"You... " He harshly jeered as he stumbled to his feet, "You little whore! How dare you!"
I did not respond to him. I was so enraged that the next step was taking the confrontation to a life or death battle. I needed to get away, and so I did. I stormed out while he shouted a thousand curses and warned of the dark aftermath to come. I regretted my loss of control almost immediately.
It was clear to me that despite being a goddess in the eyes of my people, I held no true power in Cognati affairs. As much as my powers grew exponentially over the years, I put great care into hiding their true extent. In this maze of political intrigue and cutthroat backstage tactics, the last thing I wanted to present to those pulling the strings from the shadows, the real holders of power and influence, was a threat. It had served me well, as none of them were concerned over, or even aware of the danger a resurgent Halona would be to them, but in my moment of frenzy I had betrayed my secret and invited their scrutiny.
I tried not to burden myself with the repercussions of my carelessness. I told myself I could face the consequences and maybe negotiate my way out of my predicament. Truly, I'd say back then that I was ready to deal with it and truly, I'd say now, that I was doomed from the very start - no matter what I did.
Nathaniel waited patiently for me at the docks. I was late and I came bringing the baggage of my earlier transgression. Polluting our meeting was the least of my worries. I wanted to start fresh, but there was something else that needed to come out the dark.
"Milady." He greeted me once he identified the shadow was none other, but Nathaniel was observant. He knew something was off as he observed my dress, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I lied, and with a small struggle, I covered it with a smile - "I'm sorry I'm late."
"Don't apologize." He grinned. "You need not worry of such things. Come, I want to show you what the heavens have to offer on this wonderful night."
"Nathaniel... " I had to curb his enthusiasm. As if the event earlier weren't enough, there was another pressing matter to trouble him with. I swallowed in uncertainty. I wasn't sure if it was the right time to tell him.
"What is it Alexia? What troubles you so? You are strange today."
It was hard to hide anything from him.
"I am." I delicately traced my fingers along his working arm, holding his hand in mine. "I must tell you something."
"What is it?"
"I... "
Maybe it wasn't the right time
, "I... I - am with child."
"What?" He instantly grew shocked, "How is that possible? You're a blood drinker. I did not know of such miracles!"
"Miracle?" I couldn't believe what he was saying.
"Yes!" His face beamed, "Of course! Do you not feel this way too?"
"I don't understand. You are happy?"
Nathaniel excitedly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me close as he wooed in bliss, then he held me at arms-length, gazing me in an exhilarating elation.
"This is the greatest day of my life. I would've never thought this to happen."
I slowly slouched into shaking my head. Having a half-human child was considered an absolute abomination to my order, and furthermore, it was a difficult task to achieve - holding onto a human's sperm to create life? Only few could harness the power necessary. I wanted it, because I wanted him. I was willing to do whatever that would require.
And yet there I was, expecting him to curse me like never before, but he did the complete opposite. He blessed me. He was overjoyed, while I remained astonished at his acceptance that never ceased to grow. I wanted to cry. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy.
"You're so happy... " I remained dumbfounded by his nature as I traced my hand across his face, feeling his rugged skin as if I were capturing his essence one last time.
He made me feel so complete.
Nathaniel held my hands to his lips and kissed them, displaying a gentle, warm smile.
"I will become a father, and what child would have a better mother than you?"
A tear rolled down my cheek when I realized I had no choice but to return his warmth.
"I love you."
"And I love you." He firmly made sure I listened. "Forever."
Forever,
he said.
Forever...
This was the single, greatest moment of my life. The complications of how to hide the child's existence would have to wait. I was excited, full of life - appreciative of destiny's wonder. At last, it came to me; that shining light that tipped the scales of euphoria in my favor. I didn't want to let go. Nathaniel and I went on to have a tremendous night, both of us simply beaming without abate. Then, the time came when we had to part ways, at least until it was safe to be wrapped in each other's arms again.
I returned to the citadel, still drunk on the excitement my lover and I shared and this made me pay no mind of the former scandal I endured. It wasn't until I arrived at the steps of the fortress that I realized the storm wasn't coming anymore. It had already arrived.
"Hello, Alexia." Caelinus greeted me, blocking my way at the bottom of the stairs. I did not reply to him, busy noticing certain members of the council gathered around me like a pack of hateful wolves.
"What is the meaning of this?" I asked, hoping they'd remember my import as their queen. None of them acknowledged me. Instead, they traded looks with the brat prince, as if he held the last say.
"This... " Caelinus took a step forward, looking at the ground in mordant regret. "Is the cleansing of the unholy."
"What?"
Before I could utter another word, I felt a sharp pain run through me from behind and in front, I could see I had been impaled with a sword - straight through the heart. Blood began soiling my beautiful dress. A tear rolled down my cheek and I gasped for breath.
"What... " I struggled to make sense of the betrayal.
The fangs of vengeful, thirsty blood drinkers pierced my neck, my arms, and soon, my whole body as they brought me to my knees; feeding off me in a frenzy - draining me relentlessly while I screamed in bitter agony. I was weakened to a pathetic frazzle, unable to defend myself as I collapsed to the floor. The thought of dying there was unacceptable. Especially since I had reason to live. A glimmer of Caelinus' wicked face as he neared me was the last thing I could remember before being backhanded into unconsciousness.
They dragged me into the citadel, one nightwalker on each side - carrying me by the arms, making sure my knees felt every painful bump up the stairs. My vision was sporadic, and the haziness of my depleted blood began getting the better of me.
I was hallucinating; unable to tell dream from reality apart. If this horrible fate were unfolding in front of me,
how do I escape it? How do I save my child?
Would they really kill their Queen?
I tried resisting, fighting, kicking, screaming, biting - whatever I could muster in my weak state to fight back.
Fight to survive.
But I was outnumbered, outmatched and unprepared for the attack. I was drained, weak and felt life leaving me drop by drop. They took me to the sacrificial chambers and pinned me down on a Cross of St. Andrew in one of the tombs, holding me still with hateful eyes, peering into my soul and telling me how much of a disgusting shame I was to them.
"Please... " I pleaded for my child's life. "Please! Please! Stop!"
"Hold her still!" They shouted among each other.
"PLEASE!" I screamed till my voice cracked and gave out, then I screamed some more. "No, no, no, noooo!!"
Caelinus moved at the tip of my feet, with an unmatched evil in his eyes that said -
I told you so.
They were pummeling me, slapping me, punching me, slashing me into submission, and yet I never wanted to give in. Blood splattered across the floor, my fangs were extended and I struggled. I struggled hard for my life. I struggled hard for my child. Caelinus did not care. He crunched his fist and made sure I paid attention.
"Please... " I tried to beg him one last time, hoping he'd see through his rage; pleading for my child's life. Begging for his mercy.
All he did was smirk and in a split second, his hand pierced my lower belly, entering my womb and the horror unraveling before me took its grim fate to a new level. Blood gushed out of the wound, splashing on the faces of my malefactors. I screamed so loud, the windows shattered. Out came his bloody hand, and in it, my child. I howled in fury, enraged and saddened yet unable to prevent anything. A random thought crossed my mind, reminding me how little I controlled anything.
Reminding me, that this is the day, I let my child go.
"NOOOOOOO!" A sickened, haunted wail erupted out of my voice as I watched that demon hold my baby out for the rest of his demented followers to see.
"Look!" He preached, "See the abomination this witch has brought to our chambers!"
I squealed and wailed some more, trying to save my child, trying to reach for my baby... But they held me still and made sure I witnessed the whole event. The despair couldn't have grown any greater, until he flung the fetus across the room and tossed one of the guards' torches to burn my unborn child alive.
The moment I saw the fire tip her eyes, I screamed. I screamed like it was the end of the world. I screamed like the cosmos would collapse and everything would cease to be. I screamed for my love, for my hopes, my wishes, my dreams... my future, all being ripped away from me - destined to a life of misery; destined to a life in this eternal, waking hell.
The damnation stunned every atom in my body. I screamed so much my voice couldn't keep up with the dreadful dampening that scorched the very fibers of my searing, unwanted existence. The dark gifts already began healing my womb, but I cared not to heal. I cared to die.
End it. Be over with it. You win.
This life is yours, take it and give this body rest.
Let me go. Kill me now. End it! End it!
Be over with it! KILL ME!
But no, death would be too much to ask for. They forcibly turned my head to the right, and there he was - Nathaniel, strung up by their torture devices, stabbed and depraved. Bled to the breaking point of death. He could only look over at me and give me one last gift - his precious smile, marred by tears as it was.
No, no, no...
somehow my heart started beating faster again.
Not him, please. Not him!
I'm here, take me, damn it!
Caelinus moved in between us, breaking up our locked eyes. He wanted me to see. And with his narcissistic demeanor, he smirked, unleashed a sword and beheaded my love for all to see. That was it. The breaking point. I lost all control. I couldn't feel my emotions. I couldn't feel my pain. Something vengeful coiled out of its long, deep slumber from deep within. The fire lit in my eyes. My tears halted. The masquerade became meaningless and suddenly, all life - Cognati or human, lost its value to me.
I am Halona.
Let me take over.
I felt the power of a thousand men surge through my veins. The sum of vampires that held me down were no match for my rage. I got up and tossed them all aside with vehement telekinetic force. Caelinus hesitated in fear while the royal guards surrounded me with their spears. White light encased me like a dim aura, and I felt absolute purity. Everything was clear. In that moment, I felt nothing. I flowed. I was not myself.
I was really, Halona.
The fear that shot across the room was undeniable. They knew they had awakened a sleeping beast. I stood tall for all to see. Fearless and detached, I eyed the room for the perpetrator and when I found him, I stared right into his pathetic, dandy eyes and this time - I made certain he saw the 'aftermath' of what was to come.
'I will destroy you.'
I spoke into his mind. '
You and all your wretched kind.'
The guards tried to lunge at me, but the Halonic energies formed a barrier around me, distorting space and time and with a short, eventful implosion - I teleported away.
It wasn't possible for me to face them all, an army of vampires, at that time. I needed to train in greater strength, master letting
Halona
out more. It would only be for a few days that I would be lost, without memory. Once I awakened, I found myself at the edge of an old, abandoned, ancient forest. The pain quickly returned to me once I gathered myself and figured I was still alive. I held my stomach, and although my dark gifts had healed the wound - I stood still, caressing my stomach, thinking on my unborn child as if she were still there. Nathaniel's face decided to come to me and take the pain just a little bit further.
"Go home. Live. Fight for tomorrow. One day it will be well."
But nothing will be well, my love. This is the life I told you I was damned to, the life of a creature of shadow, locked in a haze of unending - looking for a glimmer of hope in an eon that will never come...
Interlude VII
Samuel Speaks, 2017
"Alexia... " I have to put the paper down to take a good look at her. All those burdens, all that pain and loss... so troubling. I don't know what to say. She's just looking at me, hoping I'll be the one to ease the sad silence. I take her in my arms, holding her tight, hugging her like an unspoken promise.
"Alexia... " I whisper in her ear, kissing her cheek with solemn tenderness letting her know
I'm here. Let it all out on me
. But she doesn't cry. Not a tear in her eye. Just that statuesque face she always wrote about. I can't stand to see her this way. I can't stand to read any of her journals anymore either. For some reason, I start... remembering.
Remembering her. Remembering me.
Nathaniel felt very 'at home'. I could relate to him. He wasn't words on a paper. To me, he was a real person. To me... he was - me. In another time, another place; a forbidden love that came back ages later to haunt us.
I remember it. I remember her
. Now things come full circle.
"Why do I remember?" All jokes are set aside, and not a doubt remains in me the moment I start crying, "Why do I remember, Alexia?" I gently hold her face as we gaze in each other's eyes in this moment.