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Ty reached down and took his hand, squeezing it hard. McCoy had ordered him to go home, but what good was he there? On the other hand, Zane needed nothing but medical care, and Ty knew that when he was in the hospital himself, he hated having people with him. “What can I do?” he asked, feeling helpless and useless.
Zane licked his bottom lip and opened his eyes, turning his face toward Ty. “Don"t leave me alone.” His voice actually shook.
Ty looked at him worriedly, and he put his other hand on top of Zane"s, holding it with both of his hands and letting his fingers slide up his arm. “I won"t go anywhere,” he promised.
Zane nodded; it was a jerky, uncomfortable motion. He squeezed his eyes shut as if it would help. “I"m a little rattled,” he rasped.
Ty petted his arm ineffectually. He had no idea what else to do.
“We"re going to have to find a third wheel to take care of us when we get hurt,” Ty suggested. “We"re not very good at this.”
“
Too
good. This is new,” Zane said with a soft huff. “Headache.”
“Hey, I prefer my run of unlikely finger injuries,” Ty responded as he ran his thumb along Zane"s wrist. “And it"s not new, it"s just more epic than what I did in New York.”
Zane snorted and seemed to shrink into himself as the silence lengthened. “Sucks,” he finally muttered.
“Think of it as… special training for your other senses,” Ty instructed, faking cheerful.
Zane frowned and took a steadying breath. “If I could see you,”
he enunciated, “I would slug you.”
“Must be my lucky day then,” Ty responded wryly.
Zane opened and closed his fist between Ty"s hands, flexing his fingers before letting them rest, curling around Ty"s wrist. “What now?”
Ty opened his mouth to respond, trying to find either a joke or a silver lining or a nice whitewashed lie. But he could only manage a few soft sounds before closing his mouth again and shaking his head. “I don"t know,” he answered instead. “I guess we just wait it out.”
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“Wow,” Zane murmured tiredly, head lolling back against the pillow. “You"re scared shitless if that"s the best you got.”
Ty pressed his lips together and looked at Zane helplessly. He met Zane"s eyes, knowing Zane couldn"t see him. He was glad for it, though. Zane didn"t need to see his fear. If he was this scared, he couldn"t imagine how Zane was feeling.
BEING completely in the dark had taken on a whole new meaning.
This wasn"t just dark; it was pitch-black, no relief, no gray, no hint of light under a door, no bare twinkle of stars in the sky. It was utter nothing.
Each time Zane woke up from dozing—no real sleeping, the nurse insisted, waking him up every fifteen minutes—it was easier to think, and his first thought was always that when he opened his eyes, he"d be able to see. But then he did and… didn"t.
If it weren"t for being able to always hear something in the hospital room, he would have totally freaked out.
With a sigh, he shifted a little in the bed, very carefully, not sure if something somewhere would hurt when he moved. He heard Ty gasp suddenly and felt him jerk.
“What?” Ty asked in a hoarse, sleepy voice.
Zane frowned. “Ty? Were you asleep?”
“I"m not sure,” Ty answered in a voice that told Zane he had definitely been asleep and was still in the process of trying to remember where he was. Zane felt Ty"s hand brush against his chest, as if making sure he was actually there and he wasn"t dreaming. He raised his own hand to cover Ty"s for a moment.
“Sounds like you were,” Zane murmured. He shifted his eyes to look around even though there was nothing to see. “What time is it?”
“Late,” Ty answered, his voice sounding as if he had turned away. “Can you… can you see anything?” he asked tentatively.
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Zane shifted a little more onto his side, facing Ty, letting his cheek settle on the pillow. “No,” he whispered. His fingers moved slightly on Ty"s hand. While he"d never been touchy-feely, now that he couldn"t see, touching was much more important to his state of mind.
He wondered how long Ty would tolerate it.
“Damn,” Ty sighed. He gave Zane"s hand a squeeze and pulled away as he stood, just like Zane had known he would. “You need anything? I"m going to go find caffeine. Maybe some real food.”
Zane resisted shaking his head slightly. It hurt and made him queasy. “No. Have you been here the whole time?”
“Yeah,” Ty answered in a surprised voice. He almost sounded offended that Zane had asked. “Why?”
“Chill, okay?” Zane said with a sigh. “I figured you had, which means you"ve been here awhile without a break. When did you eat last?”
“Lunch,” Ty answered as he moved away completely. “Want me to fi … doctor and see … get some food?” he mumbled, his voice going in and out of earshot. Zane thought he might be looking around the room for something or possibly putting a jacket on. He might have detected some rustling of fabric.
“Yeah,” Zane said, swallowing on the hint of dread that hit him in the chest. He bit his lip and shifted more onto his side and pulled the pillow hard against his chest like he did at home. Damn, he hated this.
And he hated even more being scared about it. He squeezed his eyes shut hard.
“What"s wrong?” Ty asked as his voice moved closer again.
Zane reminded himself he was a grown man who"d faced all sorts of dangerous and really frightening challenges in his life and tried to relax, with only a bit of success. He cleared his throat. “You"ll come back, right?” he finally asked. He winced. Damn, he sounded like a baby.
There was silence in response, but Zane could still feel Ty"s presence beside his bed. Finally, Ty moved, and the denim of his jeans 108 | Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
scraped softly. He reached out and put his hand on Zane"s forehead.
“It"ll be okay,” he assured him, then removed his hand.
Some of the tension melted, enough that Zane could breathe easily again. He nodded against the pillow. “Go on. I"ll be here.”
There was no response, no sound of Ty moving, but it felt like the warmth had left the room, so he knew Ty was gone. Zane"s jaw clenched, and he pushed his face into the pillow. This blind shit had been easier to handle when he was mostly unconscious and unable to focus. With nothing else to do, he started listening, closing his eyes and really
listening
.
AFTER the claustrophobic hell that was the hospital"s crowded food court, Ty found himself rattled and unkempt as he made his way to the elevators. He didn"t smile and nod at people as he passed by; he didn"t even
see
the people he passed by.
He kept his head down, face set in a frown as he fretted over what needed to be done. He"d talked to his mom for at least half an hour as he"d waited in line in the café, trying to convince her that no one had died and that he and Zane both had all their parts intact. When he"d hung up, he"d told himself to appreciate the fact that she cared, remember it was out of love, be glad your mom is still around. Zen, Ty, Zen.
Then the thought that Zane had a mother had hit him like a truckload of panicking chickens and he"d needed to sit down. He"d lost his place in line. Fuck the line.
He was listed as Zane"s emergency contact, which meant the only notifying of family was going to be done by
him
. The prospect of calling Zane"s parents to tell them he was seriously injured, and oh, by the way, I"m your son"s partner who let him go by himself into the building that blew up, nice to meet you, has he told you he likes cock?
Ty closed his eyes and shook his head, surprised to find himself riding the elevator up already.
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He took in a deep breath and blew it out carefully. This was merely lack of sleep and possibly a little trauma getting to him. He"d be okay. Zane would be okay. It would all be okay.
“Okay,” he said under his breath.
When he got to Zane"s room, he was almost good again.
Then he saw Zane, his partner,
his
lover
, lying there in the bed, pale and still, somehow managing to look fragile despite what a tall and muscled man he was, and “good” went out the window, down three stories, and splatted on the asphalt.
Ty edged into the room, wondering if he should stay or go, since Zane appeared to be sleeping. Fuck that—if he had to suffer, so did Zane. He crept closer, eyes passing over the machinery around the room, and he sat gingerly on the edge of the bed.
The corner of Zane"s mouth tilted up. “Old Spice,” he murmured.
The words warmed Ty more than he was willing to admit. He leaned closer and sniffed loudly at Zane. “Desperation?”
Zane turned up his nose. “Mouthwash. Nasty shit.” He shifted his closest hand to touch Ty. There was a small bandage, white against Zane"s skin, where the IV had been earlier in the day.
Ty gripped his hand and squeezed it. “You doing any better?”
“Not hurting as much,” Zane admitted. “They took away all the wires and gave me ginger ale. I hate ginger ale.” There wasn"t a lot of force behind his words, but at least it was more than the dull yes and no and “you were in the truck” of early that afternoon.
Ty nodded, not sure what else to say. His mind was still racing, a duck"s legs kicking furiously under the smooth surface of a pond. He was pretty sure if Zane could see he"d have mentioned it by now.
“I talked to Ma just now. She said to say hello,” Ty tried, grasping for a thread to hang onto before he started going off the rails again. He"d have to take a nap when he got home.
“I could go for some pie right now,” Zane said, visibly brightening even though his eyes remained dull and blank.
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“I"m sure she"s baking furiously,” Ty muttered. He looked down at the hand he still held in his. “Do you want me to call your folks?”
Please say no, please say no, please say no—
“No,” Zane said immediately.
Thank God!
Ty cleared his throat and kept talking despite his relief. “Are you sure? It seems like something maybe they should know.”
Zane"s nose wrinkled, and he frowned before sighing a few moments later. “I guess I might call Annie. But not my parents. We don"t… we"re not really in touch.”
Ty winced but didn"t push further. He couldn"t help but ask, though. “Who the hell is Annie?”
Zane actually smiled and turned his head on the pillow. “My little sister.”
“Ah. Am I going to have to call her?” Ty asked, unable to keep the displeasure out of his voice.
“I wouldn"t do that to you,” Zane assured him, rubbing Ty"s thigh soothingly. He"d clearly picked up on Ty"s tone of voice. “She does know who you are, though.”
“She"s knows I"m the partner that let you run into the exploding building alone and that you like cock?” Ty asked without even thinking about turning around to see if anyone was within hearing range.
Zane"s eyes widened comically before he blinked several times and shook his head. “That you"re the partner who"s saved my life multiple times,” he corrected evenly. “And yes, she knows I switched teams.”
Ty"s racing mind finally came to a grinding, screeching, painful halt. “Wait, what?”
“I don"t even have to see your face to know you"re about to freak out.” Zane sighed. “She knows we"re partners at work. That"s all. I don"t share details about my private life with her or anyone, but she does know in
general
terms that in the past I"ve slept with both men and women. Okay?”
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Ty closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose to ward off the squirrels trying to chisel their way out of his brain. “Zane,” he groaned in complaint. “When do you get out of this place? I need to fucking sleep before you drive me crazy.”
“I don"t know,” was the quiet reply.
Ty looked down at Zane, really looked at him, taking in the gauntness of his pale face, the worry etched in every line. It had been a while since Zane had looked this bad. It made Ty realize how much better he"d gotten since Christmas. He reached up and fluffed Zane"s hair with the tips of his fingers, not willing to make a public display of his affection but wanting to comfort Zane somehow. “Do you want me to go ask if you can come home?”
Zane got this odd, pained look on his face for a moment before he shrugged. “I don"t know what to do. I"m not sure… how I"ll manage.”
“You have me.” Ty pressed his lips together hard and felt himself flushing. He opened his mouth to add some sort of qualifier to it, but he supposed after you"d told someone you loved him and dropped to your knees as many times as Ty had for Zane, you were past being embarrassed when you spouted off Hallmark card material.
The small smile on Zane"s face softened the worry lines. “I know.” He rubbed his fingers over the fabric of Ty"s pants. “But you have to work. And play softball. And
sleep
,” he emphasized with a gentle poke.
“You saying you don"t want me to stay with you?” Ty asked in the most neutral voice he could muster. He wouldn"t blame Zane if he didn"t. If their positions were reversed, Ty would send Zane away in a heartbeat. And Ty knew that saying he wasn"t the most ideal candidate to care for someone would be quite an impressive understatement. But he wanted to be there for Zane all the same. He wanted Zane to know Ty was behind him, no matter what.