Read Come What May (Heartbeat) Online
Authors: Faith Sullivan
“Ooooo girl, I don’t know how you can stand working around that fine specimen of a man all day. I wanted to jump him right there in the chair.” Simone sighs dramatically. “If it wasn’t for Kevin, I’d be all over that.”
“And you certainly let him know. God, Simone. Did you have to feel him up like that?” I kick off my gladiator sandals and tuck my legs underneath me on the couch.
“Ha, ha. You’re just jealous I got to touch his hair and you didn’t.” She plops down beside me. “Jada, seriously. I tried. But he didn’t want his hair washed. And stupid me didn’t have a back-up plan. Damn, I hate when guys tell me no. It screws everything up.”
“Who says I’ve never touched his hair?” I watch as her mouth drops open.
“What?” She scoots closer on the couch, taking my hands in hers. “Tell me everything. I want to know every last detail. Is he a good kisser? Man, I bet he is.”
“I wish, but it was nothing like that. It was a hot day, and I pulled his hair back for him.” I blush, remembering the fleeting moment of intimacy between us, but he obviously didn’t feel a thing. He played it off like it was no big deal.
“But you took the initiative? Why didn’t he do it himself?” Simone’s all ears as she squeezes my fingers in anticipation.
“Something came over me. I can’t explain it. He was telling me about how his ex-girlfriend used to play with his hair, and then I couldn’t resist playing with it myself.” A small smile creeps across my face. “Isn’t his hair so soft?”
“Oh God, Jada. I couldn’t concentrate it felt so good.” Simone closes her eyes and sighs. “Can you imagine coming home to that every night? No wonder his bedroom has a revolving door. Why do all the hot ones have to be such assholes?”
“Kevin’s not.” I gauge her reaction as her excitement falters. “Oh no, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. But he’s no Adam.” She gives me a half-hearted grin. “I think I’m just getting bored. Our sex life has gotten…how can I put it? Repetitive?”
“What do you mean?” Things seemed so hot and heavy between the two of them. I never would’ve guessed he was such a dud in the sack.
“He does the same thing every single time. It’s like sex by numbers. He kisses my neck. He sucks on my nipples.” I hold up a hand to stop the overflow of information, but she keeps going. “And then three minutes later, we’re done and he starts playing video games. No cuddling. No talking. It’s like a routine or something. Half the time, I don’t even get off. I just pretend to.”
“Then why don’t you dump him? Life’s too short, Simone.” I shake my head but her chin tilts up to challenge me.
“You should talk. You’re the one who’s still stringing Jason along. Why don’t you finally end things with him already?” I don’t blame her for being exasperated with me. Jason’s coming over, and he’ll be here any minute. Maybe I should listen to Simone. Break up with him and be done with it. But in the back of my mind, it’s the last excuse I’m using for why Adam isn’t making a move on me—because I have a boyfriend. Jason’s my shield against rejection. I think I would curl up into a ball and die if Adam knew I was single and did nothing about it.
“It’s more complicated than that.” She knows I’m lying to her as she exhales in frustration. The doorbell rings before she has a chance to respond.
“Oh great, it’s Prince Charming. I’m going up to my room.” Simone hops off the couch, but I latch onto her arm before she can run away. She looks at me puzzled.
“Simone, I will if you will.” My eyes bore into hers. It’s now or never. Do or die.
“Deal.” She shakes my hand with gusto. “I’m calling Kevin right now. We are so over.” Giggling, she jogs up the steps as the doorbell rings insistently. Jason is getting pissed at having to wait outside. Good. It’s only fueling my determination. Simone thinks she has problems? Jason and I haven’t slept together in months.
Yanking open the door, I find him with his shoulder propped against the frame. He looks annoyed. Instead of greeting me with a kiss, he waltzes into the apartment like he owns the joint. “It’s hot as hell out there. Were you ever going to let me in?” His sarcasm is grating. What did I ever see in him?
But I guess a lot of girls get stuck on the guy they gave their virginity to. Like there’s some special bond connecting the two of you when really there’s not. Girls are foolishly sentimental like that. Jason was my first, but my no means is he going to be my last. I haven’t felt that way about him for a long time now. I was just deluding myself, thinking that we could rekindle what we once had.
“You got anything to drink?” He continues to prattle on even though I haven’t said anything. He doesn’t even notice. He just expects me to be at his beck and call the moment he walks through the door.
The football jersey he’s wearing is plastered to his skin and there are sweat stains under the arms. His face is fuller. It seems like he put on some weight or something. He’s not looking to win me over. He already has me. So why not let himself go?
He hustles into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door. “Jada, don’t you have any beer? All that’s in here is juice and shit.” What, he needs to have a buzz in order to be around me? Great, just great.
Still ignoring my silence, he pops open a can and proceeds into the living room. He sprawls onto the couch, spreading his legs far apart while leaning back against the headrest. He stretches out even more, and there’s nowhere for me to sit. That’s when I lose it.
“Get out.” My voice is deadly calm, but inside my temper is flaring, ready to explode.
“What did you just say to me?” Now his alpha male side shines through. It only comes out when provoked.
“Whatever this is between us…it’s over, Jason.” Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I stare him down.
Slamming the can onto the coffee table, he gets to his feet. “So that’s what you think? That you’re the one calling the shots, huh?” He gets right in my face, but I don’t blink. He’s full of shit.
“It’s about time somebody did.” He glares at me, but I hold my ground. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand the sight of him. His stocky build. His hairy arms. His little stud earring.
“I was there for you after all that went down with Gloria, and you’re going to throw me away, just like that?” He didn’t have to go there, but he did. He’s taking cheap shots at my expense. But I refuse to dignify his insults with a response. He really doesn’t love me any more if he would sink that low.
“Like I said, get out.” I open the door and stand back, waiting for him to leave.
“Jada, you’re one crazy bitch, you know that? I didn’t cheat on you…not once when I went away to school. All the guys on my floor thought I was nuts staying faithful to the girl I was with in high school. And you know what?” He gives me a withering look as he strolls by me. “I guess I was.”
“You didn’t do me any favors, Jason. Because if you had, you would’ve given me the excuse I needed to kick your ass to the curb a long time ago.” His nostrils flare as he halts with one foot over the threshold. Because standing in the doorway is Adam.
Jason chuckles bitterly under his breath. “So this is the guy you’re leaving me for. Huh, Jada?” Adam tenses but doesn’t get out of his way. “This white lanky piece of shit?”
I see Adam clench his fist and start to draw back his arm. But I can’t let him fight Jason. His ribs aren’t even fully healed. Slipping past Jason, I place my hands on Adam’s chest gently pushing him away. Looking up, I silently plead with him to back down. I’ll take care of this.
“Get the fuck out of here, Jason. Now.” Turning around, I see the pain behind the anger in Jason’s eyes. Why he remained faithful to me at college, I have no idea, but he did. For him, there was still something there. I really don’t want to hurt him, but he left me with no other choice.
Spitting onto the sidewalk, he gaze is full of venom. “Don’t even think about calling me. It’s over.” Storming down the path, he doesn’t look back. Once he’s in his car, he peals out of the driveway, leaving tire marks on the road.
Adam’s quiet for a moment, and I notice he’s carrying a bag in his left hand. Trying to ease back into a normal conversation, I motion with my foot. “What’s that?” I’m beyond mortified that he thinks I told Jason that he’s my boyfriend. I don’t even want to bring it up. Let’s pretend it was never said.
“Simone’s instructor wouldn’t let me leave her a tip for cutting my hair. She said it was against the rules or something. And I owed Stacy a major apology for screwing up at Wal-Mart, so I bought all of the chocolate chip cookies the Cub Scouts were selling today outside the Presbyterian church.” The bag is enormous, and it looks like it’s pretty heavy. I don’t have the heart to tell him that Simone’s on a diet.
“Was Wesley there?” Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. Why did I say that? I sound like a complete bitch insinuating things when he’s trying to do the right thing.
“Yeah, he was. And so was his mom. It felt good clearing the air. And they both said to tell you hello.” My awkwardness is apparent, but he’s giving me a free pass. I don’t mean to be so hard on him. I’m still frazzled after Jason’s outburst, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on Adam.
“You wanna come in and give them to Simone yourself?” Then my stomach drops. What if he’s into her? What if that’s the real reason why he’s here? He was flirting with her this morning. And Simone’s on the phone right now breaking up with her boyfriend. Can she resist Adam out of loyalty to me if he’s already pursuing her? If that’s the case, I hope the ground swallows me whole.
“Nah, that’s okay. I gotta go, but I’m glad I caught you.” The corners of his mouth turn up. “Any time you need a pretend boyfriend, I’m your guy.” My knees buckle, but somehow I remain upright. He looks so good standing there—white t-shirt, ripped faded jeans, his hair all tousled. But he’s not mine, not for real. Nor does he want to be.
An indefinable ache wrings my heart. So this is what unrequited love feels like? The tease without the fulfillment. The banter without the sincerity. The longing without the payoff. I fooled myself into thinking I was strong enough to handle this, but I’m not.
Unbidden, a tear falls down my cheek. My breath catches in my throat as Adam wipes it away with his thumb. “Don’t cry, Jada. That jerk isn’t worth it. You’ll find someone better. I know you will.” His gaze lingers on mine, and I want nothing more than to collapse into his arms. Taking advantage of the situation, I step off the precipice as my hands circle his waist and I nestle my head against his chest. My pulse skyrockets when I feel his arms come around me as he tenderly strokes my hair. I inhale his scent, the very essence of him, as I close my eyes and indulge in his embrace.
He thinks he’s comforting a friend after a bad breakup. Little does he know—he’s the one who’s breaking my heart.
Jada’s awfully quiet today. It’s not like her. But that prick sure did a number on her. Some guys just can’t handle rejection.
Sure, when my girlfriend in California dumped me I didn’t take it very well. Hell, I moved across the country. But I didn’t stand on her front porch and berate her—even if I wanted to. Because deep down I was still in love with her, and I’d never choose to deliberately hurt her. No matter how much she put me through, I couldn’t do that to her. I’m not one to scream obscenities or pick a fight with the guy she was seeing behind my back. It’s not who I am.
The rain gathers on the windshield, obscuring our vision, but there’s no point in keeping the wipers running while we’re parked. Our breath starts to fog up the glass. From the outside, I bet it looks like we’re having a steamy make out session in here. I try not to stare at Jada’s chest as her breasts strain against the black fabric of her uniform. She usually tries to cover up her curves by wearing a jacket or untucking her top a bit so that it fits a little looser. But today, it’s tight against her like a second skin. I’ve been trying to keep my eyes to myself all day, but I’m failing miserably. I never thought having a female partner would be so distracting.
“Did I ever tell you about the guy who tried to pick me up at a car wash?” Her voice directs my gaze back up to her face, but she’s fully aware of what captured my attention. I still can’t figure out if she likes it or if it annoys her. She doesn’t give me many clues. Do I turn her on or creep her out?
“No, I don’t think we covered that territory yet.” It’s amazing how much we know about each other now. Sitting hours on end, we’ve exhausted nearly every topic of conversation. I know all her likes—coffee ice cream, the Dallas Cowboys, Justin Timberlake—and all of her dislikes—early mornings, tuna fish, reality TV. I’ve heard about practically every member of her family down to her second cousins. She’s seen me at my worst—sick as a dog, in a bad mood, hungover. There’s nothing I really hide from her any more, except one thing. One major thing.
“It was a few days before the end of junior year, and I was flying high. I had on these really cute capris. It was like seventy degrees. A perfect spring day—the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky. I thought I was hot shit. I was feeling good about myself and about where my life was going with nothing but a whole summer of freedom ahead of me.” She’s laying it on thick. She knows I enjoy a good story. “I go back to the change machine, and there’s this guy from my church standing there. He’s super quiet. I don’t think he ever said two words to me before. But he’s on the small side, definitely under 5’8” so I thought it was a lack of confidence or something.”
I can’t help but laugh to myself. At least my height isn’t an issue for her. She seems to prefer taller guys. Well, let’s see where this is going.
“I said hello and something about the weather before I headed back to my car. In the middle of washing it, he taps me on the shoulder. I’m not expecting it and the hose swings around and hits me in the face. The roar of the water is drowning out whatever it is he’s trying to say so I shut it off. My car is covered in suds and the clock is ticking.”
Envisioning this scenario, I start to feel sorry for the poor guy. There’s no way this is going to end well for him. Anyone who stands in Jada’s way when she’s on a mission is going to get mowed down. It’s inevitable.
“I turned around and said, ‘What?’ all bitchy and in his face. He pushes the hose away and asks, ‘Do you want to go out with me sometime?’ I’m floored because never in a million years did I see it coming. I didn’t even think he was into girls. But his mother is friends with my mother so I couldn’t just blow him off.”
“So what did you say?” I’m curious to find out, but I keep my interest level low key. Rubbing my forehead, I pretend I have a headache. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her glaring at me for my lackluster enthusiasm.
“I said, ‘I’m kind of in between right now.’” She raises her hands in an exasperated gesture.
“What does that even mean?” She’s so adorably crazy sometimes.
“That’s the thing. I don’t even know. I was trying not to hurt his feelings. So I wanted to make it seem like I just got out of relationship and was starting a new one with someone else. Does that make sense?” She grimaces before shrugging her shoulders.
“No.” My voice is flat, but deep down I’m this close to laughing.
“Ugh, I was hoping you wouldn’t say that. Anyway, the timer beeps and I’m out of water. But I was so embarrassed that I just wanted to get out of there. So I said something lame like, ‘Try me again sometime.’ But he just kept standing there with this dopey look on his face, and I wanted to slap him for making me run out of water. You know me and my temper, so I hopped back in the soap-covered car and floored it.” She indicates the car’s momentum with a sweep of her arm, hitting me in the chest as she leans forward.
“How did you get the suds off?” I can’t help but ask.
“I went to another car wash.” She says it like it’s no big deal, and that’s when I lose it. Pretty soon, my laughter fills the cab. For a second, she looks pissed. But it’s not long before she’s laughing too.
“Okay, spill. What’s one of your most awkward ‘ask out’ moments? Knowing you there must be too many to count.” She dodges out of the way as I playfully attempt to poke her in the ribs.
“Ha, ha.” Stretching my back, I sit up and wipe some of the condensation off my window. It’s cozy in here telling each other stupid stories. It’s been a while since I felt so open around a girl. I don’t care if she thinks I’m an idiot. She’s able to help me laugh at myself. And that is such a rare quality lately when it comes to the women in my life. None of them really care about getting to know me, but then again maybe I don’t want them to.
“All right, since you insist. There were these two girls back in high school, and one of them had a crush on my friend, Sam. There was a dance coming up, and they found me alone in the library during a study period. They must have psyched themselves up to talk to me because the minute they walked in they jumped all over me.” Inside, I cringe a little at the memory of feeling like an animal caught in a trap.
“They double-teamed you, huh?” The smirk on Jada’s face speaks volumes. How come girls always know these things? Is there a playbook they all follow?
“But what was weird was that the girl who was interested in Sam didn’t say anything. She let her friend do all of the talking and fall on her face. She was asking me if I liked a certain restaurant and when I said yes, she started rambling about how much she liked their soup. I had no clue what the hell was going on.” I run a hand through my hair and it feels plastered to my skull. It’s still not dry from when we got drenched on a previous call.
“Ah, it sounds like she was nervous. I hope you cut her some slack.” Jada’s eyes fixate on my hair for a minute, and I groan inwardly. It must look really bad.
“How could I when I was totally confused? In the next breath, she’s asking if Sam and I would like to take them to the dance. It was all so random. Not to mention, it was only first period and I wasn’t even awake yet.” Crinkling my brow, I look quickly in the rearview mirror at my reflection. Yep, wet spikes of hair are sticking out at different angles.
“So did you say yes?” She scoots toward me and begins patting down the flyaway pieces. Having her this tantalizingly close is like torture.
“No, Sam had a girlfriend and that’s what I told them. I wasn’t interested in leading them on.” I swat her hand away. Shaking my head like a dog after a bath, I douse her with the water droplets that fly off the ends of my hair.
“Are you telling me you don’t play games? You’re always up front when it comes to girls?” She arches her eyebrow. She’s caught me in a lie, but it’s one I’m not ready to admit.
“Absolutely, one hundred percent.” I stare her down and she looks away first. I’m a jerk for manipulating her emotions like this. I want to scream from the rooftops how much I’m into her, but I can’t. We’re two professionals on the job. And I’m determined not to let my feelings get in the way of that. Lives can be lost if we screw up our working relationship. We have to be able to depend on each other at all times. If some personal drama messes up our concentration, an innocent person can get hurt. I can’t let that happen. I won’t let that happen.
“Unit 365, we have a possible drowning in a pond off Route 5. Please respond.” The volume of the comm is turned all the way up. The dire nature of the call echoes through the ambulance. And the reasons for why I’m holding back are confirmed.
The consequences of getting involved with Jada are too risky. We’re better off as friends no matter how much I’m attracted to her. I have to stop sending mixed signals. We’re partners—that’s all we can ever be.