Don't Let Me Go (38 page)

‘Exactly.’

‘I guess they have to be seen to be doing it,’ Ron chipped in, ‘but it all sounds a bit of a waste of money to me.’

‘Particularly when it can be better spent on the department itself,’ Tommy added meaningfully.

‘How’s everyone responding to it there?’ Charlotte asked.

He shrugged. ‘Those who’ve been at the job longer are tending to be a bit more supportive, given that they’ve had more experience of what can happen to children in care. It’s mainly the younger ones who are being judgemental, especially those who never met you, but as we know, there are none more opinionated and less informed than the young.’

With a wry smile, Maggie said, ‘I think the important thing is to look at your conscience and if you don’t feel you’ve done anything wrong, and I personally don’t believe you have, then there’s nothing for you to feel guilty about.’

Charlotte’s eyes went to Tommy. ‘I feel bad about how much trouble this is causing for you,’ she told him, ‘and for you,’ she added to Maggie and Ron. ‘And for my parents, and the authorities, and the police . . . It all feels so huge, I guess because it is, but all it’s really about is one dear little girl who’s four today.’

Clasping her hands together in excitement, Carrie Jones said, ‘OK, Chloe, are you ready?’

Chloe’s eyes were fixed on the candles as she nodded. She was standing on a chair in front of the cake, Boots tucked securely under one arm while the other held her steady as she prepared to blow.

‘Remember,’ Carrie said, ‘you have to blow them all out in one go for your wish to come true.’

Tracy winced. Why had Carrie said that? Hadn’t she worked out for herself what the child was going to wish for?

‘OK, close your eyes,’ Carrie instructed.

Chloe was trembling hard as she screwed her eyes tightly shut.

‘And off you go,’ Carrie urged.

Tracy could hardly bear it as Chloe turned pink with the effort of wishing with all her heart. When she was done, she opened her eyes and looked expectantly at Carrie.

‘Time to blow,’ Carrie whispered.

Tracy smiled mistily as Chloe blew so hard she’d have doused a dozen candles if they’d been there.

‘Hooray!’ Carrie cheered, clapping her hands. ‘You did them all. What a clever girl.’

Still trembling, Chloe got down from the table and took hold of Tracy’s hand. ‘Go to Mummy now,’ she said, looking up at her, and Tracy could have wept.

Chapter Nineteen

‘
WOW! THIS PLACE
is totally amazing!’ Gabby exclaimed as Charlotte showed her through from the hall into a large white-painted sitting room. The high ceiling and arched French windows somewhat overpowered the solitary sofa and small dining table, but the granite fireplace and buffed pine floor were homely and welcoming. ‘And look at the views,’ she cried, crossing straight to one of the windows to take in the panoramic vista of the bay. It was a dull day with only sporadic outbreaks of sun, but a few hardy souls were riding the waves and a good number of dedicated joggers were chugging along the beach and promenade.

‘Is this where you’re going to be living, Auntie Lotte?’ five-year-old Jackson demanded as he and his sister burst into the room.

Charlotte glanced at Gabby, who grimaced in apology.

‘Is that OK?’ she asked. ‘We’ve been practising, and it was the name they preferred.’

‘It’s fine,’ Charlotte laughed, cupping Jackson’s adorable freckly face between her hands. ‘It’s lovely to see you,’ she told him. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘We missed you too,’ Phoebe cried, wrapping her arms around Charlotte’s waist. ‘Why have you changed your name? Can I change mine?’ she asked her mother.

‘Ask Daddy,’ Gabby replied, as Martin came into the room.

‘The answer’s no,’ he informed Phoebe before she could draw breath, and opening his arms he drew Charlotte into a brotherly embrace. ‘I hardly know what to say to you,’ he confessed, ‘so I’m going to start with it’s bloody good to see you.’

‘And you,’ she smiled, surprised by how much she’d missed him too. Though his expression was habitually stern, he never could hide the merriment that shone from his velvety blue eyes, and although he and Charlotte didn’t always hit it off, their mutual love of Gabby and the twins had created its own fondness between them. ‘And I expect I ought to be apologising,’ she added, ‘which I do, unreservedly, if I’ve caused you any embarrassment or worry.’

‘I can handle that better than I can the look of you,’ he said bluntly. ‘I’m guessing you’re not sleeping too well, or eating much either . . .’

‘You are so right,’ Maggie informed him, coming through from the main bedroom where she’d been making up the bed. ‘Hi, I’m Maggie Fenn,’ she smiled, holding out a hand to shake. ‘And my husband’s around here somewhere . . .’

‘Actually, he and Tommy have gone to B&Q,’ Charlotte told her. ‘Would anyone like a drink of something? We have tea or coffee, pink lemonade, diet Coke or white wine.’

‘We’ve got all those things,’ Phoebe piped up. ‘We stopped in the supermarket on the way here, didn’t we, Mum? We’ve got loads of shopping for you.’

Turning to Gabby, Charlotte said, ‘You didn’t have to do that . . .’

Waving it away, Gabby said, ‘We’ll take home anything you don’t need.’ She looked around. ‘Did you bring it in?’ she asked Martin.

‘Not yet, but if you two care to come and help I’ll do my duty.’

As the twins went charging after him Charlotte couldn’t stop herself imagining Chloe charging out there with them, eager to keep up with the older ones, thrilled at having something important to do.

Feeling Gabby’s eyes on her, she forced a quick smile as she said, ‘Why don’t I show you the rest of the place?’

‘And I’ll make some tea,’ Maggie announced. ‘Remind me, milk and sugar, Gabby?’

‘Just milk, thanks,’ Gabby called over her shoulder as Charlotte directed her back to the hall and into an adjacent room. ‘Gosh, this is so gorgeous,’ she gushed, taking in another high ceiling, decorative cornices and a tall sash window. Again there wasn’t much furniture, only a king-size bed with no headboard, two side tables and a frameless cheval mirror in one corner.

‘It just needs a bit more storage,’ Charlotte declared, opening up a cupboard to show a short hanging rail with a handful of hangers and a three-drawer chest. ‘Except given the few clothes I have, mainly thanks to you, I don’t need much.’

‘You’re sure to accumulate more, and if you do you can always pick something up from Ikea. What’s through the other door?’

‘It’s a small shower room,’ Charlotte replied, gesturing for her to go and take a look. She was trying to feel more upbeat about the place, particularly as she knew how lucky she was to have it, but lovely as it was, it just didn’t feel right without Chloe.

‘Are you OK?’ Gabby asked, looking concerned.

Charlotte forced a smile. ‘I’m fine,’ she assured her.

Gabby didn’t seem convinced. ‘Have you got the tag on yet?’ she said.

Charlotte lifted the hem of a trouser leg to show the black band with its transponder clamped to her ankle. ‘Attractive, isn’t it?’ she quipped without humour.

‘Well, at least you can hide it there better than if it was on your wrist. Do you have any idea how long you have to wear it?’

‘Until the trial’s over, I suppose.’

‘And you don’t know yet when that’s likely to be?’

Feeling a tightening of her nerves, Charlotte said, ‘All I know is that I have to enter a plea seven weeks from now. I think that’s when they set a date for the actual trial. Please God it doesn’t drag on for too long, or I’ll go out of my mind.’

‘What are the lawyers saying? Are they giving you any idea of a time frame?’

‘Not exactly, and I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t found the courage to ask. But I will, on Monday when I next speak to Kim.’
Or before if Anthony comes down from London,
she was thinking, but didn’t say. Neither Ron nor Maggie had mentioned him that morning, which probably meant he wasn’t planning on coming to Kesterly this weekend after all. She felt foolish for minding, and angry with the hope that kept springing to life every time Maggie’s mobile rang. He had a whole other life in London, a life she knew nothing about, apart from the little Maggie had told her. Actually that little was enormous, since his fiancée had been killed in an accident a couple of years ago, but Charlotte had no idea what his situation was now.

‘And along here,’ she said to Gabby, heading back down the hall towards the front door, ‘is the second bedroom which is a little bit smaller, and doesn’t have a closet or a bed, but it has a lovely high ceiling again, and the bathroom is opposite rather than en suite.’

‘It’s got a really nice atmosphere,’ Gabby commented, on her way to the window to check the view. Some gardens and garages and the backs of the houses opposite. ‘I could live here,’ she declared, turning to Charlotte. ‘I think you’re going to like it. Don’t you?’ she added uncertainly.

‘It would be very churlish of me not to,’ Charlotte replied, ‘particularly considering how much it’s costing, but I’m definitely going to pay Mum and Bob back – and the only reason I can do that is because of you and what you did . . .’

‘Oh stop,’ Gabby interrupted, coming to give her a hug. ‘We’re sisters, aren’t we? It was only right you got half of everything.’

Knowing it wasn’t what her adoptive mother had intended, Charlotte returned the embrace. They were so different in their ways, she and Gabby, but maybe that was what made her love her sister so much.

‘I know the court’s holding on to all your money now,’ Gabby said, ‘so if you’d like a loan to tide you over . . .’

‘Oh Gabby, you’ve done enough.’

‘No, I mean it . . .’

‘It’s OK, honestly. Mum’s already sent some; it’ll keep me going for a while.’

‘Well if you need any more, you just have to say.’

Charlotte hugged her again. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered.

Drawing back to look closely into her eyes, Gabby said, ‘Have you had any news about Chloe yet?’

Loving her for asking, while crippled by the reminder, Charlotte shook her head helplessly. ‘She was four yesterday,’ she replied, trying to keep her voice steady.

Gabby immediately looked stricken. ‘Oh my God, why didn’t you say? It must have been so hard for you, especially with not knowing where she is, or even
who
she’s with. This is so mean. Isn’t there anything anyone can do?’

Pressing a hand to her head, Charlotte said, ‘No, not right now.’

‘But what about Tommy?’

‘He can’t, you know that.’

‘Or Anthony? As a lawyer he might be able to . . .’

‘The conditions of my bail,’ Charlotte interrupted, ‘don’t allow me to go anywhere near her, even if we could find out where she is.’

‘But that doesn’t exclude knowing
how
she is.’

‘I guess it shouldn’t, but the police aren’t seeing it like that. Tommy’s doing his best with it, anyway.’ She took a breath. ‘I’m sorry, but we need to change the subject, or I’m going to start getting upset.’

Groaning with sympathy, Gabby linked her arm closely and walked her back down the hall. ‘What about the kitchen?’ she said, sounding excited. ‘The most important room of the house!’

Charlotte had to laugh. ‘It’s not going to wow you,’ she warned, ‘but it’s definitely enough for me. There you go.’ Standing back so Gabby could see in, she announced, ‘The ultimate galley kitchen, sink unit and cooker one side, washing machine and fridge the other, and Maggie Fenn making the tea, except she’s not a permanent fixture.’

‘Look out, we’re here!’ Phoebe shouted behind them. ‘These bags are really heavy, Auntie Lotte.’ She turned quickly to her mother. ‘Did I get that right?’ she whispered.

Laughing, Charlotte whisked away the bags and scooped her niece into an enveloping embrace. ‘Yes you did,’ she told her, ‘and anyway, you can call me anything you like, because no matter what it is I’ll still love you.’

‘What, even if it’s Smelly?’ Jackson demanded, bringing up the rear.

Charlotte rolled her eyes. ‘He’s such a boy, isn’t he?’ she said to Phoebe.

‘He’s the one who’s smelly,’ Phoebe told her.

‘I’m not, you are,’ Jackson shot back.

‘Enough,’ their father cried, coming in behind them. ‘Come on, Jackson, put those bags down and make some room.’

Grabbing the tea tray from Maggie, Gabby spirited it off to the sitting room and set it down on the table. ‘Sun’s coming out,’ she declared, taking in a little more of the view.

Coming to stand with her, Charlotte put a plate of Maggie’s home-made biscuits next to the tray and leaned in against her. ‘Thanks for being here today,’ she said softly.

Turning to her, Gabby smiled. ‘Of course we’re here. Where else would we be on such an important day?’

Not sure she’d seen the move as quite so salient, Charlotte squeezed her hand. ‘It’s a shame Mum can’t be here too,’ she said.

‘Yes, I know, but I can almost feel her watching over us.’ Then, realising her mistake, ‘Oh, sorry, I thought you meant . . . You’re talking about Anna.’

‘I was,’ Charlotte admitted, ‘but I’m sure you’re right, your mother’s looking over us from wherever she is.’

‘And Dad,’ Gabby sighed. ‘He’d be really concerned about you now, with all that’s going on. I keep asking him in my mind what I should do to help you, and I think he’d just want me to be as supportive as I can.’

Certain that would be true of her adoptive father, Charlotte smiled. ‘He was a very special man.’

‘Who?’ Jackson demanded, coming into the room.

‘Grandpa,’ Charlotte replied. ‘And he’s not the only one, because I think you’re a bit special too.’

Jackson beamed, then did a prompt about-turn as Phoebe shouted for him to come and get his lemonade.

‘I’m so glad you brought them today,’ Charlotte said.

Looking relieved, Gabby said, ‘They wanted to see you, but I was worried it might be difficult for you.’

‘It’s fine. I’d much rather see them than not.’

‘Maggie said we can have biscuits,’ Phoebe announced, skidding across the floorboards in her socks with Jackson in speedy pursuit.

‘Maggie said
a
biscuit,’ Martin told her, carrying the lemonade in after them. ‘And I’m ready to kill for a cuppa.’