Cole: Red, Hot & Blue, Book 5 (6 page)

Lizzie considered for a second. “I think that although I’ve done everything I could to make sure he’s had positive male role models in his life, no one can make up for not having a father. So maybe he wouldn’t have danced around the kitchen, but he still would have been happy to have you, even if you weren’t
the
Cole Ryan.”

“Thanks, Lizzie.”

“Please don’t thank me, Cole.” A pained expression marred her pretty face.

He covered her hand with his and then changed the subject. They were both too emotional to get involved in the why-didn’t-you-tell-me-ten-years-ago discussion. He moved them into safer waters. “Do you have a copy of his baseball schedule?”

“Sure.” She stood to get it for him.

It was taped to the inside of the kitchen cabinet, the same place it had always been when he and Bobby played ball when they were Mikey’s age. Some things never changed, and right now, amid all the changes and upheaval in his life, Cole was more than grateful for that.

“You did right, Lizzie. Keeping him here with your parents. It’s a good place to grow up.” Before he got sentimental all over again, he retreated. “So, when do you think I should bring him to meet my parents?”

She laughed. “He seems to be handling this better than us, so whenever you want, I guess. How did they take it?”

Cole shrugged. His parents had been thrilled. It seemed he and Lizzie were the only two having issues with this situation. “Fine. Apparently grandchildren are always welcome, doesn’t really matter how or when they appear.”

“I’m glad they’re okay with it. I kept them from being a part of his life for a long time.”

“Yes, you did.” He heard the harshness in his words. “But they say they understand.”

Lizzie looked contrite. “You know, I tried to never get gas at your parents’ station with Mikey in the car because I was afraid they’d see the resemblance.”

He fingered the paper folded in his pocket and shook his head at her. “Lizzie. Are you really worried I’d take him away from you?”

“He’s all I’ve got, Cole.”

“I had my lawyer draw this up too.” Sighing, Cole pulled out the paper and unfolded it on the table in front of her. When she looked panicked, he quickly explained. “It says I will never seek full custody of Mike. I only want to be in his life, not take him away from you.”

Cole got up and retrieved the pen Mr. Barton had left on the counter. He sat and pulled the paper toward him when Lizzie covered his hand. “No. You don’t need to sign that. I know in my heart you would never take him away from me. But you have to understand, losing a child in any capacity is every mother’s worst fear.”

“Then let me sign it and you’ll have one less thing to worry about.”

“No. I trust you.” She folded the paper again and handed it to him unsigned.

It felt like a breakthrough between them. Emotional from everything that had happened that morning, Cole noticed the tremble in his hand when he took the paper back. He put it away in his pocket.

Things might actually be looking up. He’d come home to Pigeon Hollow a broken man. But through Mikey, Lizzie had given him the gift of a future again. Ten years late, but better late than never.

Cole started making good on his promise to Mikey to be around as much as possible that very night, which was what led to Lizzie sitting once again in the passenger seat of his convertible at the drive-in. The only difference between this time and ten years ago was Mikey seated in the back. Well, Mikey
and
the fact that Cole and she weren’t… She pushed that memory away.

Lizzie thanked God for Mikey’s presence to break the tension, but it wasn’t meant to last. He saw some friends, begged to go to the snack bar with them, jumped out of the back seat and was gone.

Then she was alone with Cole. Again. He glanced at her. “You all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Lizzie forced a smile and tried to look fine.

He rubbed her shoulder and she felt herself stiffen.

Pulling his hand away, he shook his head and looked very serious. “This was a bad idea. I should sell this car. Too many memories.”

Lizzie felt her heart wrench. He didn’t even want to remember that night. Car or no car, she’d never forget it. “You don’t have to sell the car because of me. I really am fine.”

His gaze settled on her. “It doesn’t feel like ten years has passed, does it?”

“No, it doesn’t.” It felt like only yesterday they’d been here together.

“Lizzie.” Cole turned in the seat to fully face her, like he had so many years ago. He reached out and stroked one finger down her cheek.

Her heart began to pound just like it had when she was eighteen and he’d first touched her. Her insides danced even at the thought of Cole. His touch was enough to make her melt.

This was a dangerous situation. Before she knew it, she’d be tempted to be on top of Cole having unprotected sex again and repeating the mistakes of the past. That’s what being near him did to her.

She spotted the group of kids moving back in their direction. Relieved at the interruption, she said, “Mike’s on his way back.”

Cole nodded and drew back his arm. She couldn’t think clearly when he touched her, and she had a lot to think about. Could he still want her the way she wanted him? Or had too much time and pain passed between them?

Lizzie didn’t have any answers. She wished she did.

They only stayed for the first movie. If the second movie in the double feature hadn’t been an R-rated bloody horror flick, she would have suggested they stay for that too, just to avoid going home and being alone with Cole. She didn’t trust herself alone with him.

Mikey had already had more than enough junk food which meant they couldn’t even go out for ice cream, her other idea to stall.

They arrived home with a sleeping Mikey in the backseat. Cole stepped right into his role as father and lifted Mikey out of the car. He carried him to his bedroom in the back of the Barton house. Lizzie’s insides twisted further as she stood in the hall and watched father tuck son into bed.

Cole crept out of the room and whispered, “Lights on or off?”

“Off. There’s a nightlight inside.”

He nodded and flipped the light switch, giving Lizzie too real of a feel of what her life could have been over the past ten years if she’d made a different decision and had told Cole she was pregnant.

For the first time, she questioned her decision. More than questioned, she regretted it, and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do to change it. The past was gone. There was no changing it now.

She followed Cole as he led the way down the hall and out onto the porch. He sat on the swing and patted the space next to him. Confused, frightened and hopeful all at the same time, Lizzie sat. Beside her, Cole started swinging them gently while staring out into the darkness. The typical sounds of a southern summer night surrounded them, but he remained quiet. Cole laid one arm along the back of the swing.

Her heart quickened and she had trouble keeping her breath even. Sitting with him like this felt natural and strange at the same time. She’d been in love with him since she was old enough to realize girls were supposed to like boys. And yeah, they shared a child. However, they had shared barely a handful of kisses and only one night together, along with an absence from each other of ten long years.

Finally, she couldn’t take any more of the silence. “What are you thinking about?”

“Tonight at the drive-in with Mikey. Ten years ago at the drive-in with you.” He turned to look at her but he wasn’t smiling. “So much time has passed.”

Too much. Lizzie’s hopes sank. “I know.”

“I better go.” Cole stood. He leaned down and kissed her chastely on the lips. He’d walked to the edge of the porch when he glanced back. “I’ll see you in the morning. We can drive to the game together.”

Then he was gone, leaving her alone again.

Chapter Six

Cole had walked away from Lizzie last night wanting her more than ever and hurting just as much as he had ten years ago. The desire hadn’t faded, but neither had the pain. That was exactly what kept him from leaning in and kissing her senseless, from pounding into her like there was no tomorrow. Because if past experience with this woman had taught him anything, it was that with one email or phone call she could wipe away all hope and happiness.

He kept that in mind as his pulse raced at the thought of seeing her again as he arrived back at the Bartons’ in time for breakfast. Cole realized his being there at Mikey’s bedtime and then back again by breakfast was almost like living together as a family, without the all-important aspect of his being with Lizzie as a couple of course. Did she want that? Did he?

As his still-scarred heart swelled at the thought of being with her, he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t take being hurt like that again. That had probably been what had kept him from making any attempt at a serious relationship over the past ten years.

Who did he blame? Lizzie for doing that to him? Or himself for letting her? Maybe it was time to let the pain go. Seeing Lizzie sitting in the kitchen as their son greeted him made Cole wonder—could it work?

Mikey hopped up with his usual overwhelming enthusiasm. “Cole!”

So that’s what he’d be to his son. Cole, not Dad.

“Hey, buddy.” He reached out and pulled the boy’s ball cap down over his eyes. “You ready for today?”

“Oh, yeah. The team is so excited you’re coming to the game.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Cole’s gaze swept the kitchen, taking in the Bartons who watched Mikey with parental affection and Lizzie who eyed Cole’s arrival with wary intensity. Bobby barely greeted him at all as he flew out of the screen door when the camera crew pulled into the drive.

Maybe after he was more settled being back home he’d get around to finding out how Hollywood had come to invade Pigeon Hollow. But right now, he had other things to worry about, like Mikey’s pitching and how his teammates would react to Cole’s presence not as just a coach, but also as Mikey’s long-lost father.

Hmm, his so-called
problems
had taken on a whole new look now that he’d left the major leagues and was back in Pigeon Hollow. If the most he had to worry about was how his son pitched today and how he was going to handle Lizzie being a part of his life, he was doing pretty damn good.

At the ball field it soon became apparent that Cole needn’t have worried about Mikey. He was amazing. Mikey pitched a no-hitter, at least for his half of the game. With Cole’s coaching, the relief pitcher only gave up a few hits during the game’s last half and Mikey’s team won easily.

And as far as the other kids accepting him as Mikey’s father, Cole felt like a bigger star being Mikey’s dad than he ever had being a major league pitcher. It was a really good feeling. He may no longer be in the pros, but he would always be Mikey’s dad.

He suddenly understood Lizzie’s fear that he would take Mikey away. It would hurt Cole to lose Mikey even after just a few days of knowing him. He could only imagine what Lizzie felt since she’d carried him inside her for nine months. Nine months he wasn’t allowed to share with her.

Every time he thought about it, the anger was still present as well as the questions.

Cole slipped forty bucks into Bobby’s palm and quietly suggested he take the team out for ice cream after the game. Mr. and Mrs. Barton had already left for an afternoon church service, so that would leave Cole, Lizzie and an empty house.

He glanced at Lizzie. She was gathering up the trash and repacking the cooler full of drinks she’d packed for them for during the game. It was time to find some resolution. He’d been hurt and angry for too long. Cole still wanted Lizzie, as much as he had all those years ago, and he’d waited too long to be with her already. It was time to get back to what was important—the two of them, together, for Mikey. Hell, who was Cole trying to kid? Them being together was for him too.

Lizzie was alone with Cole in the house. How the hell had that happened in a home where five people lived together? Usually they were on top of one another, waiting for the shower or literally stepping on each other in the crowded kitchen.

She’d thought it would be safe to accept the ride home Cole offered, but judging by the intense look in his eyes, something was up. She was a little afraid to find out what.

Her mouth suddenly dry, she swallowed and offered Cole a glass of sweet tea. When all else failed, resort to good old southern hospitality. He accepted the offer of the tea, although she probably could have offered him cyanide and his answer wouldn’t have been any different. It clearly wasn’t the tea he was after.

Facing the cold air of the open fridge, she felt him step close behind her.

“Lizzie, I need to know. Why did you break up with me rather than tell me you were pregnant?”

And there it was. He wanted answers.

She closed the door and turned around. “I told you, I didn’t want to distract you. It might have cost you your career.”

“Bull shit.”

“Cole, you gave up a full scholarship to play ball. I wasn’t going to be responsible for you losing your baseball career.”

“Why the hell would being happily married with a wife and baby have cost me my career? Lots of guys playing are.”

“Happily married?”

“Yeah, I would have been happily married to you. What’s the real problem, Lizzie? Did you not care enough about me? You didn’t want to be saddled with me for the rest of your life because of one mistake?”

“No.” It was the exact opposite. “I couldn’t stand thinking you would have married me just because of the baby. I couldn’t bear the thought of that. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I couldn’t marry you knowing you didn’t do it for love too. That you were saddled with me for a lifetime because of one mistake.”

“So you broke up with me rather than telling me all this? Just ended it. That doesn’t sound like you loved me.”

“I guess I thought if you really cared about me, you would have come back to me. You didn’t.”

“Come back to you for what? You’d destroyed me with that email. I had no hope left.”

“I’m sorry.” Lizzie hung her head as the tears welled. “I ruined both of our lives.”