte laughed too, and began kissing Chloe’s hair again. Even if she wanted to, which she definitely didn’t, there wasn’t much chance of her putting Chloe down any time soon, because they were both holding on so tight it seemed they might never let go.

An hour later, Tracy had gone and Charlotte was sitting at the table with Chloe, watching her eat a brownie that used to be one of her favourites at the café along the road. She wasn’t sure if Chloe remembered those days, when they’d go for treats after nursery, and she wasn’t going to ask in case a little trip back in time managed to stir up memories of her father. For now it was enough just to sit here with her, watching the colour returning to her cheeks and trying not to keep touching her.

‘You’ve grown so pretty,’ she told her, smoothing her hair again. The feel of her, the smell of her, the very essence of her was swelling through Charlotte as insistently as if it had all the power of the tide outside. It was right that she was here, that they were together again, and she could only feel an eternal gratitude to Anthony and to the jury for making it possible. She should feel grateful to life too, she guessed, and its very strange way of doing things.

Chloe didn’t seem interested in her compliment as she munched her brownie and swung her legs back and forth. Her eyes came to Charlotte, and she gave a chocolatey smile that just about melted Charlotte’s heart.

‘I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you,’ Charlotte whispered. ‘And guess who else wants to see you? Nanna and Grandpa; Auntie Shelley and Uncle Wick.’

Chloe blinked as she took this in. ‘Uncle Wick,’ she repeated with a spray of crumbs. ‘Nanna.’

Loving the sound of her voice, while wondering what memories she had of her family and what new ones had settled since they’d been parted, Charlotte had to swallow before she said, ‘Yes, they’re here. They came all the way from New Zealand to help me find you, and now here you are.’

Chloe’s dark eyes stayed on hers. ‘Not naughty,’ she said earnestly.

‘No, no, no,’ Charlotte assured her. ‘You’re not naughty. You’re a good girl, and I love you very, very much.’

‘Stay with you now.’

‘Of course you’re staying with me. You’ll always be with me from now on, because as soon as we can arrange it I’ll be your legal mummy and then we’ll be able to go back to New Zealand where we’ll have the same surname and you’ll have your own passport and a new birth certificate.’ She knew this was far too much for Chloe to understand, but she’d needed to say it anyway, and felt sure she’d be saying it often over the coming days and weeks.

‘Boots,’ Chloe announced, pointing to where he was sitting on the table beside her.

‘Yes, and doesn’t he look smart.’ In fact he was tattier than ever, and an ear seemed to be missing, but it was almost as good to see him as it was to hear Chloe speaking. Whatever had been going on with the carers she clearly hadn’t felt confident enough to open up to them, or she simply hadn’t wanted to. Either way, she was finding her voice now.

‘She’s a little girl who knows her own mind, that’s for sure,’ Tracy had commented before leaving. ‘Tenacious, that’s what she is. You were all she ever wanted and she never wavered from it once.’

Hearing that had affected Charlotte deeply; how lonely and frightened she must have been, how bewildered by the strangers coming and going from her life. Had anyone been cruel to her? Please God there had been no more abuse. Tracy had assured her there were no signs of it, but Charlotte knew from bitter experience how long it had taken to detect them before.

‘Going through that trial the way you did,’ Tracy had continued, as they’d walked to the door, ‘and pleading not guilty . . . It was a really big chance you took. I know I wouldn’t have had your courage if it had been me, but thank God, it paid off in the end.’

Yes, it had paid off, because Chloe was here, right in front of her; it wasn’t a dream, and all the threats, the dread of prison, of never being allowed to see her again had gone away.

You’re meant to be together
, her mother had texted earlier and Charlotte knew, because she’d always known, that Anna was right. She just had to hope there were no complications with the adoption now, though Wendy had assured her she would lend her support in getting it through as quickly as possible.

‘Would you like to see your room again?’ she asked, as Chloe downed the last of her squash.

Grabbing Boots, Chloe slid down from the table and took Charlotte’s hand to walk along the hall to the princess emporium Bob and Anthony had created. Though it was completely over the top, awash with pink and glitter and stars on the ceiling and lacy pillows on the bed, Chloe seemed delighted with it and that was all that mattered.

They spent the next half an hour unpacking the few belongings she’d brought with her, adding them to the new wardrobe Anna and Charlotte had splashed out on, while Boots watched from his new position inside a cherry-coloured three-wheeler stroller.

‘Do you think you’ll like to sleep here?’ Charlotte asked as they lay together on the bed staring up at the stars.

‘Sleep with you,’ Chloe answered.

Since she’d expected this and had forewarned Anthony that it might take a while for her to feel OK about sleeping alone, Charlotte simply smiled as she said, ‘OK.’

‘And Boots.’

‘Of course, Boots too.’

A while later Chloe whispered, ‘Mum-my.’

Realising it wasn’t a question, more a little statement of wonder, Charlotte turned on to her side to look at her. ‘Chloe,’ she said softly.

Chloe broke into a smile and waved her hands in the air.

Was it really possible to love someone so much?

‘Are you tired?’ Charlotte asked, ‘or would you like to play a game?’

‘Do a painting?’

‘That’s a lovely idea. Shall we do one for Nanna?’

‘Yes, for Nanna.’ Her voice was quieter as she added, ‘And for Grandpa.’

Startled, Charlotte said, ‘For Grandpa too? That’s lovely. He’ll be very pleased. What are you going to make the painting of?’

Chloe shook her head. ‘I don’t know,’ she answered, and her eyes welled with tears.

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Charlotte murmured, pulling her close, ‘don’t worry if you can’t think of anything now. Let’s do one for Nanna first and see if we can come up with something for Grandpa later.’

They spent the rest of the day just the two of them, painting and watching the world from the window, spotting ships on the horizon and clapping when the donkeys trotted back along the sands with their riders. Since Chloe expressed no desire to go down there, Charlotte didn’t suggest it, simply took her into her bedroom and got her ready for the bath.

‘Nanna will come tomorrow,’ she told her, squeezing a sponge over her back and watching the bubbles swim down over her slippery little limbs. ‘She’s going to be very happy to see you. Everyone is. I expect you’ll be happy to see them too, won’t you?’

Chloe nodded and zoomed her toy fish through the foam.

‘Mummy’s got a new friend who I want you to meet. His name’s Anthony.’

Chloe was intent on filling up the fish and squirting the water back into the bath, so Charlotte decided to leave it there. The first seed had been sown; there would be plenty of time to mention him again in the morning.

As it turned out it was the following afternoon, when Charlotte suggested they write everyone’s name in icing on the cupcakes they’d made, that the subject came up quite naturally.

Clearly thrilled by the idea of naming the cakes, Chloe said, ‘That way everyone will know which one is theirs.’ Her face was all powdery with flour, her T-shirt flecked with butter, sugar and practically an entire packet of sprinkles – in fact she was good enough to eat.

‘That’s right,’ Charlotte agreed. ‘And it’ll make them feel very special.’

By the time they finished the squiggle that was supposed to say Shelley, Chloe realised they had one cake too many. ‘Shall we make that one for Boots?’ she suggested.

Charlotte had to laugh. ‘Which would make it for you really,’ she teased, giving her a tickle. ‘No, I think we have to make it for Anthony.’

Though Chloe frowned in confusion, instead of asking who he was she simply said, ‘Show me how to write it?’

‘Of course,’ and holding her hand and the stool she was standing on steady, Charlotte guided the nozzle to form an A followed by a Y.

‘What does it say?’ Chloe asked when they’d finished.

‘Well, Anthony is a bit of a long name and it’s quite difficult, so I thought we’d just do it like that.’

Chloe nodded agreement, and wiping her hands on her shorts she turned to fall into Charlotte’s arms so she could get down.

An hour later, squeaky clean from the bath, and still flushed from the excitement of Nanna, Auntie Shelley and Uncle Wick sweeping her up for giant hugs and kisses, Chloe ran to the table eager to give out the cakes. Though it saddened Charlotte to see the way she’d carefully avoided Bob – and Anthony – it didn’t really surprise her, in spite of her having said she wanted to do a painting for Grandpa. Nothing had come of it; in fact she hadn’t mentioned it again, so Charlotte hadn’t pushed it. Now she was interested to see what might happen when it came time to give Grandpa his cake.

The first ones went to Rick and Shelley, who dutifully gasped with delight, and Nanna’s lavish praise when she saw that her own name was actually quite legible set Chloe all aglow. Running back to fetch the cake meant for Anthony, she put it on a plate then stopped and looked up at Charlotte, apparently not quite knowing what to do.

Giving her a playful wink, Charlotte made sure she had the plate in both hands, then turned her around and steered her over to where Anthony was sitting on the bench with Anna. He looked so handsome, Charlotte thought, so relaxed, as though he belonged, and why not when he did?

Sitting forward to rest his elbows on his knees, he said, ‘Is this for me?’

Chloe’s eyes were huge and cautious as she looked up at him. She held the plate forward and whispered, ‘This is for you,’ and Charlotte almost sobbed with pride.

Looking very honoured as he took the plate, he said, ‘My goodness, this is a fine-looking cake. I think I might have the best one.’

Chloe watched him bite into it.

Going down to her height, Charlotte said, ‘Anthony is Mummy’s very special friend. He’s very kind and lots of fun . . . In fact, he’s just like Uncle Wick.’ Realising her mistake the instant Rick choked back a laugh and Anthony’s eyebrows rose, she said, ‘Well, not exactly like Uncle Wick, but he likes doing jigsaws and paintings and going for rides on the carousel. I expect we can do that later, can’t we?’ She turned to Anthony.