I closed my eyes, sensing his presence flow into me like water through a stream. My pulse quickened, my skin flushed with heat, and an electric buzz skimmed down my spine. Aydin and I were now one.
I’ve missed you,
I told him in mind.
I missed you too,
he said, and my heart melted because I could hear his voice, his human voice, inside my head.
You’re not mad at me anymore?
I asked.
I was never mad at you, Chalice.
He paused.
I was hurt. You know how much Shojin meant to me.
Of course I know. His sacrifice was…
I couldn’t find the words.
He was a selfless creature. I tried to tell you that.
He certainly had and I’d never believed him until it was too late. But even then, I doubt anything could have stopped Shojin from giving up his heart.
I inhaled Aydin’s familiar scent and it comforted me. Eyes still closed, it was like being in a lucid dream. I stood, semiconscious, on the snowy road. Scents of fresh pine and new-fallen snow filled my nostrils. Then I imagined him big as life right in front of me.
My head felt suddenly too light and I dreamed of Aydin reaching out with human hands to catch me before I could fall.
You look…human.
It’s your imagination. You’re seeing me as you remember.
His almond-shaped eyes captivated me, and they crinkled in the corners when he smiled. I knew that smile.
I’m inside your head right now. At least this way I can talk to you without snarls and grunts.
He made a good point. Visualizing him like this was as close as I could get to being with him for real. I reached out to touch him and my fingers grazed the rough cloth of his jean jacket like the one he’d worn when we’d shared our first kiss. That was when we said goodbye at the airport. I never saw him human again after that.
Don’t you want to come back?
I asked.
He heaved a sigh and closed his eyes.
I’ve been thinking long and hard about that. It wouldn’t be right for Shojin to have died in vain. Of course I want to come back. I need you.
Butterflies danced in my belly. He was about to say yes.
So you’ll eat the heart?
He winced.
That sounds so…barbaric.
I know.
Aydin shook his head.
I can’t. Not yet.
My heartbeat slowed.
Why not?
You and the few sisters you have left could use a big, ugly immortal gargoyle to your advantage.
Merging with my mind had allowed him to scan my thoughts, which saved me the time of explaining everything about the murders. He now knew as much as I did. Once he became human, he could help me train the squires to use charms for self-protection and lower their risks of getting killed.
I can still help train the squires,
he said.
Not if you’re on the opposite side of the wards guarding the house. As a gargoyle, you can’t cross.
He studied me.
Convince your grandmother to take them down. I’ll guard the house. Guarding houses is what gargoyles were originally meant to do before they were turned into assassins.
I shook my head.
That will never happen. Angels and gargoyles have been enemies since the beginning of time. It will take more than begging to make my grandparents, not to mention the rest of the Arelim, change their minds.
He shrugged.
Then we’ll find another way.
I felt a pout coming on.
I already know another way.
Change back. Be the warrior knight protector you used to be.
And still am.
In this dream we shared, he pulled me into a hug.
As long as I’m like this, I’m stronger and more intimidating to the bad guys.
Was it selfish of me to want him the way he used to be? Maybe. I’d been waiting over a month to change him back, so another month wouldn’t kill me. But not having his protection could kill my sister knights.
Merging our minds like this was so intimate it made my head spin. I’d never felt this dizzy with him before, but we’d never stayed joined this long, either. That’s when I realized I wasn’t the giddy, swept-off-my-feet kind of dizzy. I couldn’t breathe.
Aydin yanked his spirit out of me so fast that it felt like part of my soul had gone with him. I stood bereft in the icy night without Aydin’s warmth. And without oxygen.
My ears rang with a sudden barrage of shouts coming from the house. One shout sounded louder than the others, and I recognized it as Rafe’s. I peered through glazed eyes to see Rafe charge at Aydin, who was now in physical gargoyle form. His leathery wings spread wide and a violent hiss spewed from his fanged mouth as Rafe sprouted wings of his own. He shed his human form in one great burst of silver sparks and dived toward Aydin.
I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe. I lay on the frozen ground like a gasping fish out of water. My eyes watered, but I still had vision enough to see the cloaked figure standing by the side of the road a hundred yards away.
I pointed and struggled to send Rafe a mental message, but he was too busy trying to take down the one person who might save us all.
Hands were holding me, trying to calm me, but desperation had me flailing to signal that the murderer was mere footsteps away. Couldn’t they see it? A black cloak fluttered around the shadowed face of whoever was trying to kill me. The strength of this creature’s power convinced me I should be dead by now. But it was toying with me, studying me. Clearly it wasn’t finished with me yet.
The figure appeared slender, almost skeletal, as a breeze pressed its robes tight against its body. That’s when I saw the curves. It was a woman.
I jerked a look at the winged warriors who battled soundlessly in a hovered position above the road. Angel and gargoyle wings beat the snow into blizzardlike flurries. Neither could be killed, so if someone didn’t stop them, their pointless fight would last until the end of time.
I saw Aydin try to yank free of Rafe’s powerful grasp. Not to escape, but to get at the woman on the road. From the look of intensity in his eyes, I knew he’d seen her, too.
Air suddenly whooshed into my lungs. I gulped it in, the dry cold making me cough as the top of my head felt ready to explode. I blinked in the woman’s direction. She was gone.
My grandfather wrapped his arms around me in a fierce embrace. “Thank God we have you back,” he said into my hair. I felt his tears wet on my face. He’d thought I was dying.
My grandmother was already on her feet and stomping across the road to where Aydin and Rafe still hovered in battle.
“Kill it!” Aurora shouted to Rafe, her hand stabbing the air in Aydin’s direction.
Nothing but another gargoyle could kill Aydin. However, a knife made from the body of one would do the trick. Rafe pulled something sharp, purple and shiny from the belt around his white tunic.
“No!” I shouted, or tried to. It came out as a squeak no one could hear. But Aydin had. With a powerful flap of wings tough enough to ride a tornado, he shot up into the air and vanished from sight.
seven
I DON’T REMEMBER GOING BACK TO BED,
but I wakened there, my head pounding while sunlight stabbed into my corneas like ice picks. Closing my eyes to block it out didn’t help. I buried my head beneath the blankets, where I noticed someone had removed my muddy clothes and left me wearing nothing but panties and a T-shirt.
“Xenia, I told you the light hurts her eyes,” my grandmother said from somewhere in the room. “Close those drapes right now.”
“It’s almost noon,” Xenia said. “None of the rest of us is allowed to sleep in.”
“The rest of you didn’t almost die last night,” Aurora scolded as she stepped into the room.
When I heard the sound of the drapes being closed I peeked outside my cave of bedcovers.
“How are you feeling, Chalice?” Aurora asked, her voice not as warm as I would have liked. “Can I get you anything?”
You can get me my gargoyle boyfriend.
But of course I didn’t actually say that. So I asked for water instead. My throat felt like I’d gargled with sandpaper.
After downing the full glass, I said hoarsely, “About last night…”
Aurora sat on the edge of the bed. “You’re lucky to be alive.”
I leaned forward and forced out a wheezy breath. “I know. But it’s not what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think. That gargoyle tried to kill you.”
“Aydin? That’s ridiculous,” I said. The stern look in Aurora’s eyes told me she thought otherwise. “He’d have no reason to kill me.”
“Then how do you explain what happened?” She stood and stepped to the window, and I was suddenly afraid she knew where I had buried the heart. But its glow was hidden, I’d made sure of it. “A gargoyle is a creature of darkness, a trained assassin. Its nature is to kill people like us. I realize it was only doing what came natural, but that’s no excuse. It has to be destroyed.”
“Grandmother, you’re not listening to me.” I gritted my teeth to stop myself from saying something bitchy. “Aydin cares about me, about all of us. Being our knight’s protector has been his calling since the day he helped Saint Geraldine birth her child nearly a thousand years ago.”
She nodded. “He also made a deal with one of the Fallen, who just happened to be that child’s father. I’ve heard the story. But let me remind you that Aydin is a monster now. He can’t help what he is.”
“He isn’t a monster!” I bit my lip a split second after I shouted the words. I glanced at my grandmother, who looked neither astonished or hurt. Her expression was apathetic.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be.” She patted my knee. “You’re having a hard time letting go. I understand. In a few weeks you’ll be over this crush you had on a man you hardly knew who no longer exists.”
I buried my head in my hands. How could I get through to her? Maybe I shouldn’t even try. There had to be a better way to convince her how wrong she was.
So I offered her an objective observation. “Did you see the cloaked figure by the side of the road?”
She scowled. “I was too preoccupied with watching you die and Rafael battle a gargoyle. No, I didn’t see anyone else on the road.”
“It was a woman wearing a black cloak with a hood that hid her face. She was the one stealing my breath.”
Aurora stared at me, then sat down on the bed again. “You were delirious from lack of oxygen, honey. Seeing things. Who knows what kind of strange visions that gargoyle planted inside your head.”
Good grief.
“Aydin saw her, too.”
My grandmother huffed. “What he saw was his own ass getting kicked by an angel.”
“Chalice wasn’t seeing things.” Xenia, who I’d forgotten was still there, stepped out of a shadowed corner. She apparently had a gift for fading into the background. “I saw it from my bedroom window after I told you and Zeke that Chalice was gone from her bed.”
I was starting to like this girl.
Aurora crossed her arms and tilted her head while looking up at Xenia. She wasn’t easily convinced.
Xenia shrugged. “I saw what I saw.”
“I’m sure Rafe saw it, too,” I said, hearing the defensive edge in my voice. But I was more than defensive. I was determined to put an end to a threat I’d seen with my own eyes. Until my grandparents realized the danger was real they’d continue to lay blame where it didn’t belong, which put Aydin and the entire order at risk.
Aurora stood. “Let’s go downstairs and ask him.”
“I need to shower and change first,” I told her while digging through my bag for something clean to wear.
She nodded. “We’ll put off the squires’ training until tomorrow. All five of them are here at the house now and settling into their dorms.”
“There are dorms?” I asked, having thought the upstairs of this house had the only living quarters.
“We added a new building to the property last month.” She offered me a quick smile. “When the Arelim found out you had contacted Quin Dee, I had a feeling you’d be coming to us soon. The time to organize the Hatchet ranks was long overdue.”
A twinge of grief touched my heart. Our ranks had dwindled to hardly enough players for a game of poker, and the stakes were higher than ever.
I fiddled with the zipper on my bag. “And here I am, late to the party.”
“No, dear.” She smoothed her hand over my bed-head hair. “I’d say you were just in time.”
* * *
I emerged from the bathroom and nearly ran over Xenia.
“Do you always pop out of nowhere?” I asked her.
She smiled, her Cupid’s bow lips curling up in the corners and making her look sweeter than I think she was. But I didn’t know her yet.
“Sorry,” she said. “I grew up in a family where I had to hide a lot.”
At least she had a family, but it would be rude to actually say that. “I bet you miss them. Do they know you’re here?”
She shook her head. “I’m all that’s left, which is kind of why I’m here. My father isn’t around and my mom died soon after I was born. I was raised in foster care.”
Good to know we had some things in common. “Shouldn’t you be in school?”
Frowning, she said, “College?”
“No, high school.”
Xenia barked a laugh. “I graduated high school four years ago. You thought I was a kid?”
I tapped my chin and tried to look serious, but I had to laugh myself. “Guilty.”
“I know I look young for my age, but so do you.”
I topped out at a mere five foot two, but at least I had boobs. “I never thought much about it.”
“I turn twenty-one this summer so I’ll finally get to meet my guardian.”
“You mean you haven’t known him all your life?” I asked, surprised with this new tidbit of info.
She gave me a quizzical look. “Are you saying you’ve known yours?”
“Hell no,” I told her. “I only met him a month ago.”
Her eyes widened.
“It’s a long story. I was sure you’d heard it by now.”
Xenia shook her head. “I knew you had one, but Aurora said you’d tell us all at the same time.”
“By all you mean…?”
“The squires.”
“I see,” I said, nodding. That made sense. No point in anyone having to tell it more than once.
“So I take it you’re new to all this knight stuff, too.”
“Yep.” Yet I was to be her teacher. I think in this case we’d be teaching each other and that’s what my grandmother had in mind all along. “You talk to angels?”
“Well, I mostly listen.” She glanced behind her as if to make sure no one else listened in. “My foster family thought I was crazy and pretty much convinced me of it, too. The social worker assigned to my case had me diagnosed as schizophrenic. I was institutionalized, fed a bunch of drugs, but I eventually ran away. Once the crap cleaned out of my system, I could hear the angels again.”
“And they told you to come here,” I prompted.
“Something like that.”
“Chalice?” my grandmother called from downstairs. “We’re waiting for you.”
By
we
I’m sure she meant Rafe was with her.
“Good luck,” Xenia told me.
As I turned to go she gently tapped my arm and said, “I know what it’s like when no one believes you. I saw what you saw.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
Wrapped in a thick wool sweater and wearing a clean pair of Levi’s, I padded my way down the stairs and into the great room. Rafe and my grandparents stood stoically beside the fireplace, all eyes on me.
I glanced down at my jeans to make sure they weren’t stained. There was an old bloodstain on one cuff but I was the only one who could see it. “What’s wrong?” I asked them.
Rafe, now back in his
GQ
human form, asked, “What’s this about a mysterious cloaked stranger?”
He had to be kidding me. “Come on, Rafe. You must have seen her, too. Your eyesight is almost as good as mine.”
“I had something else on my mind at the time,” he said, and rubbed one of his shoulders like it was sore. I didn’t think angels could get hurt. “Your BF kept me busy.”
I crossed my arms. “You started it.”
He scowled at me. “He was trying to kill you.”
“No, he wasn’t.”
Aurora held up her hands in the shape of a T. “Time out. You two should talk. Right now.”
She was right. The only way to convince them that Aydin wasn’t a threat was to get Rafe on my side.
I needed to show him where I’d seen this woman. It might jog his recollection of events. Even if he hadn’t seen her I felt certain his sharp angel senses had picked up her presence.
Rafe followed me outside, but when I got close to the warded entrance to the property, he ran ahead of me and blocked my path.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked.
“Stopping you from leaving the safety of this home,” he said.
“There’s nothing dangerous out there. I’ll prove it.” I stood very still, opening my senses to the wilderness. The graceful soaring of a hawk drew my attention upward and I scanned the skies for anything out of the ordinary. Too cold for insects, I heard no buzzing but detected the scraping of deer or elk antlers against a tree about a quarter mile away. Leafless branches of aspen trees rattled against each other in a mild winter breeze. A nearby brook bubbled beneath a thin crust of ice. The air smelled crisp and untainted by the stench of the black veil. There was no safer place on earth at that moment than this very spot.
“Such a peaceful setting could change in a flash,” Rafe said, his voice low and calm. He appeared nothing like the fiery angel that had attacked Aydin in the early-morning darkness. He was as serene as the babbling brook that echoed in the distance. “It happened once and can happen again. I’m prepared for the deluge. Are you?”
“More than you are,” I told him.
He smirked at me. “Does that mean you’d kill your gargoyle if he attacked you again?”
I gritted my teeth. “How many times do I have to tell you there was no attack, at least not by him. Let me show you where I saw the woman.” I shouldered past him and he grabbed my arm. I yanked away. “What are you going to do, ground me?”
His jaw tightened and his eyes went cold. “As your guardian, it’s my duty to protect you.”
“I know that.” I folded my arms. “But you can’t protect me by letting a murderer go free.”
“I have no intention of letting him go free.”
“You mean
her.
” I stepped backward toward the boundary, my gaze glued to his stubborn face. “It wasn’t Aydin. Xenia saw the woman, too. Let’s both go look at the spot where we saw her. It might jog your memory.”
“I can help.” Natalie trotted down the front steps toward us. “If the woman left something behind, I may be able to learn who or what she is.”
My grandmother came out of the house behind her, but she didn’t venture beyond the porch. If her hearing was anything like mine, which I knew it was, she wouldn’t need to. I wondered why she didn’t protest Natalie’s offer to help. Maybe she was giving us enough rope to hang ourselves, or to hang someone else, depending on what we discovered. The knights weren’t children and she knew that. Must be some kind of test that I had every intention of passing.
Rafe appeared slightly unhinged. “Natalie, it’s not safe for you or Chalice. Your guardian wouldn’t approve.”
“Camael is my guide, not my boss,” Natalie told him in a steely tone that surprised me. “I listen to his suggestions, but I’m the judge of what I can and cannot do. If I need his help, I’ll let him know.”
Rafe squinted at her. “You’ve been a knight longer than Chalice has. She still has much to learn.”
Natalie shook her head. “Not about something like this. She’s encountered more dark forces than any of us, and I’d say she handled herself just fine. Wouldn’t you?”
“Of course,” Rafe admitted. “But this is different. She was almost killed today.”
“Rafe, I can count on both hands the number of times I’ve almost been killed,” I told him. “Today wasn’t all that different.” I jerked a quick look at my grandmother, who grinned before turning to go back inside the house.