“No deal!” Mary informed him. Her mission was clear: drive Pharyngula back to whatever purgatorial realm he hailed from.
Or kill him,
she thought with a shrug.
I'm not picky.
One way or another, he was going back to Hell.
She hurled the SUV at Pharyngula with the force of a catapult. Six tons of solid unibody construction smashed down on the demon, squashing him between the crumpled automobiles. Mary watched with satisfaction as an enormous fireball consumed both cars. The smell of burning gasoline carried the promise of barbecued hellspawn. She punched the air triumphantly.
Holy Moley! That felt great!
“DAMN YOU!” Torn metal shrieked in torment as Pharyngula clawed free of the flaming wreckage. His nauseating coat of babies was charred and smoking. Flames licked at the blackened flesh of the soulless brats. He tottered unsteadily upon his cloven hooves, a broken arm hanging limply at his side. His right eye was completely swollen shut. He spit out a mouthful of broken teeth and slime. “You have no right to deny me my rightful repast. Predator and prey alike, all creatures eat... and I am
starving
!”
Mary had no sympathy for the voracious demon. Launching herself at Pharyngula, she seized the monster’s throat with one hand. All but demolished by her previous attacks, the outmatched demon was in no shape to fight back. “Sorry, devil day care,” she quipped. “You may have a lot of mouths to feed, but you’re not stuffing them with human flesh!”
Her fingers dug into his scaly neck.
Time to stop playing around,
she decided,
and finish this monster off for good.
She drew back her fist, ready to knock the demon’s ugly kisser right off his shoulders. Mystical energy sparked and crackled around her clenched knuckles.
Say good-bye to your head, baby-snatcher.
But before she could deliver the fatal blow, a blazing lightning bolt stabbed down from the heavens, striking both Mary and her defeated foe. A blinding flash of light briefly turned the night into day, and when the dazzling glare faded, no trace remained of either the girl or the demon. Only a smoking pile of rubble marked the site of their final confrontation. Bewildered cops and firefighters cautiously approached the shattered pavement. To their amazement, they found only a heap of blasted steel and concrete.
Mary Marvel—and her inhuman adversary—were gone.
METROPOLIS.
“Help!”
a female voice cried out in the night. “Somebody!”
A second later, a scruffy-looking lowlife darted out of an alley, clutching a designer handbag in one hand and an open switchblade in the other. The eight-inch blade caught a gleam from the streetlight at the comer. The fleeing mugger smirked as he made his getaway.
Not so fast,
Jimmy thought. He stepped out from beneath the shelter of a recessed doorway and directly into the path of the knife-wielding thief. Arms akimbo, he struck a heroic pose, the better to show off his homemade super-hero costume. A blue cowl concealed the upper half of his face. A blue A was emblazoned on the bright red tunic he wore over a navy blue sweater and trousers. A wide yellow sash circled his waist. Red gloves and boots, snazzily trimmed with yellow, completed the outfit. The color scheme echoed Superman’s costume, perhaps a little too closely, but Jimmy didn’t think of it as stealing. More like an homage. He admired his reflection in the window of a closed boutique.
“Oughta watch where you’re going, dirtball,” he warned the mugger, deliberately lowering his voice an octave. “’Cause you never know when”—he paused dramatically—
“Mr. Action
will be on the scene!”
"Mister who?” The mugger halted in his tracks, momentarily taken aback by the unexpected advent of the masked vigilante, but he quickly went on the offensive. “Out of my way, jerkface,” he snarled as he slashed at Jimmy—that was, Mr. Action—with his knife.
I was hoping you’d try something like that,
Jimmy thought. Sure enough, his torso stretched away from the striking blade. An elastic arm wrapped around the thief’s knife hand, trapping it. Thorny spines protruded from Jimmy’s knuckles only seconds before he slugged the flabbergasted mugger in the chin. Super-speed gave the punch enough
oomph
to knock the crook out cold with just one blow. He dropped onto the sidewalk like a sack of potatoes, his useless knife clattering against the cement.
“Hmm,” Jimmy murmured to himself. “Maybe I should’ve drawn it out a bit longer.” Ever since he’d decided to emulate Superman and use his mysterious new powers to combat evil, he had been looking forward to Mr. Action’s big debut. He’d spent hours designing his costume, while trying to come up with the perfect super-heroic alias. Now that he’d finally taken on his first villain, it had been over way too soon. “Definitely gotta work on the banter too.”
An attractive blonde, about Jimmy’s age, emerged from the alley. A sexy off-the-shoulder gold lame minidress and glittery disco belt suggested that she had been taking a shortcut home from a nightclub when the mugger had ambushed her. Although mussed up, she appeared more or less unharmed.
“Here you go, miss.” Jimmy retrieved the stolen handbag and handed it back to the young woman. “Are you all right?” ‘
“I think so.” She stared at the vanquished mugger. Judging from her wide-eyed reaction, Jimmy guessed that she had seen him take down the crook with his powers. “Ohmigod, that was amazing!”
“Er, thanks,” Jimmy replied, not quite sure what to say "next. Superman always made this look so easy. “I’m, um, glad to have—”
Without warning, she threw her arms around his neck and planted a grateful kiss against his lips. The spontaneous embrace caught him completely off guard. Her warm softness pressed against him. The heady odor of her perfume flooded his nostrils. For a few seconds, he forgot about everything except the moist lips smooching his own. He was almost too dumbfounded to kiss her back.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity of bliss, the girl sheepishly pulled away from him. A fetching blush turned her cheeks pink. Jimmy guessed that he was just as red behind his mask. “I don’t know what came over me,” she offered by way of (non)explanation. “You’re just so .. . adorable.” Clutching her rescued handbag, she gave Jimmy a parting smile as she continued her trek home, sticking to the well-lit avenue this time. “Thank you!” “Oh, uh, sure....” Jimmy caught himself using his ordinary civilian voice, but the departing woman didn’t seem to notice. She was a full block away before Jimmy realized that he had never gotten her name. This minor lapse did little to curb his euphoria, however.
Wow,
he thought, the taste of the nameless beauty still lingering on his lips,
this super-hero business is going even better than I dreamed!
Frantic footsteps intruded on his rapture. Spinning around, he spotted the defeated mugger escaping back into the alley.
Drat!
Jimmy thought.
He must have come to while I was distracted.
He threw out his arms, but, now that he was no longer in danger, his limbs stubbornly refused to stretch after the thief. Jimmy pursued the crook, only to discover that his super-speed had evaporated as well. Within moments, the fleet-footed criminal had disappeared into a shadowy maze of back alleys. Huffing and puffing, Jimmy reluctantly abandoned the chase.
The mugger’s escape took some of the luster off Mr. Action’s debut.
Still,
Jimmy reminded himself,
I did get the girl her purse back. Not bad for a first try.
He’d do better next time.
METROPOLIS.
Okay,
Holly thought,
I could get used to this.
She soaked luxuriously in a steaming hot tub, enjoying the Athenian Women’s Shelter’s well-equipped spa. She had the tub to herself, but she was not the only one taking advantage of the sumptuous facilities. Young women, clad only in towels or terry cloth robes, indulged in free massages and herbal treatments, coming and going at will. Holly’s own robe was draped over a nearby bench. Windows of polarized glass let in the sunlight while keeping out prying eyes. Potted plants, marble columns, incense, background music, and ewers of fresh ice water added to the relaxing atmosphere.
It all seemed too good to be true, but Holly had yet to find the catch. Despite her lingering suspicions, she’d been at the shelter for days now, and no one had tried to sell her into white slavery or convert her to some creepy cult. Nor had she spotted any hidden spy-cams streaming video to pervs on the Internet. Granted, statues and shrines to the goddess Athena could be found on every floor of the shelter, but there wasn’t any obvious brainwashing going on. Holly found herself in no hurry to leave such opulent accommodations.
Sure beats camping out in a soggy cardboard box.. ..
“There you are!” A chirpy voice interrupted Holly’s musings. She looked up to see a svelte blonde, about her own age and size, strolling toward the tub. She wore the same belted white tunic, which Holly had learned was called a chiton, that served as standard attire around the shelter. Braided yellow pigtails gave her a slightly comic appearance, as did the goofy smile plastered across her face. Not exactly Holly’s type, but cute enough in her own way. A platter bearing a teapot and porcelain cup was expertly balanced atop the blonde’s head. “I brought you some
gyokuro
Japanese tea.” She knelt down and placed the platter at the edge of the tub. “Hope you’re enjoying yourself, Holly.”
“Oh, totally.” Holly was mildly embarrassed that she didn’t know the other woman’s name. The blonde looked oddly familiar, but there were so many new faces here. By Holly’s estimate, at least three dozen women currently resided in the shelter, all young, physically fit, and apparently unattached. The conspicuous absence of any single mothers or older women had struck Holly as curious, but it had been explained to her that, by Athena’s degree, women with children and senior citizens were beyond the purview of this particular institution. Holly wasn’t sure she entirely approved of that; still, as a newcomer and a guest, she didn’t feel comfortable telling Athena how to run her own shelter.
At least not yet.
“Great!” The blonde poured Holly a cup of tea. Her squeaky voice made her sound like she had OD’d on helium. “This place is a godsend. It saved my life and that of just about every other woman here.” Making herself comfortable, she stretched out beside the tub, the better to converse with Holly. Her rosy-cheeked face shone with the fervor of a true believer. “I tell you, honey, before I got here I was a real mess ... and trust me, that’s the understatement of the year.”
Holly sampled the tea. It tasted sweet and not at all bitter. “Thanks. This is delicious.”
“Athena turned my life around,” the blonde continued. “She taught me to love and respect myself for me, you know?” She let out a theatrical sigh. “I was the kind of girl that always needed a man, even if he was the worst possible example of the species. My last boyfriend was a real
maniac
Holly wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this unsolicited confessional. “Uh, I’m not really here because of..
“Honey, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” the blonde reassured her. “This is a pressure-free zone.” She sat up and slapped her forehead. “Oh gosh, where’s my manners? I didn’t introduce myself.” Smiling, she held out her hand. “I’m Harleen Quinzel.”
Holly did a spit take. The teacup slipped from her fingers, spilling its contents into the tub. Taken aback by the name, Holly didn’t even notice the dark tea infiltrating the swirling water around her.
Harleen Quinzel. . . ?
Harley Quinn!
The Joker’s girlfriend!
Holly had never run into the notorious Harley Quinn before, but Selina had, and she’d had nothing good to say about the Joker’s devoted moll, who was supposed to be just as bonkers as the Clown Prince of Crime himself.
Wow, Harley wasn ’t joking when she said that her ex was a “maniac.” She just left out the “homicidal” part.
Holly scrutinized the blonde’s features, mentally adding a domino mask, jester’s cap, and white clown makeup. She compared the mental portrait to the outlandish face on Harley Quinn’s Wanted posters.
It
could
be the same woman,
she acknowledged,
but what’s she doing here in Metropolis when she should be in Arkham Asylum where she belongs?
©llSIOTaffli 73
Holly’s consternation must have shown on her face because Harley’s sunny expression darkened momentarily. “Don’t look at me like that,” she pouted, withdrawing her hand. “I told you, I’ve changed. I’m a new woman.” She smirked at Holly. “Besides, I’m not the one who spent her entire adult life sucking up to Catwoman.”
Holly gulped.
She knows who I am?
31 AND COUNTING.
THE ROCK OF ETERNITY.
One
minute Mary had been in Gotham City, about to knock that demon’s block off. The next, she found herself... somewhere else.
Rough stone walls enclosed a murky tunnel that appeared to have been carved out of the solid rock surrounding her. The granite floor beneath her boots had been worn smooth by the passage of centuries. Torches sputtered in polished brass sconces. A cool breeze carried a whiff of incense. Compared to the raging thunder and blaring sirens she had just left behind, the hushed stillness of the tunnel came as a shock.
“Where ... ?”
Disoriented by her abrupt shift in location, it took Mary a second to realize where she was.
Holy Moley,
she thought,
it’s the Rock of Eternity!
The mystical sanctuary, which existed outside time and space, had once been the home of the wizard Shazam, before the Spectre slew the venerable mage. Mary had often visited these tunnels before, but, without her powers, she had been unable to reach the Rock after waking up from her coma. It wasn’t exactly the sort of place you could catch a bus or taxi to.
Yet here she was, without even trying. Mary looked around eagerly, hoping to find Freddy or her brother, but she appeared to have the dimly lit passageway all to herself. Even Pharyngula was nowhere to be seen.