Authors: C. J. Redwine

Defiance (38 page)

If I close my eyes, I’m still whole.

But I can’t close my eyes. I don’t dare. I
need
to see this. To sear it into my brain so I never forget. When seeing isn’t enough, I dig my fingers into the ash and let the silky texture cling to me like a scar I’ll wear for the rest of my life.

“Rachel.”

Logan drops down into the ash beside me and grabs a handful too.

“This is where I signed a contract with Jared. I had to work hard to look only at the paper and not get caught staring at his beautiful daughter.” He looks to the right. “And that’s where I suffered my first defeat in combat at the hands of a girl two years younger than me. You knocked my feet out from under me. I never saw it coming, because it never occurred to me a girl would know how to fight.”

I follow his gaze and see us. Fighting. Laughing. Living.

There’s no life here now.

“Someone else wanted this to happen. Someone else pushed the controls that sent the Cursed One into the city. It wasn’t your fault,” he says, and the silence within me shivers like pieces of broken glass.

“I started it all. Don’t you see that? I tried to climb over the Wall and got caught, and look at the result.” I fling my hand to encompass the blackened ruins around us. The wind tugs gently at the ash I hold and it floats away like bits of silver.

“No.” He scoots closer to me, and takes my chin in between his thumb and forefinger. “You wouldn’t have tried to get over the Wall if I’d told you what I was working on. I thought I was protecting you, but I should’ve trusted you.”

His eyes are steady, and a world of pain and resolve lives inside them.

“But beyond all that, none of this would’ve happened if the Commander hadn’t tried to steal something that didn’t belong to him. We aren’t done, Rachel. He needs to be found and stopped. The other city-states need to be warned about the weapons Rowansmark has. If there is a master device out there capable of controlling the Cursed One, we need to find and destroy it. And there are people depending on us for leadership.” He looks over his shoulder.

I follow his gaze and see Sylph, her face resolute, a newfound gravity carved into her by everything she’s lost. Beside her, Smithson stands tall and steady, his arm curved around her shoulders. Nola, Willow, and Quinn are next to him, looking fierce and ready. Drake and Thom stand slightly behind them, their eyes trained on me, while behind them teams of survivors comb the wreckage for anything we can use to start over. I look at them and realize I see something I never thought I’d see again.

Hope.

They’re broken, but they aren’t beaten. They want to live. Not just breathe in and out, watching one day fade into the next. They want to
live
.

And they want us to help them do it.

I’m so tired. I want to lie down, sink beneath the ashes, let them slide gently into my lungs and carry me to Dad and Oliver. I want to, but I can’t. Because Logan is right. We have to find the Commander. Warn the other leaders. And bring whoever invented the hellish device that started all of this to his knees.

My debts have yet to be paid.

Tugging at the leather pouch I wear, I let the ashes I hold trickle inside to become one with the dirt from my father’s grave. Logan reaches for me, and together we stand and walk toward the group waiting for us. Linking arms with Sylph on one side and Logan on the other, I lean my head against him in the ruins of what once was as the sun sets one last time on Baalboden.

Acknowledgements

I
have a deep fear that I’ll thank the many,
many
people who have helped make this book possible and end up forgetting someone. My hubby assures me this won’t happen. But we both know I’m the girl who constantly forgets to charge her cell phone and can never remember anyone’s name. So … if you contributed to
Defiance
and I somehow forget you in this list of thanks, I humbly beg your pardon and promise you cookies and lemon bars to make up for it.

First, I have to thank God for giving me the ability to tell stories and for being the foundation beneath my feet.

And because dedicating the book to him isn’t enough, I also want to thank my husband. Clint, thank you for letting me disappear for hours to write while you changed diapers, handled dinner, and made it possible for me to meet my deadlines. This book wouldn’t have happened without your commitment to supporting my dreams. I love you.

Thanks also to Zach, Jordan, and Tyler for watching the baby so I could write, eagerly asking me about my story, and proudly announcing to everyone that your mom was going to publish a book. I’m also grateful to you, Johanna. Finally bringing you home from China gave me so much incentive to write the book I thought might be too big for me. You are amazing kids, and I’m so blessed to be your mom.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for feeding my love of reading and for raising me to believe I could do anything I set my mind to.

I also owe a huge debt of gratitude to my awesome agent, Holly Root, for always believing in me and for being fiercely in my corner. You are a rock star in my world.

This book wouldn’t be what it is today without the help of my incredible team of critique partners and beta readers. Not only did all of you help shape this book in different ways, you are all treasured friends. M. G. Buehrlen, thank you for reading, rereading, and rereading again. And for the conversation that helped me realize I needed to include Logan’s POV. How many hours did we spend on the phone discussing this book? I’m grateful for them all! Myra McEntire, awkward kissing scenes FTW! Asking myself
What would Myra do?
is now my new go-to for all fictional romantic situations. Thanks also for being so excited for me every step of the way. K. B. Wagers, you’ve been by my side almost from the beginning. Thanks for being my weapons and sparring expert, my cheerleader, and my friend. Heather Palmquist, you are not only a fabulous beta reader, you are an even more fabulous sister. I’m so glad you were part of this journey with me. Sara McClung, you rock as a beta reader. Thanks for being so excited about this book. Shannon Messenger, thanks for reading scenes even while you were neck-deep in drafting, and for being unflinchingly honest. Jodi Meadows, thanks for helping me figure out what to call the Switch. And for being a huge fan of the almost-kissing scenes. Beth Revis, thanks for encouraging me as I neared my first deadline. Even though you did almost kill me with Nutella.

Tricia Bentley, even though you didn’t read
Defiance
as I was writing it, you were my first ever reader (many moons ago) and while you keep assuring me I don’t need to apologize for the mess of a novel you read, I really am grateful you were interested enough to keep asking me for more. You helped motivate me to finish writing my first book. Thank you.

A heartfelt thanks to the entire team at Balzer + Bray for embracing
Defiance
and making me feel so welcome. Kristin Daly Rens, I knew from our first conversation that you were the perfect editor for me. The llama simply confirmed my hunch. Your painstaking attention to detail and your unabashed enthusiasm for Rachel and Logan challenged me to push myself to do more than I thought I could do. Thank you. Sara Sargent, you are definitely a Ninja of many things! I appreciate you keeping me on track and making my interactions with B+B so much fun.

Thank you to Alison Klapthor and Alison Donalty for my gorgeous cover. You truly captured Rachel’s fierce spirit along with all the key elements of the book. I nearly licked my monitor the first time I saw the cover. Thank you also to Emilie Polster and Stefanie Hoffman for your fabulous marketing efforts, and to Caroline Sun and Olivia deLeon for being my publicity gurus. I appreciate all of you.

Thanks to my amazing Pixie sisters. You’ve been my cheerleaders, my readers, my source of insight, and my friends since that wonderful summer in San Francisco in 2008. I can’t imagine my publishing journey without you by my side.

While I was writing
Defiance
, I went on a writer’s retreat with many members of the Music City Romance Writers’ chapter. I wrote eleven thousand words that weekend, and just outside my bedroom I had the soundtrack of twenty-two women singing some pretty awesome karaoke. Whip it, MCRW! (And thank you for being a constant encouragement.)

A huge thanks to the talented Tashina Falene for designing the jewelry pieces from the book and for being so excited about the story. I also want to give a shout out to two book bloggers who have either read chapters for me or inspired me while I was drafting: Catie S. and Julie Daly. You make me want to write amazing stories. Thank you.

Finally, thank you to all of my blog readers, my Twitter followers, and my Facebook friends who got excited about this book and told a friend about it. From book bloggers to fellow writers to enthusiastic readers, you amaze me. I still have to pinch myself when I realize there are people outside of my immediate friends and family who love this book. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

About the Author

C. J. Redwine
lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with her four beautiful kids, an amazing husband, two fairly crazy cats, and a dog. She has a job, a writing career, and a bunch of really cool friends she doesn’t get to see nearly as much as she’d like to. DEFIANCE is her first novel. You can visit C.J. online at www.cjredwine.blogspot.com.

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Credits

Cover design by Alison Klapthor

Copyright

Balzer + Bray is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.

Defiance
Copyright © 2012 by C. J. Redwine
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
ISBN 978-0-06-211718-2 (trade bdg.)
EPub Edition © MONTH JUNE ISBN 9780062117199

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