Chapter 43 - Pink Flamingos and Wienie Dogs
Carter was laughing his ass off at my expense. He’d caught me before I actually hit the ground but then dropped me on my butt from laughing so hard. Through laughter and tears he said, “Have you never been drunk before Laney?”
“Snow.” My tongue was not cooperating and he laughed even harder. Bending over and clutching his stomach and everything. “You suck Carter.” I pulled myself off the street and steadied myself before attempting to make it to the sidewalk. I seemed fine, almost. I think it was my body’s initial shock from the peppermint goodness. I’d drunk before, just a little wine with my aunt once in a while at dinner, but I had never been drunk before, and still didn’t think I was. I wasn’t a big fan of any of the alcohol I’d had before and I’d never felt any effect from it. This was a whole new experience.
I started for home. At least I thought that’s where I was headed. Carter jogged up beside me still snickering and took my hand. “Just in case,” he joked.
“Very funny.” I shot him a dirty look and went back to focusing on one foot in front of the other.
He was full of all kinds of energy. “Come on Laney, let’s skip.” And with my hand in his he did. The problem was I didn’t participate and he just jerked me along.
“You,” jerk. “Need,” jerk. “To,” jerk. “Stop,” jerk.
He finally stopped. “You’re no fun when you drink.”
“Carter, I really just wanna get home.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and was surprised to see that I still hadn’t received any more messages. Oliver had to be getting home soon, if he wasn’t already.
“Ooooh.” Carter dropped my hand and ran up the front of someone’s yard.
“Whatter you doing?” My stupid tongue wasn’t working right and my words were just too close together.
“Something weird,” he called over his shoulder. I stopped and watched him, trying to figure out what he was doing. He was hunched over something in the yard with his back to me. He stepped away from what he’d been messing with, and with a big “tadah” wave of his hands revealed two pink flamingos doing the naughty. His gesture, the smile on his face and his work of art were just too much. I started laughing. Really freakin’ hard.
“Uh oh.” He was looking behind himself and taking hesitant steps back across the yard towards me. Then he spun around grabbed my hand and yelled, “Run, Laney! Run!” And I did. If I’ve learned anything from dating a vampire, it was to run when someone tells you to do so.
My heart was pounding and so were my Converse on the sidewalk. But this run was different. The man I was running with wasn’t panicked, but rather making little giggly huffing sounds as he ran. That’s when I realized there was barking. High pitched, small dog barking.
I stopped, jerking Carter back as I did. “Are you kidding me? We’re running from dogs?”
“They’re wiener dogs Laney. Those things hate me. Kiera’s Mr. Wienie totally hates me too.” The barking was getting closer.
“Freakin’ wienie dogs Carter? You scared the crap out of me.” I bent over to catch my breath.
“Um, Laney…”
“What?” I snapped. I righted myself and followed his stare. “Holy crap. Run!” It was me who grabbed his hand this time and hauled ass. Behind us was not only a small group of wiener dogs but also an angry old lady in a muumuu with a pink flamingo, pointy metal stake and all, in her hand, and she was pissed and on a mission.
We were laughing and running and freaking out all at once. For a heavyset, muumuu-wearing lady she was quick and her dogs were quicker. “Run Laney, she’s chasing us.” It was kind of hard to understand him with all his snickering and laughing. But I got the gist of it. We rounded a corner and out of the lady and her puppies’ sight. Carter jumped into the bed of a pick-up truck and I jumped in after him.
We lay back there listening for our pursuers. When we heard them approaching, Carter’s laughter started up again. Clearly I had more experience being chased. Lucky me. I had my hand covering his mouth and I was holding my breath as we listened to them pass. I listened for the faint clicking of dog nails on the sidewalk to fade before I removed my hand from his mouth.
“I was wrong, Laney,” he whispered. “You are fun when you’re drunk.”
“Shut up and take me home.” I climbed out of the truck and he followed. “I don’t even know where we are.” We scanned the unfamiliar area for a moment, then Carter said, “Here let’s take this.”
I looked at him like he was completely crazy. And clearly he was. He had pulled a child’s bicycle off the yard and was sitting on the seat patting the handlebars like I was going to let him pump me back home on such a contraption. I crossed my arms and shook my head. “You’ve lost your freakin’ mind, you know that?” But he didn’t get a chance to respond or argue because just then I heard the faint clicking of nails on the sidewalk and I knew muumuu lady and her beasts were on their way back. I hopped on the handlebars and held on as tight as I could to that tiny little bar my butt was now propped atop. Like a total dork, Carter sped right by the irate lady and her vicious wienies. And as he did so he said in his best British accent, which was not good at all, “Good day fine lady.” And he princess waved at her as we passed by. She waved her pink flamingo into the air and shook it at us, letting out a stream of profanities that would make a sailor proud.
We were speeding down streets unknown when Sir Dorksalot hit the curb straight on and sent the both of us flying. Carter made some weird-ass noise that sounded like Goofy falling off a cliff. I’m pretty sure I just screamed.
Thankfully we landed in a patch of grass. We’d skidded across it but at least it had been a softer landing than if it had been dirt or pavement. And we’d hit the curb with such a thud I was sure the entire town heard it. Well, at least the houses along the street did anyways. A couple front porch lights flicked on but that was the extent of it. I rolled onto my back and slowly sat myself upright. It took a moment for the pain to register, and once it did I took a mental assessment of my body to make sure I wasn’t broken anywhere so that I could beat the crap out of my lunatic friend who was rolling around laughing his ass off and gasping something about hitting his “tallywacker,” as he put it. I had no sympathy for him. I was irritated but I was also trying really hard not to laugh. I pulled a couple of those spiky ball things that fall from the trees out of my hair and stood, a little shakily, and brushed the dirt and other debris off of myself.
“That was awesome!” Carter laughed from the ground once he’d finally calmed down a bit.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, then pulled my surprisingly unharmed phone from my pocket. I started to call Felix, figuring he’d be the lesser evil of the two, but Carter stopped me. “What are you doing?” he asked as he bounced up from the ground.
“Calling Felix to come get us.”
“No, don’t. Let’s just walk. I promise we’ll go straight home.”
Yeah, because he stuck to his last promise. I shoved my phone back into my pocket. “Why do I let you talk me into this crap?”
He took my hand and, leaving some poor kid’s bike where it lay, we started walking, to where I thought was home. “Cuz you looooove me,” he said.
“Yeah, like a nut-job brother.”
He put his hand over his heart, “Harsh, Laney, harsh,” he said with a laugh.
Chapter 44 - She’s All Yours
He didn’t take me home. He walked me to the downtown area claiming he didn’t know the way home from where we had been but once he got us downtown, he could get us home from there. He just neglected to mention he wanted to check out the Lunatic Stallion first.
We had a quick argument that was mostly me telling him what a butt head he was and that I’d never do anything with him again. He promised to take me home right after and I told him his promises were worth less than dog poo.
Eventually I gave in and let him drag me to the front entrance of the bar. I figured I was safe because I knew I couldn’t get in since I hadn’t brought my ID or any cash. The only thing I had on me was my phone. But my plan was thwarted, because somehow my crafty little friend was able to get me in without either of those needed items and even more surprising to me he’d gotten them to slap an “over twenty-one” bracelet on my wrist. When I questioned him about it as we went up the narrow stairway he told me this, “That’s one of Ashton’s buddies and if Ashton knew that dudes been bangin’ Avery he’d beat him to a pulp.”
“Well, if Ashton knew half the people his sister was sleeping with he’d be busy beating the crap out of half the town.”
“Tru dat.”
“You did not just say that.”
“Word.” And he made some crazy weird hand gesture just before we stepped into the bar. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. But instead of heading straight to the bathroom, we stood at the top of the stairs and stared. We shouldn’t have been surprised that “the gang” was there. But we were. Carter snapped when he saw Kiera with one of Ashton’s buddies. “She’s on a date with one of Ashton’s roid-monkey friends? Really? Is she just doing this to piss me off?”
I turned him so he was facing me and I moved us out of the way of the entrance. “Listen to me. You know damn well that’s why she’s doing it. Please try not to screw this up even more.”
With a weak excuse of a smile he agreed and dragged me to the bar. He ordered two shots of tequila and set one in front of me. The bartender gave me a doubtful glance but shrugged it off and walked away.
“I’m not drinking that.” I crossed my arms over my chest in protest.
“Just do it before we get kicked out of here.”
“Why the hell would they kick us out for me
not
drinking?”
He stared at me dumbfounded and grabbed the shot glass sitting in front of me and tossed it back. When the bartender came back he ordered two more and again set one in front of me. I glared at him. “I’ll keep ordering two and drinking both until you drink one.”
I grabbed it and tossed it back and could’ve sworn my life passed before my eyes. That was the nastiest thing I had ever tasted. Once I’d come back from wherever that crud had taken me I gave Carter the dirtiest look I could manage and hissed, “You will take me home now or I’m going on my own and I imagine Oliver
and
Felix will take turns beating you to death if I don’t make it back there.”
He glared back. “Fine,” he said through gritted teeth, “but we’re saying hi first.” He took my hand and jerked me away from the bar towards our little group of friends. Not so much friends, as Kiera and a bunch of Ashton’s followers.
Ashton greeted us first, as he always did. Like he thought he was some sort of leader.
Maybe leader of the butt munchin’ monkey clan.
That thought made me laugh out loud.
Oh crap.
Whatever I had just tossed back was something really strong and I haven’t eaten much today…
The effects of that nasty liquid were setting in fast.
Ashton and Carter did some fist bump thing and Carter took it to a whole other level, making some big explosion sound and hand gesture. If I was capable of being embarrassed at that moment, I would’ve been, but I wasn’t. Then Carter continued, “Look at you all dressed up. You trying to impress someone? Hope it’s not my ex-girlfriend.” He glanced over at Kiera who was giving me an utterly false smile. “Make room for the Ashtonater,” Carter continued mockingly and Ashton’s smile vanished.
“Get bent Carter. You’ve been spending too much time with the prude.”
So, now that I had a little liquid courage in me, it seemed I was capable of such clever insults as my obnoxious friend. “I guess when you’re used to living with a whore those who don’t spread their legs the moment you smile would be considered prudes to you.” Yeah, he was pretty pissed at that point and I was feeling pretty witty. Avery, on the other hand, in a skirt the size of a napkin, looked like a scared little rabbit and her eyes were fleeting from mine to Ashton who had yet to turn and face her. He was well aware his sister was a tramp, but he sure the hell didn’t like to hear about it.
Carter was laughing his ass off again, not that he had one to lose. He continued to laugh obnoxiously until Kiera’s roid-monkey date led her out onto the dance floor. Carter fell silent and Ashton developed a wicked little grin. Ashton’s stare settled on me and he took a step forward and reached his hand out to me like I’d magically take it and we’d go away together. “Where’s your boyfriend tonight?”
I had a sudden image of Oliver being right there beside me saying, “Right here and you keep you filthy whore handling hands off her! She’s mine!”
I blinked several times and Carter was doing the same. Ashton was still holding his hand out to me and Carter said, “I’m her boyfriend tonight.” He led me out onto the dance floor and we settled into a spot not too far from Kiera. That liquid nasty I’d downed at the bar mixed with the peppermint goodness was taking over, causing things to become a little fuzzy at that point. From what I remember, we danced for a few songs and then when we were leaving the dance floor Kiera approached and she was shooting daggers at me. Her arms were crossed. “How dare you Laney!” she snapped at me.