Authors: Convergence
"The same way you hear them about the Blending," Tamrissa agreed, the beginnings of suspicion clear behind her nod. "I don't like the sound of that, since High is supposed to be what we're trying for. If Highs don't
do
anything, why do they go to so much trouble gathering us in?"
"Not to simply put us out of the way," Jowi decided after thinking about it for a moment. "If that was all they wanted, they could have had us killed as soon as we were located. Accidents happen all the time, and if some of them had happened to us before we knew we were candidates for High, no one would have thought a thing about it."
"And they do need challengers for their Seated Highs," Tamrissa pointed out. "The law says they have to win against a variety of challengers, otherwise they're automatically ejected from their positions and never allowed to hold them again. That's part of the law that can't be changed, but it's not likely to be all they're after. If it were, saving a few potential Highs to do the challenging would be the only thing necessary."
"So Highs are needed for
something,
but not necessarily the something we had in mind," Jowi said slowly,
then
looked directly at Tamrissa. "If it would do any good, I'd suggest we rethink our plans to participate. I don't like dealing with people who have private objectives in mind, but participating has stopped being our choice. We have to go on with it, but we'll also have to do some serious thinking. Maybe we'll find a way to protect ourselves."
"And still get what we're after,'' Tamrissa said, the words grim
. "
Without the protection of this competition, my parents will come after me again. They'll arrange another marriage like the first, I'll refuse, and shortly thereafter, when they realize they can't change my mind, I'll be dead. That's better than going along with them, but dying isn't my first choice of desired outcomes. I'd rather fight to get a place of my own . . . even if I'm not always sure I can do it. . . ."
Jowi's brows
raised
at that strange combination of feelings, so unusual was it to find the two together. When Tamrissa spoke of refusing her parents, her emotions were steel-hard and twice as determined. But when she mentioned gaining something for herself using her abilities, the doubt and lack of confidence turned her determination to water. At first Jowi couldn't understand how the two fit together, and then the answer became obvious.
"Of course you can do what you want to," Jowi said, doing her best to project utter conviction without actually using her talent. "I'd guess that your biggest problem is having no one on your side, no one to occasionally lean on. Standing alone is very tiring, and when the weariness comes it brings memories of the lies you've been told. Your enemies want you weak and helpless, so they've always insisted that you were nothing else. Most of the time you know better, but when you tire you become afraid that they're right."
"At one point they
were
right," the girl forced herself to say as she leaned back and closed her eyes. "I let them force me into the first marriage, and if I'd really been strong I wouldn't have. If something happens once it can always happen again, even if you decide not to let it."
"I repeat, it only happened because you had no one on your side," Jowi said slowly and clearly, fighting off the waves of defeat coming from the girl without trying to change them artificially. "You now have
me
on your side, which gives you more than a single choice. If we decide we don't like what those people are up to and there's a way to get out in one piece, we'll take it and set up a residence together. With the two of us in it, we'll soon have so much gold we'll have to give it away to keep the banks from breaking under the load."
"That's a lot of gold," Tamrissa said with a laugh that broke her painful mood, but then she reddened. "I really like your idea, but
me
in a residence . . . pretending to be a courtesan
...
I wouldn't have the first idea of what to do. Not to mention never being able to stop blushing. I can't imagine many men wanting a woman who looks as though she's fallen into a vat of red dye."
"You'd be surprised what men want and like," Jowi said with her own laugh. "Most of my former patrons would be delighted with your blush, since it makes you even lovelier than you are. And you can be sure no one like your late husband would be allowed through our doors. I never have trouble telling that sort, and no longer even bother making the effort to keep them from hurting me. I simply refuse them, and spend my time with men who have no sickness in their minds. And speaking of
that
sort, stay away from Eskin Drowd. I knew he was one from the moment we first met."
"I'm not surprised," Tamrissa said, no longer quite as flustered. "He really enjoys hurting people with his words, just the way Gimmis did. But I still can't imagine finding it pleasant to be with a man, so I'm going to try to find a way to make this High practitioner thing work. Maybe no one ever sees them doing things because what they do is secret. What I can't figure out is what that sort of thing would be."
"If their work is secret, there are only two possibilities," Jowi answered, delighted to feel the balance which had returned to Tamrissa. "Either they're working against the enemies of our empire, or they're working against our own people. Nothing else I can think of would require secrecy."
"In what way could they be working against
us?"
Tamrissa asked, looking thoughtful rather than disbelieving. "People would notice interference that
strong,
and there would be rumors and gossip and guesswork flying everywhere. Have
you
ever heard anything like that?"
"No," Jowi admitted with a sigh, forcing down her annoyance over not being able to figure the thing out. "And right now we're the ones flying everywhere, but without solid facts there's nothing else we can do. Let's find another subject to talk about for a while, specifically one
you
can talk about while I finish my chocolate. It's just about all melted between my fingers, and I want to eat it before I lose any."
"Go ahead," Tamrissa invited with a laugh, watching as Jowi did just that. "And if you'd like another piece, just help yourself."
Jowi was tempted to accept the offer, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it. Tamrissa had been more than generous sharing the treasure in the first place, and to take more of it just wouldn't be fair. Maybe another time, after dreaming and remembering for a while. . . .
Tamrissa didn't have a second piece either, but instead replaced the leather box in its hidden niche. After that they shared the tea, rewarmed to the proper temperature by Tamrissa's talent. And they stayed away from important or unpleasant topics, to give themselves a chance to think clearly. Their futures depended on what they would learn or figure out, which made it something they'd be idiots to rush.
Jowi returned to her room to freshen up just before dinner, taking the opportunity to check on the safety of her gold. It was still just where she'd hidden it, but the place under the loose floorboard in the corner of the room no longer looked as safe as it had. That business at the dressmaker's had disturbed her, leaving each of them exactly two silver dins. If they'd used Earth magic there to deplete the applicants' resources, they could just as well come to the house to do the same thing. She would have to find a better place to hide her gold, one that couldn't be found even by someone with Earth magic. And there might be just the place . . .
By the time Jowi went down to dinner, she felt a good deal better. The golden statuette on a wooden pedestal out in the hall had been pure gold rather than simply gilded, and the beautifully carved pedestal had been constructed of lacy lengths and sections joined together to make its pattern. That meant there were empty places inside the pedestal, most especially in the almost-solid portion the statuette stood directly on. Putting her savings in that portion and wedging it in with rags brought the gold of her coins close to the gold of the statuette. If that didn't disguise and protect her cache nothing would, short of depositing it in a bank once they reopened. That was something she'd have to think about, but not right away. She might end up being glad her gold was close to hand . . .
Dinner consisted of small game birds baked in a variety of sauces, vegetables with complementary sauces, bread, cheese, and wine. Jowi took the chair next to Tamrissa's rather than her own, but Beldara Lant sat in her usual place and still pretended to be alone in the world. Her anger and spitefulness hadn't eased in the least, nor did it seem like it would. Apparently Beldara was someone who never changed her mind once she'd made it up, and telling her about the suspicions Jowi and Tamrissa had would have been a waste of breath. Ah well, the girl was too singleminded to have been much help anyway.
After the mostly silent dinner, Jowi proposed that they all use the bath house together. Beldara got up and left the room even before Jowi finished speaking, which made
her
response perfectly clear. For some reason Tamrissa also tried to beg off, but Jowi wasn't in the mood to be alone so she insisted. Tamrissa finally gave in and agreed, and the two of them went for lounging wraps and slippers,
then
walked together to the bath house.
"I still think we should have brought clean clothes rather than wraps," Tamrissa said as they reached the bath house door. "We don't know when the men will be back, and they could find us parading around almost naked.
Which reminds me . . .
"
What the girl had been reminded about was the "occupied" sign, which she found pushed to the wall to the left of the door. She readjusted it to hang directly on the door in plain sight,
then
led the way inside.
"I hope it works better this time than it did the last," she said over her shoulder as Jowi shut the door behind them. "That annoying Valiant Ro walked in on me while I was trying to soak the aftereffects of the test out of my poor, abused body, and refused to wait until I was out of the water and decently clothed again. I could feel him staring at my body until I got it covered, and I've never been so embarrassed in my entire life."
"That was obviously because you're not used to being appreciated when being looked at," Jowi said comfortably, beginning to get out of her clothes. "That makes all the difference, and eventually takes all the embarrassment out of it. How did
he
look without clothes?"
"You don't think I tried to find out?" Tamrissa protested, coloring again the way she had earlier. "I was taught that seeing a man in the altogether is wrong for a girl, unless the man is her husband and wants it that way. Gimmis didn't, which was just about the only good thing in our marriage."
"Are you saying that men are the only ones who should be allowed to choose?" Jowi asked, working to keep the conversation light. "I happen to feel I have just as much right, which I exercised when I walked in on Lorand Coll. He's not only a darling man, he's also beautifully made. And would you believe he felt as embarrassed as you say you did?"
"Yes, I'd believe it," Tamrissa replied, more serious than amused. "He's really nice, and what's more he wants to be here. But what you said . . . about women having as much right to choose as men
...
I never looked at it that way before. Do you really think it's a matter of choice rather than a matter of right and wrong?"
"Right and wrong always depend on where you're standing, ' Jowi said, eager now to be in the water. "Stealing is wrong if you're the one being stolen from, but it's right if your only alternative is to starve to death. Choice is an easier concept to handle, especially if no one else is affected by your choice. That doesn't often happen, but I still believe we're all entitled to live according to what
we
want rather than what others do. If it's proper for men to look, then it's proper for women."
"I think calling it proper makes it easier yet," Tamrissa said, her brows
raised
. "I've always thought it was horribly unfair for some things to be proper for men but improper for women. Like being able to refuse the marriage your parents arrange. It's proper for a man to decide he doesn't like the arrangement, but not for a woman."
"That's what they
want
us to believe, but it isn't so," Jowi said, beginning to enter that marvelous bath. "If you remember that most people have ulterior motives when they tell you you have to do something, you'll find it easier to refuse. And if I happen to fall asleep in here, wake me up when you're ready to leave. I'd hate to come out tomorrow morning looking as shriveled as a prune."
Tamrissa laughed and promised not to leave without waking her, if Jowi would do her the same favor. The two of them took pleasure in the warm water and swimming about a little before choosing corners to soak in, but Jowi's pleasure was slightly dimmed. The poor child's body was scarred in one or two places, giving Jowi some idea of what that marriage had been like. No wonder she was shy about being seen without clothes.