Color Me Blind (A Divine Love Story Book 1) (26 page)

There it was again, that word, fear.  He remembered Jasmine’s dream and Nurse Ashley’s warning.  Could that be it?  Was she warning them of their fear all along?

“Do you really think she’s in love with me?” 

Damon just shook his head
in exasperation. 

“Okay
, let me ask you this. Do you think she is attracted to me because Jasmine has always been adamant about her non-attraction to white men? I’ve never flat out ruled out dating black women, I just don’t do it.”

Damon put down his beer.

“Look man, if she’s in love with you then she’s attracted to you.  I’m no
t the one you should be asking.  You should be asking her all of this.” 

“I know man but she’s so
annoyed with me right now I keep thinking it’s just going to blow up in my face.” 

“Man you know Jasmine better
than anyone else in this world.  If you can’t figure out how to get through to her then it simply can’t be done.”

Blake
changed the subject.  He was sick of thinking about it. 

“So how are you doing?” 

Damon responded, “I’m dealing man, though I have been doing some strange things lately.” 

Interest piqued, Blake asked, “Like what?” 

“Like I slept with Carmen.” 

Blak
e spit out his beer.

“You what?  When?” 

“The night Ahmed died.  It was crazy man.” 

Blake simply stared waiting for an explanation.

“
We were the last to go to bed that night, or should I say that morning.  After I went to my room she knocked on my door about five minutes later.” 

“Just like that, she jus
t came and offered it on a platter?” 

Damon
laughed, “No fool.  She just said she wasn’t ready to be alone. Lucy wasn’t there and you and Jasmine had your own issues to contend with that night.” 

Blake nodded, “So how did it happen?” 

“It was pretty innocent we were just lying in my bed and she asked me to hold her.  Being the gentlemen that I am you know I wrapped her in these big strong arms for safekeeping.” 

Blake snorted, “You’re an idiot.” 

Damon smiled, “You know Carmen, she’s all hard and stuff.  She won’t cry under any circumstances but that night I saw a different side of her.  She was all soft and feminine instead of her usual ball busting self.” 

Blake laughed. 

He continued, “So you know I’m wiping her tears and comforting her and what not then she kissed me.” 

“Whaaaattttt?” 

“I know right!  At first I pulled away and was like, girl, stop, what you doing?  She said being comforted by a friend.  You know me Blake, I was like bet dat up. Carmen is sexy as hell.” 

Blake nodded
, “Yeah she is sexy. I think it’s the hair.” 

Damon nodded,
“Nol, it’s not like that dude. The terrifying part is I’m really feeling Ms. Carmen.  Truth be told we’ve been sneaking around every night since then.” 

“Wow.  So if you’re feeling her why are you guys sneaking around?”
 

“
Man it’s too much going on in the house right now for us to add in our mess to the mix.  You and Jasmine are at war so everyone else has to be Switzerland and not add to the drama.”

Blake laughed,
“Okay now you know I have to get all big brother on you because I really care about Carmen and Lucy.” 

“Don’t even go there
man I would never hurt her like that.  Besides I’m not even fooled up with anybody right now. I’ve been chillin’ for the last couple of months.  Trust me when I say, Ms. Carmen done put something on ya boy.  She’s definitely got my undivided attention.” 

Blake shook his hea
d, “You’re whipped after a week. Man come on, that’s just sad.” 

“Hold up playa
, at least I got some before I was whipped.  Jazzy got your nose wide open and you ain’t even kissed her yet.” 

Blake laughed, “
True.  I am so gone over Jaz man I’m bout to go insane.” 

“So bite the bullet man,
tell her.” 

“You’re right.  I’ll
talk to her tonight about going away.  I’ll make plans.” 

“That’s my boy.” 

They clinked bottles.

∞∞∞

Jasmine was sitting in the front yard in their gazebo.  She was enjoying the balmy breeze trying to sort through everything in her life, a life that no longer made any sense.  The fact that she knew Ahmed was okay was giving her peace but she missed him so much.  She didn’t know if it would ever not hurt.  She put her feet up on the wooden bench, leaned her head back and closed her eyes.  She could sense the light around her go dark. A familiar scent wafted near her nose.

She felt the wood give way under his body weight as he sat.

Without opening her eyes she said, “Hi Derrick.”

“Hi Jasmine.”

“Thanks for coming to the funeral.”

“No
problem.  Ahmed was cool people.  He wasn’t the one in the house I didn’t like.”

Jasmine opened her eyes only to roll them as she stared at him.

“Derrick, please don’t go there.”

“You’re right I didn’t come for all of that.  Seeing you today made me realize how much I
’ve missed you.  I know we had a lot of issues to work through, but you’re obviously not with Blake so maybe I was wrong about you two.”

She wanted to crawl under the gazebo and bury herself.

“Derrick, you weren’t wrong about me and Blake.  I have very strong feelings for him but I doubt I’ll ever do anything about them because I don’t want to lose my friend.  Relationships are messy and full of the unexpected.  I can’t risk losing him the way I lost you.  With that being said I know it’s not wise for me to be with anyone right now as long as I have these unresolved feelings for Blake.  I’m sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.”

“I knew it was a long shot but thanks for being honest about it.  When did you realize your feelings for him?  Never mind
. I don’t really wanna know.”

Jasmine reached for his hand.

“From the bottom of my heart I truly apologize for any pain or embarrassment I caused you.  I honestly didn’t know what I really felt for Blake until it was too late.  I would have never willingly led you down that path.”

“
It’s water under the bridge now.  There is nothing to do but move on.  I will say this though, you’ve never been afraid of anything.  That’s one of the things I loved most about you.  Don’t start now. It’s not the Jasmine everyone knows and loves.”

It hit
her hard, Nurse Ashley’s words. She realized now they had been a warning.  She also thought about when Blake said that God was trying to get both of their attention. Could this be God getting them to finally realize what was between them?  If that was the case, why was this union divinely ordered?

Jasmine leaned in to hug Derrick.

“Thank you so much.  I wish you nothing but the best in life. You deserve it and you deserve a woman who can be totally devoted to you.  I was so wrong.  I am so sorry.”

“You’re forgiven.”
 

Derrick indulged himself one last gentle kiss.  She smiled as he stood up to leave.
               

“Take care of yourself Jasmine.”

“You too Derrick.”

Everyone had gone home.  T
he house was all cleaned up.  Ahmed’s parents had been taken to the airport.  They were trying to find their new normal.  Carmen, Lucy and Jasmine were in Jasmine’s room hanging out.  They were in their pajamas and eating huge bowls of ice cream on Jasmine’s bed. 

Carmen said, “Anybody
want to hear something that’s totally gonna take our minds off Ahmed?” 

They both raised their hands.  Carmen had been dying to tell them about her and
Damon. 

“I slept with
Damon, and more than once.” 

Jasmine choked on her ice cream and Lucy screamed. 

Lucy said, “Okay, start from the beginning right now!” 

Carmen
grinned. 

“Ok
ay so the night Ahmed died I was feeling really vulnerable.  I didn’t want to be alone.  Luce, you were gone and Jasmine you had your hands full with your own stuff so I went to Damon.  I told him I didn’t want to be alone.” 

Jasmine said, “You slut!  You just went in there and offered him the goodies like that?” 

Carmen and Lucy laughed. 

“No I didn’t.  I asked him to hold me
then I broke down and cried.”  They just stared at her. “I know. I know I never cry but you know I adored Ahmed. We all did.  It was just so random and unexpected.  I just couldn’t deal.” 

“So then what happened,” Lucy asked. 

“So I’m lying there with him and he has these huge arms that made me feel so safe.  You know Damon is a very nice looking young man.  My goodness, the man smelled delicious.” 

Jasmine
smirked, “He sure is. I think it’s the green eyes against his skin tone, but I reiterate, you slut!” 

Lucy
laughed, “Well I ain’t mad at you.  Who made the first move?” 

Carmen
sheepishly confessed, “I did.  He tried to do the noble thing and back off but I wasn’t having it.” 

“So you guys have just been
humping like bunnies for a week,” Jasmine asked. 

“Pretty much.” 

Lucy gave her a high five. 

Jasmine
said, “Please do not encourage her.  So Carmen, are you two just being nasty or do you guys really like each other?” 

“Well to be
honest I really am feeling him.  I think it could be something, but you guys know Damon. He’s a ho.  He is not the settling kind.” 

“Yeah he’s been that way since we were in high school.  I refuse to believe t
hat he would play you like that though he loves you.” 

“
As a friend,” Carmen protested. 

Lucy chimed in, “I have to agree with Jasmine on that
. Damon wouldn’t use you like that.  He hasn’t really been dating that much lately.  On to more important things, how was it?” 

Jasmine laughed and said, “I’m with Lucy
. Spill it!” 

Carmen blushed, “I think I’m sprung.” 

They all fell out laughing. 

Lucy said, “While you’re playing Jasmine you need to start bouncing like bunnies with
Blake.  You guys are so overdue. That’s why you’re being so mean to each other.” 

Carmen laughed, “
Jasmine I will give you 100 bucks right now if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want Blake.” 

Jasmine didn’t have to answer because there was a knock at the door.
 

Jasmine
gratefully said, “Come in.” 

Blake walked in and took her breath away.  God
, what was she going to do about this thing she had for him? 

Lucy said, “
Speak of the devil.” 

He smiled and Jasmine thought she would melt. 

“Ladies, I need to talk to Jasmine alone.  It’s kind of important.” 

Carmen smirked and looked to Jasmine for her answer. 
She was working through her fear but she was still mad at him.

“I’m busy Blake.”

Lucy
said, “No, actually you’re not because we were just leaving. Weren’t we Carmen?” 

Carmen mischievously
replied, “Of course. Your timing could not have been more perfect.” 

Jasmine rolled her eyes at
Lucy as they began to gather all of their ice cream bowls. 

“Good night Jasmine
.” 

Blake decided that the weekend was too long to
wait. He’d gone out to look for her when he saw Derrick kiss her.  The jealously that hit him was dangerous.  He wasn’t about to waste any more time.  He would do this right here and right now.  She was about to officially be off the market.

He was sick of her attitude
.  He knew just how to play his hand.  Damon was right. He knew her better than anyone.  He was the only one who could put a stop to this nonsense.  This space between them was going to end now.  He was putting his foot down.  He’d let her dictate this game between them for too long.

Blake closed the door behind them. 

Jasmine climbed off her bed and headed towards him.

“Blake
, you need to leave. I don’t want to talk to you about anything.” 

She tried to maneuver around him and open the door.  He gently
but firmly grabbed her by her arms and shifted their positions.  He had her up against her bedroom door trapped with his body.  He felt her tremble but he didn’t know if it was anger or fear. 

He
backed away slightly because he didn’t want his body to betray his intentions before his mouth could tell her the truth.  She stared up at him wanting to fight it with everything in her.  It really was pointless.  She was hopelessly head over heels in love with this man.

“Jasmine
, if I hit women you would be the first one I’d deck.  Why do you have to be so stubborn?” 

The fear
of losing him rose up again.  She turned her head to break the eye contact. 

He gently shifted he
r face back to his.

“Look at m
e Jasmine.” 

She didn’t respond.

“Look at me.” 

She made eye contact. 

He said,
“I’m sorry about everything.  I’m sorry about what I said.  I’m so sorry about hurting you.  Jaz, this isn’t us.  I’m not happy about the way I’ve been behaving.  I
know
you’re not happy with your behavior either.  I miss you. I miss us.  I
need
you back in my life.” 

Stubbornly she
said, “So just like that forget everything that happened and go back to being best friends.” 

“Well no not exactly.  First you need to apologize.” 

She gave him a nasty glare. 

“Jasmine
you’re starting to tick me off. If I can come in here and swallow my pride then you can definitely suck it up and show some kind of contrition.  I mean you’re the one who started this wedge between us in the first place.” 

She squirmed.  She
wanted some breathing room.  He had her trapped but she knew he wasn’t going to back off until she confessed it all.  What angered her the most is she knew he knew he just wanted her to say it. 

She said, “Blake
, can you please back up some, you’re…” 

“
I’m what? Suffocating you?  Well that’s too bad Jasmine because you’re
hurting
me. So let’s just get to the bottom of what’s going on.
Then
I’ll back up but not before.” 

She wanted to scream. 

Irritated he asked, “Why can’t you just apologize? I know you didn’t mean it so what’s the big deal?” 

She felt her resistance slipping.
She knew fear was a trick of the enemy.  She had to put it behind her.

“
If I say I’m sorry then I have to tell you why.  I don’t think I can do that.” 

He relaxed.  She
was beginning to cave. 

“Jaz talk to me.
What is going on with you?” 

How
could she tell him? 

“I think you already know.” 

His voice was almost a desperate whisper when he said, “I need to hear you say it.” 

“Why don’t you say it?” 

“Because you’re the one who started this little war and this is how you’re going to wave your white flag,” Blake said. 

She rolled
her eyes and took a deep breath. It was so lawyerly of him to punish her on a technicality.  She stared up into his dark blue eyes.

N
ervously she admitted, “I think maybe…lately…well I’ve realized that I might be…okay it’s like this, I think I’m falling in lo…” 

She didn’t finish her haphazard confession because his lips were on hers.
  The kiss caught her off guard.  She didn’t have a chance to brace herself for it.  His soft mouth so perfectly fit onto hers.  She reached up and fisted her hands in his hair. 

Blake wrapped his arms around her so tight.  The punch he felt in his gut was incredible the moment his lips touched hers.
  Everything about his world steadied and was starting to make sense again.  Her lips were soft, warm and inviting.  The fact that she was no longer pushing him away but pulling him into her gave his heart a peace it hadn’t had in a long time.  Reluctantly he pulled away. He needed to see her beautiful face to know it was real.

She buried her face in his chest. 

“Blake, I am so sorry for everything.  Please forgive me for being so mean and stubborn.  I was afraid of what I felt for you the only way I could think to deal was to push you away.  I wasn’t entirely sure what to do about it.  All I could think is that if it didn’t work I would lose you forever.  That I could not handle.  When I put that look on your face the morning we fought I was so ashamed but my temper was working overtime.  Everything happened so fast.  There was safety in my anger.  I’m so sorry I pushed you away.  I will
never
do that again.  I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Blake.  The night Ahmed died was so unbelievably painful.  Then I realized too late what I had done by continuing to push you away.  I’m sorry.” 

It meant the world to him that
she wished she could take that one moment back. 

“I gave ou
t some pretty hard blows myself,” he said. 

“Let’s never fight again.” 

He smiled, “I am definitely on board with that idea.  It took 25 years for us to have our first fight. I think we can make it another 25 without incident.”  Blake caressed her face.  “Jaz, I’ve been in love with you since we were nine.  I’ve just been blinded by my own prejudices because I didn’t understand that it was okay to look for love with you.” 

“
When I realized the same thing it made me sick.  So what do we do now?” 

He grabbed her face with
both hands. 

“I’ve waited a
long time to do this, so let me do it right this time.” 

He gently placed his lips
on hers again and kissed her with such exquisite tenderness it made her want to cry.  They explored each other through their kiss for a long while.  When the kiss was broken she was shocked to see unshed tears in his eyes.

He put his forehead on he
rs, “Jasmine I love you so much.  I don’t want to be just your friend anymore.  I want you as my friend, my lover and my future.” 

She couldn’t hide her shock.  Her
mouth fell open.  He chuckled. 

“You’re so adorable.”  He kissed her all over her face. 
“Jasmine, I love you more than I ever thought I could love another human being. My love for you runs very deep.  It’s rooted and grounded in this friendship.  It’s more important to me than anything else.  It was always untainted and innocent.  I never thought for a moment about you in a sexual way, not once. You were just one of my boys, with excellent tits.”

She laughed. 

“But that night of your anniversary dinner it’s like once those curls were gone I could see your face so clearly.  It was the most beautiful face I had ever seen.  That dress made you look like a woman for the first time not just my friend who was always in my baggy clothes.  I’ve seen you dressed up before but not like that.  Then those lips of yours, I literally couldn’t think.  For the first time ever my body reacted to yours.  It traumatized the heck out of me.  All I could think to do was run.” 

She laughed.

He pinched her nose, “Oh so that’s funny?”

She laughed again, “Heck yeah it’s funny because I didn’t know what was wrong with you.” 

“I can’t tell you how relieved I was when you came to me that night because it meant that you weren’t with Derrick.  The thought of you with him made me insane with jealousy.  I have done everything in my power to go back to the way it was before that night, but I can’t.  I notice everything you do.  Whenever you touch me you’re doing things to me that’s not supposed to come from you.  I find myself doubting my abilities to please a woman for the first time ever.  I’m stressing because you being a black woman never mattered before.  Now I’m nervous about would I satisfy you, am I enough man for you?  Will I measure up to her expectations?  How am I supposed to approach all that booty?”