Deadly Dosage (53 page)

     I
got back out, retrieved it, and brought it inside the car with me. I closed the
door and started the engine. As the car warmed up, I removed the tape from the
paper package. A single, perfect red rose lay on a sheet of tissue paper. I
lifted it to smell its sweet scent and a card dropped into my lap. I picked it
up and read, ‘I love you, Lloyd.’

     A
tear spilled down my cheek. I glanced out the windshield, in all directions. I
didn’t find his car in the parking lot.

     I
loved him too, but my heart still felt wounded. I forgave him but I didn’t want
him to know yet. I always forgave too easily with Sam and look where it got me.

     I
gently re-wrapped the rose and placed it on the passenger seat along with the
card. Backing out of my space, I mentally thanked him as though somehow he
could hear and know how much I cared.

Chapter
60

Friday,
March 9th

What I
had come to anticipate and expect each day was not there. No package neatly
tucked behind my windshield wiper. No perfect red rose. No card signed, ‘I love
you, Lloyd.’

     Tomorrow
would be one week since I flew out of his house in a tearful rage. The fight
seemed foolish now and I missed him more than I wanted to admit.

     No
rose today. Did it symbolize the end of our relationship? I hadn’t called to
thank him, not even once, though each day revolved around getting that special
rosebud.

     My
heart felt heavy in my chest. Pride had kept me from picking up the phone and
dialing his number. And stubbornness. Now I was going to lose him.

     Autumn
and Spring both told me to call him. Donna told me to call him. My heart told
me to call him. Lloyd’s words came back to me. He told me I thought too much
with my mind, but this time my mind agreed with the majority.

     I
dug my phone out of my handbag and dialed his cell number. No answer. I tried
his home phone. No answer. Maybe fate was trying to tell me something, but
being stubborn, I chose not to listen. I dialed his cell phone again to leave a
message.

“Lloyd? Sunny. I wanted to—” The voice mail cut off. Figures.
I’d find a way to cheat fate. I dialed his home number. “Lloyd, I love you,” I
said rapidly. “I wanted to—” The answering machine beeped. Double damn.

     I
hung up with a sigh cursing technology. I tossed my phone on the passenger seat
and drove home in silence. A crappy end to a crappy day at work. Phyllis aka
The Hawk, was riding me all day long. Too many Medicaid denials. Sloppy
insurance verifications. Not bringing in enough money. On and on. Help the
family members gather their parent’s financial documentation. Don’t know how
the hell I was supposed to do that without my name on their frickin’ checking
and savings accounts?

     Life
was a crock, and I was the French onion soup floating in it being suffocated by
a thick covering of cheese. Either I’d be eaten up or tossed out. Didn’t
matter, since neither option was appealing.

     Home
sweet home. I pulled into the lot as if on automatic pilot, opened the door,
got out, and beeped my doors locked. I stopped by the mailbox and pulled out a
stack of advertising flyers, the wind catching several sending them like kites
through the sky. Looked like someone else would receive those valuable coupons.

     I
walked slowly up the stairs, not thrilled to be spending another night by
myself. Tomorrow Autumn and I would be picking up our bridesmaid dresses and
finalizing the wedding plans. But tonight would be lonely.

     What
I didn’t hope for was Sam sitting on my recliner drinking a soda. I tossed the
mail on the counter and took off my coat before addressing him. “Sam, what the
hell are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Left early today. Thought we could catch a bite to eat.”

“Did you forget we aren’t doing the dating thing anymore? You
can’t just let yourself in anytime you want.”

“Okay, but you still have to eat.”

“Listen, I’ve had a really shitty day and I’m not hungry. So
can you please go?”

There was knocking on the front door. Now what? Did he invite
his friends over for a party? I ran my hand through my hair and opened the
front door. Lloyd stood there with a rose in his hand.

“Lloyd,” I said flabbergasted. My happiness spilled out into
a welcoming smile.

     “I
wanted to deliver the last one personally.” He handed me the single red rose.

     “Thank
you. It’s…they all were…beautiful.” The sight of him was beautiful. I missed
seeing his smile, with the cute little dimple.

     “I
missed you so much, Sunny. So did Rufus. Forgive me?”

“Yes. I missed you both too.”

He
pulled me into an embrace and the sheer nearness of him awakened every nerve in
my body. When he kissed me, I responded with a week’s worth of stored up
passion. He smiled and all of the day’s troubles and worries dissipated.

“I
wouldn't forgive him so easily,” Sam's voice rang out.

I
had forgotten all about him. Lloyd glanced up to see Sam leaning against the
back of my couch, his arms, and legs crossed, his attention on us. He released
his hold on me. “What's he doing here?”

“Use
your imagination,” Sam said coyly, before I had a chance to open my mouth.

My
heart stopped beating.

Lloyd's
lips tightened and his jaw clenched in anger. His imagination was fast at
work causing his temper to flare. “I repeat, what’s he doing here?”

“It’s
no big deal, Lloyd. He was here when I got home from work. Sam wanted to know
if I was interested in getting a bite to eat. I told him no.”

“Who
let him in, the tooth fairy?” he said between gritted teeth.

“Apartment
key. Comes in handy,” Sam said, dangling the apartment key from his key chain.
“Sunny gave it to me.”

Lloyd’s
accusing eyes burned into mine. “You’re
my
girlfriend. He lets himself
into your apartment whenever he wants and you think it’s no big deal? I thought
you broke up with him?”

     “She did,
Lloyd. But a lady always reserves the right to change her mind,” Sam goaded.

     “Why the hell
do you keep answering for her? Shut up!” Lloyd yelled in frustration.

     Sam continued
jeering at Lloyd, whose blood pressure rose steadily. This was getting totally
out-of-hand. Hyperventilation was nearing. I only hoped I blacked out and the
situation would correct itself before I regained consciousness.

“Lloyd,
calm down. I
did
break up with him. We
didn’t
get back together.
I gave him that key over a year ago. I asked him to give it back for Christ’s
sake! Tell him, Sam!”

Sam
smiled sweetly. “Yes, sweetheart, you asked for your key back.” He shrugged his
shoulders. “No reason to comply. I mean, what’s the point. We keep getting back
together.” He winked at Lloyd and wickedly grinned. “Sunny’s high-spirited.
Irish temper. The woman needs free rein but she always comes back. That’s why
I’m tolerating you.”

Lloyd
was fuming. He turned his darkened eyes on me and pounced. “Looks like my
suspicions about Sam were right. Nice performance, Sunny. I really enjoyed
the breaking your heart bit. Made me feel guilty for the
entire week.” He turned on his heel and left the apartment.

“Thanks
a lot, Sam,” I said through gritted teeth. I swung the door open and started
down the stairs.

     “Lloyd! Wait!”
I ran after him. I grabbed the back of his jacket as he reached the bottom
step. “Wait!”

“Let
go of me,” he growled and shook free. He kept walking toward his car, forcing me
to run after him.

“Lloyd,
stop damn it! I didn't invite Sam over and you know it! You got here right
after I told him to leave. And I tried to get that damn key back after the
Brandi affair!”

“Tell it
to someone else, Sunny, I’m through listening.”

“Oh,
stop being bull-headed and think! If I wanted Sam, why would I say I miss you
and then proceed to make out with you in front of him? Would I be arguing with
you out in the cold now?”

“How
the hell do I know? Maybe you wanted to make him jealous.” He climbed into his
car.

“That’s
just stupid! You know I’m in love with you.” Tears of frustration rushed forth.

Lloyd
remained stoic. “Save the waterworks, Sunny. They won't work again.” 

“Love
requires trust, Lloyd. No relationship can grow without honesty and trust
between two people.”

“Don't
speak to me about love or trust. You didn't return one of my phone
calls this week.”

“I
was hurt and angry. I tried to call you today on my way home from work.”

“Why?
To tell me you were busy tonight?”

“That's
not fair, Lloyd. You know the truth. Why are you deliberately trying to hurt
me?”

He
studied me for a minute saying nothing and a quick flash of empathy showed on
his face. “Go inside, Sunny. You're shivering.”

“Not
until you tell me it's okay between us.” My teeth were starting to chatter but
I didn't know if it was due to the cold or my overwrought emotions.

“I
wish I could tell you that it is but it isn't.” He started the engine. “Don't
keep your boyfriend waiting. He's the only one you have now.” 

He
slammed his door closed and burned out of the parking lot.     

     I
watched him leave. He stopped once, shortly and glanced back. My heart caught,
thinking he would return, but he continued out to the main road.

     Fate
won, though I fought it with tooth and nail. I took the steps two at a time.
There was anger to unleash, and Sam better still be up there to accept it.

“You
sonofabitch!” I said whirling through my apartment door, kicking it closed. I
walked over to where Sam was standing and slapped the quizzical look off his
face.

     He
didn’t seem surprised. He moved his jaw and rubbed his reddened cheek.

“How could you do that?” I cried. “Make him think I was lying
to him.”

     He
looked into my eyes and shrugged. “Love makes you do strange things.” He ran
his hands over my arms. “You’re cold. Let me warm you up.”

     “Don’t
touch me! I’m so furious I could hit you again!”

     “Why
be mad at me? I only told the truth, which verified everything you told him.
It’s not my fault the guy’s got trust issues.”

     “Oh
no, you made him think something was going on between us, when you know there
isn’t. Maybe I read it between the lines but it was there clear as day.”

     “Sunny,
I may be talented but I can’t make anyone
think
anything. He thought
what he wanted to think. It had nothing to do with me. Maybe you should ask why
he thinks you would cheat on him. Maybe you’re saying one thing and sending out
mixed messages.”

     I
stomped my foot. “Don’t turn this on me. You manipulated the situation to suit
your fancy from the moment you opened your mouth.”

     He
shrugged and embraced me. “So, what if I did? That only means he’s weak and not
worth it. I never would have fallen into a trap like that.”

The tears spilled down my cheeks. “He broke up with me, Sam.
Said I should go back to my boyfriend. He thought I was seeing you all this
week.”

“Then he’s a fool and you’re too good for him.” He wiped away
my tears with his sleeve. “I know you, Sunny. Well. No one can get away with
telling me lies about you. I have a mind of my own and I use it.”

     He
bent down and kissed my lips until I felt flushed with fever. He moved against
me and I felt his hardness.

     “Don’t,
Sam,” I whispered through tears.

     “You
don’t sound very convincing.” He kissed me deeper, his tongue playing around
mine.

“I miss you, sweetheart. I miss your kiss, your scent, the
way your body feels moving next to mine.” His mouth lowered to my neck. “Lloyd
doesn’t understand you the way I do. We belong together.”

A moan escaped my lips. I tried to fight it but I couldn’t
stop my body from responding to his touch. I needed it. I wanted to feel loved.
Maybe Sam was right. Everything with Lloyd was straight and orderly with no
room for errors. My life was chaotic, filled with curves and mistakes. Sam was
more like me. I had thought we were different, but I couldn’t have been more
wrong.

He unhooked my bra and his warm hands ran up and down the
length of my back. Our lips met and fire burned within me.

     “Let’s
go to your bedroom,” he said gently, “before I take you on the kitchen table.”

The kitchen table. Funny how certain things can invoke strong
emotions. Suddenly I saw him sitting at the table refusing to share his
breakfast with me. Lloyd pampered me at breakfast.

“No, Sam. I can’t,” I said, pushing him away. I felt
disgusted with myself. Lloyd was the one I wanted. Not Sam. I was using him as
a substitute. “This is a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“No it isn’t. Being with Lloyd is the mistake. You want this
as much as I do.”

“No, Sam. I’m hurt and you’re here. That’s all there is to
it. I love Lloyd. I’m really sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to be
honest. I still want him.”

“C’mon, Sunny. The guy’s a jerk.”

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t change the way I feel. Please go,
Sam.”

     “You’ll
change your mind, Sunny. I can wait. Once he’s out of your system, we can try
this again. Okay?”

     I
remained quiet.

     “Sunny?”
he pressed.

     “Yeah,
sure. Maybe.” I fastened my bra, with difficulty. The whirlwind of emotions
left me confused. “Sam, what happened between you and Lloyd?” I asked
perplexed.

     “A
cock fight with no winners,” he answered with frustration. He reached into his
pocket. “Here.” He dropped my apartment key into my hand. “Too tempting. Better
if you invite me over from now on.” With that, he grabbed his jacket and walked
out my apartment door.