Dark Layers Volume 2: Dark Layers (24 page)

To: Elijah

Why? What is in it for you? Wouldn't you prefer to touch me yourself? x

I know that will get his juices going. I laugh to myself. I sit on my sofa, anxiously awaiting his reply.

From: Elijah

It is all in the mind Princess. Things do not always have to be physical to feel good or bad. x

To: Elijah.

Agreed! How shall I touch myself? x

Nail biting, this is a nail biting moment. I wonder how crude he will be?

From: Elijah

Do not finger yourself; I will be the only person who ever enters you. Do not touch your breasts; do not touch your tummy - only touch your pussy. I want you to lick your finger, make it soaking wet. I want you to place your finger on your clitoris. Press gently, not too hard though - don't damage my desire! Roll your finger everywhere that feels good, do it until you want explode with 'ecstasy' as you so nicely scream when you orgasm ;-) x

Oh my - Jesus! I have never in my life read anything so erotic! And he clocked my screaming word of 'ecstasy'! Jeez, that is embarrassing!

I lick my finger until it is dripping in my saliva. I open my legs fully while still sitting up. I aim to touch myself but my phone rings. Fuck, it's Elijah!

"Hello?" I answer embarrassed.

"Princess, do not make yourself cum; I will know if you have." He says and immediately hangs up.

What? What's the bloody point? I'm not having that! I try to call him back but he doesn't answer. Bastard!

I do as I'm told, only this time I lay back on my sofa. I desperately try not to touch any other part of my body - I do not even rest my aching arm on my tummy. I want to obey him, please him sexually. I know he trusts me. I also know this is going to be torture not crossing the finishing line! I gently place the pad of my index finger on the queen of my sex. Jesus I feel tender, a little swollen - but I like it. I rub myself, adding pressure when necessary. Oh that feels strangely good, but different from when Elijah touches me. I feel heated, tingly, this feels euphoric. I rub harder, a little faster. Oh God I feel like I'm going to orgasm! I try to hold my orgasm for as long as I can - desperately try - but I know I have to stop otherwise I will shatter into one-hundred pieces - Elijah is the only one who can disengage me into a thousand-pieces.

"That is enough." I hear Elijah say.

My eyes spring open - I did not even realize I had them closed!

"Elijah - how long have you been there?"

Oh my damn God! I know I'm red - fire engine red! I know I look embarrassed.

He smiles. He's definitely pleased. "Long enough." He says, leaning against the door frame.

Oh my Jesus fucking God, I want him! I have a raging urge to jump his bones and rape him if he doesn't hurry up and screw me! I close my eyes again, still lying back.

"Do you not know how to knock?"

"Nope." He says simply.

I open one eye to peek up at him. He's grinning. I have no choice but to smile - damn this is embarrassing! He has actually caught me masturbating!

"Well, you curl your fingers into a fist, and with seven thrusts of force against my front door, you knock."

"Very descriptive." He jokes while nodding proudly.

I feel him next to me. My body temperature rises - I seriously need that thermostat!

"Such beauty. Do you know how much I want to be inside you - fuck you?" He says.

"Then fuck me." I say, panting too hard. My eyes open, they are glazed, lazy.

"Not yet, I'm not ready." He leans over me, holding the sofa with too much force. He's trying to contain himself - I know it. I quickly get to my feet, pushing him aside. He's grinning so much that I want to humiliate him - just for fun. Let's see how he likes it. I quickly dress, again wearing the red suit.

"Do not dress on my account." He says while he falls into my sofa. He crosses his arms while staring up at me.

"Oh no, I have plans for you Elijah, Darling." I smile.

"Darling?" He says with a geeky frown.

"Darling." I say smiling.

"I like it - a pet name for me."

"Get to your feet Darks, we are going out."

"Oh, where?" He says smiling, which almost makes me melt on the spot. He's intrigued.

"Just down stairs."

"Down stairs?" He says frowning.

"Yes, come." I use his one-liner.

WE MAKE IT
to just outside of my apartment. I stop him dead. I take his hand and pull it to my chest. His eyes are impassive - he has no idea what is going on.

"I dare you to leave me and never return until you know you are
in love with me
."

"WHAT?" He shouts. His hand starts to tremble against me.

"Calm down, Elijah."

"Why would you want me to do that?"

"I have my reasons. This dare is not without consequence Elijah, but you will know when you love me." I say. I kiss his hand tenderly with swollen lips. I release him and turn on my heel. He grasps my arm in a frenzy.

"Anile, please do not make me do this." He begs. His face turns puce for once - not out of nerves, purely out of being scared of the unknown.

"The dare is done Elijah." I say with a firm hand.

"No, no, I will not do it." He squeezes his eyes shut.

Fuck he looks like he's in pain, but I have to do this. Things have gotten serious so quickly between us - I need to know he loves me. The whole Freemason thing has gotten to me and I know I will not be able to free him from it all if he is not in love with me. I want to save him, I have to.

"Goodbye Elijah." I say.

I quickly run into my apartment lobby, desperately fighting my escaping tears.

"Anile." He cries out in a broken voice.

I ignore his plea. I walk into my lift and press the close button, catching one last glimpse of his beautiful lagoon blue eyes before the doors close.

Chapter Fifteen

"Ugh, why can I not manage one damn sentence?" I admonish myself while sobbing quietly in my bed. I desperately try to get my feelings out on paper.

I have been sat in my room for over an hour. I need to let some of my pain out! It hurts to damn much; my body is not big enough for all this grief.

My dear mother used to say, 'write it down my Sweet Anile, keep your feelings on paper and out of your system.

Anile's Diary

It's been years, 7 years to be exact, 7 years since my mother was sent to a mental institute for being raped by my father's friend. The day my mother was taken from me was the last day I writ in my diary. I now feel I need to write down my feelings, there is too much pain inside me to bear...

SUNDAY...

Selfish, what I did was selfish.

The night was long, painfully long.
I should have known what was going to happen.

I don't know what I expected, I think I expected an hour of waiting and then his plea of love for me - but I got nothing, I was wrong, terribly, terribly wrong. The day is dragging so long to the point I feel time has stopped altogether. My food, drinks, television, it's all bland. My bed feels cold, damp even - lonely. Nothing in my life feels good today, everything just feels lifeless; hopefully tomorrow will feel better, hopefully this emptiness will not feel so uninhabited...

I hate Elijah for making me wait, for causing me such pain! Why is he doing this? This is not my fault, it's his for not loving me properly!

I have no idea why I writ that - this is how I really feel inside my soul without being angry.

The pain feels deeper today, more real. I'm so weak, I cannot eat properly. Work feels empty, Elijah is not here; Where is he? I want to call him but I don't, I wait patiently. I book Timothy Allen's trial day without any resemblance of my words. This is becoming mind numbing; what the hell am I going to do if he realizes he doesn't love me?

Still nothing, still no Elijah at work, still no plea of love. Did I make a wrong move? Should one play a game of chess without experience? I feel sad, lost, nothing else can explain this pain in my chest; it's heavy, like I'm carrying ten-thousand bricks while hungry and thirsty - I have no strength. I type out text messages to Elijah and save them; it makes me feel like I'm mentally connecting to him. I don't send him the text messages though because I know patience will achieve more than force. I just have to wait and hope that he does love me, hope that he will find his way back to me...

Today I care less

NO!

Today is a little better. Hester has informed me that Elijah has taken a one man break. The knowledge of his whereabouts kind of acts as morphine to my chest pain. I still feel his absence grow daily though.

People at work are talking - they want to know where Eros is; as do I. Hopefully I will not have to wait much longer, for him to come back to me, for him to love me the way I love him...

I cannot manage writing to much down in my diary today. When I see my pain in letters, it almost feels more painful than my physical agony. I'm lonely, so lonely - why do I feel this way? Why oh why did my mother tell me this was a release?

I'm forcing myself to keep from my illness, forcing myself to eat. Elijah cannot stay away forever - I keep telling myself this to fill the void. Patience, I need patience. I heard Elijah say he likes that I'm patient with him - I will remain patient, no matter how long it takes...

Things feel different, empty, emptier than before. There is nothing but darkness, loneliness. Where is Elijah? I had no idea he would take this long; will he ever come back to me? Is all this pain in my chest even worth it?

I'm at my desk with too much on my mind to even think about working. I endlessly search Google looking for Elijah... but I cannot find him.

Tears dress my eyes while I write this - the page is damp.

What have I done? I cannot keep doing this - I'm dying inside... and I'm~

My phone pings and instantly forces me to close my bubblegum pink diary; I scribbled a little but it's okay. I wrap the string around the leather too quickly and throw it in the top draw of my desk.

I lift my phone from my desk with heavy hands and gaze impassively.

From: Elijah

Be at the curb of Darks Lawyers at 5:30 - you have five minutes.

Oh my! I want to cry so badly. I have an overwhelming urge to just let go - am I imagining this? My tummy falls ten-thousand feet; my heart races. All my sickening pain suddenly vanishes and turns into hope.

I check my watch and I actually cannot believe it's almost five-thirty! Holy fuck, another day has passed me by - I have seriously lost all account of time. I abandon my briefcase. I abandon all my work. I hastily make my way down the lift and outside of Darks Lawyers.

It's so sunny and warm. I need this weather to help with my mood, to help me come alive again. My mouth drops open at the sight of a sleek silver Mercedes at the curb. Elijah's driver is standing right beside it. I'm frozen in place.

"Miss Gooden, here are the keys. An address is set in the SatNav, please follow the route."

I step forward slowly. I take the keys from his hands but I cannot even thank him -
speak Gooden, speak God damn you!
Nope, words are lost to me.

He smiles, he thankfully understands my reaction. He moves past me, motioning for me to enter the car.

"Miss, are you going to be okay to drive?"

"Um -" again I am silenced. What the fuck has happened to me?
Depression.

The driver takes the keys from my hand.

"Please jump in the back, I will drive you Miss Gooden."

"Thanks." I breathe.

He ushers me inside the car and I fall at full force, almost laying across the soft black leather. The car does not smell of Elijah, sadly.

"You should probably buckle up Miss; Mr. Darks would have my balls if he knew I was driving you around and you were not buckled up."

I sit up. I breathe, harder and harder - my brain needs air.

"I'm sorry about my nonexistent words. I'm just -"

"It's okay Miss, I know you have been patiently waiting."

Thank the heavens - he understands!

I need booze, and lots of it. I have just about had enough of being a shrinking violet!

"Can we stop off at an off-licence?"