Do Overs (6 page)

But I surrendered the thought. I kept my eyes closed and inhaled Bob’s scent, familiar as everything else because it was the same scent he’d wear for the rest of our tepid lives together. I pulled away from him and released my hold. “Never mind.” My voice came out weak with disappointment. “Come on. One more stop.” This time I didn’t take his hand and he didn’t reach
for mine. I didn’t mind too much. I had no desire to see anything more of our future together. I’d lived that life for twenty years.

When we reached a hugely popular corner pub, we met up with my roommate, Sarah and her boyfriend, Eric. I didn’t think Sarah was any more pleased at Bob’s presence than he was to be there. But we needed to deal with his aversion to fun, get over it. We found a place at one of the long tables. I asked Bob to get us a basket of popcorn.

He shot me a pained look from behind those wire-rimmed glasses and his mouth dropped a fraction. Saying nothing, he stood slowly, radiating disbelief.

He went over to the popcorn maker, picked up a basket, stared at it, looked at me, looked at the popcorn, and then shook his head. He filled the basket. Instead of returning to his seat next to me, though, he gently put the basket down in front of me.

“I can’t do this anymore, Lila. It’s getting late and I have to work in the morning. I’m sure Sarah will make sure you get home safely.”

And with that, Bob disappeared through the crowd.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I shut it quickly and shook my head.

Go after him, you idiot.
The forty-four year old voice inside my head yelled loudly.
You’re ruining everything and for what?

For what indeed? I should have been scared, shaking in my pumps at the very thought I may have tossed my comfortable future right in the trash.

Or maybe not. Maybe he’d call in the morning and everything would be the same as it had been. I couldn’t—
wouldn’t
—run after him just to make sure we were good.

Fate would have to decide.

“Wow. That was cold.”

I glanced at Eric and lifted a shoulder, my attempt to be blasé when I actually had some anxious jitters scattering around my belly. No, I didn’t think I’d been dumped. I thought Bob would’ve been a bit more straightforward than that. He was just done for the night.

He’d get over it. So would I.

But rather than dwell on Bob’s departure, I planned to enjoy the evening with a little Lime N’ Lager, a basket of popcorn, and time with my best girlfriend. Maybe I wouldn’t go home until closing time for once. And I wouldn’t worry about Bob’s issues.

When Colin moved through the crowd toward us, I nearly melted into a lustful puddle under the table. Those images and sensations that exploded in me when he had taken my hand earlier in the day came back full force, like standing in the middle of a fireworks display, sparks and fire bursting all around me. Dangerous and exciting all at once. Misty’s bitter accusations and demand that I stay away from him echoed in the back of my mind, but I shoved them aside.

Misty wasn’t with Colin and the half grin on his face was aimed at me. I sucked in my breath.
Damn it. Breathe!
The lust swirling in my brain didn’t leave room for any other thought.

“Can I join you?”

“No Misty?”

I was glad Sarah asked because I had no courage to. I think I already filled my quota of problems with regard to their relationship.

“Nope. She’s busy tonight, I guess.” He slid onto the bench next to me, grinning. “The sketch came out great.”

“Sketch?” Sarah’s brows raised and she tilted her head.

I shot her a guilty smile. She had no clue about my day other than the date with Bob. I had a lot of
‘splaining
to do. Sarah would cheer for Colin though. I hoped she missed the lust written in my eyes when he joined us. She’d use that against me for sure, possibly trying to play matchmaker.

I
so
didn’t need that.

As much as the thought of hooking up with Colin stirred my adrenaline, I didn’t want him thinking I needed to be fixed up.

“Long story, I’ll explain later.” I mumbled and took a long draw of my beer. I didn’t want to get into an explanation now, not with Colin sitting so close to me. Instead I concentrated on the cold beer with the twist of lime sliding down my throat. Wow, I’d forgotten how much I liked those Lime N’ Lagers. Much more refreshing than a straight beer.

Sarah furrowed her brows. “Looking forward to our chat.”

She and Eric shared another beer before excusing themselves, leaving me alone with Colin. Well, as alone as we could be surrounded by dozens of people. The place buzzed with conversation and music. Thick cigarette smoke hung in the air.
That’s right. Smoking hadn’t
been outlawed in bars.
It would take me a week to get the smell out of my clothes.

Colin leaned up against me. Lusty thrills ran through my body straight to the pit of my belly. I found it difficult to talk over the noise, but we got bits and pieces back and forth. Small talk. If I were really brave I’d ask him if he wanted to leave.

Fortunately, he was braver than me. As soon as I finished my drink, he leaned over and put his mouth by my ear. If I’d been standing, no doubt I would have slid to the floor.

“Please tell me you need some fresh air as much as I do.”

I nodded quickly, grabbed my purse, and managed to swing my leg over the bench without kicking the girl next to me. Colin cleared a path for us to the exit, and soon the cool sweet air hit me.

“Someday they’re going to outlaw smoking in bars.” I didn’t think my declaration would be too shocking or out of left field.

“Wouldn’t that be nice.”

I had no idea where we were going. We just wandered along the sidewalk then turned at Exchange Street, our shoulders bumping together, hands touching, but not holding.

I couldn’t find the nerve to take his hand in mine. Instead I hoped he’d make the first move. The thought of our fingers linked sent a pleasant heat melting through my heart. We didn’t get too far before Colin stopped in his tracks, took hold of my arm, and pulled me against him.

Finally.

The kiss caught me completely unprepared. His mouth pressed against mine, lips insistent and hungry.

Another flash hit me like a rocket, but despite the passion in Colin’s kiss I didn’t get the same sense of romance and desire. Instead Colin and I fought. But more than that, disappointment,
anger, and broken heart accompanied this flash. Like a fist, heartbreak crushed what I had hoped could be love.

That I didn’t need. Maybe tomorrow morning I’d wake up in my old body and Bob would be next to me and I’d get up and resume my life. I could deal with that. But I couldn’t and wouldn’t deal with spending this night with a guy who could bring such desolation into my life.

I pushed him away and took a quick step back. “Stop that.” I rubbed a hand over my mouth hoping to wipe away the vision of us fighting and the heartache that horrifying future carried.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Colin held out his hand
as if to summon me back to him.

What did he think? I’d reach out and say, “oh silly me,” and forget everything? No.

I took another step backward.

“Just…you’re Misty’s boyfriend.” I tried to keep my voice cool a
nd level, but I heard it crack.

“Come on, Lila, you know damned well she’s cheating on me. I appreciate you trying to cover
for her, but I’m not an idiot.”

He took a step forward, his hand still out. I took another step back. The expression on his face changed subtly, from desire to annoyance. His eyes narrowed and lips tightened, curling up a fraction. Did he think really all women swooned over him? Of course, they probably did. I was proof positive that Colin could give a woman a smile and they’d turn into a puddle at his feet.

Hadn’t I done just that? Swooned like I’d never swooned before? Crap. How big an idiot am I?

“It’s okay, Lila. We have a connection. I know you felt it.” His silky, seductive voice invited me to be foolish, to fall for it, to ignore everything that raged through my head, all for a sexy voice and incredibly blue eyes.

I squeezed my fingers into tight fists and managed to hold on to a scrap of self-control. I lifted my chin and shook my head.

“I’m not going to kiss you again. I don’t know what you thought, but I’m not…I’m dating someone. I have to go.” I tried to push past him, horrified at how I tripped over my words. My decent command of the English language abandoned me and in its place a cold sick swirl twisted in my gut telling me I made an awful mistake.

Colin stepped into my path, blocking my escape. His sexy smile slid into a more menacing sneer. The humor I’d appreciated earlier in the day faded to an iciness that gripped my heart. I glanced around us, not pleased to see there wasn’t a soul in sight.

What the hell?

This was the Old Port, there were always people around. Colin made a grab for me, his fingers latching onto my arm. With a rush of adrenaline, and a sudden surge of the will to survive, I took a good grip on my purse, hauled back, and smacked him upside the head.

He shook it off, pressing his palm against the point of contact. Had I used the purse my forty-four year old self owned, he’d be flat on his back right now, but the little thing in my hand, only big enough to hold my wallet, a comb, my lipstick, and an itty bitty bottle of hairspray, merely caused him to become more annoyed. Even in the weak streetlights I saw his face darken a blotchy red. His nostrils flared with anger and he flashed a glimpse of those white teeth through his curled back lip.

“You teasing bitch.”

I’d had it. No way in hell I’d stand here and take this abuse from him. I summoned every bit of anger inside and smacked him again. I turned around and headed as fast as I could down the street, back the way we came.

What in the world was going on? I didn’t dare look back to see if he was following. Even though anger bubbled through me, an equal measure of fear churned inside too. Any second I expected a hand to grab onto me and drag me away.

Tears streamed down my face, distorting my vision. I wiped them away and didn’t slow down. The further I walked away from the spot of our confrontation, the more certain I was that Colin hadn’t followed. Still, my brain whirled in a mushy circle of confusion, and honestly I didn’t know where I was headed. I could’ve gone into any number of bars and called a cab, but my mind churned illogically.

No, the details of this unbelievable day circled my thoughts like a flock of psychotic vultures, picking at bits and pieces of what I did wrong, directions I should have taken, like resisting Colin’s offer and my lust for him in the first place.

What was the point? Why had this out of world experience happened to me? I lost my job, I probably lost the man I’d married in my “previous” life, and now I ran away from the guy I’d lusted after all day. What was wrong with me? What lesson was I supposed to be learning here? These “whys” made my head hurt.

By the time I stopped walking I found myself on Commercial Street. I glanced behind me and didn’t see Colin anywhere. Relieved, I leaned up against a wall and wiped my eyes. I probably resembled a psycho raccoon, mascara oozing down my cheeks.

I didn’t want to go back to my apartment. It would be a hell of a walk. I was tired and there wasn’t anything for me there. I figured Sarah would be spending the night with Eric, so I couldn’t cry on her shoulder. I definitely couldn’t go to Bob. I didn’t know what to do about him anyway.

How in the world could I spill my guts to him, admit I’d been tempted to kiss Colin? Or worse, that I kissed him. No, Bob wouldn’t understand and I couldn’t really blame him.

Bad enough I didn’t even take into consideration his feelings when I took him into the Old Port. Now I had to add this guilt for getting all hot and heavy over Colin and the shock of how he’d turned on me, roiling inside my head.

Across the street stood the ferry line and the charter tour offices. Aaron wouldn’t be working now, but I could still catch the last ferry to Peaks Island where he lived. He was the best of all worlds.

A shoulder to cry on, and someone who wouldn’t judge me if I admitted I wanted to kiss another girl’s boyfriend. I’d always been able to say anything to Aaron. He had never been judgmental. Instead of being critical of me, he’d always just hand me a beer, tell me a joke to make me laugh, and I’d know things would be okay.

Right now, I needed the peace and acceptance he’d always offered. I crossed the street and headed for the ticket counter. As I waited for the departure of the ferry, I calmed. My heartbeat returned to normal. I inhaled the fresh sea air and closed my eyes. At this point I didn’t think Colin would still be on my tail, but even though Commercial Street remained free of his presence, relief washed through me when I finally boarded the boat.

I loved riding the ferry over to the island. The splash of waves against the side of boat, spraying cold salty beads of water against my lips brought me to life. Underneath my feet the rumble of the engines and the toss of the waves mixed to create a soothing motion, rocking the anxiety out of my bones. I stood at the bow and gazed into the night.