Authors: Linda Kage
Ellie nodded mutely and followed him to the door. As he opened it and stared out into the night, she finally spoke.
"You've got a long drive back. Are you sure you're going to make it okay? It's so late."
When he glanced toward her, her stomach tightened into a million knots. The streetlamp reflected off his hair, giving the black locks a blue-silver gloss. Suddenly, she remembered exactly how those locks felt. Realizing it'd been ten years since she'd truly buried her hands in them, her fingers itched for a mere touch.
It was on the tip of her tongue to invite him to stay...and not on the couch, when he answered, "I'll be fine."
Her hormones rioted, but she ignored them. Even her emotions screamed, wanting him to stay. She wanted to wash the guilt away by taking him to bed and erasing every lie and foul word she'd ever spoken to him. And God, she just wanted to be with him again.
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Delinquent Daddy
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But she held her trap shut and obediently nodded her head. He stepped outside, and she followed him to the edge of the porch.
"Goodnight," he called when he reached the bottom step.
"Night," she answered and wrapped her arms around her waist to ward off the chilly breeze. "Drive safely."
In the scarce light, she spotted the glimmer of an amused smile crossing his face. "I will," he promised and started away.
"Boston," she whispered, almost hoping he didn't hear her.
But he did and paused, turning back. When she didn't speak, he moved back to the edge porch.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"I..." She swallowed audibly and moved closer.
He rose up one step until they were eye to eye.
"I'm not trying to disrupt the peace we've got going here,"
she said. "I swear, I'm not. But, please, I...I just need..."
She wasn't sure who moved first, but they came together hungrily. The kiss that followed could've shot sparks out the ends of her toes.
His lips were so soft and sure when they met hers, she melted instantly. Her itching fingers buried themselves in his hair. He growled deep in his throat and tugged her close until they pressed together, melding into one silhouette.
Mouths hot, breaths moist, they devoured, they tasted.
They delighted. It was absolute heaven. The pads of his fingers pressed against the sides of her neck, and Ellie moved restlessly closer. She wanted to touch every inch of him and explore, discover how much he'd changed.
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As his mouth clung to hers, ten years dissolved. They were in college again, reliving that moment when their kisses had always caught a groove and slipped into a deeper connection.
They flowed into one being, giving as much as they received, reaching inside each other and taking a piece of the other that could never be returned.
"Oh God, Ellie," he said. "I tried so hard to forget you. I wanted you out of my blood. But the more I tried, the more I remembered. I have never missed anything the way I miss this."
His whispered confession stirred her, right up until that line,
I missed
this
.
This.
Of course the only thing he'd think about when he thought of her would be sex. That was the only thing they'd ever had going for them. Any other kind of involvement had been taboo. And that was likely what he wanted again. More sex.
No emotion, no commitment. He'd already admitted to her today how he didn't want her to have any kind of power over him.
This could only be physical. And she would only end up hurt...again.
Boston slid his hand around her hip, nudging her against him. He was hard, ready. She yanked herself away, breathing heavily.
"No," she said, moving back a pace and putting space between them. "Th-that's enough."
He pursued. "It's not nearly enough."
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"No, damn it." She put a hand on his chest to stop him.
"Boston. I said no."
"Ellie." Her name rumbled from deep in his chest as he tried to come forward, but her palm held strong.
"We've already tried this once before," she argued.
"Remember how that turned out?"
"Yeah, with the creation of an amazing little girl who means the world to me."
The thrill his words had on her almost crumbled Ellie's defenses. It would be so easy, so simple, so sensual just to give in. No one had ever moved her like Boston Kincaid. No one had touched her, inside and out, the way he did.
And no one had hurt her as much.
It had been ten years, yes. His mother had proclaimed that he'd changed...for the better. He'd affirmed it himself and even admitted he hadn't one hundred percent cheated on her. But that didn't mean it would be different between them.
That didn't mean she had to go repeating the past and setting herself up for an even bigger fall.
This time, she couldn't run away when he shattered her heart. Not with Cassie between them.
"Boston," she said, trying to sound reasonable, when she just wanted to toss all common sense into the wind and drag him by the front of his shirt back to her room. "Will you just step back and look at what you're trying to do here? This"—
she motioned between the two of them—"is a bad idea. I mean, aren't you the one who told me you didn't do long distance relationships? And if a relationship's not even what 254
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you're after, then that's even worse. Everything was bad enough when it ended the first time."
"Ellie, you started this," he growled through the dark and reached for her again. "You called me back onto this porch.
You—"
She evaded him. "I know, and I'm sorry. Now please, just go. I...this was a bad idea. I'm sorry, but I don't want it to happen again."
"What are you so afraid of?" he demanded, his voice impatient and frustrated. "Do you honestly think it would end the way it did last time?"
"I'm not afraid," she told him. "I'm just not interested."
"Not interested?" he echoed incredulously. "Not interested?"
Ellie gasped when he snagged her arm and yanked her close. She didn't have time to rebuke him because he covered her mouth with his before she could speak. The sensation rippled a path clear to her toes. She was just starting to arch against him when he pulled away.
"Still not interested?" he snarled in her ear.
Off balance, Ellie reached out blindly and caught stability on the closed front door. She leaned there, breathing hard, as she lifted a hand to her swollen, tingling lips.
"Damn it, Ellie," he groaned. "Someday you really ought to stop lying to me. I could have you right here, right now, and we both know it."
Spine straightening, Ellie pushed from the door and stood erect. "Fine," she said, gathering her pride around her like a 255
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cloak. "You're right. But I think...I suggest we just...ignore it.
For Cassie's sake."
He snorted. "Sorry, that's not working for me."
"And I'm sorry, but that's not my problem. It's working just fine for me."
She turned and reached for the door handle, but a large hand slapped the surface closed just as she started to open it.
Crowding her against the door, he moved up behind her, intimidating her as much as he was enticing her with his hard, powerful body.
"The day you cut down my tree you said you'd wouldn't maul me anymore," she reminded him, biting her lip as soon as she said the words.
He went still for a good thirty seconds. She braced herself, expecting him to lose his temper. But he threw her completely off balance when instead he leaned in and smelled her hair. Too startled to even breathe, she stood there passively as he nuzzled his face against the back of her shoulder.
"I won't ever hurt you again, Ellie. I've spent all these years wishing I'd done things differently. If I could take it back, I would. When I started pursuing you, I already foresaw an end. And that's the worst thing a person can do in a relationship. But this time, you're the one anticipating an end.
And this time, you're the one who's wrong. You hurt me too, you know. You purposely kept Cassie from me.
"Just think about that, Elora. I'm willing to work past this, and I've been wronged a lot more recently than you have.
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Why aren't you so willing? And don't tell me it's because you're
not
interested."
When she didn't answer inside five seconds, his warmth at her back disappeared. Ellie whirled around and was shocked to see his stiff spine as he strode off the porch toward his car.
Half tempted to call him back, she hurried to the top of the steps, listening to him slam his car door and start the engine.
She hugged herself as his Infiniti backed out of her drive and took off down the street.
Mind spinning, she wondered if he'd meant what he'd just said. Did he think it would be forever this time? His words sounded too good to be true...which meant they probably were. Or was she the one causing the problem?
Confused, hurt, and a little mad, she felt tears fill her eyes and quickly lifted both hands to her face to wipe them away.
Boston wasn't being fair. He shouldn't have heaped all this on her. She couldn't work through her hang-ups as quickly as he could. She hadn't been raised in a big, close-knit, loving family like his. She hadn't had all the luxuries in life he'd had.
All she'd ever really had was herself to rely on. It wasn't so easy for her to put her faith in someone who'd already hurt her.
Damn him for expecting something she couldn't give.
Damn her for making him hope.
Boston simmered all the way home. It was a quiet drive, giving him too much time to think and stew.
She'd lied to him.
Again.
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It was more than obvious she'd wanted him just as much as he'd wanted her. So why in the hell had she pulled back and put a stop to it?
In the years since his time with her, he had sometimes let himself wonder at night what he'd be doing with his life if Ellie hadn't lost that baby. Would he have asked her to marry him?
He kind of thought so. After missing her the way he did, he thought he would've gone back and begged until she accepted his ring.
Missing her had hurt, and festered, and bugged the hell out of him. He never wanted to experience that again, so he'd stayed away from relationships. Besides, no one had ever sparked something inside him the way Ellie had.
But now that she was back in his life, stirring up old feelings, he knew he couldn't let her get away this time.
Grinding his teeth and flexing his fingers around the steering wheel, he wondered how the hell he was ever going to break through her trust issues.
He wondered if he even could. A helpless surge of panic raced up the back of his neck just as his phone rang. Though he didn't feel like talking to anyone, he still checked the ID to see who was trying to get a hold of him. When Ellie's number flashed across the screen, his heart nearly beat out of his chest.
"Hello?" he said, and clenched his teeth because even
he
could hear how hopeful he sounded.
"How about every other week?" Ellie's tremulous voice came out.
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For a moment he was utterly confused. "What?" Then it struck him what she was saying. "You mean for custody."
She didn't answer. He blew out a breath, still shocked she was suddenly willing to compromise. "Um...okay. I accept every other week. Definitely."
"Fine." Her words were brisk, abrupt. "You can start next weekend. Bring a revised contract with you for me to sign."
"Okay. I can do that. Ellie—"
She hung up on him before he could say anything else.
Quietly he set his phone down, not sure what to make of this new development.
Either Ellie suddenly trusted him...or she couldn't stomach the idea of him coming to her place and spending any more time there to be with his daughter.
He had a bad feeling her reason was the latter.
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Chapter Sixteen
Eight days later, Cassidy had her first weekend with her father. While Ellie was ripe with apprehension, her daughter was beyond excited. Boston must've been a jumble of both emotions, because he called Ellie three times during the week, asking question after question. First he wanted to know if Cassidy had any allergies or phobias. Then he wanted to know about her sleeping habits, her bedtime and if he needed to get her a nightlight.
Ellie couldn't help but melt every time she heard his nervous voice. And, in truth, spending most her time answering his questions and soothing his nerves eased her own worries. At least he was going to try to do things right.
Dealing with him also took her mind off the fact she'd be completely without her baby girl for a full forty-eight hours.
She needed to get a life. Letting her world revolve around her daughter had been all good and well until the girl went and deserted her every other weekend. Now, she just felt useless and lonely.
It was pure providence when Ted Barnaby came into her office one day. Ted was a partner in Barnaby & Murdock, an advertising firm in Lawrence. He kept Ellie's boss on retainer as their legal advisor. And every time he popped in for Winston to look over a contract, he had to stop by Ellie's desk to flirt. For the past three years since Winston had been dealing with him, Ted had asked her out on an average of once every two to three months.
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So, when he perched his hip on the corner of her desk, stole a mint from her candy jar and asked her what she was doing that Friday night, Ellie stared at him and thought,
Why
not?
Cassie would be with Boston for their second weekend together, and she'd be all alone.