At least it smells clean in there. And they’ve got a computer in the classroom so I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my life when I get outta here.”
“Anything in particular jumping out at you?”
“Not yet. Since I’ve got my GED I’m allowed to check out the courses at the community colleges.
Being’s they’re real big on rehabilitating us here.”
A guard poked her head in. She nodded to Brandt and the door shut with an ominous thud and a series of clicking locks.
They only had so much time, and Brandt wasn’t the type to make idle chitchat, especially with someone he didn’t know very well. “So why didn’t you want me to bring Landon along for this visitation?”
Samantha bit her lip, focusing on her ragged fingernails. “I can’t believe it’s been more than a month since I’ve seen him. Time is totally different in here.”
“I imagine.”
“I—I miss him. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see him. I’m sure he’s grown bigger and he’s changed already. But I don’t think if he came to visit that I could stand to give him back at the end of the hour.” A tear fell on the table. “As much as he’s a part of my life and being apart from him is the hardest thing I’ve
Cowgirls Don’t Cry
done…it’s surreal. It might sound strange, but I try
not
to think about him because without having him here, it’s almost like he doesn’t exist. And that’s way easier.”
Brandt had no idea how he was supposed to respond. On one hand, it sounded like she’d already started to phase Landon out of her life. On the other hand, it sounded like the only way she could deal with the separation was with the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy.
When he stayed quiet too long, she said, “You think I’m horrible, don’t you?”
“I honestly don’t know what to think, Samantha, beyond the fact you’re in a bad situation that won’t improve for at least another three months.”
“A bad situation of my own making,” she said with a sneer.
Not touching that one.
“Sorry. That’s one thing about being locked up in here. I’ve got all this time to think.” Her smile wasn’t convincing. “So tell me about what Landon’s been doing.”
Brandt relaxed. “He had a rough time at first, but we got a pretty good handle on it. He goes to daycare on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and my mom takes him the other two days of the week. My brothers Tell and Dalton have helped out. Landon is crazy about dogs.”
“Who has a dog?”
“Jessie.”
Samantha looked at him, eyes narrowed. “Jessie? As in Luke’s wife, Jessie?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You didn’t tell me that Luke’s wife was gonna be one of the people taking care of
my
child, Brandt.”
He racked his brain, trying to remember if he’d mentioned Jessie to Samantha. No, he hadn’t, because the idea hadn’t occurred to him until after Samantha had gone to jail. “Last time we spoke, I didn’t exactly have a firm plan in place, besides keeping Landon out of foster care. And since Landon is bein’ well cared for while you’re in jail, I don’t see how Jessie helping out is a problem.”
“Not a problem? I have a problem with it. A big problem. What if she—”
“What if she’s doin’ a damn good job?” Brandt supplied.
She fell back in her chair, arms folded over her chest. “Yeah. Maybe that’s what I’m worried about.
That she’ll be a better mother than me. And between her, your parents and your brothers, they’ll try to take Landon away.”
He counted to ten—any outburst would send the guards in—but he wanted to shake Samantha until her teeth rattled. “You left Landon’s care in my hands and my control. I promised you I’d do everything to keep that from happening.”
Samantha didn’t answer; she just went back to gnawing on her nails.
The need to get out of there was almost suffocating him.
Can you imagine how Samantha feels? Knowing she can’t just leave whenever she wants?
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“Is there anything else?” Brandt prompted. “Because we’re about outta time.”
“I don’t suppose you’ve got a pack of cigarettes on you?”
“Can’t help you there.”
“I figured you’d be more the Copenhagen type anyhow.” Samantha sighed heavily. “Thank you. I’m sure it sounds like I don’t appreciate all you’ve done, and all you’re doing, but I do. I really do. I just can’t wait to get out of this place and get back to my life.”
He waited for her to add that she couldn’t wait to get back to her kid, but she didn’t.
“As far as the next visitation?” he asked.
She met his eyes. “I’m not being melodramatic when I say skip it. I know it’s a drive for you. And the holidays are coming up. I don’t think I could stand to see him, knowing…” Her eyes flooded with tears and she glanced away. “Maybe after Thanksgiving and Christmas I’ll be ready for him. I’ll let you know. I get phone privileges soon so I can call you.” Samantha stood and knocked on the glass partition. The guard let her out and she didn’t look back.
Brandt wasn’t sure how long he sat there, his gut churning with the thought that maybe this situation with Landon wasn’t as temporary as he’d been telling everyone.
He didn’t call Jessie until he was close to his house. As much as he appreciated she didn’t ask questions about how it’d gone with Samantha, he needed someone to talk to.
But who? He couldn’t have a rational discussion with his parents or his brothers. His married cousins with kids weren’t options either. If he talked to Kane’s wife, Ginger, she’d probably urge him to prepare for legal action to ensure Landon wasn’t in limbo—even if his mother was.
Brandt ended up driving to his cousin Ben’s place. In addition to knowing his stuff about ranching, Ben was a damn fine carpenter. It’d taken him six years, but he’d designed and built his log cabin home from the ground up. This house sparked Brandt’s envy like no other house in the vast McKay family. Not only was it spacious with three bedrooms and two baths, including a master bath with a hot tub and a walkin shower, and a kitchen that boasted every possible amenity, it was rugged, a real guy’s space. Animal trophy heads lined the walls. A gigantic game room dominated the layout, with a huge big-screen TV
surrounded by comfy couches, and a regulation gaming table that’d comfortably host ten card players. A fully loaded, fifteen-foot hand-carved wooden bar, a pool table, and an electronic dartboard. Just outside the garage was a detached woodshop and a metal barn. No one blamed Ben for being such a homebody when he had a home like this.
There was the rumor that his playboy cousin had never brought the same woman back to his house twice. A rumor Ben wouldn’t confirm or deny, which is probably why it lived on in the annals of McKay legend.
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Cowgirls Don’t Cry
Ben ambled out, his dogs Ace and Deuce at his heels, as always. “Brandt. Surprised to see you.
What’s up?”
“Nothin’ much. Just drivin’ by and thought I’d stop to see if you had time for a beer.”
“Sure. You wanna come in? Or you wanna head into town?”
Brandt grinned. “Cuz, your bar puts any bar within a hundred miles to shame.”
Ben grinned back. “That is true. I was just about to crack a cold one anyway.”
The dogs followed them back inside and stretched out in front of the wood stove. Brandt parked himself on a barstool and Ben grabbed two Fat Tire beers from the fridge behind the bar. He slid one to Brandt, leaning his elbows on the counter.
“So, you wanna exchange bullshit about our families, you ask me how Quinn’s new baby girl Amelia is doin’, or how Chase’s season is goin’ in the PBR. Then I ask you if Dalton and Tell are still banging the Beaumont twins. Or how fuckin’ bizarre it is that Luke fathered a kid with some teenage chick right before he died. Or do you wanna cut the crap and tell me the real reason you stopped by?”
Brandt laughed. Ben always got straight to the point, which was probably why he’d shown up here.
He took a long pull off his beer. “To be honest, I ain’t exactly sure why I’m here. I just got done talkin’ to Samantha, Landon’s mom, and she left me with a feeling I can’t shake.”
“Like what?”
“Like…maybe she’s gotten used to bein’ away from Landon and would like to continue that when they let her out of jail.”
Ben whistled. “No shit?”
“That’s the thing. Samantha didn’t come right out and say it, I don’t even know if she was hinting around or if I somehow misread it. And it ain’t like I can talk to anybody in my family about it.”
“What about Jessie?”
“Her stipulation was no information on Samantha for the duration of this temporary situation. So if it turns out to be a longer temporary situation than four months, and if Samantha decides she’d rather let us raise Landon…” He sighed. “Us, meaning me raising Landon with some help from Dalton, Tell and my mom.” When Ben lifted a questioning brow, Brandt shook his head. “No fuckin’ way will I let Landon live with my father.”
“And how does Aunt Joan feel about that?”
“We’re on the same page, since she’s sneaking outta the house one day a week to watch Landon as it is.”
“What?”
“She’s takin’ care of him at her house on Tuesdays, but on Thursdays she tells dad she’s volunteering for some church thing when she’s really at my place.”
“Why the lie?”
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Lorelei James
“Because my dad…” He took a drink of beer. “Mom told me she had to go out for an hour and when she got back, Landon was screaming bloody murder in his crib to the point he threw up all over himself.
Seems my dad just sat on his ass in the living room and ignored him. Dad’s excuse? The kid needed to learn early on that he wasn’t gonna get his way by screamin’ his fool head off.” His father’s justification was seriously scary shit. “Jesus. Landon is barely more than a baby. And my dad’s attitude is Landon is acting manipulative? At seventeen months?”
Ben pointed with his beer bottle. “How would it be bad if you ended up bein’ Landon’s guardian? I mean, it’s obvious you care about the kid.”
He didn’t answer. Didn’t know how to without coming across as a pansy ass whiner.
Ben whistled again. “This has to do with Jessie, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. I’d have to choose, Ben. And how the fuck do I do that? Choose between the only living part of Luke I’ll ever have or the only woman I’ve ever…” He scowled. Way to be a pansy-ass.
“I ain’t gonna point out the obvious end to that statement, but maybe you’d better tell me what’s goin’
on with you and Jessie? And how long has it been goin’ on?”
“Since the moment I saw her.” Brandt drained his beer. Ben uncapped a fresh one and set it in front of him. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Keep talking.”
“You sure you wanna hear this? It’s old news.”
“Maybe in your family it is, but I’ve never heard it.”
“Luke and I were at the Devil’s Tower Rodeo and Jessie was there. I noticed her first, something about her just…hit me. Anyway, like a total dumbass, I pointed her out to Luke. And Luke, bein’ the handsome fuckin’ cowboy charmer he was, got to her first, which meant I didn’t stand a chance. So over the next month I had to listen to every goddamned detail of how Luke seduced her. Don’t get me wrong, Luke liked her, probably because she was so different from the type of women he usually dated.”
“Meaning what?”
“She wasn’t trashy or wild. I think Luke saw a lot of our mom in Jessie. I also think he would’ve gotten tired of her, but he knocked her up. They got married, she lost the baby, and then my brother started stepping out on her.”
“Fuck that. I’m sorry Brandt, but that’s bullshit. If he didn’t wanna be married to her, he should’ve asked for a divorce.”
“That’s what I told him. And Tell told him. And Dalton told him. Hell, my dad kept tellin’ Luke to divorce Jessie, too, but Luke took extreme joy in doin’ the exact opposite of what Dad wanted, as often as possible. Jessie was caught in the middle. So was I.
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Cowgirls Don’t Cry
“Cut to me stepping in and tryin’ to fill Luke’s shoes after he died. So about a year later, I spilled my guts to her—yes, I was sober—and goddamn if she didn’t give me the ‘friend’ speech. I licked my wounds and tried like hell to erase her from my memory by becoming the wild McKay I’d never been.”
“But it didn’t work?”
“Not even fuckin’ close. After she agreed to help me take care of Landon, things have changed between us. In a good way. Now I’ve got her in my life and in my bed and I don’t want it to be a temporary fling. But it won’t happen if I become Landon’s permanent guardian. So yeah, I’m fucked.” Brandt swallowed a drink of beer. “Ain’t ya glad you asked?”
Ben laughed. “
As the McKay World Turns
, huh?”
“Yeah. I’m just glad all this shit isn’t common knowledge with our McKay relatives, although they can probably put the pieces together now that Luke’s illegitimate love kid has surfaced.”
“You might be freakin’ out over nothin’, Brandt. From what I understand, Samantha changing her mind is the worst case scenario.”
“True. But in my experience? It’s always the worst case scenario that plays out.”
Ben returned with another beer for himself.
“So…got any advice?”
“Nope.” He swigged his beer and then grinned. “That’s not exactly true. I’m more of an observation type guy, so I’ll tell you how I see it. You’re asking yourself what you’d have to sacrifice to keep her. But why wouldn’t she have to sacrifice something in order to be with you? Unless she owns up to a few things, seems you’re back to being a in one-sided situation and she still has all the power.”
Going round and round with this was pointless. Brandt switched gears. “What the fuck happened to Chase in Dallas?”
“You saw him getting tossed into the air and that bull dancin’ the cha-cha on his back?”
Brandt nodded. “If he ain’t still pissing blood after that kidney shot, he’s got my vote for Iron Man of the Year.”
“He’s got my vote for dumbass of the year. Here he’s havin’ the best year of his career and he had a chance to finish in the top fifteen at the world finals. After that last wreck, the sports med doc warned him to drop out. He did, but in his free time while he’s supposed to be healin’ up, Chase has gotten into some…compromising positions with a couple of buckle bunnies. Naturally, their phones had cameras and they caught the whole raunchy performance on video. Which they posted on YouTube. Get this: He’s already got a huge fan club, but since this happened, his PR woman can’t keep up with the media requests for interviews. The women are freakin’ out about seein’ the almighty, bull riding great Chase McKay…buck-assed nekkid.”