Crimson Sky: A Dark Sky Novel (26 page)

“We didn’t know about Davin,” Nash told me. “We didn’t know he was a Hellion, at least.”

I looked at him. “Why didn’t he tell you?”

Nash frowned, but he didn’t look uncertain. “I’m not the one you should ask. Sawyer has his reasons, and they belong to him. He might not have told me everything about his life, but I know him. He does his best with what he has. He’s not out for power or money, and he doesn’t want the people he saves to be afraid of him. Sawyer’s past doesn’t matter to me. He won my loyalty a long time ago.”

Nash didn’t elaborate, and I could see that he wasn’t going to. Gemma stood next to him, the same defiant look on her face. I recalled her story about Sawyer helping her after she’d betrayed him, and finally raised my head.

From this angle I couldn’t really see much, but I knew Sawyer was there. I liked being on the
Dauntless
, and so did Abby. I wanted to stay, but I needed to work on my trust with the young captain before I said something I regretted.

“Is he in a mood?” I asked, looking at Nash.

The large marauder grinned and shrugged one of his big shoulders. “Sawyer’s always in a mood. The gamble is figuring out which one.”

I frowned when Nash grinned, but walked away from the marauders. I trotted up the staircase to get to the helm, which Sawyer was standing behind vigilantly.

His coat had been patched up in exchange for some food, but it was still tattered around the seams. His bruises were gone, but the scar above his right eyebrow remained. His stood strong and confident, but there was a slump in his shoulders and a pain in his eyes that didn’t belong to the man who kidnapped me a month ago to save me.

Sawyer didn’t turn to look at me, instead holding the spokes of the helm’s wheel even though we were moving straight ahead. But he knew I was there. I stood beside him, trying to get his attention. He stared straight ahead, into the blackest part of the night.

I sighed. “It’s out there, isn’t it? The Breach.”

“Somewhere,” grunted Sawyer.

“Do you think it’s far?”

“I don’t know. Never wanted to know.”

I held my tongue, not wanting to say anything to push him into anger. Sawyer had been on a tightrope since the crash, when we realized that things had changed between us, and not for the better. Yes, I worked for him. Yes, I considered him an ally and even a friend. But I wasn’t sure if he would be more than that, and it saddened me.

“Davin wanted to go to the Breach,” Sawyer said abruptly. I looked at him. “Soon as he found out where it was, he took off with some of his friends to find it. The explorers were already there. Your parents.”

I turned my head away, remembering Davin’s words when he recognized me.

“Father left me with Micah to go after him, but they had no idea what they’d be bringing back. Davin probably did something to the Hellions. Made some kind of deal to become… what he is.”

“Did you see Davin again when he came through the Breach as… one of them?”

Sawyer shook his head. “No. But when I saw him at the Junkyard, I knew it was him. I couldn’t believe it, still can’t, but that doesn’t change anything.”

Sawyer let go of the helm and sighed. “I should have killed him. When I had my chances at the Junkyard and the tunnels, I should have killed him. I didn’t know he was after you, but it shouldn’t have mattered either way. He always was a bastard, but now he’s a true monster.”

It took me a moment to figure out why he sounded so grieved. “You want to save him.”

Sawyer turned and glared at me. “No. He can’t be saved. If I tried, he would stab me in the back and kill everyone I cared about in front of me. Davin can’t be saved. He never wanted to be.”

His words were venomous and aggressive, but I saw the torment in Sawyer’s eyes.

“He’s your brother,” I reminded softly.

Sawyer grimaced and looked away. “That doesn’t matter. I’ll face him again, and he’ll push me. I’m not going to have a choice.”

That I did believe, but I also knew that Sawyer wouldn’t be able to do it. Nash was right– Sawyer was a man with a good heart, doing the best he could in a world that would ruin him for simply being the son of a criminal. I couldn’t fault him for it.

“Maybe,” I agreed, “but don’t worry about it.”

Sawyer glanced at me skeptically. “You think it’s easy?”

“Of course not. But Davin isn’t here right now, Sawyer. We’re not in danger. This won’t last,” I said, looking past the railing to the deck where my friends and sister were. “We should enjoy what we have.”

The marauder fell silent beside me, his eyes piercing through mine.

“Why did you stay, Claire?” Sawyer asked.

My body was still. My heart was not.

“You could have left at any time. Our deal is over. We don’t owe each other anything. I need an engineer and am not going to complain that you’re working for me, but I can’t pay you. All my allies and friends are on this ship. Anyone else will be happy to take my head off my body. So why are you staying?”

I tried to smile playfully. It felt wrong on my face, especially given how intensely he was looking at me. “Is it so strange if I said I wanted to be on the ship? That I want to be around Gemma and Nash? That I want to be with you?”

Sawyer flinched. Emotions blurred through his eyes, too fast for me to see. His shoulders finally slumped.

“Yes, Claire. It is.”

His rejection was like a punch in the stomach. It twisted my heart, but I clenched my fists and fought the tears building in my eyes. Sawyer’s face softened, and he took a step closer to me.

“You know who I am now,” he said quietly. “You know who my father was and what my brother has become. It won’t be long until someone else finds out. The moment they do, they’re going to come for the people I care about. Davin saw how I reacted when he had you. If he doesn’t come after you himself, he’ll spread the word. Other marauders will set traps that I might not be able to protect you from. You’ll fall into them, and I’ll fall in after you. I won’t even care that I could die.”

He stopped in front of me, heart in his eyes. I could see through him, the fear he was trying to hold back. The longing.

Sawyer lifted his hand. His fingers brushed the side of my skin as he curled a strand of hair behind my ear. The touch was ghostly, so close and still so far away. It was all I could do not to grab Sawyer’s hand and know that what he was feeling was real.

By then, it was too late. His hand dropped. Then his eyes, and with them, his heart.

“You make me weak, Claire. And I can’t be. Not now. Never again.”

Pressure built in my chest, like my heart was shrinking, straining the valves as it retreated into itself. I wanted to tell him he was wrong. That he wasn’t weak, that he didn’t need to fight whatever was between us. I even thought to tell him that I wasn’t mad about who his father and brother were. The secret was a terrible one, but it didn’t change my feelings. Robertson and Davin Kendric were monsters.

Sawyer wasn’t.

But he turned away from me and gazed out onto the deck. I didn’t say anything. I just stood with him in silence.

My eyes fell on Abby, who was pointing at the sky with Riley. He smiled and nodded at something she said, grinning when she scribbled in her notebook. I smiled to myself, relieved she had one thing to enjoy in her life.

“You’d be good with him, you know.”

I looked at Sawyer, who nodded at the traumatized survivors. “Riley. He’s falling hard and fast for you. He’d worship you if you asked.”

Maybe the captain was right, but I also noticed that he was grumpy and hostile around Riley when I was close to him. Despite what he pretended, Sawyer wasn’t about to give me up easily. It could have been sweet if my life wasn’t already so complicated.

“But I guess you want to find a way to close the Breach first.”

I broke out of my trance and found Sawyer looking at the skeleton key. I didn’t even remember taking it out, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Close the Breach? Are you insane?”

Sawyer smirked. “I remember saying something like that to you when you wanted to take down the
Behemoth
. You have a way of challenging the impossible.”

“But… The Breach. I… Where would I even start?”

He shrugged. “No idea. But it wouldn’t be you alone. If you really do intend to stay, then you’re one of us, Firecracker. If you want to go, I won’t stop you. You’ll always have a home here.”

Home. A word I hadn’t known in so long. I barely thought about my childhood home anymore. I could scarcely remember all the places I’d lived before we entered the colony. Garnet’s colony, which was never a home.

The
Dauntless
was still new to me, newer to Abby. I would never label myself a marauder. But it was growing familiar to me. Comfortable.

It could be a home, some day.

But it was a home that would be destroyed as long as the Breach remained open.

“Do you think it’s possible?” I asked softly. The hope growing in my chest weakened my voice. “Do you think there’s really a way to close the Breach?”

“I don’t know, but if it was opened then it makes sense that it could be closed. For argument’s sake, let’s say that it is. What would your plan be?”

My fingers found the key under the collar of my shirt. I pulled it out and turned it between my thumb and index finger. “Find clues. My parents’ notes, the ship they were on, things like that. Learn everything I can about the Breach. How exactly it was opened. What it would take to reverse the process. If it can be reversed. If not, finding a way to block it. Doing whatever it takes to make sure the Hellions can’t get through ever again.”

The more I spoke, the stronger my voice became. The harder my heart beat. The more potent my determination became.

And I began to forget the pain. The fear in Abby’s eyes. The uncertainty of where I truly belonged. The pain of Sawyer’s denial. This was something new I could focus on. A goal that needed to be accomplished. This was an impossible mission.

As Sawyer said, I had a way of challenging the impossible.

Sawyer whistled in a low voice. “Sounds difficult. You’re going to need help.”

I looked at him again. Saw a familiar gleam in his dusky eyes. The gleam that wouldn’t let me give up on him, or what we could have. “Are you offering?”

Sawyer shrugged his eyebrows and smirked. “Why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do with my time yet. And if we’re being technical, I owe you for saving my life a few times. This would probably make us even.”

His grin warmed my heart, filling me with desire again. I smiled to the best of my ability, quickly looking away so Sawyer wouldn’t know that he was still hurting me. Riley seemed like a good man and didn’t want to use me, but I knew then that I would always be pulled back to Sawyer. I wasn’t used to being torn, and I didn’t think the situation was going to end well.

As I lifted my gaze to the dark sky ahead, my heart’s desires were pushed aside. The Breach was out there, an open door welcoming Hellions back into our world. Word of the
Behemoth
’s destruction had likely gotten to the mysterious Vesper now, and I couldn’t imagine he was pleased. He would come for our blood, and wouldn’t stop until he’d drained us of every last drop.

And the secret to stopping him lay against my chest. I didn’t know what it would lead me to, but I was determined to find a way to follow my mother’s footsteps and close the Breach.