Do Not Forsake Me (11 page)

Lloyd sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You tell him—”

“I know what to tell him, Lloyd, only I won't have to. He'll understand.”

Lloyd stepped closer and embraced his mother. Jeff made a mental note.
The
outlaw/lawman Jake Harkner, who is often referred to as meaner than a snake, has one of the most loving families I've ever met.

“Mom, I hate to leave you yet.”

“I'm fine—really.”

Brian walked up and touched Lloyd's shoulder. “Go ahead, Lloyd. You need to be with Katie right now.”

Sighing deeply, Lloyd reluctantly let go of his mother. “Hey, by tomorrow it will be Pa holding you, okay?”

Randy nodded, blinking back tears. “I doubt it will be that soon, but at least he's alive. Brian is more sure now that he'll make it through this, but one more ounce of blood and we would have lost him.”

Lloyd still hesitated. “You don't have to always pretend to be so strong, Mom.”

“Yes, I
do
. If I truly give in to the terror I feel sometimes, I'd crumble into a raving maniac and be no use to any of you.”

“And I have strong shoulders if you need someone to lean on. Pa always jokes about how you like to be hugged, so I'm here for that too.”

“You go home and hug
Katie
. Let
her
lean on those shoulders.” Randy backed up and pointed to the door. “Go!”

With great reluctance, Lloyd nodded to Jeff and finally left. A very tired-looking Brian gave his mother-in-law a quick embrace. “You clean up and change and get some rest yourself, Mom.”

“I will.”

Another note:
Her
son-in-law also calls her Mom. This woman seems to be everything to everyone.

“Do you need something to help you sleep?”

“No, Brian. I'll be fine. Please get your own rest.”

Brian sighed. “You keep that man still.”

“If there is one thing I'm sure of, it's being able to handle Jake Harkner…at least when he's in this house with me. And you said yourself you'd be surprised if he regained consciousness before morning.”

Jeff drank some of his coffee while Brian walked into the bedroom to get his doctor's bag.

“Ma'am, if I may ask…how do you do it?” Jeff asked Randy. “How do you manage to put up with all this? You're a mother, a grandmother, and wife to a man who has to be difficult to live with.”

Randy glanced at Jake's guns lying on the table. “No one understands my husband the way I do, Jeff.
No
one. I know every detail about his life, including when he was a little boy. I know how he thinks and what his needs are. I know how he suffers silently on the inside. That's how I do it.” She wiped at her eyes. “Jake has a good heart. He treats me with total devotion and respect, so no, he's not difficult to live with. We've had some really bad times, a couple of them a big test of our marriage, but deep down I've always known how much Jake Harkner loves and needs me. And sometimes he does the sweetest things for me. That lamp cost him dearly, but he bought it for me once when we went to Denver together in those early years when we were so happy in Colorado.”

She seemed to be in another world for the moment. “And years ago, not long after we'd met and then gone our separate ways, thinking it was best because he was a wanted man…Jake rode out of my life and I headed west to find my brother who'd gone out there to look for gold. I got into some trouble—traveled with the wrong people and ended up left behind at a filthy trading post all alone. I was dying from a snakebite. The men there were…awful. I was in terrible pain, sure I was dying, and I was sick and dirty and…and one day I heard Jake's voice, felt him lift me into his arms and promise me he'd never let me out of his sight again. I remember how gentle he was when nursing me back from death, bathing me, feeding me, keeping me warm…and never once did he take advantage of me or touch me wrongly. I knew then all I needed to know about Jake Harkner, and right then I knew it couldn't be true he'd violated that woman when he rode with the Kennedy gang. That was one of the things he was wanted for, but I knew there had to be a mistake. Jake has done a lot of things, but never that. Never that.” She met Jeff's eyes, and without one ounce of jealousy in her own eyes or in her words, said, “Jake adores women. He respects all women, even the prostitutes, because there were many times when women like that took him in and protected him. He was just a little boy without a mother.” She looked away. “Anyway, I fell totally, deeply, madly in love with the
real
Jake Harkner.”

She suddenly stiffened and drew in her breath as she wiped at her eyes. “Oh my. I've said way too much! Jake would have a fit if he knew I told you all that.” She forced a smile. “You come back in three or four days, Jeff. He should be awake by then, and I know he'll want to see you. And we need to ask you a few questions before we go any farther with your idea for a book.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

Randy walked over and picked up Jake's gun belt from the sofa, then reached over and put his guns into the holsters. She carried the belt to a coatrack near the front door and hung them there. “Do you know if these are empty?”

“Yes, ma'am. Your son emptied them.”

Randy nodded. “Just making sure.”

Jeff wished he could do something for her. “Are you sure you'll be all right?”

She sighed. “People need to stop asking me that.” She turned to Jeff. “Thank you again for what you did.”

“Well, I just wish I could have done more earlier today. If I'd known how to use a gun, it might have helped.”

“Well then, Jake will have to teach you how to shoot, won't he? If you're going to hang around him for your book, you'd better arm yourself.”

Jeff breathed deeply against the realization she was probably right. “I never thought of that.”

Randy smiled warmly. “Young man, you've set up a tall order for yourself in wanting to write about Jake.”

“I suppose I have, but I'm excited about it.”

Brian came into the room then and took his hat from the rack where Jake's guns were hanging. “Let's go, Jeff. Randy needs to clean up and get some rest.”

“Yes, sir.” Jeff nodded to Randy. “Good night, ma'am.” He left with Brian, wondering what he'd gotten himself into.
Arm
himself? He'd better wire his father tomorrow and let him know this job would take a lot longer than he'd originally thought.

Lloyd paused outside his house, leaning against the wall and lighting a cigarette. He'd gone to Evie's house first after leaving his mother, figuring Katie and Stephen would be there. They hadn't been. Now he needed time to compose himself before going inside his own house to Katie. He'd seen the terror in his poor new wife's eyes this morning, and she'd been alone to deal with it ever since. He had to be strong for her. She couldn't see tears in his eyes.

What
a
hell
of
a
way
to
start
a
marriage.
They hadn't even consummated their marriage yet. Last night was spent talking, planning, and just holding each other. He wanted Katie. She wanted him. Yet his heart was still full of Beth, and hers still ached for a lost husband and baby girl. They shared so much of the same pain that they couldn't quite get past it, and last night had just felt awkward. They were good friends, and Katie had suddenly felt too shy. He'd felt her pulling away, so he'd not pressed the issue. They had a lifetime of love and
making
love ahead of them. All of that would come when the time was right. Still, he wanted to give her the baby she longed for. She deserved to hold a baby again.

Right now his poor wife must feel so alone and confused. Stephen was home, but a six-year-old boy wasn't much comfort. The kid had probably cried himself to sleep, scared for his father and grandfather. On top of that, Lloyd remained shaken himself. When he heard all the gunshots this morning, he thought for sure his father had been killed. He'd never seen so much blood in his life and hoped to never see something like that again—not when it was his father who was bleeding.

He tossed the cigarette to the ground and stepped it out before quietly going inside. He was glad as hell now that he had a woman to come home to, someone to hold and to hold him in return. He hung up his hat and guns in the tiny house that consisted of a living room, a kitchen, and two small bedrooms. Figuring Katie to be asleep already, he quietly entered the bedroom to find her sitting in a rocker beside the bed table, a lantern dimly lit. She looked wide-eyed at him and held a rifle in her lap.

“Katie?”

“I wasn't sure it would be you. There are still some relatives of those men out there somewhere.”

He walked up to her and took the rifle away, setting it aside and pulling her into his arms. She was shaking. “Katie, if I thought you were in danger, I wouldn't have stayed over at my pa's place. Besides, I thought you were with Evie. I went there first to look for you.” He held her tightly. “You're shaking.”

“I'm sorry. I should be strong like your mother.”

He felt like an ass. “You
are
strong like my mother.” He kissed her hair as she hugged him around the middle. “Katie, it's over. Even though there
are
some Buckleys and Bryants left, they live over a day's ride from here. There hasn't even been time for them to hear about this and get back here. And the ones involved today were the real troublemakers anyway. There is only one left and he's in jail, and in a couple of days a prison wagon will come for him.”

“That Brad…he's still alive.”

“He's hurting so bad, he's not going anywhere for days, maybe weeks. They can't even move him from the jail to a room somewhere.”

“His mother will come looking for him. She'll bring men with her.”

“I don't think so. Jessie Buckley is kind of a recluse. She'll send someone else for Brad.”

Katie started crying. Lloyd wanted to kick himself for not realizing how traumatic this must have been for her. She'd never been around this kind of violence.

“Baby, everything is okay. God, I'm sorry for leaving you today. It's too bad your folks left yesterday afternoon, or they could have been here for you. I didn't want you to come to my folks' house, because I didn't want Stephen to see his grandpa like that. There was so much blood.”

“I know. You still have bloodstains all over you. It's just that…you ran out of here so fast this morning…and then I heard all those gunshots…and I saw your father lying in the street and you down too. At first I thought you were hurt, till I realized you were holding Jake down. And Little Jake was screaming…and all those…bodies…”

“Katie. Katie. Katie.” He kissed her hair. “Honey, you should have stayed with Evie.”

“I felt like I was going crazy. Stephen wanted to come home and wait for you, and I needed to keep busy, so I came home to clean some more. Heaven knows, with no woman in this house for so long, it needed it.” She pulled away. “Oh, Lloyd, I haven't even asked how your father is.”

Lloyd led her over to the bed. “You're talking a mile a minute. Calm down.” He made her sit down on the bed. “Pa is better. Sit down here while I take off my boots and clothes and clean up. Is Stevie sleeping?”

“Yes.” Katie sat down and put her head in her hands. “You must think I'm such a baby. You didn't expect that out of your wife.”

Lloyd pulled off his boots and shirt, then his bloodstained pants. “You are
everything
I expected. I did
not
expect you to take what happened today as though it was nothing. But you have to trust that Pa and I know what we're doing, Katie.”

He walked over to pour water from a pitcher into a washbasin, then washed the blood from his chest and hands. “The only reason things went wrong this morning is because Little Jake wandered into it,” he continued. “Pa would have been fine otherwise. Believe me, Pa can handle himself, and so can I. I'm just upset that he didn't come and get me, though. I told him Sunday not to do anything without coming to get me first. He figured he shouldn't bother us, but as it turns out, he
did
bother us.”

Katie smiled through tears. “He didn't know it would turn out like that.” She took a handkerchief from under her pillow. “Oh, Lloyd, I'm so sorry. I just thought maybe I'd be alone here all night. That's the only reason I was scared. And I've just… I have to get used to things like this, I suppose, considering your job.”

Lloyd finished washing and turned down the lamp to near darkness. “Come on. Get into bed and let me hold you.” Still wearing knee-length long johns, he crawled under the covers and held them open for her. Katie moved into bed beside him and he pulled her close.

“How's your mother?” she asked.

“She's shook up, but not about the gunfight. She's grown kind of hardened to that. It was the way my pa bled that scared her to death. It scared
all
of us.”

“Are you sure she's all right?”

Lloyd moved one leg over hers. He kissed her lightly. “Randy Harkner is just as tough as my father, believe me, but Pa has never been hurt in a way that rendered him unconscious and helpless like this. It's just hard to see that in a man like him.” He pulled her closer. “I'm not ready to lose him yet, Katie. I realized that full force when I saw him down in the street.” He kissed her again. “Soon as he's for sure okay, we'll do something together—go on a picnic or something. We'll take Stevie fishing again. I have to spend more time with that poor kid the next few days.”

“Stephen is a Harkner through and through. He understood why you had to be with your father. We said a prayer together for his grandpa. He's such a good boy, Lloyd. He kept asking me if I was okay.”

Lloyd stroked her hair. “That makes me proud, and it's sweet of you to think to pray with him.” He sighed. “Pa would say that praying for him is useless, because the good Lord isn't too concerned about a man like him. I wish I could make him see that's not true, but Jake is Jake, and he's never been able to dig himself out of his past. I don't know where he'd be without my mother.”

They kissed again. “You're a good woman, Katie.”

“And I want to be a good
wife
. I hope you like what I've done with the house. You probably didn't even notice, coming back so late and all.”

Lloyd toyed with the curls in her hair. “I'll like anything you do. Heaven knows this place needed a woman's touch. We'll stay home all day tomorrow and just be together, and in a couple of days we'll go shopping for whatever you need to fix the place up—material for new curtains, rugs, furniture, whatever you think it needs. It's
your
house now—
our
house. All I have to do the rest of this week is meet the prison wagon when it comes in, and go see my father and make sure he's improving. Sometime this week we'll go out to your folks' too, and get the rest of your personal things.” He kissed her eyes. “That sound all right to you?”

“Having you here all week sounds wonderful.”

He kissed her gently. “Turn over.”

“What?”

“You're stiff as a board with tension. I'll rub your back.”

“I should be rubbing
your
back. You're the one who's had a terrible day.”

“I've been through worse, Katie, and this is all new to you. You need some attention, and I'm going to give it to you.”

Katie turned over. Lloyd studied her lovingly in the dim lamplight, her thick, lustrous hair, the fine line of her build. Even from the back she was beautiful. He began massaging her back and neck, moving his fingers round to lightly massage under her chin, then back to her neck, her shoulders, on down her spine.

“That feels wonderful. How did you learn to do that?”

He grinned, thinking about the prostitute who'd taught him all the right ways to make a woman relax. “You don't want to know. Just enjoy it.” He kept working his hands gently, deeply. He felt the tension leaving her, his own desire building to do more than touch. He wanted to taste and explore every part of her body, wanted to love her and be loved in return. He pulled her closer, moved his hand in gentle strokes over her abdomen, her breasts, back to her neck, her shoulders, down her back again.

“I hope you're happy with me, Lloyd. I mean, I've seen how other girls look at you.”

Lloyd grinned and kissed her neck. “Katie, when a Harkner man loves his woman, none of the others mean a damn thing.”

“It's just that we got married so quick, I'm scared you'll regret it. Maybe you'll wonder if you should have seen about some of the other single women in town.”

He massaged her hips. “Katie, listen to me. There isn't another woman in town who attracted me like you did. I gave it time, thought about others, but it always came back to you. I came to your place Saturday because I couldn't get you out of my mind. So never compare yourself to anyone else, okay?”

She grasped his forearm and kissed it. “Okay.”

“You just keep in mind that I don't take getting married lightly. If I didn't think you were extra special, why would I have chosen you to be a mother to my son, who I love beyond my own life?” He moved his hand over her breasts, around to her hips and up her back again. “You just relax. That's an order.”

“I'm just so scared. That could have been you down in the street today.”

“You just remember I'll always be with Jake Harkner when I ride off. A man can't ask for better. We always have each other's back. Pa wouldn't have got hurt if I'd been there and seen Little Jake running down the street.” He turned her onto her back. “And I do care for you, Katie. You remember that too.” He trailed his hand down over her belly again, moved it under her gown to suggestively massage the inside of her thighs.

She drew in her breath and reached up to trace his eyebrows, his cheeks. “Lloyd…you're my husband now…and you have needs…and…” Her face turned red with the blush he'd come to find sweetly amusing. “I want to be your wife in every way.”

“You sure?”

“I'm sure.”

He leaned down and kissed her softly, continuing his gentle caresses, waiting for her reaction, figuring that after the way their union got off to such a shocking start, he'd better be careful. It felt a little strange moving from close friends to something more. But she was right. He definitely had needs. And she definitely felt good, every curve, every bit of soft skin…soft lips.

His kiss grew deeper, and as his hand moved over her belly again she opened herself to him, whimpering in that way a woman has of saying she wants more. He gently stroked her, felt the heat, moved a finger into her folds and felt the swelling of that sweet nub that told him she ached for more. His kiss deepened even more when she didn't resist his touch. Now he felt on fire for her.

“I want you, Katie,” he groaned. He moved between her legs and pushed her gown higher, leaning down to taste her breasts.

Katie ran her hands into his long hair, over his muscled shoulders, whispering his name. Lloyd savored her breasts more aggressively, needing to satisfy long-buried needs. He toyed with her sweet spot until her body shuddered in response to a long-overdue climax. In the next moment, Lloyd pushed himself deep inside her, making her cry out and arch up to him. She dug her fingers into his shoulders.

“Don't go away again,” she whispered. “Not tonight.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” he told her between kisses, burying himself deep inside of her, wanting to give her a child—hoping to fill the place in her heart and her arms that had been so cruelly emptied when her first baby died. He wanted to give her that and more—his love, his life, his soul.

Her breath came in gasps as he rammed himself deep and rhythmically, in an almost desperate need to prove to himself that everything did indeed turn out all right and they were all here and alive. Finally he could no longer avoid his own climax, spilling his seed deep. Once the pulsations finally ended, he lay there on top of her, kissing her over and over. “I'm so sorry I left you here alone.”