Don’t Forget to Remember Me (25 page)

Julia, you are so beautiful. And you are
mine
. I closed my eyes and breathed her
in.
I love you.

I slid under the covers and pulled her
close, snuggling up to her warm little body. She curled into me,
her legs tangling unconsciously with mine and her head came to rest
on my chest.

“Ryan…” she breathed, and I was content.

For the first time in a month, I was going
to get a good night’s sleep.

Something warm and
wonderful
surrounded
me as my eyes
fluttered open and my hand moved over the arm wrapped securely
around me from behind. The fine hair covering his skin was downy
soft against my fingers.
Mmmm…Ryan
.
The delicious memories of the night before flooded my
consciousness. He was beautiful and amazing. And he loved
me.

There was a gentle nuzzling at the side of
my neck. His sweet breath washed hotly over my skin just before his
lips found the sensitive place beneath my ear.

“Good morning,” I said softly and tightened
my hold on his arm.

“Mmmm…yes, it is.” He moved to prop his head
up on one arm and turn on his side, still leaving the arm I was
holding onto around me, but his fingers moved up to touch my
cheekbone and then slide softly along my brow. I looked up at him
in wonder. His hair was wild and reflecting gold from the sunlight
streaming in from the window and his blue eyes; intense. “How are
you this morning?” He bent to place a soft kiss on my open
mouth.

Immediately I responded, my mouth clinging
to his in hungry ardor. His hand slid up to wrap around the back of
my neck, thumb tracing the line of my jaw as I kissed him. He was
careful not to crush my body with his. The kiss was so gentle. I
wanted more, but it tugged at my heart how aware he was of my
injuries and my needs. I slid my arms around his waist and up over
the strong muscles of his back. I tried to pull him closer, aching
to feel his hard muscled body sinking into mine. Finally, his
tongue entered my mouth with a groan of surrender; each one giving
and the other taking, and back again. It was perfection.

My hips surged toward his but Ryan resisted,
softening the kiss and pulling away. Saying nothing, he nuzzled his
nose against my face affectionately.

“Wonderful,” I murmured, turning in to him.
“How could I not be?” I had him beside me, holding me close to his
body, his scent wafting around and his lips moving over my cheek
and chin toward my mouth. “Thank you for last night,” I whispered
against his lips, hoping he would kiss me and never stop.

“Which part?” He pulled back and gazed at
me. “Interrupting you with that jackass or for later, hmmm?”
Emotions flickered in his eyes and when I wrinkled my nose, he
smiled softly. I reached up to touch the side of his face with my
left hand and rainbow reflections shot all over the room, falling
across his features, the walls and the ceiling. I gasped.

“Uhhh…” My breath rushed out as my eyes flew
from the diamond bracelet to meet his eyes. His hand immediately
closed over mine and drew it to his mouth. He held it there, his
lips moving softly over my skin and then the bracelet, his eyes
never leaving mine. It was breathtaking. Our initials entwined like
lovers, diamonds sparkling from the center and both sides, so
delicate and amazing. My eyes welled with tears as my mind flashed
to a dark place filled with candlelight, love and happiness. The
feeling overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes, causing the single tears
to slide from the corners of each of my eyes.

“Don’t cry, my love,” Ryan said as he kissed
my right temple. “Julia, please don’t cry.”

I turned so he could fully enfold me in his
arms. I ignored the pain shooting through my ribcage, buried my
face in the curve of his neck and tightened my arms around him. “Oh
Ryan…It’s so beautiful. It’s perfect. I’ve been missing it, haven’t
I?” I asked, my voice overflowing with emotion.

“Yes.” He nodded ever so slightly, and then
kissed the inside of my wrist again. “From almost the moment you
woke up. I missed seeing it there, too.” His words were soft and
reverent, flowing like warm honey over my senses. That voice would
be my undoing. “So much, I can’t even tell you.”

His hand was stroking my hair, down my arm
and hip and back again, his touch so soft and reverent, like I was
made of glass. I watched him through my tears. His features were
soft, but he swallowed like his throat hurt and closed his eyes for
a second or two.

“I
know
,” I said in a whisper.

“Do you? Are you remembering anything?”

I swallowed the tightness in my throat as I
searched for something in the back of my mind. I closed my eyes and
the scene unfolded. “Yes. It was a place I don’t recognize. It was
dark, except for soft candlelight. I remember how I felt when you
put it on my wrist.” My voice cracked on the words and I looked at
him. Finally, I was getting something that I could hold on to. “The
love between us in that moment…so amazing.”

“Yes. We went skiing in
Colorado; just the two of us. It was our first Christmas as a
couple and we wanted to be alone. It
was
…amazing.” His hand cupped my face again, his thumb brushing
away an errant tear along my cheekbone and his lips moved softly
over mine like a feather caress.

I nodded silently. “That’s when you gave me
that beautiful poem, too.”

His face split into a brilliant smile and he
nodded. “Do you remember what you gave me?”

I tried but couldn’t place anything. Ryan
could see the struggle on my face. “Well, you’ve remembered
something and that’s enough for now. For the first time, I have
real hope that you’re coming back to me,” he said softly, his tone
low and velvet. My heart thrummed inside me.

“Ryan. I’m so sorry.
This
has
to be hell for you.” I played
with the front of his t-shirt as his hands continued to stroke up
and down my body.

He pulled in a deep sigh. I knew he wouldn’t
tell me how badly he’d suffered, so I searched his eyes
imploringly, silently begging him for the truth. “I’m just thankful
you’re okay. Having you…alive…and whole, is the most important
thing.”

How could I have forgotten this incredible
man? How could I forget the magnificence of a love like this? It
filled me up to the point of bursting. I tilted my head so I could
kiss his chin, covered in a full day’s worth of beard by now. It
wasn’t prickly; it was soft and felt nice. He smelled divine. “You
feel so good.”

“So do you. I’ve missed you in so many
ways.” The words pulled from him as if he couldn’t help it, his
tone low and guttural. “Last night…was…”

“Mmmm…Yes,” I said, smiling against his
skin. He moved, pressing me closer. I moaned softly.

“Were you trying to make me jealous?” There
was a hard edge to his tone. He wasn’t mad at me, but it wasn’t
exactly the reaction I was looking for.

“No, I mean…I wasn’t, but
I’m glad it turned out this way. I was missing you and you did need
a little motivation.” I smiled at him. “It wasn’t a
date
.”

“Hmmph.” He let out his breath. “Could’ve
fooled me.”

“Look what it got me. Here we are, all
wrapped up together. All I wanted was time with you.”

“It was hard staying away, but it was easier
than being…close.”

I pulled back, puzzled. “So why last
night?”

He looked at me seriously.
“You know
why
. Last night…I gave in
to all I’d been fighting. I couldn’t help myself and it was
incredible. It feels so good to be able to tell you I love you out
loud.”

“I still don’t understand
why you had to fight
anything
. You
should’ve just told me. You still should.”

Ryan’s hand stopped its gentle kneading of
my flesh and he rolled onto his back away from me. The look on his
face told me that the conversation was over. “I’d rather talk about
what in the hell you were doing with that jerk-off,” he said with
false sharpness. He was teasing, but it was more an attempt to
change the subject.

I couldn’t help smiling. I
loved jealous Ryan. It gave me all kinds of butterflies in the pit
of my stomach. “My, you have so many colorful names for Spencer
this morning,” I teased. “I thought you said that you
weren’t
mad.” Now it was my turn to prop
up on my elbow and tease. I winced and Ryan noticed.

“Julia, please stop doing things that hurt,”
he said shortly. He rolled off of the bed and bent to lift me into
a sitting position near the edge.

“Well?” I asked, not
letting him change the subject
.

“I wasn’t mad at you, but that prick crossed
the line.” He powered on his computer, I assumed because he wanted
to check email, and shot a look over his shoulder.

“I was bored. I missed you. When he called…I
wanted to talk about my trip to New York. He’s the one person I can
talk to about you. Jen and Aaron, even my parents, are doing what
you ask and keeping their traps shut. Spence is the only one who
can be impartial.”

His face hardened, his
mouth setting in a firm line. “Are you fucking kidding me? You
could have talked to
me
,” he
muttered.

I got up and went to stand behind him,
placing my hands on his shoulders. The muscles were tense and I
squeezed slightly.

“You wouldn’t tell me. You’re avoiding it
now, too.”

“He knows the truth, but he didn’t tell you
either, right?”

“No,” I said in defeat.

“We agreed that it would be best not to push
you, but he’s trying to drive a wedge between us. He wants you. I
don’t trust him anymore.” He didn’t move, didn’t soften his
posture, didn’t turn towards me and take me in his arms like I
wanted.

“Ryan, are we really arguing about someone
who means nothing? He can’t influence my feelings. Don’t you know
me better than that?”

It was like he didn’t hear what I said. “You
had to know how much you meant to me.”

I shrugged. “To a degree.
You were very loving, but I was afraid you were only being a good
friend, feeling obligated to take care of me. I wanted
more
. Every time I ask anything specific,
you either ignore or deny me.”

Ryan turned and faced me.
His eyes were flashing fire. “I
never
denied you. Not
once
! I fucking worship you.” My heart
squeezed inside my chest at the pain and love that crossed his
face. I wanted to hold him, but
he
walked
quickly over to his dresser, opened the top drawer and dug around
in the back before slamming it shut. He was in front of me in two
seconds. “You want to know what we are?” His eyes were blazing;
Ryan pulled my left hand forward and slid a diamond engagement ring
on the third finger. His voice softened on the next words. “We are
everything, Julia.
Everything
.”

“Oh my God,” I breathed as I stared down at
the beautiful ring. Tears flooded my eyes. Suddenly I was in his
arms and he was burying his face in the curtain of hair at the side
of my neck. “Ryan…I’m…” Between the emotions and the implications
of the ring, I was speechless.

“I know you don’t remember
when I proposed, and if you don’t want to wear it, I’ll understand.
I just…” he said as his arms tightened around me tenderly, “I want
everyone to know you’re mine. I need
you
to know it.”

We held each other without speaking, his
heart beating heavily next to mine. He was warm and safe. I felt
very much loved and completely cherished. Finally, I found my
voice. “I thought we established that we owned each other last
night.” My arms were around his neck and I moved both hands to
thread though his hair and hold the back of his head. Love
swallowed me whole and I held on for dear life.

“I guess we did,” he said as his hold
loosened and he tried to move back a little.

I couldn’t help it, my arms tightened again.
“No, don’t let go.” My eyes stung and my voice caught. “Don’t let
go. I’ll never take it off.”

“I’ve missed holding you
like this.” His arms were home, the hold he took of me was
possessive and
I
wanted to be his more than anything; more than food or water
or air. Nothing mattered more than Ryan. “Shhh, Julia,” he soothed
me as I wept into him. “I know this whole thing has been confusing.
I’ve wished over and over that I could make everything better for
you.”

It was my turn to pull
back so I could look into this face. “You
do
. Don’t you see how wonderful you are?
From the moment I saw your face, I knew this was
us
.” I smiled through my
tears. “Even though you’re so stubborn.”