Complete Works of Lewis Carroll (48 page)

The Professor cautiously produced a couple of shillings.

"That'll do it!"
the Gardener shouted, as he hurled the watering-can across the flower-bed, and produced a handful of keys—one large one, and a number of small ones.

"But look here, Professor dear!"
whispered Sylvie.
"He needn't open the door for us, at all.
We can go out with you."

"True, dear child!"
the Professor thankfully replied, as he replaced the coins in his pocket.
"That saves two shillings!"
And he took the children's hands, that they might all go out together when the door was opened.
This, however, did not seem a very likely event, though the Gardener patiently tried all the small keys, over and over again.

At last the Professor ventured on a gentle suggestion.
"Why not try the large one?
I have often observed that a door unlocks much more nicely with its own key."

The very first trial of the large key proved a success: the Gardener opened the door, and held out his hand for the money.

The Professor shook his head.
"You are acting by Rule," he explained, "in opening the door for me.
And now it's open, we are going out by Rule—the Rule of Three."

The Gardener looked puzzled, and let us go out; but, as he locked the door behind us, we heard him singing thoughtfully to himself

    "He thought he saw a Garden-Door
    That opened with a key:
    He looked again, and found it was
    A Double Rule of Three:
    'And all its mystery,' he said,
    'Is clear as day to me!'"

"I shall now return," said the Professor, when we had walked a few yards: "you see, it's impossible to read here, for all my books are in the house."

But the children still kept fast hold of his hands.
"Do come with us!"
Sylvie entreated with tears in her eyes.

"Well, well!"
said the good-natured old man.
"Perhaps I'll come after you, some day soon.
But I must go back now.
You see I left off at a comma, and it's so awkward not knowing how the sentence finishes!
Besides, you've got to go through Dogland first, and I'm always a little nervous about dogs.
But it'll be quite easy to come, as soon as I've completed my new invention—for carrying one's-self, you know.
It wants just a little more working out."

"Won't that be very tiring, to carry yourself?"
Sylvie enquired.

"Well, no, my child.
You see, whatever fatigue one incurs by carrying, one saves by being carried!
Good-bye, dears!
Good-bye, Sir!"
he added to my intense surprise, giving my hand an affectionate squeeze.

"Good-bye, Professor!"
I replied: but my voice sounded strange and far away, and the children took not the slightest notice of our farewell.
Evidently they neither saw me nor heard me, as, with their arms lovingly twined round each other, they marched boldly on.

CHAPTER 13.

A VISIT TO DOGLAND.

"There's a house, away there to the left," said Sylvie, after we had walked what seemed to me about fifty miles.
"Let's go and ask for a night's lodging."

"It looks a very comfable house," Bruno said, as we turned into the road leading up to it.
"I doos hope the Dogs will be kind to us, I is so tired and hungry!"

A Mastiff, dressed in a scarlet collar, and carrying a musket, was pacing up and down, like a sentinel, in front of the entrance.
He started, on catching sight of the children, and came forwards to meet them, keeping his musket pointed straight at Bruno, who stood quite still, though he turned pale and kept tight hold of Sylvie's hand, while the Sentinel walked solemnly round and round them, and looked at them from all points of view.

"Oobooh, hooh boohooyah!"
He growled at last.
"Woobah yahwah oobooh!
Bow wahbah woobooyah?
Bow wow?"
he asked Bruno, severely.

Of course Bruno understood all this, easily enough.
All Fairies understand Doggee—-that is, Dog-language.
But, as you may find it a little difficult, just at first, I had better put it into English for you.
"Humans, I verily believe!
A couple of stray Humans!
What Dog do you belong to?
What do you want?"

"We don't belong to a Dog!"
Bruno began, in Doggee.
("Peoples never belongs to Dogs!"
he whispered to Sylvie.)

But Sylvie hastily checked him, for fear of hurting the Mastiff's feelings.
"Please, we want a little food, and a night's lodging—if there's room in the house," she added timidly.
Sylvie spoke Doggee very prettily: but I think it's almost better, for you, to give the conversation in English.

"The house, indeed!"
growled the Sentinel.
"Have you never seen a
Palace in your life?

Come along with me!
His Majesty must settle what's to be done with you."

They followed him through the entrance-hall, down a long passage, and into a magnificent Saloon, around which were grouped dogs of all sorts and sizes.
Two splendid Blood-hounds were solemnly sitting up, one on each side of the crown-bearer.
Two or three Bull-dogs—-whom I guessed to be the Body-Guard of the King—were waiting in grim silence: in fact the only voices at all plainly audible were those of two little dogs, who had mounted a settee, and were holding a lively discussion that looked very like a quarrel.

"Lords and Ladies in Waiting, and various Court Officials," our guide gruffly remarked, as he led us in.
Of me the Courtiers took no notice whatever: but Sylvie and Bruno were the subject of many inquisitive looks, and many whispered remarks, of which I only distinctly caught one—made by a sly-looking Dachshund to his friend "Bah wooh wahyah hoobah Oobooh, hah bah?"
("She's not such a bad-looking Human, is she?")

Leaving the new arrivals in the centre of the Saloon, the Sentinel advanced to a door, at the further end of it, which bore an inscription, painted on it in Doggee, "Royal Kennel—scratch and Yell."

Before doing this, the Sentinel turned to the children, and said
"Give me your names."

"We'd rather not!"
Bruno exclaimed, pulling' Sylvie away from the door.
"We want them ourselves.
Come back, Sylvie!
Come quick!"

"Nonsense!', said Sylvie very decidedly: and gave their names in Doggee.

Then the Sentinel scratched violently at the door, and gave a yell that made Bruno shiver from head to foot.

"Hooyah wah!"
said a deep voice inside.
(That's Doggee for "Come in!")

"It's the King himself!"
the Mastiff whispered in an awestruck tone.
"Take off your wigs, and lay them humbly at his paws."
(What we should call "at his feet.")

Sylvie was just going to explain, very politely, that really they couldn't perform that ceremony, because their wigs wouldn't come off, when the door of the Royal Kennel opened, and an enormous Newfoundland Dog put his head out.
"Bow wow?"
was his first question.

"When His Majesty speaks to you," the Sentinel hastily whispered to Bruno, "you should prick up your ears!"

Bruno looked doubtfully at Sylvie.
"I'd rather not, please," he said.
"It would hurt."

"It doesn't hurt a bit!"
the Sentinel said with some indignation.
"Look!
It's like this!"
And he pricked up his ears like two railway signals.

Sylvie gently explained matters.
"I'm afraid we ca'n't manage it," she said in a low voice.
"I'm very sorry: but our ears haven't got the right—" she wanted to say "machinery" in Doggee: but she had forgotten the word, and could only think of "steam-engine."

The Sentinel repeated Sylvie's explanation to the King.

"Can't prick up their ears without a steam-engine!"
His Majesty exclaimed.
"They must be curious creatures!
I must have a look at them!"
And he came out of his Kennel, and walked solemnly up to the children.

What was the amazement—nor to say the horror of the whole assembly, when Sylvie actually patted His Majesty on the head, while Bruno seized his long ears and pretended to tie them together under his chin!

The Sentinel groaned aloud: a beautiful Greyhound who appeared to be one of the Ladies in Waiting—fainted away: and all the other Courtiers hastily drew back, and left plenty of room for the huge Newfoundland to spring upon the audacious strangers, and tear them limb from limb.

Only—he didn't.
On the contrary his Majesty actually smiled so far as a Dog can smile—and (the other Dogs couldn't believe their eyes, but it was true, all the same) his Majesty wagged his tail!

"Yah!
Hooh hahwooh!"
(that is "Well!
I never!") was the universal cry.

His Majesty looked round him severely, and gave a slight growl, which produced instant silence.
"Conduct my friends to the banqueting-hall!"
he said, laying such an emphasis on "my friends" that several of the dogs rolled over helplessly on their backs and began to lick Bruno's feet.

A procession was formed, but I only ventured to follow as far as the door of the banqueting-hall, so furious was the uproar of barking dogs within.
So I sat down by the King, who seemed to have gone to sleep, and waited till the children returned to say good-night, when His Majesty got up and shook himself.

"Time for bed!"
he said with a sleepy yawn.
"The attendants will show you your room," he added, aside, to Sylvie and Bruno.
"Bring lights!"
And, with a dignified air, he held out his paw for them to kiss.

But the children were evidently not well practised in Court-manners.
Sylvie simply stroked the great paw: Bruno hugged it: the Master of the
Ceremonies looked shocked.

All this time Dog-waiters, in splendid livery, were running up with lighted candles: but, as fast as they put them upon the table, other waiters ran away with them, so that there never seemed to be one for me, though the Master kept nudging me with his elbow, and repeating" I ca'n't let you sleep here!
You're not in bed, you know!"

I made a great effort, and just succeeded in getting out the words
"I know I'm not.
I'm in an arm-chair."

"Well, forty winks will do you no harm," the Master said, and left me.
I could scarcely hear his words: and no wonder: he was leaning over the
side of a ship, that was miles away from the pier on which I stood.
The ship passed over the horizon and I sank back into the arm-chair.

The next thing I remember is that it was morning: breakfast was just over: Sylvie was lifting Bruno down from a high chair, and saying to a Spaniel, who was regarding them with a most benevolent smile, "Yes, thank you we've had a very nice breakfast.
Haven't we, Bruno?"

There was too many bones in the—Bruno began, but Sylvie frowned at him, and laid her finger on her lips, for, at this moment, the travelers were waited on by a very dignified officer, the Head-Growler, whose duty it was, first to conduct them to the King to bid him farewell and then to escort them to the boundary of Dogland.
The great Newfoundland received them most affably but instead of saying "good-bye he startled the Head-growler into giving three savage growls, by announcing that he would escort them himself.

It is a most unusual proceeding, your Majesty!
the Head-Growler exclaimed, almost choking with vexation at being set aside, for he had put on his best Court-suit, made entirely of cat-skins, for the occasion.

"I shall escort them myself," his Majesty repeated, gently but firmly, laying aside the Royal robes, and changing his crown for a small coronet, "and you may stay at home."

"I are glad!"
Bruno whispered to Sylvie, when they had got well out of hearing.
"He were so welly cross!"
And he not only patted their Royal escort, but even hugged him round the neck in the exuberance of his delight.

His Majesty calmly wagged the Royal tail.
"It's quite a relief," he said, "getting away from that Palace now and then!
Royal Dogs have a dull life of it, I can tell you!
Would you mind" (this to Sylvie, in a low voice, and looking a little shy and embarrassed) "would you mind the trouble of just throwing that stick for me to fetch?"

Sylvie was too much astonished to do anything for a moment: it sounded such a monstrous impossibility that a King should wish to run after a stick.
But Bruno was equal to the occasion, and with a glad shout of "Hi then!
Fetch it, good Doggie!"
he hurled it over a clump of bushes.
The next moment the Monarch of Dogland had bounded over the bushes, and picked up the stick, and came galloping back to the children with it in his mouth.
Bruno took it from him with great decision.
"Beg for it!"
he insisted; and His Majesty begged.
"Paw!"
commanded Sylvie; and His Majesty gave his paw.
In short, the solemn ceremony of escorting the travelers to the boundaries of Dogland became one long uproarious game of play!

"But business is business!"
the Dog-King said at last.
"And I must go back to mine.
I couldn't come any further," he added, consulting a dog-watch, which hung on a chain round his neck, "not even if there were a Cat insight!"

They took an affectionate farewell of His Majesty, and trudged on.

"That were a dear dog!"
Bruno exclaimed.
"Has we to go far, Sylvie?
I's tired!"

"Not much further, darling!"
Sylvie gently replied.
"Do you see that shining, just beyond those trees?
I'm almost sure it's the gate of Fairyland!
I know it's all golden—Father told me so and so bright, so bright!"
she went on dreamily.