Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game (17 page)

My two-year-old tantrum had turned into an acid
filled teenage rant. I truly felt shitty when Mom’s chin trembled.
“The Amnio showed it’s a girl,” she said softly.

“Well, isn’t that sweet?” I snapped.

The tears pooling in Mom’s blue eyes spilled over her
cheeks. Although I did feel instant regret for hurting her
feelings, the sadistic part of me was glad she was able to see how
much I was hurting. In the end, I didn’t know why I was being such
an ass, but just the very thought of her being pregnant infuriated
me.

Mom drew in a few deep breaths before she spoke.
“Look, I know this baby and my marrying Greg is going to bring huge
changes to your life—to
our
lives. But I hope you can see
that they’re going to be good changes, sweetheart. Your happiness
means more to me than anything in the world, and I hope you can
believe that. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, ever.” A small
smile curved at her lips. “I want you to be happy for me and happy
for you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Oh, I’m happy.”

“You are?” she asked tentatively, as if she feared I
would go off on another one of my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde bipolar
episodes.

“Sure, I am. Why wouldn’t I be glad that you found a
guy who’d actually marry you when you got knocked up this
time!”

The moment the words left my lips I regretted them.
Mom appeared momentarily stung. But then in a quick, fluid motion
that took both of us off guard, she slapped me.

Hard.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. She hadn’t hit me
since I was ten years old when Jake and I ran away from home...for
ten hours. When I’d finally shown back up, she’d been a weeping,
snotty shell of the Mom I’d known. I figured she’d hold out her
arms for me to rush into, but instead, she had first smacked my
cheek. “How could you scare me like that?” she’d shrieked. Then
she’d burst into tears and held me for two hours.

But I wasn’t waiting around for hugs this time.
“Thanks a hell of a lot, Mom,” I mumbled. I spun on my heels,
grabbed my keys off the counter, and stormed outside.

I stalked out to my Jeep. When I’m climbed inside, I
slammed the door. “Fuck!” I cried, banging my fist on the steering
wheel. As I cranked up the engine, I squealed out of the driveway
intent on going to one place. And then it hit me so hard I slammed
on the brakes, causing my neck to whip back.

There was no place to go.

Because Jake was dead.

That one thought caused my stomach to heave, and I
scrambled to fling open the door. I puked the entire contents of my
stomach and my tumbled emotions onto the pavement. Defeated, I
wiped the back of my hand across my mouth and contemplated where
the hell to go.

Since we were kids, we had always used each other as
a refuge. When his dad was acting like a bastard, he’d hop on his
bike and pedal over to my house, or when I thought Mom was being
too strict, I’d escape to his. Then if we truly wanted to tell the
world to fuck off, we’d hide out in emerald thicket of trees behind
Grammy and Granddaddy’s house.

And a feeling came over me so strong that it took my
breath away. I put the car in drive and sped along the road.
Instead of turning onto Grammy’s street, I by-passed it and kept on
going. I didn’t want a lecture at her house, and I didn’t want Alex
or any of my other guy friends.

Instead, I pulled in Maddie’s driveway. Throwing the
car into park, I felt a wave of both relief and anger wash over me.
I was angry that I couldn’t go to Jake’s, but I was also relieved
that there was someone as kind and considerate as Maddie to go and
talk to.

Then my grief fueled anger changed over as thoughts
of my previous conversation with my mother and her slap caused me
to storm up the walkway, stomp up the front steps, and pound on the
front door. Fury caused me to dig into my pocket for some money
because I knew I wanted to be prepared for Maddie’s ‘Cuss Can’
antics.

When Maddie swung open the door, I thrust a five
dollar bill in her face. “Look, I’m fucking pissed off right now,
so put this in your damn cuss can!”

Her eyes widened. “No, that’s okay. You keep it.”

I shoved the money back in my pocket. “You’re not
going to believe what my mom just told me!” I rushed past in her in
the house. When I whirled around to find her still standing in the
doorway, I threw up my hands. “What?”

A sheepish expression filled Maddie’s face. “It’s
just that my parents aren’t home. They’ve taken Josh to the
doctor…”

“Yeah so?”

She looked down at the foyer floor, toying the rug
with her flip-flop. “I’m not allowed to be alone in the house with
a boy when my parents aren’t home,” she said softly.

I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling. Jesus, Maddie
had to always play by the rules. I stalked back across the living
room and peered at her. Then I snorted exasperatedly. “You know we
could just as easily
fornicate
on the front lawn if we were
so inclined.”

Color flooded her cheeks. Great, now I was being an
ass to her as well. “Dammit, that was a jerk thing to say. I’m
really sorry, Maddie. I’m just really upset right now.”

“It’s okay,” she replied. Without any more pressing
from her, I headed outside and onto the front porch. After she
closed the door, she motioned for me to have a seat in one of the
rockers. I flopped down in one with a grunt while she cautiously
sat down next to me.

“So what happened with your mom?” she asked.

“She’s getting married.”

Maddie’s dark brows furrowed. “Oh, is her fiancée
like mean or something?

“No, Greg’s a pretty decent guy,” I replied. I
refrained from telling her the couch incident—I was afraid she
might pass out.

“Then what is it?”

I shrugged. “I guess that I’m afraid of the changes
that are to come. Like having some dude I barely know in the house
or if we have to move…”

“But mainly you’re afraid of losing your mom’s love,
right?”

Grimacing, I replied, “Yeah, but that’s going to
happen regardless of whether she gets married or not.”

“How could you say that?”

“She’s pregnant.”

Maddie’s dark eyes widened with excitement. “Oh Noah,
that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for her!” she squealed.

I shot her a look. “Thanks a lot.”

Maddie frowned. “I don’t understand.”

With a sigh, I replied, “Neither do I.”

“Let me guess. You’re afraid with your mom getting
married and having a baby she’s going to completely replace you in
an instant and totally forget that for seventeen years of her life
she had a wonderful son to love and be proud of?”

After Maddie said it aloud, I felt like a complete
dickwad. It sounded so childish and stupid, but at the same time,
it also sounded completely feasible. “Maybe.”

She smiled and linked her arm through mine. “Your mom
could never replace you. Think about it, you’re her first born. A
new husband and new baby aren’t going to change that.”

I stared into her big brown eyes, and I realized I
wanted to be as honest with her as I could. “Then everything is
worse because Jake’s gone when I need him most.” I kicked at a nail
on one of the wood floorboards. “I guess deep down, all I keep
thinking of is that everyone leaves me—my real dad, my grandfather,
Jake…how can I be sure my mother won’t too?”

Maddie’s hand came to cup my cheek. “Aw, Noah, how
could you ever think that? She’s never going to leave you.” She
shook her head. “Besides your jerk of a dad, no one has left you
because they wanted too—not your grandfather or Jake. The people
who love you and care about you aren’t going anywhere.” She smiled.
“Myself included.”

“Really?”

Nudging me playfully, she said, “Now I want you to
think about something for a minute. Next fall, you’re going off to
Tech, right?” When I nodded, she continued on. “You’ll meet all
these new people, go to lots of parties that you probably
shouldn’t—”

I chuckled. “Hey now.”

She grinned. “You have a whole new life ahead of you.
But what would your mom have done without you in the house?”

In all honesty, I hadn’t.
Wow, Noah, what a way to
be a selfish prick
.

When I didn’t answer, Maddie patted my arm. “It’s
okay if you didn’t. Just think about it now. I mean, she was going
to be all alone, and now she’ll have somebody. Two somebody’s
actually.”

“It’s a girl,” I suddenly blurted for no apparent
reason.

“Really?” Maddie squealed.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes.”

“Oh, if she looks anything like your mom, she’ll be
so beautiful,” Maddie said.

“There’s something else.”

“Besides your mom getting remarried and having a
baby?” she asked, smiling slightly.

“She slapped me.”

Maddie’s eyes widened. “She did?”

I nodded.

“But why?”

Instead of answering her, I hopped out of my seat and
walked down the length of the porch, gazing out at the flower
beds.

“Noah?” Maddie prompted.

“Well, um, it’s the way I acted when she told me. I-I
said some pretty hurtful things.”

She rose out of her chair and came over to me. “What
did you say?”

I turned back towards her and inwardly groaned. There
was no way in hell I wanted to tell Maddie the awful thing I’d
said. But when she tenderly took my hand in hers, I crumbled. “I
was the biggest asshole in the world. I told her I was glad she’d
finally found some guy who’d finally marry her. You know, after he
knocked her up.”

Maddie gasped and dropped my hand. “Noah, how could
you?”

I threw my hands up. “I don’t know why. I mean, why
do we ever say or do the things we do?”

“You have to apologize right now!”

I stared at her. Jesus, was she pushy! She never
stopped trying to make me be a better person. It made my blood boil
as I crossed my arms over my chest in a huff. “Tell me something I
don’t know, Einstein.”

Suddenly, she narrowed her eyes at me, and I wasn’t
expecting the response I got. “Don’t get smart with me! I’m just
trying to help.” She whirled around and started back inside the
house.

Shit.

“Maddie, wait!” I called. When she kept walking, I
dug deep and said the word most guys loathe. “Please!” She stopped
and turned around. I’d already hurt the woman I cared about most in
the world today, so I didn’t want to screw up with anyone else,
especially not Maddie. Deep down, I didn’t know why I cared so much
about what she thought of me. Normally, I wouldn’t have given a
shit. But after Jake, she meant something to me—more than I was
willing to admit sometimes.

I sighed and raked my hand through my hair. As she
stared expectantly at me for the other two words guys hated to say,
I stuffed my hands into my pants pockets. “Um…I’m sorry.”

The corners of her lips turned up like she was
fighting a smile. “Thank you.” After I had groveled to her
satisfaction, she came back over to me. “You know, you probably
need to take her some flowers when you apologize.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“Want me to help you pick them out?”

As I gazed at the sweet expression on her face, I
wanted to kick my own ass. I didn’t want to go flower shopping with
her. I wanted to grab her in my arms and lay a big one on her.
Better yet, I wanted to go for a sex romp with her through her
parents immaculately kept flower beds. But I knew I couldn’t.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” I lied.

She smiled. “Then I will.” Suddenly, she brought her
hand to her forehead. “Oh, I almost forgot. It’s Wednesday
night.”

“So?”

“It’s church night.” She quirked her eyebrows at me.
“Do you ever go?”

I shook my head. The truth was I hadn’t gone to
church since my granddaddy died. I guess you could say I was still
a little pissed at God.

“Wanna come with me?” she asked enthusiastically.

Truthfully, the last thing on earth I wanted to do
was go to church. But at the same time, I was up for anything that
meant being close to Maddie. I also wanted to check out Pastor
Dan’s place a little more to see what it was that had such a hold
on Jake.

“Yeah, but I don’t want you guys doing anything weird
to me,” I said.

“Don’t worry. You don’t get to handle snakes on your
first visit,” she said.

My eyes widened in horror. “Snakes? What the
hell!”

She burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding you,
Noah!”

“Oh, right, sure,” I replied, although I sounded a
lot more convinced than I felt.

***