Read Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial Online

Authors: V Bertolaccini

Tags: #extraterrestrial, #science fiction horror, #alternative universe, #horror comedy, #david cameron, #downing street, #action comedy, #alien comedy, #interdimensional voyager, #ufo humor

Dave Cameron and the Extraterrestrial (11 page)


They
must have been flattened!” Malone silently moaned.


It
landed on its wheels again, and never stopped and went on at full
blast, continuously exploding forward and hitting objects in its
path, which bounced away across the road, and it finally flipped
through the air and did another cartwheel all over the road,
hitting a guardrail, until it finally smashed away the body and
rolled down a steep slope below, doing cartwheels and bouncing up
into the air, bouncing off the sides of trees, and it finally
landed on its wheels on a road below, and a cop in a police car
raced out from the side of the road and stopped at its
side!”


So you
had to have been charged?”


He told
us how dangerous our driving had been and I explained that it had
occurred for a good reason and that there was an
emergency!”


What was
so urgent?” Malone asked curiously.


I told
him that we were late for work!”


Late for
work! The cheek!”


He asked
what line of work we were in and what was so important!”


What did
you tell him?”


That the
truck had a six-foot ass!”


The
horse, of course!”


He asked
what people did with six-foot asses and I shouted that they gave
them radar guns and parked them at the side of roads, and I shoved
the accelerator hard down and shot away into the
horizon!”


I’ll
handle your corruption, Cameron!” Malone hollered. “After this
meeting you’ll go straight to the kitchen again and squeeze the
juice out of ten strong citric lemons into a glass and pour in a
full bottle of castor oil and add strong chili powder and drink it
straight down your throat!”

He sat forward
and firmly ignored them, and shuffled papers!


There has been another complaint of
all of you!” Malone announced loudly, studying them again, seeing
if they would react. “This time it is authentic!”

Simpson burst out laughing, and asked “What
about?”


Some people don’t like you lot! They
complain everywhere about things you do!”

His eyes suddenly fell on the papers that he
had forgotten about, across his front, and he gasped and sat back
in his seat.

Simpson showed an expression of being
humiliated and tried to get what he was going on about, and asked,
“You should send them to us for us to resolve things!”


People should stop complaining of
nothing!” Fogler continued. “They should save it for all the real
things there are!”

Malone stared at them in disbelief and
agreed.


Don’t let it happen again!” he
replied, tired of beating about the bush. “You were lucky! You’ve
only been banned from racing horses! Your horse has been banned by
them from racing again! I guess the creature will be happy now, and
will be able to retire!”

 

Chapter 21

 

The Horse’s Release

 

The night was elevated and Cameron felt
ecstatic, as the blasted horse affair was over, and the others
never wanted the racehorse as they now could not imagine it doing
anything they wanted!

They had been sitting in the bar for all most
four hours and it was sadly reaching closing time and the bar was
only starting to empty, and Hanks had just turned up looking gloomy
and weary and they had soon found out it was over getting rid of
the horse!

Cameron sat with the other three soldiers
drinking and celebrating getting rid of it, when someone finally
asked how he had got rid of it anyhow, and he replied, “Well,
nobody would buy it, and thought of using it, so I just released it
into some remote woods, buried away ... The thing can survive and
be free at last ...”


Free at last!” Simpson moaned. “If I
can remember rightly you were to sell the blasted thing! We were
all expecting to get our cash back for it!”


Right!” he replied, downing another
drink. “But I could not sell it and now it’s free ...”


We’d have made more out of it selling
it to a glue factory!”

Cameron gasped and felt and saw beer pouring
down over his head and swiftly turned and watched the disabled
pensioner, that he had dragged into a taxi, who had complained to
Malone of him dragging him out the bar, on crutches pouring the
last of his pint over him, and shouted drunkenly at him and rushed
over to a group of his friends and they left out the pub door.

The three soldiers burst out laughing
hysterically at it, showing him their happiness at the horse affair
being over as well!

Cameron laughed as well and realized how
funny it had been and recalled how funny the woman at the door of
the pensioner’s house had been when he had brought him home!

When he stopped laughing, he asked Hanks,
“What did the horse look like when you released it?”


It looked great! I was a sad sight
seeing it go! I was ashamed and sad at the plan not being a success
... But it realized it was free and it seemed to thank me as it
rushed away into the trees ...”

Cameron was mildly confused at it as he had
not even heard of any horses running freely anywhere! Perhaps they
were hidden away, and rare, or something. Yet he could believe the
thing may remain free for long time and wondered where it would end
up, and if someone decided to use it again.


Are you still seeing that
psychiatrist?”


What psychiatrist?” Cameron gasped,
realizing that he thought the army doctor was a
psychiatrist.


He’s an army psychiatrist
too!”

Cameron gasped and realized they all thought
that he had been visiting a psychiatrist, and after a few minutes
he started realizing he was a psychiatrist and he realized all the
things he had been coming out with, and wondered what the outcome
of it would be!


How what’ve you heard?” he finally
asked, calmly.


I just heard rumours that’s all!” he
silently replied, examining Cameron occasionally cleaning beer out
of the side of his eyes.


What rumours?” he asked,
calmly.


Well! You have been having crazy
dreams! You also gave him accounts of you doing crazy
things!”


That’s absurd!” he replied. “I’ve
given normally stuff to keep the idiot amused ...”

He was surprised that Hanks burst out
laughing and the other two soldiers joined in, and kept laughing
adding funny accounts of him doing things, and what they thought of
his dream of being a werewolf and then he sat annoyed and surprised
that they had actually heard things about it, and he sat trying to
grasp what the doctor had heard and told. It was deplorable that a
doctor or psychiatrist could give away such information to the
public!


He claimed you told him you’ve had
character changes and that you’ve been turning into two different
people, as well as you having lost your memory!”

Cameron calmed himself and decided to confess
what had occurred! They had found him in the pool of mud with his
memory gone anyway, and he still could not recall what he was like
before and what had happened.


I’ve lost memories of myself and I get
memories of two different people! So what!”


But do you actually turn into someone
else?” he replied, seriously, concerned.


No! But I get strange thoughts of
myself and someone else! Dreams are crazy! Like I’m a werewolf in
one crashing through a wood, after being injured by
something!”


I heard you the other night dreaming
of something! What was that all about?”


Alright I’ll tell you!”


Go! The whole lot!”

Cameron then decided to make it up and give
something else!


I was shipwrecked on an desert island
and ended up with my clothes in rags, and I was lying on this
incredible golden beach, with waves rhythmically skimming to me,
dreamily.


In wet rocks I glimpsed chunks of wood
from the ship floating like they had followed me ashore and I
observed reflections of birds skimming over the surface of the
sea.


I had been lucky and luckier than I
had ever been and was one of the survivors!


I felt the warm air caressing my
lifeless body and I viewed the whole tropical beach and palm trees
going along the sea, and saw smoke in the distance smouldering up
from a volcano.


I had recollections of swimming ashore
and hearing people screaming in the ship and of loud surges and
splashes as the ship sank under the sea.


The sun was blazing and the air about
me was turning roasting hot. Patches of sand glowed in bright
sunshine while the turquoise sea sparkled.”


You actually dreamed that? My dreams
are just crazy muddled up messes of thing!”


What happened next?” Simpson
moaned.


What happened? Well, I met with other
survivors and we tried surviving there but there was not enough
food!”


Why don’t you just get on with what
happened!” Simpson moaned.


After being
shipwrecked on the desert island I eventually
spotted a ship on the horizon and when it got close I frantically
waved my arms and jumped up and down and screamed furiously until I
spied a rowboat being let down into the water from the ship and
burst out crying on the beach and collapsed in the sand
...”


You
burst out crying in your dream!” Simpson groaned. “How the hell do
you burst out crying in a dream?”

Cameron ignored
his insane ranting, and continued, “About ten minutes later the
rowboat reached the shore carrying a man in a captain’s
uniform!”

Cameron watched
Simpson with amusement!


I
shrieked and ran about waving and screaming all over the golden
beach.”

Cameron watched
their strange looks and realized that Simpson was annoyed, and he
realized he was really annoyed with Hanks and his mess of the horse
scheme.


The
captain did not recognize my identity as I had turned like Robinson
Crusoe with a giant beard and had bits of animal skins tied around
me for clothing!


I’d gone
crazy, and even crazy than ever! I’d turned into a giant wild beast
of the island, running around the island jumping and screaming
through bushes, jungles, racing and screaming after animals through
the vegetation, eating raw meat I ripped out of pigs, goats,
seagulls, fish, and virtually every edible animal and sea creature,
and anything that moved in my sight, while I slept wildly in bushes
and up in high trees, and sometimes up in a mountain volcano cave,
and I was a large hairy ape creature!


When the
captain asked how long I’d been there I just screamed
...”

He watched
Hanks bemused face, and he sat back.


I moved
to the edge of the jungle and stood as a lone survivor, and sat
down and chewed a large bone, surrounded by heaps of bones all
about my sides!


The
captain gasped, studying my surroundings, and told the others that
I’d turned into a wild beast!


One of
the sailors managed to recognize me from a newspaper about the
shipwreck, and they moved closer and fixed their eyes on the piles
of bones and human bones about me! It was clear I had eaten the few
remaining survivors, and two while they were still alive and trying
to escape!”


Then
what?” Hanks giggled, amused.


Seeing
their stunned expressions I, a wild creature in the dream, hung my
head in shame and the captain stepped forward, shaking his head in
disbelief, and told me that he’d not judge me for doing what was
necessary to survive but the ship had only sunk months before their
arrival!”

 

Chapter 22

 

Cameron’s Identical Twin

 

Cameron was
staring with hazed eyes as he got into a taxi to leave the bar, on
his own as he could not be bothered staying any longer and felt
tired and in the need of a good rest, especially with the drink
they had him consuming.

It had
been incredible that when he had checked the internet, with his
phone, he had found the next day’s newspaper headlines with a
little astonishment as going by Hanks he had secretly let the horse
loose to roam the woods freely forever, until it died, but one
newspaper had a story on it and the army and how he had released it
and it told of a nun finding the horse in her garden and being
attacked by it,
and it carried the headline: NUN
ATTACKED BY MALONE’S MONSTER WILLY!

He read the
full article and was even surprised that they had traced where
Hanks had bought the horse, and where the Ebay seller had bought
it, and had discovered why the horse was different and that the
horse had genetic alterations and that it had been crossed with a
killer lion!

For decades
scientists at a major company had been working on increasing the
potential of farm animals, and had genetically advanced and
improved their production!

Some
mutilations, instead of being destroyed, were kept as they had some
potential that they thought they should continue to work on, and
some were animals used for physical exertion that had been crossed
with powerful dangerous animals such as killer lions, as their
potential was far greater! Yet what they never knew was a black
market had formed, especially with animals that looked entirely
like normal animals, but with hidden attributes of animals such as
killer lions, and that they were being sold to the public!

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