Dark Eden (10 page)

He smiled and nodded, and I kissed him quickly again, then pulled away.

‘Okay, Mr Leopard Killer,’ I said, ‘let’s see how long you can hold your breath then. I bet I can get more oysters than you.’

I plunged down into the bright blurry water, looking for the pinnacles of rock where the oysters clung onto ledges six seven feet below the surface, opening and closing their shining pink mouths. I grabbed handfuls from three different pinnacles and burst up to the surface again. I was flinging the oysters onto the rocky bank, when John bobbed up right next to me.

‘Ha ha! I’ve got more than …’ he gasped, but I’d already dived down again before he’d finished speaking, down through a big glittering shoal of tiny fish.

We built up a whole pile of oysters on the bank, then lay on the soft ground under droopy yellowlantern trees and tore them open. The oysters wheezed and fizzed as they died and we pulled out bits of the shining flesh, sometimes feeding them to each other, sometimes playfighting over them, sometimes stealing the juices from one another’s mouths and tongues.

‘Do you want some slippy, Mr Leopard Killer? Do you want a slide?’ I whispered, kissing him and putting my hand down to feel his dick. ‘You’ll have to do it the back way, though, because I don’t want a baby on my hands. I’m really not cut out for being a youngmum, stuck in Family with the blind oldies and the clawfeet and a bunch of little kids.’

I didn’t think there’d be any doubt about how he’d answer me, but I was wrong.

‘Let’s leave that for now,’ he said. ‘Let’s leave that for later on.’

Well, I was
surprised
surprised. Yeah and offended too. What was the matter with him? What did he think we’d come here for? There weren’t many boys in Family that would turn down an offer of a slip from me, and not many men either, judging by the way they looked at me, though Family rules said grownup men shouldn’t do that with newhair girls.

‘You been going with too many old women, John,’ I told him. ‘Like that Martha London you went with on your no-work waking. Old Martha who lost her little baby not long ago. Looks like she and the others have worn you out.’

John looked surprised that I knew. More fool him. You can’t do anything in Family without everyone knowing about it, and weighing it up, and picking it over, and making their bloody minds up about what they thought about it. I’d heard about John and Martha London from four five people and I wasn’t too pleased about it. Okay, all the boys go with oldmums when they get the chance, but I’d let him know he could have me, hadn’t I? And you’d have thought that would have been enough to keep him going a waking or two, wouldn’t you? You’d have thought he’d have saved himself for me.

‘It’s nothing to do with that,’ he said. ‘That’s different. That’s just a Family thing. It’s just …’

He stopped to think. In fact he ended up spending so long thinking about it that he seemed to have forgotten me entirely. Certainly, when he did speak, he didn’t show much sign that he knew why it bothered me.

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Maybe it’s not such a good idea, going with oldmums whenever they suggest it. Maybe it’s one of those things that I was talking about: the things we do because it seems easier at the time, and we don’t …’

‘Yeah, whatever, but coming back to my question …?’

‘Well, it’s …’

‘Don’t you
want
me?’

‘Yes I do, but …’

He laughed.

‘Come on, you know I want you. You’ve just had your hand on my dick! I could hardly keep it inside my wrap when we were walking over here. But just now I want to eat oysters and talk about things. Is that so weird? There’s loads of things I want to talk about and not many people who would know what I meant. We could have a slip, but that would be the easy thing, the obvious thing, and maybe it would be more interesting if …’

‘Talk to me then,’ I said. ‘Tell me something you think only I will know what you mean.’

He pulled open another oyster, ripped out the fizzing pink meat and tossed the empty shell back into the water.

‘Well, you know what I said about why I did for the leopard. I’ve been thinking a lot about that. I’ve been thinking that that’s what we always get wrong in Family. It’s like whenever we get a choice like that, we always run to the tree, and we’ve been doing that so long that it’s become what Family is: a thing that hides away from anything scary and waits for help to come.’

‘So what would we do if we were different?’

‘Well …’ He hesitated here, like he himself was in two minds about what he was going to say next. ‘Well, I don’t think we’d live in a huddle round Circle of Stones, waiting for Earth to come and fetch us back.’

‘Don’t you think Earth will come, then?’

He looked at me sharply.

‘No, I’m not saying that. Of course not. They’ve got to come sooner or later. I’m just saying that we shouldn’t just spend our lives waiting for them in the same spot, and dreaming about going back to Earth. People say we must be good good, and make sure that Earth will like us when they come, so that they’ll want to take us back. But they’d like us better, wouldn’t they, if we tried to live like Earth people? Finding stuff out, trying new things, making things better. What’s there to like about a Family that huddles up in one place wake-dreaming, and won’t budge even if that means starving or drowning?’

I laughed at that idea.

‘Not much,’ I agreed.

‘And anyway,’ he said, ‘it’s not as if there’s any reason to think Earth will come any time soon. Okay, we know the Three Companions went back to
Defiant
, and we reckon they’d have taken
Defiant
back through Hole-in-Sky. But there was something wrong with
Defiant
, wasn’t there? It was damaged when Angela and Michael tried to catch it in the Police Veekle. And the True Story tells us that the Three Companions knew the chances were against
Defiant
getting back in one piece, or them getting back alive. I mean, that’s why Tommy and Angela stayed, isn’t it? So that at least some life would carry on?’

I nodded. ‘And it’s been two hundred wombtimes, so something
must
have gone wrong or they could have mended
Defiant
and come back long ago. But even if the Three Companions died and
Defiant
was too damaged to be mended, it still might well have got back to Earth. You know, like a boat drifts back to the shore. And …’

‘And Earth would have found out what happened from the Rayed Yo and the Computer. Yes, I know all that. But it would take them a long time to build a new starship. They say that first one took them thousands of years.’

‘
Years
,’ I teased him. ‘Who says “years” except oldies?’

He shrugged.

‘Thousands of wombtimes, then. And that’s why we shouldn’t live like waiting for Earth was the purpose of everything. And we shouldn’t just huddle up like this in one place and do the same things over and over and over again.’

‘But the True Story says that Earth will come to Circle of Stones, and if we aren’t there, they won’t find us.’

‘I know,’ John said. ‘I know.’

He thought for a long time, and twice he started to speak and then stopped again.

‘But surely,’ he said at last in a small quiet voice, like he almost didn’t want to hear himself say it. ‘Surely, if they can get a boat all the way across Starry Swirl, they’ll still be able to find us if we’re a few miles away from Circle? Isn’t that a chance worth taking? I mean, there’s not much point in us all waiting here if we’re going to run out of food and starve, is there? Otherwise all Earth will find is a pile of bones.’

I kissed him.

‘Now do you want a slip, John?’

‘No, not now. Another time. There’s too much in my head.’

I wasn’t offended this second time. In fact I quite liked that he had things going on in his head that were big enough to drive out that one thought. Not many other boys in Family would have had anything but slippy in their heads. Not if they’d been up here beside me by Deep Pool, with no wraps on, and no one else there, and me telling them I was up for it. In fact I couldn’t think of one that would say no. Except for the ones that preferred other boys, of course.

‘It would be easier in a way,’ I said, ‘if we knew for sure they
weren’t
coming from Earth. We’re a bit like a mum whose kid’s been lost in forest. She can’t get on with anything until they find the bones.’

John thought about this.

‘But it would be lonely lonely, if we knew that,’ he said. ‘It would be sad sad sad.’

Old Lucy Lu said that every living thing had a shadow hiding away inside its body, waiting to get out. It was crap, but in a
way
it was true of a lot of people. Take Gerry: he might laugh and shout and play the bloody fool, but there was a shadow looking out of his eyes that was different from what he showed the world, a worried worried shadow peeping out that was always afraid of being left alone, or being laughed at, or even just being seen. Or take Bella: she was clever and wise, but she was
half
shadow. More than half. So much of her was shadow that it was like she hardly knew her own body at all.

But Tina had no shadow like that. Her face and her body weren’t hiding places, they were
her
, and she knew it, and that was why men and boys couldn’t take their eyes off her. They could tell that what was pretty pretty about Tina went all the way through her. It was
all
of her.

I had wanted to slip with her badly badly as we walked up to Deep Pool. And at the end of that waking, when I crawled into that little shelter I shared with Gerry and Jeff, I couldn’t sleep for ages, thinking about how badly I wanted her again. And I wondered why I didn’t have a slide with her while I had the chance, and I knew the reason was more than what I’d told her, but I didn’t know what it was.

And when I did sleep, I had that dream that everyone had in Family, that dream of Earth, coming down from Starry Swirl in a shining Veekle to take everyone home. But I was far far away when the Veekle came. I saw it come down from sky in the distance and I ran and ran towards it, but things kept getting in my way, and I couldn’t move forward, and I knew that pretty soon it would lift up again into sky, and return to Earth without me, and never come back.

Next waking Bella sent me out scavenging. It wasn’t a proper hunt and I had to stay just outside Family Fence because I was with big Met and Gerry and Jeff, and Jeff can’t walk far with his clawfeet. Of course there weren’t many pickings just outside the fence because everyone scavenged there, but we were lucky, sort of, because pretty soon Met spotted the tail end of a slinker disappearing down the air-tube of a whitelantern tree.

It was the grey kind, the thickness of a man’s arm and maybe two three times as long, with thirty forty pairs of little claws and glittery eyes and an ugly mouth full of vicious little spiny black teeth. That was the kind you had to watch out for if you were looking for candy in stumps and air-tubes. Littles sometimes got excited about candy and forgot to check for slinkers, and then slinkers came up and bit them in the face – there were quite a few in Family with scarred faces or missing eyes or noses – so grownups always told us to kill any slinker we found near Family. And lately we’d taken to eating the creatures too. There was a fair bit of meat on one of them, when you picked it out of the shelly bits and the bones, even though it tasted of mud and it gave some people bellyache.