Crushed (4 page)

Ryan
was pretty cool. We actually hung out a lot when Lacey and Jason were at work.
Ryan wasn’t working at the moment because he was between movies, but he was
considering taking on a TV show role and was running through a script that one
of the producer’s had sent over to him. We were lying on different couches as
he read it to me. The plot was kind of the opposite of Ryan, it was about a
married man who found out that his wife had cancer and went on a life changing
mission to find her long lost sister before his wife passed away. It was cheesy
sounding, but I made the mistake of telling Ryan I didn’t think he could pull
it off.

“You
aren’t a romantic guy, how are you going to play a man who loves his wife so
much he goes around the world on a dangerous mission to find his beautiful
wife’s long lost sister?” I giggled

“I
don’t understand what you mean, are you saying that because I don’t stick with
the same girl for more than a night, that I don’t understand what it would feel
like to love someone with every fiber of my being?” He asks

 “Well...
No, but if you think about it, I think it is more believable as someone
watching if you know the actor portraying this role isn’t known in real life
for fucking everything he can get his hands on. I just think it will be hard to
believe is all” I tell him

“You
don’t know anything about me Emmalyn, and I really don’t like it when you
assume that you do. I could totally pull this role off” Ryan says

“You
could, I’m wrong. Forget it” I say, standing up to go into my room

“You
don’t have to leave” he says standing up

“I
do, I don’t really have anything left to say. I upset you and I was only
joking, but if you don’t see my point there is no use in trying to make it
again” I explain

“I
see your point, but that is why it is called acting. You are able to pretend to
be someone you are not. I have enough fans who want me, to know that they will
be able to watch and not thinking about what TMZ has to say about my love life.
That’s not what all of this is about. Now come in here and sit down and read
this with me.” He says reaching for my hand.

We
spend the rest of the night reading over the scripts and laughing.

         
That’s what we did. Every day for 3 months we went out to eat with Lacey and
Jason. We read his scripts, we watched TV, and we played basketball outside and
went for random drives so he could show me his favorite spots. He was sweet,
honestly not something I expected to believe or feel. Ryan Alexander was by far
one of the most caring guys I had ever met. And probably the best looking.

         
I think he stayed longer than he really needed to with us. He would go home for
a few nights and then came back. Or he would go home at night but spend the day
hanging out with me. When he went back to work on a movie it almost felt sad
not seeing him every day. I couldn’t really explain it, but he was becoming a
really good friend. I loved that he would flirt with me, but he never really
made any moves. I wasn’t sure if Lacey told him what had happened to me, or if
he just knew it wouldn’t be worth it. But he respected me and I liked him even
more for it.

         
It was 4 months to the day after I had moved in, when Lacey came out back to
where Ryan and I were hanging out. She asked Ryan if she could have a moment
alone with me. When he left she looked at me with sad eyes

“He
likes you” she says

“Well
I like him, he’s a great friend... Which is shocking considering our first
encounter” I laughed moving closer to her on the deck

“No
Em, he really likes you. I wasn’t supposed to say anything because Jason asked
me not to. But he’s been talking about you to Jason a lot. He’s stopped
sleeping around with other girls too because he’s always here”

“So
because he got tired of sleeping around, that means that he likes me?” I asked irritation
creeping in

“No
Em, I am his publicist I know what he does, when he sleeps with a girl every
month without fail, there is at least one little whore who wants a piece of the
pie, wants to tell his story tell the world about her one night with the
heartthrob Ryan Alexander. I haven’t had a single story come my way in 4
months. Not one”

“So,
maybe the news is slow?” I say

“Or
maybe you are taking all his time and attention and he doesn’t need anyone
else. Listen it doesn’t matter. I love Ryan, but I love you more. You are my
baby and I have to tell you this. Be careful, if you decide to do anything with
him. Just guard your heart. Ryan is complicated. He… I don’t know how to
explain it, he goes through periods of self-hate where he almost can’t let himself
be happy. Jason and I have really tried to pull him out of it, but his dad kind
of broke him when they were younger. SO if you decide that you guys want to do
anything, just keep your heart safe. I don’t want to see you get hurt”

I
was confused. Mary and Michael were Jason and Ryan’s parents. I knew who they
were, I met them a few times over the years but I never really got to sit down
and talk with them. What I did see was that they were a very happy couple, and
they adored their boys.

“I
thought that Mary and Michael were really good parents” I ask her

“Oh
they are… Um... Michael isn’t Ryan’s dad”

“How
is that possible, I mean Ryan is younger than Jason and Mary and Michael are
still married” I ask

“Yes,
they are... But they split up for a few months when Jason was about 5. Michael
was always out of state on business and Mary couldn’t really handle life as a
single mom alone. She met Seth, Ryan’s dad at work and they kind of hit it off.
They slept together one night, and that was all it took. But Seth wasn’t’ a
good guy, Mary found out the hard way. But she was already pregnant. Michael
came home before Ryan was born and they fixed their marriage. She allowed Seth
to be a part of Ryan’s life until he was about 13 and realized that he was
hurting Ryan. He would beat him when he got bad grades at school, or when he
started to grow into his body he would tell him that he was fat. That’s when he
started working out.”

She
went on

“When
Mary found out that Seth was bringing girls to his house, and letting Ryan have
sex, she freaked out. She knew that Ryan did what his father wanted, because he
wanted to feel loved by his dad. Yes he had Michael, and Michael loved him as
his own, but with Seth in the picture Ryan was falling onto the wrong track.
One day Seth was arrested for a drug charge and put into prison for 10 years.
Mary talked to Ryan, and they both agreed that Seth had no place in his life.
She petitioned the courts to have Seth’s parental rights revoked and Ryan
hasn’t seen him since. But that doesn’t mean that all the damage that he caused
Ryan is gone.”

“When
you grow up feeling like you aren’t good enough, you start to hate yourself a
bit. Ryan picks himself apart a lot. His roles stress him out, he wants to be
perfect, to make a ton of money and prove Seth that he is this amazing person
with this amazing life. Ryan is one of the best people that I know, but the
girls, the drinking, it’s all self-destruction and when he can’t control a
situation that’s when it comes in. The day that you met him. He was in Ryan
destruction mode. He was drinking and screwing around, because he had no
control over the Holly situation.

So
what I am saying is, just be careful. I see the way you look at one another I
don’t think you realize that you do it but it’s there. I just don’t want you to
get hurt, so listen to me and be careful”

She
leans over and kisses me on the cheek

“That’s
not even why I came out here I have amazing news”

Her
words are still swirling around in my head, but I look up at her and see her
eyes filled with excitement

Before
I get a chance to ask her what her news is, I hear hooting and hollering

“I
guess Ryan knows, so now I have to tell you quickly” she starts laughing

“So
you know how I haven’t really been feeling all that great lately” She asks

I
nod my head

“Well
I went in for a few tests, I thought that I had some weird bug that wouldn’t go
away, turns out I am 3 and a half months pregnant” she shouts

“What,
are you serious” I say jumping up to hug her “oh my God Lacey, that is the best
news ever. Wait. How did you not know you were pregnant?”

“I
don’t get my period. I haven’t in over a year, stress sometimes does that, and
it’s a hereditary thing, mom never got hers either so really I just didn’t know.
I have felt a little tired and sick lately, so I honestly didn’t even consider
it. But I am so excited. Jason cried when the doctor told us, God he’s such a
woman” she laughed

All
of a sudden the back door flew open and Jason came running out and started
hugging Lacey and I who had yet to move away from one another.

He
looked down at me “why are you crying nerd”?

Jason
is totally laughing at me

“Because
I am so happy for Lacey, but I am scared as hell that the poor kid is going to
look like you” I tell him stepping away before he can say anything else

Before
I have a chance to say anything a pair of arms wrap around me, picking me up. I
open my mouth to scream, but before I get a chance to say anything Ryan has
thrown me into the pool

I
swim to the ladder, and climb out, giving Ryan the meanest look I can “you are
a prick”

“Yeah,
and you are all wet. Now say sorry to my brother, he says laughing

“No”
I tell him

“Yes”
he says, coming closer to me

“No”
I say again

This
time when he picks me up, I grab onto him, facing him I wrap my arms around his
neck and grip my legs around his waist before he has a chance to realize I am
holding on for dear life he starts to throw me into the water, falling in
himself.

When
we swim to the surface, I am laughing and breathing in water at the same time.
Choking himself he glares at me

“What
the hell was that for”? He asks

“Payback”
Is all I say

Before
I can say anything else, he reaches over to me and grabs me, pushing me up
against the wall of the pool

“That
wasn’t very nice” he says talking quietly

I
look up to Jason and Lacey for help but notice that they are both facing the
house, talking about something else

“Well,
I don’t have to be nice, now get off me” I say trying to squirm away

“I
don’t have to be nice either” he says he pushes his hips forward against mine,
pinning me further to the side of the pool “You are so fucking beautiful
Emmalyn” I can feel his erection between us, he moves ever so slightly,
allowing me to feel what he is feeling.

Before
I can say anything else, he leans forward to kiss me. The lightest brush of his
lips against mine. I look up at him and see a serious expression in his face.
It doesn’t fit the moment. I open my mouth to tell him it is okay but he has
backed away from me, heads up the ladder and walks into the house without
saying a word to anyone.

Lacey
looks over at me, Jason looks at her. They both walk towards me

“I
think Em is about to get a crash course in loathing Ryan” Jason says, with
almost a sad tone to his voice

I
liked that kiss, I wasn’t expecting it but I liked it. I wanted more. Clearly
Ryan didn’t.

         
He didn’t come back at all that week. The first few days I felt bad, like I had
done something wrong. I told Lacey how I felt and she reminded me that I wasn’t
in that pool alone. It was just a kiss. It meant nothing. He didn’t owe me
anything, and I sure as hell didn’t owe him anything.

         
The next week Lacey started taking me to work with her. She worked in a tiny
office, with 2 other women; Lisa and Heather. At one time the 3 of them worked
together for a larger company, but when they were sick and tired of being given
the shit job because they were women, they pooled their money and resources and
moved onto their own company. They have done really well. Representing several
A and B list stars. They don’t bog themselves down with too many clients. Lacey
always told me that it was wiser to keep their clientele smaller in numbers,
that way they are able to focus more on what is going on with each and every
one and no one is left behind.

         
Ryan is one of those clients.

         
As soon as we walk into the door a tiny blonde girl with a pixie hair cut comes
rushing to the door, handing Lacey a cup of coffee.

         
“Thanks Heather” she says taking the cup and handing it to me. Coffee was the
first thing she cut from her diet when she found out that she and Jason were
expecting

“This
is my younger sister Emmalyn, I brought her in to show her what we do. I
wouldn’t mind a little help this is getting into our busy time of the year”
Lacey said, walking towards her office near the back of the building

         
Lacey explained to me a long time ago that famous people were finicky people.
When they were not working they were out and about more, and when they were out
so were the paparazzi. Which meant that questionable photos and articles were
in abundance. Especially in the summer. Most of their clients were TV stars, so
they didn’t all work during the summer.

But
she also made it clear that every day could be busy, or it might not. There was
no way of knowing.

Lacey
set me up at a spare desk and gave me a list of names of some of her clients.
She said that one of the things she was required to do was google her clients.
See what has been posted about them online. Find out anything negative being
posted because chances are magazines would want a comment or two about anything
found.

She
also helped manager twitter and Facebook accounts for her clients as well. Fans
tend to get a little crazy, and sometimes celebs don’t always filter before
they type which causes a media frenzy.

Lacey
left me to it, she had to return phone calls and said I could take my time.

I
started typing in the name of Sarah Smith. She was one of the latest “It” girls
in Hollywood, but she also had a serious love of drugs and alcohol. As soon as
I typed her name into the search engine, I saw about 6 articles all talking
about her out on the town in the hottest club the night before. I scrolled
through the articles, wrote down a few notes of what was being said and walked
into Lacey’s office

“Ryan
I don’t give a shit what your fucking problem is, I am sick and tired of this
shit. I don’t have time to find you a personal assistant. You need to schedule
your own shit and remember where you need to be, when and return your own damn
calls. I am not a maid. I make sure that your name stays out of the headlines
unless it’s positive. Not to fetch you Kale smoothies for lunch.” Lacey says
into the phone “Listen I have to go I brought Em to work today and I need to
see what she has for me” She hangs up the phone and turns my way

“Um.
I found some stuff on Sarah Smith that you might want to check out.” I say
walking in, pretending not to have heard her conversation with Ryan.

“That
girl, we gave her one last chance to pull her shit together. Heather is going
to be pissed but we are going to have to drop her. Which doesn’t totally suck
because I think her agent is dropping her too, I am going to call and find out
and then you can come with me when I deliver the news.

An
hour later we are pulling up to a huge mansion. “This is going to be good”
Lacey says pulling my hand with her. As soon as we get to the gate, she punches
in a series of numbers and the doors open. We walk up the huge cement stair
case and walk through the open French doors. “Sarah” Lacey calls out, “it’s
Lacey we need to talk.”

A
tall woman stick thin with blonde hair tied up in a bun comes walking towards
the front door. As soon as she sees lacey, I think she knows that she is in
trouble. “What are you doing here?” She’s hung over.

“I’m
here to let you know that we have decided to drop you as a client. You might want
to get your shit together because you were all over the internet this morning.
TMZ did a huge story about your use of drugs and Erica over at the agency has
decided to let you go as well. This isn’t good for you Sarah, and if you like
what you do you really need to pull it together.”

Lacey
stops talking and looks at the girl in front of her. Sarah doesn’t say a thing.
She’s just staring at Lacey like she has two heads. Lacey shakes her head and
says; “well I thought I would come and tell you in person, we really tried to
make this work, but we don’t have time to babysit you and clean up your shit if
you don’t have the energy to keep your nose clean. I highly suggest rehab
Sarah.”

With
that Lacey pulls my hand and we walk back out the way we came in.

Lacey
isn’t a bitch, not by any means. She’s actually really sweet. But she has this
‘no bull shit’ attitude which causes her to come off that way. I think she felt
bad about having to cut Sarah. I don’t know that she likes the whole “tough
love” aspect of her job, but it needed to be done...  I take a look back
through the doors and Sarah is still standing there, looking at us she hadn’t
moved a muscle.

“Is
she in shock” I ask Lacey turning towards the car

“No”
Lacey shakes her head annoyed “She’s high as a fucking kite, I wouldn’t be
surprised if she ends up dead before the end of the year.”

And
for the first time I realize that Lacey’s job isn’t as easy as I once thought
it was.