Dearest Series Boxed Set (18 page)

* * *

I
beat
him to the cafe, so I grab a window seat facing the dorms and order two coffees, which are being delivered when Gavin walks in, and oh, what a beautiful creature he is. He’s wearing a fitted black t-shirt, a hoodie and jeans, and it may only be typical college-guy attire, but I’ve never seen anything more enticing. How I was not immediately smitten by Gavin Murphy is still a mystery. Apparently, his looks are no secret as several girls turn to admire him when he arrives.

“Hey, babe,” he says as he leans in to kiss me.

I’m giddy from his small show of endearment and feeling a little stupid that I’ve become a hearts-and-flowers girl overnight. Being with him makes me want to kiss nonstop, and I could give a shit who sees. I snicker to myself.

He tilts his head, curiosity in his eyes. Shrugging, I smile back. “It’s nothing,” I say, wanting to change the subject before he gets me to confess I could take him on the table if amply prodded.

“Some of the guys from the dorm are joining me in a while. We have to plan activities for the freshmen,” he says, checking the time on his phone. “But we have time to eat first.”

“No problem. I have to get to work soon. What kind of things do you need to plan?”

“Sightseeing tours, because so many students are from out-of-state, and a Halloween party.”

“That doesn’t sound too painful.”

“No, that’s not too bad. It’s working out our schedules that’s a pain in the ass.”

“What do you mean? The schedules aren’t already made for you?” I tear open a sugar packet and toss the contents into my mug.

“They are, but we can change them among ourselves—swap days, floors, that sort of thing.”

“Swap floors?”

“We have a couple of RAs from our building we can swap with in case of an emergency. We do group outings and social events together, so the freshmen get to know us. My buddy Mark and I have swapped floors a few times when I had a gig with Ryan or a last-minute article I had to write.”

“That’s so different from my job. If anyone switched schedules, I’d skewer them.”

“You’re in charge of that?”

“My manager is supposed to do it, but he gives me the honors because the students know how pissed I get if they back out.”

“So you’re the enforcer?”

“Something like that.” I laugh at how tough that sounds. “I’m anything but that, but I probably talk a good show.”

“You only
seem
like a badass then.”

“I don’t know that I would go that far.” I look up, and he’s staring so intensely at me, I blush. “Gavin, stop.”

He chuckles. “What? I can’t look?” He lowers his voice. “I can’t think about you. Naked. Beneath me.”

I gasp, “Gavin!” and cover my eyes.

He laughs and reaches over to lace his fingers through mine.

“Besides, I wasn’t entirely naked,” I whisper, mortified.

He flashes a devilish grin. “You were in my head.”

I’m trying not to let my jaw linger on the table when we’re interrupted by our waiter who takes our order. I get some fruit and a small omelet, and he gets pancakes. When our food arrives, I smile as I watch him pour the syrup over the perfect squares he’s cut into his food.

“Want a bite?” he asks as he holds out a forkful.

“No, thanks.” I shake my head. “Boys and their pancakes.”

“Hmm?”

“My brother loves pancakes. I used to make them for him every Sunday when we were growing up.”

Gavin takes a sip of his coffee, looking like he wants to ask me something.

“What?” I take a bite of my omelet, curious about what he’s thinking.

“Have you talked to your brother since he came over?”

I stop chewing. I did tell him he could ask anything. This is what normal people do, right? Share things about themselves.
Except for you because you have the emotional capacity of a garden gnome.

Fighting the slight twisting sensation in my stomach, I clear my throat. “No, I haven’t. I probably should. I know he was being thoughtful by bringing that box over. That’s saying a lot about him. Jax is all about Jax, so him taking time to do that shouldn’t turn me into a raving lunatic or he’ll never want to do anything nice for me again.”

It’s only now that I’m actually opening up to someone other than Harper and Jenna that I realize how much I’ve locked away.

Gavin reaches over and strokes my hand. “Don’t say that about yourself. You had a right to be upset.”

“Anyway, I need to drag my butt out to BC to catch a few of his games, but they’re always at the oddest times, like on a Tuesday at four. I think he has a game on Saturday, though. I’m gonna try to go. I can usually get one of my roommates to come ’cause they love ogling my brother,” I say, rolling my eyes.

As we’re finishing up our meal, a group of guys comes in, and Gavin gets up to greet them. I stand next to him as he goes around, introducing me to his fellow RAs. I meet his friend Mark, who is tall and handsome like Gavin, but not nearly as striking, and Jeremy, who is cute in a nerdy Weezer kind of way. After meeting two more guys, I realize I won’t remember any of their names, so I stop trying to keep track. Gavin is all smiles until something catches his eye, making his eyebrows pinch. I turn to see what he’s looking at.

Angry Red.

Angelique, who is stunning wrapped up in a burgundy jacket, waltzes through the door.

“I hope you don’t mind. I thought I’d tag along,” she says to Gavin as though there aren’t a group of people with him. She puckers her perfectly painted lips, like she’s deep in thought. “You always come up with the best plans, and I didn’t want my floor to complain about my activities.”

He tenses his jaw as she looks me over, almost smiling but not quite. I must not be the only one who’s uncomfortable because everyone is quiet, and as though Gavin senses my apprehension, he rests his hand on the small of my back.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met,” I say to her since she’s staring at me. “I’m Clementine.” I paste on a smile.

“Angelique.”

Neither one of us continues with the
pleasantries
, and although Gavin says it’s over between them, I know she still wants him. Nothing could be more obvious. I wonder if she remembers when I ran into her with all of my junk food at the convenience store.
When she was talking about Gavin and the “bitch” he’s dating.

I start talking on autopilot. “Well, I’m off to work. It’s nice to meet you all.” Turning to Gavin, I grab his arm. “Thanks for breakfast.” He looks down me with an apologetic smile and kisses me on the forehead.

“I’ll call you later.”

I hate leaving him with Angelique, especially when she looks so damn pleased that I’m taking off. So I decide to give him something to think about. Something that’s all me. Leaning up to him, I whisper in his ear. “I thought about you this morning. In the shower.”

His head whips toward me, and I grin, lifting up on my tiptoes again to kiss him on the lips before I leave. Because I want Angelique to understand that Gavin is
not
available
.

T
he roses smell divine
, but they’re also making me a little crazy, enveloping me in a constant reminder of Gavin. We both have to work the rest of the weekend, so aside from some flirty texts, we don’t have any time to hang out.

By the end of my shift on Sunday evening, I’m restless with thoughts of him. Desperate to regain my sense of balance, I lace up my running shoes and head down for a run by the river. Although it’s dark outside, the reflection of the moon on the water fills me with a sense of peace. It’s cold outside, but I run until I’m sweaty and hot and purged of the neediness that’s filled me since Gavin and I parted ways yesterday morning.

When I reach Bay State Road and the familiar sight of my brownstone, I slow to a crawl, content to enjoy the brisk night and the scent of autumn in the air. That is, until I reach my walkway. There, I pause, caught off guard by a sickeningly sweet odor that makes me shiver. Clove cigarettes.

Jason Wheeler wouldn’t be stupid enough to lurk outside my door, would he? I’m sure his parents probably paid a shitload of money to appease the powers that be at this school to let his behavior, for all intents and purposes, go unnoticed.

Shaking my head at my paranoia because, really, there are probably dozens of students on my block who smoke those cigarettes on occasion, I duck into my building.

I’m appreciating how running can make everything right in the world when I open my bedroom door and the smell of flowers hits me.

“Damn it.” Flooded with images of Gavin, I’m clouded and anxious all over. Not that thinking about him is bad, but I have things I need to do. And I can’t focus. At all.

After a quick shower, I get dressed. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I stare at the bouquet, which takes up most of my desk. The blossoms have opened and make for a chaotic arrangement of delicate petals.

Seeing his name on an incoming text a few minutes later has my insides doing a small samba. His message has three beautiful words:
I miss you.
Deciding that I have to scratch that itch before I go insane, I’m halfway out the door when my phone buzzes again with another three words:
Come see me.

I don’t bother to write back. That would take too long.

I reach his dorm in record time, but the glacially slow ride up to the eighteenth floor has me fidgeting with nervous energy, and I’m gripped with apprehension. I know that intimacy with a man can change everything, and even though we didn’t go all the way, I was still vulnerable and shared a whole lot of my naked self with him.

A girlfriend in high school once told me that as soon as she messed around with a guy, she lost interest. It didn’t matter how handsome or charming he was, the next time she saw him after they hooked up, she was over it. What if it’s like that for Gavin and me? What if his feelings have changed? What if I see him and
my
feelings have changed?

My nerves are about to combust when the elevator doors finally open, and I step out. Part of me wants to sigh with relief… until I see who is leaning in his doorway.

Angelique looks like a predator as she arches herself into a come-hither stance and laughs provocatively. I hear Gavin’s voice briefly before she tosses her long red hair over her shoulder.

“Thanks for all your help this weekend,” she purrs. “You’re a lifesaver. As always. You should stop by my room later, and we can talk about that other assignment.” Turning around, she sees me and stops. Her eyes tighten. “Why, Clementine, it’s nice to see you again.”

I’m so sure.

“Same here.”

Not
.

In a flash, Gavin is behind her, his expression difficult to read, but then his features smooth, and he smiles at me.

It only takes that fraction of a second for a familiar image to come flooding back to me, the one that had me gasping for breath when I saw it. As though transported through space and time, the only thing I can see right now is Daren and Veronica, tangled together on his bed. Before that moment, I had never doubted their intentions with each other. Veronica complained Daren was too cocky and rude, while he always called her a spoiled brat.

And like a fool, I bought it all.

I swallow, trying to push that thought back. I stammer out the first words that come to mind. “I… I didn’t mean to interrupt. Clearly, you’re busy,” I say, turning back toward the elevator. When confronted with a major emotional trigger like this, I have two modes—fight or flight—and right now, I want to sprint. Actually, I’d like to shove Angelique’s face into something hard, perhaps a brick or maybe a shoe, and
then
run. I’m too rattled to stake any kind of claim to Gavin, my brief bravado yesterday morning lost in a whirlwind of past pain. So I push the elevator button repeatedly and close my eyes.

“Hey, baby,” Gavin says as he comes up behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I stiffen at his touch and fight myself not to shrug him off. “Angelique was leaving. Come on.” He takes my hand, and he pulls me past her and into his room.

The door closes behind me. I turn slowly to face him.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his forehead knitted as he studies me.

What do I say? I had a flashback of something that wrecked me, and I’m scared as fuck to relive it? I lick my dry lips and decide to be honest. Because if he wants me, he should know what he’s in for.

My heart pounds desperately in my chest while the little voice in my head screams to play it cool. But I can’t. I can’t play it cool. Not when he holds the power to rip me apart. I take a deep breath.

“Look, Gavin,” I say, my voice like ice, “I’d love to be kind of girl who is trusting and secure and doesn’t bat an eye when her guy hangs out with his stunningly beautiful ex-girlfriend who still clearly wants to screw him, but I’m not. I used to be those things, but it didn’t work out so well for me, so that,” I say, pointing out the door to where Angelique was standing, “that is going to be a problem for me.” Anger starts to course through me, the blood beating in my ears. “You should know that I’m not a low-maintenance girl, and if you’re under some delusion that I am, maybe you need to reconsider whether you want to date me or—”

Before I can finish, his mouth is on mine. “Shut up,” he growls against me as he pulls on my hair, making me gasp so he can deepen the kiss. His tongue licks and strokes mine, forcing my body to betray me with a dark desire for him that’s overwhelming. “She means nothing.”

He reaches down to my thighs and lifts me up to his waist, and I wrap my legs around him. We slam into the door, his hardness pressing against me, which makes me desperate for him all over again. As he kisses me hungrily, my worries start to melt away. I can’t be angry at him when he kisses me like this, when I feel his need for me as intensely as my own. I reach up and grip his powerful shoulders and kiss him back.

“Baby,” he says as his mouth travels over to my ear and down my neck. “You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. You have nothing to worry about.”

He flexes his hips, and I moan as he presses into the delicate part of me that is aching for his touch. I’m sure it’s a terrible idea to use this as a coping mechanism because I know I still need to talk through my issues, but I’m trembling with my need for him, eager to push thoughts of him with another woman out of my head.

“I’m sorry,” I pant. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Don’t apologize,” he says, pausing to look at me in the eye. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I choose you. I want you.”

* * *

W
hen I wake
up a few hours later, Gavin’s arm is wrapped around me tightly beneath the covers. His room is dark, the only light coming from the moon outside his window. I’ve never slept naked before, but having his strong, warm body fitted to mine without any barriers except his boxers is heavenly. I love being enveloped by him and the masculine scent of his skin.

I got so close to going all the way with him tonight, but I don’t want our first time together to be angry makeup sex. I want it to be purposeful and trusting and not have a damn thing to do with his ex-girlfriend.

I scoot slightly out of his grasp to roll onto my back. His hand reaches for me again.

“Clementine?” His voice is groggy and scratchy and sexy as hell.

“Yeah.”

“I miss you when you’re not here.”

My heart melts at his words because I feel the same way. I have that same void. “I miss you too.”

“I think you should stay over more often. We don’t have to do anything physical if you don’t want to. I just want to be with you.” He brushes my hair out of my face.

I’m overwhelmed by his admission, by his willingness to be vulnerable with me, because that kind of honesty is so difficult for me. Before I know what’s happening, big, hot tears are streaming down my temples.

“I’d like that,” I sniffle.

“Darlin’, are you crying?” He leans up, resting his weight on his forearm.

“No.” I wipe my face with my arm and laugh. “Well, maybe a little. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I literally haven’t cried in years. I don’t know why I am now.” I look down sheepishly.

He tilts my face up. “You’re so fucking adorable.” He’s quiet while his thumb strokes away the wetness on my cheek. “I’d like to amend my earlier statement.”

I raise my eyebrows.

“The part about not doing anything physical. We should totally get physical, and you should always sleep naked in my bed.”

I laugh, smacking him playfully before he leans down to kiss me softly.

“Can I ask you something?” he says, his lips still on mine, his breath on my skin warm and tantalizing.

“Sure.”

“Are you on the pill?”

The question makes me pull away slightly. Were it not so dark in here, I’m sure he’d see the blood rushing to my face. I clear my throat. “No, I’m not, but I… I have an appointment on Wednesday.”

“It’s not that I want to have sex with you or anything.”

“No, of course not.” I grin at his playfulness. “That’s actually the last thing on my mind too.”

“Right. Because sex is so…”

“Passé,” I say, reaching up to tangle my fingers in his thick hair.

“Exactly. And your hot-as-fuck little body does nothing for me,” he teases as he presses his hard length against my thigh.

“Well, obviously,” I giggle.

* * *

W
ith an hour left
before I need to get to class, Gavin and I duck into the student union to grab some coffee and bagels and do a little homework. I think we need to be in public more because the only thing I want to study is him.

I curl up on a cushioned bench as he crosses the cafeteria to talk to one of his buddies, and I enjoy the opportunity to watch him unnoticed. He has such an easygoing way about him as he talks to his friend. Where I’m uptight and anxious, he’s cool and collected. Where I often feel lost and aimless, he’s focused and driven.

He’s the shore to my tumultuous waters.

Realizing I have a big, stupid grin on my face, I try to read my assignment even though I want to cross the dining hall and throw my arms around him, but I don’t want to let myself be the clingy girlfriend. Last night was bad enough.

But Gavin totally put me at ease, convinced me of his commitment to me, his affection for us. I let out a contented sigh as I glance up again only to flinch because someone is standing right in front of me… smelling of clove cigarettes.

“That was quite a look on your face, love.” Jason Wheeler stands above me with a calculating expression that cuts me.

Instantly, I’m out of breath.

“You… you need to leave me alone.” I try to sound steady and firm, but the words come out barely above a whisper. I’m not as brave when I’m by myself. “The police said—”

He laughs. It’s a haunting sound that turns my stomach. “I’m done with the games, Clem. You know you’re my muse. Nothing will change that.” He reaches down to stroke a lock of my hair. Leaning in close until his lips graze my ear, he whispers, “And don’t think that you don’t need me just as much as I need you.”

My vision blurs, my pulse a tornado raging in my ears, and as a full-on panic attack is about to set in, Wheeler jerks away.