Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game (6 page)

She eyed the one dollar bill and then looked back at
me. “Need change?” she asked, clearly fighting back her
laughter.

“Keep it,” I grumbled.

We were interrupted by Mr. Whitfield opening the
door. “Can I help you?”

Maddie smiled. “Yes Mr. Whitfield, my father wanted
me to drop off his sermon for tomorrow, and we also need to drop
off some personal effects of Jake Nelson’s.”

Mr. Whitfield returned Maddie’s smile and opened the
door for us. “Please come right on in.”

The funeral home was silent. Dead silent in fact. The
last few times I’d been there I guess they’d been at capacity with
relatives and friends hanging all over the place. The hallways were
dark and empty. “Where’s the other family?” I whispered to
Maddie.

Before she could answer, Mr. Whitfield answered for
her. “Mr. St. Clare’s family isn’t doing visitation. Just simply a
funeral tomorrow, which I think will be better in the long run. I
imagine we will be at full capacity at the visitation tomorrow
evening with all of Jake’s friends and family.”

I nodded. He ushered us into his office. “Please have
a seat.”

Maddie and I sat down in the leather studded chairs
in front of his desk. “Now let me see. Why don’t I take care of Mr.
St. Clare’s eulogy first?” He held out his hand, and Maddie handed
him the envelope.

As he was shuffling through some paperwork, one of
his workers strolled into the office with a white box in his hands.
“Hey Bill, I got a call to head over to Memorial Hospital. Some
tractor trailer jackknifed—looks like we’re getting two from the
accident,” he said.

Mr. Whitfield glanced up from his paperwork. “All
right, Ed. I’ll expect you back later then.”

“Oh, by the way, Paul just got back from the
crematorium. Here’s the Nelson kid.” Ed plopped the box down on the
edge of the desk and then headed out of the room.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me,” I hissed as a
strangled cry erupted from Maddie’s throat. We both stared in
horror at the sight of what was left of Jake sitting on the edge of
the desk not a foot in front of me. Nausea overcame me that the
larger than life sports god and manwhore was compressed into one
tiny box. It didn’t seem possible.

Mr. Whitfield grimaced. “Do let me apologize for Ed’s
callousness. He should have never brought these cremains in here.
We usually keep them in the back until the urn is picked out.”

Maddie’s breaths came in harsh pants, and I swiveled
my head to meet her frantic gaze. By the looks of it, she was about
to start hyperventilating. Before I knew it, she reached over and
fumbled for my hand. Part of me wanted to smirk and say, “
Yeah,
who’s freaked out by funeral homes now, huh?
” But I would have
been a total prick if I’d done that. Instead, I did the
compassionate thing for once, and I squeezed her hand before I
cleared my throat and stood up.

“Mr. Whitfield, we’re really in a rush, so if you
don’t mind, I’d like to just give you Jake’s things.”

Mr. Whitfield nodded. “Once again, I do apologize.
We’ll see you two back tomorrow evening then.”

I nodded. I cast one final look at what was left of
Jake before I tugged on Maddie’s hand, leading her out of the room.
Her sniffling echoed through the empty hallway. When we got
outside, I inhaled sharply of the fresh air as I leaned against the
mahogany door. With her back to me, I could see Maddie’s shoulders
rising and falling with her cries.

“Um-are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded.

“I’m sorry about having to—to see Jake like that.
Uh—he would want us to—you know—remember him the way he was—when he
was alive,” I stammered. I realized I sounded like an uber
dickhead, but comforting grieving females was so out of my realm of
expertise.

When she turned around, her dark eyes glistened with
tears, and my heart thudded in my chest. I don’t think I’d ever
seen anyone more beautiful than Maddie was in that moment. Jesus,
what was happening to me? I may have never seen anyone more
beautiful before, but I’d also never felt more like a creep and a
weirdo either.

“You’re right,” she murmured. She smiled weakly.
“Thanks Noah.”

I was too dumbfounded to do anything else but nod. I
tried to shake off the weird feelings that were crawling over my
body. I was going to be eighteen in two months, and I’d never, ever
experienced the emotions I was feeling right now. I didn’t know
what was more frightening: the fact I was entertaining attraction
for the “goody” preacher’s daughter, or the fact that I was
experiencing these feelings in the parking lot of funeral home not
ten feet away from the ashes of my dead best friend. Either way, I
felt like checking into the psych ward of the hospital
immediately.

I led Maddie over to the car and opened the driver’s
side door for her. She gave me an appreciate smile before I headed
around the side of the car. As we started down the road, a thought
popped into my mind. “So did you do the ‘cuss can’ thing to Jake,
too?”

She giggled. “Yes.”

My eyebrows shot up in surprise. “He actually did
it?”

“Sure, he did.” A wide grin stretched across her
face. “He liked to joke that his foul mouth probably paid for the
spring mission trip!”

I laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, Jake was
known to have a pretty serious potty mouth.”

“He did for a while. Then he got to where he never
even made a slip-up.”

I shook my head. “Wow, that doesn’t sound like Jake,”
I murmured.

Maddie appeared lost in thought for a few seconds.
Finally, she drew in a deep breath. “Noah,” she began. “You’re
probably going to be hearing some things in the next few days about
Jake that will—you know, surprise you.”

“Oh?”

She nodded. “I just want to prepare you.”

“What kind of things?”

“Well, things that you wouldn’t have expected from
him. Things he didn’t want everybody to know or to see about
him…yet.”

I thought about the ring and the song lyrics. I knew
Maddie was on to something. Plus, there had been all that craziness
in the last few weeks about him making a change and giving up
drinking and partying. Frankly, as an extreme Michael Jackson fan,
I thought Jake had listened to
Man in the Mirror
a few too
many times.

We pulled into Jake’s driveway and got out of the
car. I walked around and met Maddie on the driver’s side.

“Thanks for going with me, Noah.”

“Thanks for taking me,” I replied.

She gave me her beaming smile—the one that spread
across her face, causing her dimples to pop out—and then she
reached over and hugged me. As she pressed against me, I tried not
to think of the way her fabulous rack felt. Instead, I tried
thinking about how comforting it felt being hugged by her. Once
again, I wasn’t sure which one was the worse of the two evils.

***

That night when I climbed into bed, sleep
evaded me. Instead, every memory I could conjure of Jake barreled
its way through my mind. All I could do was think about him. A fire
raged in my chest. Small flames licked at my heart until it grew
into a billowing inferno. I knew what I needed to do, but I was too
stubborn to give in to it. It was simple enough…I just needed to
weep and to mourn. If I cried, I could release the pain…I could put
the fire out. But I wouldn’t do it. Instead, I lay in bed, choking
and suffocating in my own hard heartedness.

At two, I heard Mom’s footsteps out in the hallway.
After tip-toeing out of bed, I cracked open the door. “What’s going
on?”

Outfitted in her scrubs, she was pulling her hair
into a ponytail. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to have woken you. Most of
all, I’m even sorrier that I have to leave you, but Dr. Cooper’s
had an emergency, so I’ve been called in to cover for her.”

“Don’t worry. You didn’t wake me.”

Mom stopped rushing around and looked at me. Her face
then filled with worry. She came over to me and put her arms around
me. “I’m sorry to have to leave you tonight, Noah. I can only
imagine how you must be feeling about Jake’s…” She nibbled her lip.
“Maybe I could get one of the other partners to cover for me.”

I snorted. “Mom, I’m not going to slit my wrists
tonight, okay?” When her face crumpled a little at my harsh tone, I
sighed. “I’m sorry that I sounded like an asshole. But I’m
seventeen years old, not a baby.”

Giving me a hesitant smile, she cupped my chin in her
fingers, “You’ll always be my baby, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled. Even though I fought it, I
really did enjoy it when she wrapped her arms around me and
squeezed me tight. Nothing felt as good as my mom’s hugs—the smell
of the light vanilla lotion she wore and the strawberry
shampoo.

As she pulled away, she ruffled my hair. “If I didn’t
wake you, why are you up?”

I shrugged. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Want me to get you something from my goody-bag?”

I laughed. “Yeah, you got something to knock me
out?”

She nodded. “But just this once.” I followed her
downstairs to the kitchen. In the bottom rack of the pantry, there
was a bag of full of medical supplies—you know, the really good
stuff that only doctors had access too. She dug around in the bag
for a few minutes before snatching out a bottle. “Here you go.”

I took the blue pill from her hand.

“Sweetie, why don’t you stay home from school
tomorrow? You know, take it easy before the wake and all.”

I almost choked as the pill slid down my throat.
Since Mom never advocated for me skipping school, I thought it was
best I took her up on the offer. “Um, yeah, sure. Why not.”

“Good. Sleep in and get your rest.”

When I leaned over to give her a quick peck on the
cheek, she threw her arms around me, hugging me tight. “Jeez, Mom,
you been taking the roids lately?” I joked, trying to lighten the
somber mood enveloping us. Tears sparkled in her eyes when I pulled
away. Oh shit. “Mom,” I warned.

She shook her head as her hands came to cup my
cheeks. “I need to say this, sweetheart.” She drew in a shaky
breath, and I could tell she was fighting hard not to lose it. “I
just keep thinking over and over again in my mind how I couldn’t
bear if something happened to you like it did with Jake. After
seeing Evelyn tonight and the pain she was experiencing…” Mom
closed her eyes as a shudder rippled through her body. “My heart
just shatters,” she whispered.

Our roles shifted, and I took on the comforter by
pulling Mom into a big bear hug. “Stop thinking those things. I’m
right here, and I’m okay. Nothing is going to happen to me.”

I let Mom weep for a few minutes before I pulled
away. “Come on now, you need to be strong for patients. Somebody is
counting on you to get their baby into the world tonight.”

Mom bobbed her head as she wiped her eyes. Her hand
then brushed against her abdomen for a second. At my confused
expression, she jerked away from me. “Okay then. I guess, I’ll see
you tonight then.”

“Okay.”

“Get some rest, sweetie,” Mom urged while kissing my
cheek one last time.

“I’ll try,” I replied.” As Mom started out the garage
door, I headed back upstairs. I started to feel the effects of the
magic blue pill almost the second my head hit the pillow. Thoughts
whirled through my mind like debris in a storm and spat out bits
and pieces of random conversations. Suddenly, I remembered the ring
and song lyrics. I could almost feel the weight of the box in my
hand. Even in my woozy state, I tried hard processing the fact that
Jake had bought a ring for a girl. Jake, the ultimate manwhore and
player, had been serious enough about commitment to buy a ring.
Jesus.

Then in the deep recesses of my mind, I had a
brilliantly vivid flashback. It was of the last time Jake stayed
over. My drug induced state only enhanced the affect, and the scene
played out in my mind like a movie.