Dixie Diva Blues (47 page)

“Oh, for heaven’s sake. I love to show up a man who says we can’t do something just as much as the next person, but I really wanted to wear those big shoes like Lady Gaga does.” She rubbed Chitling’s furrowed brow with one finger, then said brightly, “I could go in disguise as an undercover Angel.”

“It’d ruin the effect. Come on, Bitty. Tell you what—you come as Jill, and I’ll be Sabrina, and Trinket can be Kelly.”

I rather liked the thought of playing a character made famous by Jaclyn Smith, one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood at the time of the TV series. Probably still so.

Bitty shook her head. “Trinket is more like Delta Burke in
Designing Women
.”

Rayna and I both stared at her. Thankfully, it was Rayna who gently pointed out, “But Bitty, honey, you know you’re just a blonde Suzanne Sugarbaker clone. Don’t you recall the characters? She was the wealthy one who—”

“Had a pig named Noël. I have cable TV too, you know. And I am
not
like Delta Burke or Suzanne Sugarbaker, or whoever! She was ditsy and I’m not.”

It took great restraint, but I managed to hold in my incredulous hoots of laughter since it was obvious Bitty was serious. All I said was, “You really think I look like Delta Burke? I’m flattered.”

“Don’t get too big-headed. She was fired because she gained too much weight, you know.”

“Yes,” I managed to say pleasantly. “I remember that. I suppose I should be grateful you aren’t saying I look like their deliveryman, Anthony.”

“He was black, Trinket.”

“And a man,” I reminded.

She gave me an appraising look that made my hands itch to grab a couple handfuls of her blonde hair. I refrained. My hands would probably stick to her head with all the goop she puts on her hair.

Before Bitty could actually compare me to a man, Rayna said quickly, “Have you heard that Jake took a plea rather than face a jury?”

The change of subject was welcome. “I figured he would,” I said.

“Whatever made you think he was responsible for killing Larry Whittier?” asked Bitty.

“I didn’t know anything for certain until I put it all together that he had the same mannerisms as the man I saw ransacking your office. And also the man I saw supposedly guarding me outside my house. Jake having been an undercover cop, he would have access to lots of different disguises, I was pretty sure. And he’d also know what the police were doing and who they suspected.”

“What about Walsh and Garcia? What’s going to happen to them?”

“Walsh recovered from Jake shooting him, and he’s turning state’s evidence on him. Garcia took off, probably back to Mexico, and authorities are supposed to be looking for him down there. I doubt they find him, at least not for a long while.”

Rayna stirred the last of the whipped cream streaking her Irish coffee and said, “I can’t believe your cousin fooled so many smart people for so long. He’d been planning this for years, I heard.”

Bitty broke in to say, “Actually, Jake is our second cousin. Once removed, I think. Or maybe twice removed. Anyway, it’s not like he’s
close
kin.”

I looked at Rayna and shrugged. “Jake just didn’t count on Whittier finding out about Walsh and Garcia’s extra income. It took Jake a long time to devise a scheme to steal casino money, and then he had to find two guys capable of following his directions without getting too greedy. Since he was the one who had helped collar Walsh and Garcia, he helped them get an early release—in exchange for their cooperation.”

Rayna’s eyes widened. “That’s just so . . . so devious!”

“Tell me about it,” said Bitty. “I always knew he was a little sneak, even when we were kids.”

I didn’t roll my eyes, but I did bite my lip to keep from reminding her that she’d never said anything like that about Jake when we were all kids.

“Well, it might have worked out if they hadn’t hired an accountant to keep them honest with the IRS,” I said. “Larry figured out pretty quickly that they were spending more money than they were earning, and when he found out what they were doing, he worked out a separate deal with them. Then Lee Hazen entered the picture, and he convinced Larry to go for a bigger cut. When he did, that sealed both their fates. If Larry had just kept on stealing from those two, Jake wouldn’t have gotten so involved. But once Jake realized that Larry had managed to get to the bulk of the stolen money and put it in offshore bank accounts only he could access, that was all it took.”

Rayna shook her head. “It seems to me it would have been smarter for Jake to just try and make Larry tell him the account numbers instead of killing him. Then they could have all disappeared and had money to live on for a while.”

I agreed. “Where Larry Whittier made his biggest mistake was thinking that Jake was in the same class of criminal as Walsh and Garcia. Those two might be thugs, but they weren’t killers. Jake, I hate to admit, is a killer.”

Bitty nodded her head wisely. “I always said he has the eyes of a serial killer. I can tell a lot about people by looking at their eyes.”

If that was true, she’d have already smacked me, because my eyes were rolled back in my head. Still, I kept my thoughts to myself, refocused my eyes, and just smiled.

Rayna asked, “So how did Jake keep getting away with it?”

“Disguises and leaving behind no evidence. Or witnesses. Police found a ton of disguises at his house. Fake beards, glasses, some kind of putty to alter his appearance, and even fake scars. He’d just kept everything from when he did undercover work. It came in handy when he went out to the shacks to confront Larry Whittier. I don’t think Larry knew who he was at first. And by the time he did, it was too late.”

Shaking her head, Rayna said, “So when Rob came to the door, Jake hid behind it and waited. Why didn’t Larry try to warn Rob or get away?”

“Jake had a gun pointed right at him. I think Larry thought he could still escape or talk Jake out of doing anything. It wasn’t until Rob was knocked cold that he realized his situation was a lot worse than he thought. According to Jake, Whittier said he didn’t have the flash drive or the password, that his former brother-in-law did.”

“And Jake didn’t kill Rob because he wanted to pin the murder on him,” Rayna said with a shudder.

“Jackson Lee said the Holly Springs Police Department is doing an internal investigation into the cases Jake handled just to be sure everything is legal,” said Bitty.

I took a sip of my whiskey-laced coffee and nodded. “If they find any evidence of wrong-doing, it’ll be a huge mess to get straightened out. Fruit from a poisoned tree, or something like that. A bad cop doesn’t just hurt a few victims. He tarnishes the entire force.”

“You’d think the police would have realized what was going on.” Rayna shook her head.

“Oh, they suspected he was dirty. They just didn’t have all the evidence yet. And Jake covered his tracks pretty good. He concocted that entire Bitty abduction just to cover up the fact that he was suppressing evidence in case it ever came out that Bitty and I had given him that flash drive. He substituted an empty one for it, and of course, the lab technician never found anything on the fake one. So he came up with a ruse.”

Rayna’s eyes widened. “Do you mean to tell me that Bitty was never in danger?”

“Uhhh,” I began, and heard Bitty’s intake of air right before her explosion.

“
What?
Don’t you think for one moment that I wasn’t in danger! Those men were desperate criminals, and I was in fear of my life every second I was in their clutches!”

She sat up straight so quickly and indignantly that she nearly dumped the gnome in her lap onto the floor. Chitling showed her usual appreciation of such maneuvers by snapping at me, an innocent bystander. I gave the dog my best scowl, but she’s a lot better at it than I am. So I just moved out of her reach.

“Trinket, you know how horrible those men were, threatening to kill you and your mother’s dog, and I was just
terrified
the entire time they had me!” Bitty continued as if the creature in her lap hadn’t just tried to bite me.

“Uh huh,” I said.

“Why, Rayna,” she charged on, “it was just awful!
Awful
, I tell you! They could have done anything they wanted with me, and I was at their mercy . . .”

“Of course it was awful, sugar,” said Rayna in a soothing tone. “I can’t imagine the terror you must have felt.”

I looked at Rayna. That was a bold-faced lie and I knew it. She and I had been through something remarkably similar in the not-so-distant past ourselves. But I knew better than to interrupt Bitty’s dramatic moment. She loved telling people about how she’d been abducted by two murdering madmen and had bravely managed to escape in the nick of time. She always left out the part that she staggered around looking like a bag lady in front of rolling TV cameras. Usually that was my cue to remind her about it, but I decided to forego the pleasure this time.

Bitty sniffed a bit pitifully. “Yes, it was horrible, Rayna. I knew you’d understand how I felt.”

“It’s a wonder the police guards watching over Trinket didn’t suspect that you’d been abducted,” Rayna observed, and because she knew good and well that Jake had made it his mission to “guard” me by changing disguises and thinking I was too dumb to notice, I gave her a sour look and confessed.

“Okay, so it took me a while to figure out it was really Jake and not a bunch of other cops watching me. I told you that he kept changing his appearance. And I haven’t been around him much in the last twenty years.”

Rayna laughed. “I just think it’s so funny—both sad and odd-kind of funny—that one man could create so many different disguises and so much confusion.”

“There were three,” corrected Bitty. “Don’t forget those criminals who ambushed me in the ladies room.” She shuddered. “I may never go into another public restroom again for the rest of my life.”

Sometimes I feel bad that I tease Bitty so much, especially when I know she’s really affected and not just putting on to get a reaction. I had a brief flash of seeing all the blood in that casino bathroom, and remembered how terrified I’d been that Bitty had been killed. So about the time I opened my mouth to commiserate with her, my cell phone rang.

Modern technology can be a real pain, but also a lifesaver at times. As I fumbled in my pocket for the blamed phone playing a Tim McGraw song, I heard Bitty say to Rayna in a low tone, “Poor Trinket. I think she’s just not as flexible as she used to be. Her nerves, you know.”

My nerves? If I hadn’t already hit the On button of my phone, I would have shown her a case of the nerves she wouldn’t quickly forget, I fumed as I heard my child’s voice on the line.

“Michelle,” I said with pleasure, and my irritation at Bitty evaporated. “How are you doing, honey?”

“Well, I’m doing fine, but I hear you’ve been making waves up there in Holly Springs.”

“Oh, you’ve talked to your grandparents, I see.”

Michelle laughed. “I have. How’d you guess?”

“I’m just psychic that way. How are things down in Hot-lanta?”

“A lot cooler, I’m glad to say. School is fine, and I’ll be graduating earlier than I thought, too. As long as I don’t flunk out next semester.”

“You won’t. You’re too smart to do that.”

“Not always.” She paused, then said, “Daddy left yesterday. He said he’s headed south for the winter. Miami.”

I thought I detected a note of disappointment in her tone, so said, “You know he’ll always have happy feet, honey. I’m glad you enjoyed your time with him.”

“I did. I just . . . just thought he’d hang around longer.”

“Well, look at it this way—you know someone in Florida if the weather gets too cold in Atlanta this winter.”

She laughed, and we went on to discuss other things, ending with her promising to try and come up for the holidays in December. That made me very happy, so I was still smiling when I clicked my phone shut.

“Okay, Trinket,” said Bitty, “you have the deciding vote. My house or the Shack Up Inn for Halloween.”

I looked at first one, then the other, and shook my head. “I sense a trap.”

“No. Really. Choose,” said Rayna. “If you don’t we’ll still be having this argument on Thanksgiving Day.”

“Okay. Shack Up Inn.”

Rayna smiled, and Bitty blew out a puff of air.

“But why aren’t we putting this to a vote with the rest of the Divas?” I asked. “It shouldn’t be up to just three people to decide.”

“We did. Everyone voted for the Shack Up Inn but Bitty.”

I looked at my irritated cousin. “Majority rules, you know.”

Bitty said something quite pithy, and I waved my hand in front of my face and began the “My, my, it’s so vairy vairy wahm in heah” conversation defuser. One of these days that isn’t going to work, but thankfully, it worked just fine then, and we started making plans for our Halloween Diva meeting.

Halloween is one of Bitty’s
favorite times of the year, which should tell you a lot about her personality. It’s bad enough when kids pretend to be monsters just to extort a hundred dollars’ worth of candy from grownups, but when adults get into the act it can get ridiculous.