Celeste put the receiver down.
“What time does Amy’s flight get in?” Colin asked, handing her a glass of juice.
Celeste looked at her watch. “There’s a delay, it’ll be around midnight.”
Alex patted Celeste’s shoulder. “Excited that she’ll be here for Christmas?”
Celeste nodded. Since coming home, they had kept in regular contact, with Naomi and Daniel calling Amy every week. Celeste realized that she had come to rely on those calls as reassurance that Amy was okay.
After she and the children returned in August, the kids had excitedly filled their grandparents in on their vacation. It had taken Celeste all her powers of persuasion to stop her parents, particularly her mother, from making contact with Amy.
After many discussions, her parents eventually agreed not to rush and to leave contact until Amy was ready. Josh was a different matter. Celeste had no idea how he would react. Fortunately, she had a little breathing space, Josh’s company was growing fast, and he had recently relocated his head office to New York. Moving and setting up a home meant that she hadn’t spent any time with him since their return.
It also meant that, because he was busy, the kids had not had the opportunity to speak with him. To Celeste’s relief, she had only spoken to him on the phone briefly a few times and the conversations tended to be about the difficulties of the move.
Celeste was acutely aware that since the accident and Amy leaving, a part of Josh left too. The loss and years without contact with Amy had taken their toll. Even though he had a new life, his easy manner and relaxed attitude had been replaced with a more somber, serious side.
Alex sat down. “So, the kids finally wore Amy down and convinced her to stay with you?”
Snapping out of her reverie, Celeste looked at him. “You know Irene, she’s always doing some renovation to the house. Fortunately, it’s major this time. There’s barely room to swing a cat.”
Alex smiled. “Amy stood no chance with Irene and the kids pushing for her to stay here.”
Celeste smiled faintly and nodded.
“We just need to make sure that we’re careful around her.” Alex looked at Celeste. “I mean very careful this time.”
Colin slugged his beer. “This is ridiculous,” he said. “When are we going to get her out of this denial mode? The best thing for her to do is to meet up with the family and Josh. How else is she going get on with her life if she doesn’t have closure?”
Alex raised his eyebrows at Celeste. “Colin, calm down,” he said. “As well you know, there are too many painful memories for her here. God only knows how she would react to seeing Josh with his two kids.”
“Fuck me. This is driving me crazy,” Colin said. Eyes wide, he pointed his beer bottle at Celeste. “We all know she wants you. That’s a given. But,” he said, throwing a hand in the air, “she needs help to move on. Seeing Josh and his kids is exactly what she needs to help her.”
Celeste pulled out a chair and sat.
“I, for one, am not happy to sit back and do nothing. Jeez,” Colin said, looking at Celeste. “You lesbians kill me, you know. It’s all or nothing for you gals. You have U-Hauls turning up at your front door because the girl you met the night before is moving in with you, along with her strap-on and her cat. Or, if you refuse to let her in because you’re sensible enough to realize you just met her the night before, then you get your very own personal stalker who takes root, watches your every move, and it’s adios to happiness and hello spinsterhood.” Colin frantically shook his leg. “Cause you can’t shake the bitch off. Yup,” he said, looking at them, “it’s all drama, drama, drama with you lesbians.”
Celeste raised her eyebrows in amused confusion and looked at Alex.
“Boy, do you need a lesbian education.” Alex said then sighed. “Honey, you ever heard of the word cliché? I think you’ve been watching far too much late night cable TV.”
Colin coughed. “Hmm. Yes…well, what I’m saying is that Amy needs to build a bridge and get over it. You’re the one, sweetie, and she should be damned pleased at that.”
Colin held up his hands as they both began to protest. “Hey, I’m not saying it’s easy, but she’s got a spark, you know. There’s still a lot of living in that gal. But as long as you two treat her like she’s an emotional cripple, she’ll never move on!”
Colin looked at Celeste’s shocked face. “Celeste, listen to me, I’m a teacher. I teach kids that are fat, slow, unmotivated, who have parents that have learned their parenting skills on the back of a cereal box. There are lots of kids out there who have shit lives. Some of them you can’t help and, as painful as it is, you have to accept that. But there are ones that you can help, even though the odds are against them, because you can see that spark. That no matter how tough life is, they’re going to come right back at you.” Colin stretched out his hands and puffed up his chest. “I’ve turned a lot of those kids around and into goddamn great athletes who take pride in themselves.”
“Your point?” Alex asked, interrupting.
“The point is that I can smell potential within a hundred yards. And what you two don’t see is that she has potential.” He looked at them in exasperation. “Because, like I’ve said, you two are too busy treating her like an emotional cripple.”
Both Alex and Celeste shook their heads.
“Celeste, this isn’t an unrequited love situation,” Colin said. “If it was, I wouldn’t be long in telling you to drop this thing with Amy and to stop wasting your time and energy searching for the unobtainable.” He lifted a finger. “Believe it or not,” he said, “too many people search for the unattainable as a way to avoid real intimacy with someone available and suitable. But with you two,” he pointed a finger at Celeste, “there is great energy. And you, Celeste, need to believe that she loves you.” He slapped his hand on the table. “That she loves your kids. You need to believe that you’re her family now, and you need to push her and help her see that.”
“Colin, you don’t understand,” Celeste said, her color deepening and anger flitting across her face.
Colin said in a placating tone, “Look, don’t you see? Most people who have gone through what she has don’t come back from the edge. I mean, she’s been out there, on her own, with no one to offer her support. And when I talked to Sandra, she didn’t even know about Amy’s past.”
Celeste groaned.
Alex looked at Colin in horror. “Don’t tell me you told Sandra?”
Colin looked at each of them and shrugged.
Celeste paled. Appalled that he could have broken such a confidence, she said in growing anger, “Don’t you think that if Amy wanted her to know, she would have told her?”
Holding his position, Colin shook his head. “No,” he replied. “I don’t think she ever had any intention of telling Sandra.”
Colin lifted his hand when Celeste slammed her glass of juice down on the table. “Celeste,” he appeased. “Sandra is Amy’s friend. And it looks like her only good friend over the last few years.” He quickly added, when Celeste scraped her chair back. “Sandra loves her. She has a right to know in order to be there for her.”
About to stand, Colin put his hand on Celeste’s shoulder to stop her. “Listen to me first, Celeste. I couldn’t have survived losing my children and my best friend. My marriage breaking down and,” he looked at Alex lovingly, “losing my lover. I’m not that strong.”
“Regardless, Colin—”
“Please,” Colin interrupted. “Listen to me.”
Hesitating, Celeste nodded then sat back on the chair.
Colin continued. “The key point I’m trying to make is that given all that, she has survived. And,” he looked from her to Alex, then back, “what you don’t see is that she’s come back stronger. She’s become a nurse for fuck sake. One of the hardest, most committed professions there is. And she chose it. She’s a fighter and neither of you two is prepared to see it.”
Colin had Celeste’s attention.
“Now I know, there is a fighter in here,” he placed a hand briefly on Celeste’s upper chest, “that’s waiting for the opportunity to win Amy over. But it ain’t gonna happen if you keep buying into the fact that she doesn’t need you.” He raised his eyebrows for emphasis. “She does.” He sat back. “And maybe all she needs is a little reminding.”
Celeste sighed and, trying not to lose her temper, explained in an even tone. “Colin, Amy blames me.” She stopped and thought, No, she blames us. Old pain broke through her voice. “She believes that if she hadn’t been so preoccupied with us, then the variables would have changed and their deaths would not have happened.”
“But does she really blame you?” Colin queried. He leaned forward. “I think if she did, she wouldn’t have you anywhere near her.” He paused to slug from his beer bottle. “Celeste, she isn’t out there with some other guy, gal, whatever. She isn’t remarried. She isn’t dating. Hasn’t had anyone close to her for years, and suddenly she’s hanging out with you all the time.”
“Your point?” Alex asked, frowning.
“
The point
… is that since you’ve made contact, she’s kept you close.”
Surprised that his words were having an effect on her, Celeste looked at him, and feeling slightly uncertain said, “It’s because of the children.”
Colin leaned back in his chair and drank more beer. “Personally,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “I don’t buy it. She deals with kids every day of her life. And, okay, your kids are sweet and I love them, but if she really didn’t want you in her life, then kids or no kids, she’d have no qualms in cutting you loose.” He moved back into her space. “Celeste, she is used to being on her own. She doesn’t need you to support her. She needs you around because she loves you.”
Sitting back, obviously satisfied that he had Celeste’s full attention, Colin smiled sagely. “Now, I don’t believe she truly blames you. She loves you. You have to make her believe that what you had, and what you now have, is real.” He leaned forward and looked into Celeste’s eyes. “You love her deeply. You’ve never loved anyone else this way. That’s not wrong, Celeste. It’s not wrong to love your soul mate.”
Celeste stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Colin, had a propensity to be overdramatic.
“He might be right, Celeste.”
Celeste looked at Alex in surprise.
“We have to make her see,” Alex continued. “But, she’s frightened, probably scared to death. Everything that she has touched has been taken away from her. I don’t think it’s only about her loss. I think she believes that she is being punished.”
Celeste frowned and thought back to the conversation she’d had with Amy at her kitchen table a few hours after they had made love. She had said how she believed she was being punished. Maybe he’s right, Celeste thought, maybe she’s terrified to let anyone close to her, in case something happens. Then she thought, No, she’s made it clear she blames me. She shook her head. This is crazy, she told herself, unable to believe that their point of view was beginning to carry some plausibility.
“You have to begin to see how strong she is, Celeste,” Colin said, his hand going round the back of her chair. “How much of a fighter she is. See her potential. See what she can become, and make her believe in you. You can do it, Celeste. I know you can.” He sat back and looked at Alex. “When Alex and I were with you both in Scotland, you couldn’t miss how deeply in love she is with you.”
Alex nodded. “He’s right, Celeste.”
Evidently pleased that Alex was backing him, Colin laughed. “I mean, for fuck sake, the temperature shot through the roof whenever you two got together. There were enough lesbian pheromones to give even an avowed homo like me a buzz.”
Celeste looked at him, and feeling a sudden glimmer of hope, thought, maybe he’s right.
Colin watched Celeste, pleased that at last he was getting through to her. Over the last few weeks he had been working hard to get Amy here. He smiled at Celeste, then got up and opened the fridge for another beer. He grinned, aware that his hard work was paying off. Popping open the bottle, he recalled his conversation with Irene a few weeks ago.