Divine and Dateless (5 page)

He chuckled as he held open the gate. “Something like that.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little cruel?” Scowling, I jabbed his chest. “I mean, the guy just died.”

“The guy’s a creep.” Grim thumbed over his shoulder. “Back to the elevator,” he commanded, like I was his dog and he wanted me to fetch his slippers.

Sheesh. Grim must have been channeling his inner-caveman, because he definitely wasn’t oozing with gentlemanly qualities.

I jutted a hand on my hip and gave him my diva glare. “I liked you better when you were kissing me.”

Even in the low light, I could see his cheeks flush. I flashed a triumphant smile and turned on my heel, swaying my hips as I walked away.

I pressed against the back wall as Grim’s broad frame filled up most of the elevator. What little space there was left seemed to be inhabited by his sour mood.

The elevator inched its way up with agonizing slowness as the computerized woman called off each floor with a perky voice that contradicted Grim’s aura.

He made a big show of checking his watch and muttering what I thought was a curse under his breath. “I was supposed to be off an hour ago. I probably missed happy hour.”

Happy hour? Like at a bar?

This whole afterlife concept was beyond confusing, and since Grim wasn’t volunteering any information, I knew I’d have to drag it out of him. “So you work like a nine-to-five job and then go for drinks? Who’s going to escort other dead people when you go home?”

He shot me an impatient glare. “One of the thousands of other Grims working the night shift.”

My jaw dropped. “There’s more than one Grim?”

I hope the others are more pleasant than you, buddy.

“There’s not enough hours in the night for me to pick up every lost soul.” He crossed his arms, looking down at me with a scowl. “But you need not concern yourself with the workers on the thirteenth floor, where you’re going.”

Did I hear resentment in his voice? I had no idea how I’d earned my wings, but it wasn’t my fault God was letting me into Heaven.

To say the remainder of our time alone was awkward was a major understatement.

I clenched my hands and a nervous jolt rocked my stomach as the elevator opened with a ding.

“Access granted,” the elevator’s smooth voice purred. “Welcome to the Penthouse.”

This was it! I was going to Heaven!

Oh-My-Freaking-God!
Wait a minute. I didn’t mean to think that. Sorry, God. Oh-My-Fabulous-God! Better?

Shit. I hadn’t even gotten through the pearly gates yet, and I was already calling His name in vain.

Grim stomped through the doors, grumbling for me to hurry up, but then a white mist obscured my feet and filled up the elevator. I couldn’t see a damned (oops, darned) thing!

“Are you coming or what?” Grim barked from somewhere behind the veil.

“I would if I could see where I was going,” I snapped.

His big arm reached out from behind the mist before I had a chance to swat him away. I gasped when he latched onto my hand. This guy had just dropped somebody in sludge. There was no telling what he planned on doing with me.

And then there was that other problem. His warm fingers laced through mine sent a jolt of lust right down to the center of my secret sweet spot. Yes,
that
spot. You know, the “Oh, God! Oh, God! Yes, yes, yes!” spot?

How was he able to do that with one touch? And, holy heck, wouldn’t he be amazing in the sack?

He stepped next to me, so close we were only a breath apart. The haze didn’t seem so thick now, and I could make out his strong features. But the warmth he put off. Gah! This guy made me hotter than Hades.

I cringed when he pulled my hand, expecting him to toss me over his shoulder like he had Stan. But he didn’t.

“It’s okay, Ash,” he said in a tone that was shockingly borderline compassionate. “The fog will settle in a minute.”

And so, like an idiot, I followed the guy. I had no idea how my feet were able to propel me forward, because it felt like I was walking on air. As the fog started to thin, I stole glimpses of a thick, muscular arm and wavy hair that curled around the base of a tanned neck in delicious, dark strands.

The more I stared at all of his hard male parts, the more my lady parts turned to mush.

Jesus! Oops, I mean Jeebus!

I’d picked a bad time to get a major girl boner.

What the hell is wrong with me? Wait a minute. I know what’s wrong. I need to get laid.

I secretly hoped if Grim could enjoy happy hour on level thirteen, I was allowed to enjoy mind-blowing orgasms in Heaven. It was supposed to be paradise, right?

Before I realized it, the fog had cleared and a lone figure emerged in the distance. I took a chance and looked down, and holy heck, I was walking on air!

I stumbled and nearly fell face-first when I saw the blue sky below me. Luckily, Grim steadied me with a strong grip. My eyes bugged when a flock of birds flew underneath my feet.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” Grim whispered as we approached a man clad in a hooded white robe.

My throat had gone bone dry, or I would have answered him, so I squeezed his hand instead.

A wave of clouds rolled in beneath me, once again shrouding my legs in mist, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Not that I thought walking through clouds was any safer, but at least I couldn’t see the drop in case God realized he’d made a mistake and tossed me out of Heaven.

“Hey, Pete.” Grim waved at the figure.

Pete? As in Saint Peter?

Pete pushed back his hood revealing a middle-aged man with vibrant hazel eyes and a broad smile.

“Con! So nice to see you again, old friend. How long has it been?” He stepped out from behind a clear podium.

Grim, or Con, released me and shook Pete’s hand. “Nearly a year since I’ve delivered someone to The Top.”

I flushed when both sets of eyes turned on me. That long since Grim had delivered someone to Heaven? He’d told me there were other Grims, but come on, I knew at least two dozen people who were more worthy of eternal salvation than me. Wasn’t it only last weekend that Tammy, Kelly, Sara, and I had been slurping tequila shots off of some college guy’s abs?

Pete stepped back behind the podium and tapped on a clear screen in front of him.

“Let me see who you’ve got here. Ashley MacLeod,” Pete said in a cheery voice as my name appeared backwards on the screen.

I was shocked to see several pictures pop up, too, and most of them were of me at the retirement home. Geez. If this was all they had of me, no wonder I’d gotten into Heaven.

But then my gaze caught an image that made my knees weaken. I was only twelve-years-old in that picture. I was as skinny as a twig, all arms and legs and a mouthful of braces. I hadn’t been anywhere near as popular as my outgoing older sister, and that hadn’t bothered me one bit, because I’d had the love of my one and only true friend, my black Lab, Jack. And in that picture I was cradling his head in my arms, sobbing into his fur as kids gathered around me. Jack had been racing across the street to meet me at the bus stop, just like he did every day after school, but this time he’d been struck by a speeding pickup truck. The guy hadn’t even stopped to check on my dog who was thrown into the grass. He’d just kept right on driving.

Haunted by the memory of Jack’s silky soft fur and big brown eyes, a few teardrops slipped down my cheeks. I’d give anything to have him back. Anything. My hand shook as I reached out to touch his picture. But then new pictures popped up, images of my dead grandmother and uncle.

“No wonder.” Pete was beaming as he tapped the photos, enlarging one family photo in particular, the last one we’d taken together before my uncle contracted pneumonia. “Your family is known for their charity work. Your uncle and grandma shot to the top, too.”

I wiped the tears off my face. “Uncle Mikey is here?”

“Of course.” He nodded.

Though I’d been a child when Uncle Mikey died, I remembered my mom cried for ages when some minister said her little brother had gone to Hell. I always knew Uncle Mikey was too good a person to have suffered an eternity of damnation, especially considering all the work he did for AIDS charities when he was also suffering from the disease.

“I’ve got it from here, Con.” Pete tapped the screen again, and it went blank. “You’ll have to visit when you’re not on duty.” He made a face while shaking his head. “Sadly, my job gets more lonely each year.”

“All right, then,” Grim mumbled.

I turned to him. “You’re leaving me?” Panic had slipped into my voice purely by accident. I didn’t know why I was expecting Grim to stick around. Besides, I should have been happy to see him go. The guy’s permanent scowl made Grumpy Cat look as perky as a princess.

“My shift is over.” He shrugged, averting his gaze. “I’m sure your family is waiting on the other side.”

And just like that, a balloon fizzled in my chest, or maybe that was the sound of my imploding heart. Grim didn’t give a damn about me. That kiss had probably meant nothing to him.

“Oh, okay. Thanks.”

“For what? Doing my job?”

Despite the indifference in his tone, I thought I saw a flash of longing in his eyes. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part.

I wanted to say,
“For making me feel alive again, even though I’m dead.”
But I didn’t. I’d given this man too much of my soul tonight. I wanted to part ways with some of my dignity, so idiot that I was, I said the first stupid thing that came to mind. “For not throwing me in green sludge.”

I didn’t know why I said it, other than that image of Stan’s putrid mole spewed all over my mind like the memory from my seventh birthday when my mom had asked me to blow out the candles, and I’d barfed on the cake instead.

This time Grim’s eyes did flash, but not with longing. His mouth tightened and his shoulders stiffened as if I’d just slapped him. “I’ve been accused of a lot of things, Ashley MacLeod, but I’d never hurt a lady.”

I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to apologize or tell him to kiss my ass, but he turned and disappeared into the fog without another glance.

Never hurt a lady, huh? So why does my heart feel like it’s about to split in two?

“So what now?” I asked Pete as he went back to his platform and tapped his screen.

“Hang on,” he answered. "I'm summoning your valet."

“My valet?"

“Yes, your valet,” came a surprisingly deep and familiar foreign accent.

I yelped as I spun around. Standing before me was over six muscular feet of tall, blond, and drop-dead gorgeous.

Oh-my-freaking-God! The Swede!

My hand flew to my mouth. “It's you!”

He smiled and bowed. “I am whoever you wish me to be.”

Pete softly chuckled as he came to stand beside me. “Your valet takes on the form that is desirable to you. If you were a child, your valet would most likely resemble your mother.”

“Uh, huh.” I absently nodded. I had to force myself to shut my mouth before I drooled all over the clouds swirling at my feet.

Now I know where rain comes from. Heaven must have an abundance of Swedes.

“Your valet will be your personal servant during your eternal stay in Heaven,” Pete said as he handed the Swede a manila envelope with my name on it. “He will serve your every need.”

"My every need?"

"Yes, Ashley MacLeod, your every need." Pete winked.

Was I reading the guardian of Heaven's gate correctly? Had he just given me the green light to have mind-blowing sex in the holiest of all places?

Though I didn't remember all the Ten Commandments, I was fairly certain I was breaking at least half of them with the wicked thoughts forming in my mind. My own personal servant... my every need... Holy freaking moly!

I chewed my lower lip while casting a furtive glance at my Nordic stud. Hot damn! That molten look in his dark blue eyes almost made my knees buckle.

Coming within inches of my personal space, the warmth radiating off his body turned my insides to mush. When I inhaled his rich scent, alarm bells should have been ringing in my head, but I was too horny to do anything other than melt into my shoes. The Swede didn't smell like I remembered. His aftershave had been a mixture of sweet and spice. This broad-shouldered man hogging my ozone smelled too much like Grim, all heat and spice, and not a hint of sweetness.